freebird31 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I am going to be brutally cynical right now....but whats the point of marriage and relationships. How well do we really know someone. I mean, we put our best self forward and make the best possible impression amongst our partner in the beginning, but how long exactly until we start to show who we really are??? 2 years, 7 years, 10, 15..? I'm asking out of curiosity. But....its jsut weird to me how we make a committment to someone, and sometimes we dont even know the real them. Heck, i dont even know the real me sometimes. But i just see marriages grow cold and distant and maybe its just the circle i was raised around, but people dont seem to stay in love. Or they fall out of love, is it? Or maybe they realize the person they committed to, isnt the person they thought they fell in love with? Or maybe its just that people these days are used to easy, and maybe arent aware that love is not a damn fairytale. its a more like a job, to me it seems. with extreme highs but dangerous lows as well. Maybe thats it, we think love and relationships are supposed to be sweet and cloud-nine like, and then we eventually realize its hard work and an active ongoing duty to stay happy. i guess im just being really cynical. Ive never met a real life old happily married couple before...maybe thats the problem personally. and im inexperienced...ugh idk Gosh, i think too much
ayudorama Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Finally someone I can relate to. I don't believe 'dating' someone allows you a truthful glimpse into what a person is really all about. It is all about maintaining appearances. You keep up the masquerade as long as possible and then when things start going wrong, that is when fragments of the 'authentic' person comes out. People look at me funny when I share with them how incredibly cynical I am of this whole dating scene. Never believed it and my first break-up reinforces this. It is truly frightening isn't it? That we so readily entrust our hearts with someone we don't really truly know? I am not cynical of marriages, however. I've seen many, many happy old couples, and my own folks are examples of one such lasting relationship - 31 years and still very much in love. They didn't 'date' for all that long either. 6 months and then they got hitched. Perhaps I'm the anomaly but I don't date 'for fun'. I date to get married. Explains why I've never had a 'boyfriend' until recently. And even that didn't pan out all that well.
firefly2613 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Love is a conscious decision to adore someone's best features, learn to deal with their worst, and re-discover them over time. Loving someone is being annoyed by them, fighting with them, crying with them, and realizing at the end of the day that though they are the "absolute worst" they are your "absolute worst". Love is not a fuzzy feeling. It is not chemistry. It is not flashy romantic dinners and jewelry. It's just love. And that's the problem. 2
Vinsanity1307 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 And this is perfectly where a quote I strongly believe in should be...... "No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance it is by choice" 1
mukkrakker Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Depends what you are hiding, and who you are hiding it from (your partner or yourself). Unfortunately I don't have the guile to put on a face - I'm wysiwyg, flaws and charm, upfront in your face. Some say I'm a difficult guy to like. Others adore me (and rightly so!) If we were all the same this world would be hell. People say you never change but I disagree, I'm a completely different person than I was fifteen years ago and what's more I'm a completely different person when I'm with my wife than not - just having her walk into a room changes me. Yeah, I'm a difficult guy to like, but I am loved and I do love, that's really all that matters. Love and only love, baby, love and only love. 1
jba10582 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I cannot envision a future where it would be easy be friends with, not to mentioned falling in love with someone's surface self and shell... I understand shallowness can for self protection and a protection of self-image whether that be in a professional setting, as way to remain fiercly identify with an in the box mindset... and is a conditioned response much like a dog that avoids punishment or salivates over a bacon bit. I understand that the shallow shielded guarded self, is NOT who people REALLY are in their BEING, but, I often don't care enough to get past it because I am still working on my own detachment from things to live consciously and wake up and be alert of the zombie auto-pilot states.
mukkrakker Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I cannot envision a future where it would be easy be friends with, not to mentioned falling in love with someone's surface self and shell.. I would have said live online! I met my wife before Facebook, twitter, Skype; even instant messengering was in it's infancy. We fell in love before we'd even seen each other. Took us two months to even talk on the phone! But todays online life consists of 160 characters of slander, innuendo and perversion. Not a recipe to evaluate your life partner.
jba10582 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I met my ex in college through friends and spent considerable time together becoming better friends, she actually became one of the most reliable dependable people I had ever met and just fell in love with over time. I used to smoke back then, and we would have conversations on her back porch about anything, often go to the parks, or do things completely randomly....just faded memories now.
DorkBreakfast Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Love is just nature's way of tricking us into reproducing.
sugarpea Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 I am going to be brutally cynical right now....but whats the point of marriage and relationships. How well do we really know someone. I mean, we put our best self forward and make the best possible impression amongst our partner in the beginning, but how long exactly until we start to show who we really are??? 2 years, 7 years, 10, 15..? I'm asking out of curiosity. But....its jsut weird to me how we make a committment to someone, and sometimes we dont even know the real them. Heck, i dont even know the real me sometimes. But i just see marriages grow cold and distant and maybe its just the circle i was raised around, but people dont seem to stay in love. Or they fall out of love, is it? Or maybe they realize the person they committed to, isnt the person they thought they fell in love with? Or maybe its just that people these days are used to easy, and maybe arent aware that love is not a damn fairytale. its a more like a job, to me it seems. with extreme highs but dangerous lows as well. Maybe thats it, we think love and relationships are supposed to be sweet and cloud-nine like, and then we eventually realize its hard work and an active ongoing duty to stay happy. i guess im just being really cynical. Ive never met a real life old happily married couple before...maybe thats the problem personally. and im inexperienced...ugh idk Gosh, i think too much I would say that you don't ever really know someone ever. Everyone seems to have different 'sides' to them. Almost like a persona. I act differently at work than when I am in a relationship and when I'm with my friends. So you may not get to know each persona of your partner. In terms of people falling out of love etc. I think it is due to people's crazy belief that love is the honeymoon stage. It is not. You don't get butterflies everytime you see them it doesn't work like that. That stage fades and instead becomes a stage of just enjoying each others company, it is like being best friends but with intimacy, but it isn't without arguments and compromises and issues. That is love, being there for each other, living together, supporting each other and caring for one another and doing little things to make the other happy. People leave because it is their innate nature to. In the end we are animals, (a higher more intelligent species) but whether we like it or not in the end a relationship's sole purpose is for procreation. People move on as it is natural to do so they want to spread their genetic code on to the next generation. I'm not saying this applies to everyone but it does to a lot.
Tayla Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 First, I think its important to challenge your own mindset of this concept. I went thru the phase of cynical. So I get your perspective. Also "experienced"( not my expereince, my friends and family), thru life circumstances Marriages that are purely for legal reasons, for Children reasons,financial gains, and for the "beats being single!" mentality. The Best experience though was and still is knowing that the rare few that do have Solid marriages, have such for qualities that I marvel over. They compromise, they are respecting, they encourage and they enjoy the fact that even 50 years into their marriage they are still "discovering" things about their spouse. Its the intrigue, the marveling, that sustains. Be realistic, Be open minded, for as much as their is statistics on break ups and divorces, their is always long term marriages that work, and work well.
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