Realist3 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Why not try not being a detective for a month. And in that month invest the best of you in the kind of relationship you would have with the woman of your dreams. Whats a month of fun going to cost you investing in a great connection with someone you love and better, a vacation from your concerns. TURN OFF THE EA question mark if you can for one month. At the end of that ,8nth ill guarantee you will know what to do and if the EA is still important to you. I think this is excellent advice which has been suggested before. What do you have to lose?
Author bobwhite007 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 This of course this was the largest single opportunity to get to the bottom of this, but... alas he missed it. I'm also sure he asked the other guy about it when he was on the phone. It still does not difinitively prove anything. Im pretty sure that it was not the same man at the cemetary,not a park. Niether was it the same man that text her the same day i left the country. Im not even sure who it was or was it more than one.
Author bobwhite007 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 One of the most important ways to judge the worth of a relationship is, "What does this person do for you? How do they treat you?" She claims nothing has ever happened. The alleged MM says nothing happened. She still does all of these things for you and your household despite your repeated accusations. You have never hinted that she has checked out of the marriage. If she wanted to leave she would leave. Actions should speak very loudly. I know I changed my mind on the advise and that is because I just don't see you every putting this behind you, these suspicions. As I mentioned to you several months back I have seen a couple of men do this and ended up divorcing over nothing, but alas it was their only way to get over their own mental state. I wish you the best. I would say she did check out of the marraige.
Realist3 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I would say she did check out of the marraige. Then help her along by serving her with divorce papers. 2
Scott Thomas Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 1. Is there something that's preventing you from arranging a polygraph? E.g an armed berserker waiting near the office door? Your wife will never reveal the entire truth on her own. Schedule a polygraph. Her options: 1. Polygraph. 2. Divorce. This is the only way you'll get the entire truth. 2. Hire a PI or install a software on your wife's mobile/computer. We live in the 21st century. If the OM hasn't vanished from earth then finding his new number/address shouldn't be to difficult, especially for a PI. Tell his wife.
beach Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 There's been no trust in the relationship. She hasn't offered you any info to trust. And since there's no way to trust her - there's no foundation for this M. You stated she checked out - you've now waited - and need to take action. I can't see reasons to stay married. If it's not possible to contact his wife - then let that action go and just file for divorce.
No Limit Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 It's hard to loose the "love on first sight" - but some relationships just aren't good for us and it's time to let go. You've gone mad for a year, a year which you could have used getting over her for good. She doesn't indicate any signs of getting back with you and even less when it comes to trustworthiness. She shattered your marriage and apparently without regrets. You should leave her behind, also with no regrets.
Author bobwhite007 Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 So, have you contacted his wife yet? I did contact a woman with that name by text. She texted back that i had the wrong number. I asked her if she was married to LB. She te ted back wrong number. I then texted back that i was sorry to bother her and said that he and my wife had become close "friends" and was wanting to dicuss it with her. No response. One day later my wife is acting very different, she seems very upset and maybe just my imagination but somethings off. Maybe it was the right woman i dunno.
road Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I did contact a woman with that name by text. She texted back that i had the wrong number. I asked her if she was married to LB. She te ted back wrong number. I then texted back that i was sorry to bother her and said that he and my wife had become close "friends" and was wanting to dicuss it with her. No response. One day later my wife is acting very different, she seems very upset and maybe just my imagination but somethings off. Maybe it was the right woman i dunno. Chances are the OM intercepted your message.
Author bobwhite007 Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 I did contact a woman with that name by text. She texted back that i had the wrong number. I asked her if she was married to LB. She te ted back wrong number. I then texted back that i was sorry to bother her and said that he and my wife had become close "friends" and was wanting to dicuss it with her. No response. One day later my wife is acting very different, she seems very upset and maybe just my imagination but somethings off. Maybe it was the right woman i dunno. GPS also went haywire, she was in two different places at once the day after the texts to the wrong number. I am going to the place she "wasnt" and see if there is a cell tower there close or if its just the secluded spot thaat google earth shows. I know you all think im crazy but im not going thru with the big "D" untill i know the truth or i at least make some kinda peace in myself about this.
Owl Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I did contact a woman with that name by text. She texted back that i had the wrong number. I asked her if she was married to LB. She te ted back wrong number. I then texted back that i was sorry to bother her and said that he and my wife had become close "friends" and was wanting to dicuss it with her. No response. One day later my wife is acting very different, she seems very upset and maybe just my imagination but somethings off. Maybe it was the right woman i dunno. Why didn't you CALL her number???? Why didn't you do a bit of research, and find out their home phone number, and call their house, asking to talk to her? Or, send your 'evidence' to her via a certified letter, to her only, with receipt verification? That means the driver would have to hand it off to her only after she produced ID to prove it was her that received the package. Just texting was a surefire method of maintaining the doubt. You don't ever seem to take DEFINITIVE actions...only things that seem to prolong the suspense and drama. 1
beach Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I did contact a woman with that name by text. She texted back that i had the wrong number. I asked her if she was married to LB. She te ted back wrong number. I then texted back that i was sorry to bother her and said that he and my wife had become close "friends" and was wanting to dicuss it with her. No response. One day later my wife is acting very different, she seems very upset and maybe just my imagination but somethings off. Maybe it was the right woman i dunno. Do you always have such problems standing in front of people and having conversations? Practice face to face dialog. Your methods of avoiding real interaction is very odd. Go to the woman directly and have a real conversation with her about your wife and her husband.
ladydesigner Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 So you are saying that it is better that she fell in love than have sex and fell in love. You are crazy -for women, falling in love is far more important than sex For men that have been betrayed it seems to be the PA that bothers the most and for women betrayed the emotional aspect. I know with me the emotional ties they had bothered me the most.
Author bobwhite007 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 You will all be glad to hear i have now been put on an anti-depressant. After my routine physical the doc comes back in and says he thinks i need it, other than that i am in great shape. I didnt think to ask him why he thought that i just say maybe your right. My question i guess is what will happen when the drug kicks in? Do i automatically start not giving a ****? Is it gonna erase the pain? Is it gonna blind me? I recently saw a chat app request from another man on her phone. I guess i should ignore that as well. How long till i make peace with the fool that ive become?
harrybrown Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 If she is not remorseful,and truthful, file for D.
Anne Boleyn Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I did contact a woman with that name by text. She texted back that i had the wrong number. I asked her if she was married to LB. She te ted back wrong number. I then texted back that i was sorry to bother her and said that he and my wife had become close "friends" and was wanting to dicuss it with her. No response. One day later my wife is acting very different, she seems very upset and maybe just my imagination but somethings off. Maybe it was the right woman i dunno. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what's going on, but I have to say... If my husband had an affair, I don't see why I'd have to contact the spouse of the person he was having the affair with, and I don't know why his spouse would think that I'd owe him answers. If I got a random text from somebody claiming to be the husband of the woman my husband was having an affair with and asking for me to discuss it with them, I'd also ignore it.
Author bobwhite007 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 Why not try not being a detective for a month. And in that month invest the best of you in the kind of relationship you would have with the woman of your dreams. Whats a month of fun going to cost you investing in a great connection with someone you love and better, a vacation from your concerns. TURN OFF THE EA question mark if you can for one month. At the end of that ,8nth ill guarantee you will know what to do and if the EA is still important to you. Its almost been a month. Ive tried what you suggested and we have had a good time. I still am waking up knowing/thinking what happened. I am still at a loss. I did early on, in this month, flat out told her my concerns. No answer. I say i guess you dont want to talk anymore she said no i dont.
BetrayedH Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Why did you take no for an answer? File for divorce, Bob. Tell her you're not dropping it until you get the whole damn truth. Call her a coward. 3
Anne Boleyn Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Why did you take no for an answer? File for divorce, Bob. Tell her you're not dropping it until you get the whole damn truth. Call her a coward. This won't help. Being confrontational when he's already directly told her his issues will only cause her to lock up more. At this point OP, I think you've got your answer from her, now it's just up to you to decide what you're willing to put up with and try to get through.
BetrayedH Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 He has no answers and has spent nearly a year "trying to get through." It's time for action. The man is tortured and nothing has changed, nor will it until he changes something. What he needs to change is his willingness to accept her avoidance. Ultimatums work. Filing for divorce works. Hand-wringing does nothing. 4
Author bobwhite007 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 He has no answers and has spent nearly a year "trying to get through." It's time for action. The man is tortured and nothing has changed, nor will it until he changes something. What he needs to change is his willingness to accept her avoidance. Ultimatums work. Filing for divorce works. Hand-wringing does nothing. Im getting there. I still hurt inside. I have changed. I am seriously now considering leaving her. I see she has boundry issues. She has tried very hard to hide it but i now see clearly what happens. She cant help herself i guess. She is very insecure and has to keep someone as a back up plan or maybe she just likes the extra atten. I dont know how it starts but its different man now or maybe its been him all along but i dont think so. MS sub ends today. If you wait long enough they will mess up no matter how sneaky they are. Its takin me along time i know but im the one checking out this time. I dont know how a person could lie and cheat like that and still get along in life. I dont think sex means much to her.i gotta go. 1
Danielle1114 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 She sounds borderline. She fears you will leave. Borderlines often have back up people just in case because their soul gets sucked into hell if they get abandoned. You might look into BPD. It can be treated, though it is difficult. From what I have seen, BPD often triangulate and have affairs.. for which they don't like to take responsibility for. 1
waterwoman Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Good luck bob - you've been patient and tolerant and I think it's time to call it a day. 1
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