Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) It is always my philosophy that I will at least try before giving up completely Have a month of NC, finally decided to contact him to test the waters, in which I clearly stated that I could not see him as a friend Well he sent me a completely "heartfelt" email on how he value me as a friend and found me "one of the most interesting people" he had met, and would like to "exchange ideas and stories with me without playing roles" I was stabbed to heart again. Was so angry that I asked him never to contact me again. He was pissed off too I could imagine because he was dejected after he pulled his heart out It is really over now. And I was recovering. I was so disappointed too as I thought him as a more considerate person. At least have the decency to not contact me, rather than sending such insensitive words Edited January 31, 2014 by Tryingtobegrateful
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 How many times were you successful....? See, the point is, there is no point. This is something I posted in another thread: There could be umpteen different causes for a break-up but the fundamental fact is that both parties are 100% responsible for their 50% of the relationship. In order for reconciliation to be effective, BOTH people have to want it to work, equally, and both people have to be willing to change whatever needs changing - and whatever that is, would be better discussed in front of a mediator. Unless there is a clear and ever-present, obvious reason for a break (physical/emotional abuse, psychological issues, sheer neglect) then it stands to reason both people lost sight of their own standards and principles; maybe one person let things slip & slide more than the other, but it takes equal effort to keep the relationship buoyant. reconciliation can never be a one-sided thing: Whatever the reason - even the extreme ones I listed - change has to occur on BOTH sides, with as much commitment and dedication on each side. One person cannot try to fix two.... Can't be done. I don't know why anyone would keep trying, when it's abundantly clear that the other person/Dumper has either moved on, or is disinterested to the point of contempt - be it intentional or otherwise. The best thing to do - in fact, the proven ONLY thing to do, as a dumpee - is to stay No Contact and move on with the self-healing. 'Trying at least once' invariably leads to new heartache. 1
Author Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 Well because his busy schoolwork is finally over.... Sounds like a stupid reason but the time we broke up he said I came in the middle of the hell and that he wanted to die because of the amount of schoolworks
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 A modification of the 'it's not you, it's me' approach. Guys use it a lot. And it's about as true as unicorns existing. It isn't THEM - it IS you (and I use the term generically, not specifically). If it was them, they'd possibly approach you with a view to asking what they can do to improve/change/modify whatever it is about them they feel is creating a distance between you. "I'm inundated with schoolwork." Should have been followed up with - "How can we still get to see each other, but ensure I can still deal with the workload? I don't want this to cause a rift between us" Which means he still values the relationship and is unwilling to let it go. Whingeing about how much schoolwork he has - and breaking up with you over it, means he has his priorities focused on himself, so you count less. He's a dumper. An inconsiderate and condescending one at that.
melell Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I can honestly say I have known people who I have really really like, admired, found interesting, appreciated etc but when it came down to it I didn't love them as much as they did me. I didn't think I was better than them. i just didn't feel the same way. The thing is they don't understand how it feels for you, they don't understand that it is inconsiderate- I remember someone pouring their heart out to me, and I gave them an answer similar to what you got. I simply didn't get it. In retrospect, now I am a little wiser and older, i see how much that would have hurt them. Sometimes empathy needs to be learned. Try not to take it personally.. now you know what is best for you, so all in all it is a good thing- you understand where they are at, and you a free to continue your life without dwelling over how things might be.
Author Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 He did say his feelings have changed...it is me that consider his schoolworks as part of the reasons...silly, I know But yes he is a selfish person in general anyway... I remember when my parent cancer reoccurred, he did comfort me but then complained afterwards of me being needy and I shall keep things separated between us, our romantic relation and mu parent Now I look back, I admit, I probably would have dumped him long ago if not for his attractive outlook. Maybe I just wanted him as a lover...well I am probably lying to myself again, otherwise I wouldn't be this hurt
BC1980 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 He did say his feelings have changed...it is me that consider his schoolworks as part of the reasons...silly, I know But yes he is a selfish person in general anyway... I remember when my parent cancer reoccurred, he did comfort me but then complained afterwards of me being needy and I shall keep things separated between us, our romantic relation and mu parent Now I look back, I admit, I probably would have dumped him long ago if not for his attractive outlook. Maybe I just wanted him as a lover...well I am probably lying to myself again, otherwise I wouldn't be this hurt It's amazing how we normalize crap behavior. I've done it myself and couldn't believe it later on. It always shocks me what we are willing to accept. 1
Author Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 It's amazing how we normalize crap behavior. I've done it myself and couldn't believe it later on. It always shocks me what we are willing to accept. Yes and I can't believe I did blame myself for being too needy. Because I was not, he made me feel inferior
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