Ex gf broke up with me [update]

[SCJACK]

Hey man. Was away for a week.

 

hows things going?

 

Not too great i'm afraid... I texted her after a few days to reply to what she said and I basically told her I wasn't ignoring her because I wanted to. I told her I didn't do it with intentions to hurt her or make her upset and that I wouldn't ever do that to her. I apologized if it bothered her and said I wanted to say something but I couldn't because it's just hard right now. Then I said I hope you are doing well anyways.

 

She saw the message, didn't reply. Next day at school somehow her cousin was sitting in my class building randomly (they carpool together) and her cousin doesn't have any classes in that building which was weird. I ended up finding out that she knew everything about my relationship because they were close cousins. I ended up getting her number wanting to talk about it, she seems really nice and wanted to give me advice but if my ex ever found out things won't be going so well so I'm not sure if I want to talk to her cousin about it since it might make me seem desperate but she probably has the answers I need to move on as my ex is too cowardly to tell me.

 

I had the urge to see my ex after class so I texted her without thinking. I asked if she was at school and she said no, and I said i felt like seeing her today. and she said felt like? and then she said and other days you don't? and i replied and then she said some so you "feel like" seeing me today, u texted me. n other days when u don't feel like it, u don't text hmm i see. then i said it's not like that... and she said actually u prolly did see me. i walked passed you earlier. and i said if you saw me why didn't you say anything, and she said she was in a hurry and i told her it doesn't take that long to say hi.. she saw the message and didn't reply again...

 

I felt hurt by this conversation. I feel like maybe she is toying with my feelings. I just wanted to see her, why is she making such a big deal like oh you don't wanna see me the other days? WHy does she even care if I did or not? Does this mean she only wants my attention? Just like the other day why does she care so much if I didn't reply, we are only friends so it shouldn't matter. She basically took everything I said way out of proportion, can't she just take it as i feel like seeing her? nothing more? why go into me wanting to see her other days or not and comparing it with if I text her or not? That's just silly.. Of course I want to see her everyday, but if I texted her that everyday it would probably annoy the **** out of her. And before I wanted to see her so i asked to hang out and she never seemed willing so why does it matter or not if i want to see her cause even if i did she never wants to meet up.. I think she is just fishing for attention.. Her cousin told me that my ex isn't mad at me and said it's because I don't talk to her. I said that's bs I do talk to her and she never seemed to want to talk when I did. Everytime I have a conversation with my ex she seems' so mean and trying to make me the bad guy. Does she realize she's even doing this? It's so hurtful. Why is she even doing this? And she still expects me to be a friend to her when I have these feelings and she expects me to be the one to talk to her in a "normal" way but I can't do that with these feelings the risk is too high to have emotion brought in and it's killing me pretending to talk like regular friends on useless subjects. I shouldn't have to fight for our friendship yet she's making it seem like she's doing me a favor for giving me friendship. She is so selfish... Why does she even want me to be here as a friend if she's being mean to me and not even being a friend to me? I don't understand why she has to be mean.. it's so hurtful I can't take it anymore. I almost want to call her out on everything and just tell her I don't want to be friends anymore.. but yet again deep down I don't want to lose her. But I hate what i'm going through now so It might be the only way...:/

 

I don't want to do anything I don't want to regret.. I wish I could tell her all about this and telling her she doesn't know what she has until it's gone and if she continues to act like this then she's going to lose me forever and I don't want to be friends with her anymore. I want to tell her she's the one who walked out on me and the friendship not me. I want to tell her that I am a guy who was willing to give her everything and do anything to make her happy and be there for her. I want to tell her how hurtful she is everytime we talk and how she doesn't know what I've been going through and tell her I don't deserve this.

Edited March 19, 2014 by SCJACK

[a708]

You've told her how you feel though. So the best thing to do now is leave it alone, leave her alone.

 

She knows how you feel.

 

I think texting her and making contact will only push her away. I think she will start to get annoyed at the fact you're sounding needy (no offence).

 

She needs to understand what she has lost.. on her own accord. You cannot force anyone to be with you or love you dude.

 

I know it sucks but its the truth. Just going to have to have a bit of self discipline.

 

I understand you might not want to believe any of it but at one point you will come round to realizing that the advice on this thread is correct. I did.

[SCJACK]

You've told her how you feel though. So the best thing to do now is leave it alone, leave her alone.

 

She knows how you feel.

 

I think texting her and making contact will only push her away. I think she will start to get annoyed at the fact you're sounding needy (no offence).

 

She needs to understand what she has lost.. on her own accord. You cannot force anyone to be with you or love you dude.

 

I know it sucks but its the truth. Just going to have to have a bit of self discipline.

 

I understand you might not want to believe any of it but at one point you will come round to realizing that the advice on this thread is correct. I did.

 

She knows how I feel? I hope so because she doesn't seem to care much about hurting me. I think it probably will too, that's why I ignored her the first time for both of us. She told me to "focus on myself" that's what I did and that included me having to ignore her. But she basically said that one hurtful thing after about me not responding like I'm her dog like she demanded a response..she wants the response but if she gets one she gets annoyed.. I've tried being nice about it all too... her cousin said I can't force her to love me. What am I doing that is saying that? Contacting her? Sorry I'm just trying to understand so I can stop doing it. I know this advice is correct, it's hard and I keep messing it up. One of my friends keeps telling me it's not good to burn bridges and if I don't want to do that, then I might have to be a doormat and just have to deal with it since it's basically what she wants is me to be there for her still. But I don't think I can, it's too painful.

[a708]

I totally understand you man.

 

She is in protection mode. She wants to make sure she looks out for herself. This is where messages can be taken in the wrong way. I would recommend to everyone that texting is terrible for this kind of stuff. The way you type it is not the way she read that message. it should be at least on the phone. Tone is everything.

 

What exes do not realize is its got to be a two way street. if you recover.. so should she and vice versa. But because she is in protection mode.. it can be easy to think she is out to get you. I dont think she is man.

 

I know you dont want to come across as a d*ck or burn any bridges.. but you might have to man. She has pushed you away.. now its your turn. You have to look out for yourself.

 

By explaining to her how you feel and saying it in the right way. You wont come across in a bad way, youll keep your dignity and then youll start the recovery process.

 

If she comes back.. great, thats a different conversation. If she doesn't, youve already started the recovery process.

[SCJACK]

I totally understand you man.

 

She is in protection mode. She wants to make sure she looks out for herself. This is where messages can be taken in the wrong way. I would recommend to everyone that texting is terrible for this kind of stuff. The way you type it is not the way she read that message. it should be at least on the phone. Tone is everything.

 

What exes do not realize is its got to be a two way street. if you recover.. so should she and vice versa. But because she is in protection mode.. it can be easy to think she is out to get you. I dont think she is man.

 

I know you dont want to come across as a d*ck or burn any bridges.. but you might have to man. She has pushed you away.. now its your turn. You have to look out for yourself.

 

By explaining to her how you feel and saying it in the right way. You wont come across in a bad way, youll keep your dignity and then youll start the recovery process.

 

If she comes back.. great, thats a different conversation. If she doesn't, youve already started the recovery process.

 

I don't understand why she has to be in protection mode.. what is the reason for that? I wish I knew how she really felt about me or how she's even feeling... but like you said I already explained to her how I felt, well I haven't explained to her how I'm feeling now about what I think is going on. Honestly I don't know how to say it in a right way because she is in protection mode... what do you think my next course of action is? Just go NC or try to explain how I feel?

[a708]

She is in protection mode because something is wrong. She became distant over the Xmas break. Something happened.. I don't know what, and it's likely you won't find out.. So be prepared for that.

 

But something did change for her. Whether she's unsure, doesn't feel the same, there's someone else..etc, you're in the same place. You're a dumpee.

 

There's a good chance something's changed and there is nothing wrong with what you had or how you acted. She would have said otherwise, so please don't beat yourself up about it. She might feel guilty which is why she has gone to protect herself.. To make her feel a bit better about her decision. But I cannot be even 20 percent sure dude.

 

So how do you now get the girl you want back. Give her the time and space that she will need. Focus on yourself.. Gym/mates etc.

 

There isn't much you can do bro. The only way she will come back is in her own time.. And that could be any length of time.. She might not even come back.

 

So the best thing for you is to let her know how you feel face to face or over the phone. Tell her that been dumped by the person you have strong feelings for is the worst and you need time to recover. Going NC will help that, or at least limited contact. Warning though, do not become a doormat! You have rights too man. You did nothing wrong. If she does get angry for whatever reason simply stay calm and let her know that you do not know what she expects, she finished it after all. But remember man, this girl could be in a weird place, she's only young and might be confused.. So be respectful but let her know where you stand.

 

So improve yourself now.

Take whatever time you need to get all the sadness out, try to keep yourself busy and focus towards your short term goals!

 

I hope this helps a little bit dude. There is no right answer or formula. We just have to take each step as it comes and make informed decisions. By being on here you will see people's experiences. They're not concrete.. They're simply letting you know their own solution.

 

Stay strong man. You're only young.. Got ages yet!

[SCJACK]

Hey man, thanks a lot for your advice and checkin up on me! I definitely appreciate it. I understand better now.

[SCJACK]

Well.. after putting some thought, I think she has guilt since she did say she felt really really bad for putting me in this situation... not enough for her to come back at least.. I talked to a mutual friend of hers when I ran into them and they said she is not mad at me or anything like that. I know she wants me around and talk "normaly" like friends. But she just doesn't see what she wants isn't working out. Every time we talk, it seems like she's purposely saying hurtful stuff that I couldn't ever see her say before. It's like she completely changed with her thought process and it's just really hurtful. I feel like she's toying with my emotions. I haven't told her anything yet because well she tends to avoid wanting to see me in person (even though in text she provoked me by saying something like 'you feel like seeing me today but not the others?' and trying to make me give in and give her the attention by saying I want to see her everyday) Her actions and her words don't match up so I think she just toying with me for an ego boost... it is very upsetting for me. If i tried calling her I don't even think she would pick up as I know she "doesn't want to talk about it" as what she said few weeks earlier..

 

I feel like she is just so blind to what she wants and what she's doing to me and what I have to go through. She doesn't get that men usually don't want to stay around a girl who doesn't want them. She expects me to talk to her normally like friends but it is not my job to keep a friendship she wants. Everything is about her her her, she's so selfish.. I really hope she can figure out one day what she's doing but I think it will take a very long time.. and after she's dated more guys and give them a fair shot with her unlike me.... it's just so unfair I feel so used and taken for granted and underappreciated... it's not fair :/

Edited March 22, 2014 by SCJACK

[a708]

Dude.. What you've written there is all true.

 

I think what you've described happens so often. Especially for young people!

 

You need to try to move on.. Which I know is the hardest thing right now but you are probably looking at everything from a short term perspective. In the long term everything will be fine.

 

What you've said is exactly the same things I was feeling.

It's tough man. But you've just gotta think you're better than dealing with all this stuff.

[SCJACK]

The past 2 nights I haven't been able to sleep well. I kept thinking about her like it was right after the BU.. I don't know why this is happening now. Other than the fact that yesterday at school I walked passed her car to get to mine and I even drove back "hoping" she would be walking to her car and I would bump into her. It's stupid, I was about to make circles until that happened but once I turned around I just kept driving and told myself I shouldn't do this and just drive away.

 

I keep wanting to text her cousin or talk to her cousin just to ask "what happened? Did I do something wrong? Does she even have feelings for me anymore? Does she still talk about me? Why does she avoid me at school if she wants to be friends? Why is she saying hurtful things to me every time we text? Why..." I know her cousin would probably be able to answer me better than my ex because her emotions aren't clouded and she probably told her things that are more specific and truthful than what my ex told me.. but I know it's no use asking these questions. It's just eating me away slowly not knowing.

 

She really has no idea what I had to go through this past few months... I wish I didn't care about her... she doesn't deserve it. A part of me is hoping that she wants to try again which I know isn't a good idea to take her back either. My last texts with her goes like this

 

Ex: Actually you prolly saw me I walked passed you

Me: If you saw me at school, why didn't you come to say hi?

Ex: In a hurry

Me: It doesn't take that long to say hi

end of conversation

 

It's been about a week since our last conversation but I feel like she won't ever text me again....Deep down I want her to text me but it'll hurt me as well maybe. I've been thinking about her everyday since the breakup begining of january. I'm still trying to let go, but while i'm sleeping subconsciously i'm always asking why? and just wished she would come back and realize she made a mistake..

[SCJACK]

Last week I ran into her, had a conversation and I asked if she wanted to meet and hang out. She kept giving me excuses saying she had a test or maybe or idk. So now I'm thinking forget it idc to see her. Now she texts me saying her test was moved to Thursday and actually taking initiative to meet up for once... Why? she never cared to meet up the entire semester but now she actually texts me? What should I do? Should I make up an excuse to say I'm eating with a friend or should I actually meet up?

[Zahara]

I read your past threads about this girl. Please, for you own good, stay NC and try to heal from this. You keep putting yourself in positions of complete powerlessness by always asking her to meet you/hang out with you, etc.

 

When a man is twisting like a pretzel to be a part of a woman's life, she's not going to be attracted to that. She's going to begin to view him as weak and dependent on her. And when that happens, most times she will only use him when she needs him -- why -- because she knows he'll be there. She never cared enough to be with you, so turn that around and start caring for YOU and your self-respect and move away from this.

 

Your posts are painfully reflecting your desperate need for change. What could have possibly changed in a couple of months? Stop it. Stay away from her. If she wants you back, she'll come to you. And she'll come back with substance. Stop seeking it and trying to make it happen.

[SCJACK]

Okay I will make an excuse to not meet up. Thank you

[Zahara]

"There was a shirt I knew she wanted, but it was sold out everywhere. I went all around city to find the last one in the entire city and tried to surprise her for christmas. I also baked her cookies (what guys bake for their gfs?) And even when she got sick during new years I was going to make her some soup or pourage.. But I got kicked into the dirt... she ripped my heart out and stomped all over it. Even on my birthday she could only manage to say "happy bday!" and that was the only text I got from her the entire day..."

 

Any woman will be honored to have someone like you by their side. You are a man that is emotionally connected and aware. You want to be with someone that WANTS to reciprocate and WANTS to love and care for you.

 

Don't shortchange yourself. Don't hold out for someone that cannot be what you want them to be. Don't force someone to be what you want them to be because then you'll only be setting yourself up for failure. When they show you who they are, believe it.

 

You need to cut contact from her. And even if she contacts you, you need to ignore it. You have so much to give. Give it to someone that will honor it.

[SCJACK]

I was just alittle thrown off because if she didn't want to meet up, she wouldn't have told me her test was moved. I always wonder what could have happened if I had went, probably nothing good.. anyways I told her I was going to hang out with a friend, maybe next time. and she replied "kk" her response seem like she didn't care whether we met up or not.

[Zahara]

I was just alittle thrown off because if she didn't want to meet up, she wouldn't have told me her test was moved. I always wonder what could have happened if I had went, probably nothing good.. anyways I told her I was going to hang out with a friend, maybe next time. and she replied "kk" her response seem like she didn't care whether we met up or not.

 

Yes, she sounds indifferent. She probably meets you when you ask her or makes an effort to follow through because you do fill some need in her life. Someone to hang out with. That's all it is. When someone lets you go, let them. Don't hang around and wait for them to change. Don't hang around and wait for them to pick you. Walk away.

[Radu]

For the love of God, please stop this ... it's painful to watch.

 

She offered 'friendship' but what it actually meant was for you to say 'yes' so that she will feel less guilty over dumping you out of the blue.

That's it, she doesn't want to be your friend.

What she wants is to get over you asap, and that means NC ... but unlike you she has more common sense to enforce it.

 

The only way out of this situation is to stop chasing, start being the one who cares the least [that's her right now]; then you will have the most options and more control over the entire situation.

The more you will push for her, the more she will push away.

Go NC with her, move on with your life, find another girlfriend and stop letting her rent room in your head.

[SCJACK]

It has been a good while in NC and I can say it definitely is getting better than it was the first 2 months after BU and everyday is still a struggle and like poison to the mind. I am finding that I have more dreams about her every night with her ex or something that will make me depressed. Occasionally there will be a good dream like us getting back together or making some kind of physical contact which will eventually lead to me being depressed when I wake up and reality is in. I'm tired of feeling this way as it is a bad start to the morning. While half asleep I feel like the thoughts are just injected into my brain in small doses in between sleeping and waking up several times before I actually wake up and is out of my control. There are times when I get so lost in thought I still ask why and miss her like crazy and want her to contact me..

 

There is only 4 weeks left before the semester closes for college as we are both graduating. Once that happens I will leave the state for awhile and then come back for work. I hate that she spent the entire semester avoiding me and not talking to me. Once these 4 weeks are up, we will go our separate ways in life and I'm afraid we might not ever see each other again.... from the past several days I assumed that I was the one she cheated on her ex with. He lives in another country but she still has baggage or "business" with him, and she is going back there in november so I know they will see eachother.. I confirmed that her cousin has information about my ex that will hurt me and probably why she broke up with me but she wouldn't tell me and I figured the only thing that can really hurt me is if she cheated, lied, used me, etc. I have to assume the worst. I want to know why so I can get closure, but I won't get it from her cousin because she won't tell me for reasons of me dealing with more hurt and respect for her cousins "secret". I feel like even if I knew, it will hurt me but at least I can finally close this chapter and really move on as I have been trying.

[zyketti]

Damn man.. I can definitely relate, even though it's only been 3 weeks since BU. Just this morning, I had a very physical dream with my ex only to wake up and realize it's probably not going to happen ever again. Then I fall back asleep for an hour, and we're on a vacation…..

 

I get so anxious and scared that both of my arms feel like they're getting poked by millions of needles, for a good half hour. It hurts a lot.. I seem to get most sad during mornings, then it gets better over the day time and by night.

 

I don't seem to have a solution for this, I guess we will just have to live through it, and accept the pain. I'm also going to be seeking a counsellor I think.

 

Just a thought though.. I remember when we were dating, my ex would have nightmares of us breaking up. Weird….

[Jiivy]

Why play these games with yourself? I was left for another guy seemingly out the blue. We were engaged, together for 7 years!

 

All I have as a reason is, "I need to expand my horizons, experience life and new people." And her friend had to phone me and tell me that himself. She didn't give me squat other than, "there's someone else."

 

Yeah...what the ****, right?

 

You don't get answers from your ex. And if you did, what do you think it would change? They could pour their heart out to you and it would still be a separation - she'd still be lost to you.

 

Her conscious may or may not bite her over time, but you can't ever know that. We are here on LS and are as messed up as you are, as hard done by and confused...stay with us, keep NC and keep fighting with us to heal.

[srobson321]

I can relate to this, very similar experiences, the mornings are really really hard. After 7 years together we seperated ut still carried on as normal 'working at it' only to discover within 6 weeks of the BU she was sleeping with another guy she met on her Uni course and pregnant to him. All explained on a previous post.

 

Like you I have gone full NC but I had to to give myself a chance of getting over this. Your not alone everyday is a battle, but I have to keep telling myself nothing is going to change, she is still having a baby with another guy.

 

I put motivational videos on Youtube on in the morning and last thing at night to help me, tis might help mornings are the worst for sure.

 

Type 'Lost but Won' in Youtube and 'Hard Times' and 'Why do we Fall' motivational videos I found help even if it is 1% its better than 0%..

 

Just a suggestion, it isnt the answer but a suggestion to try and help you in the mornings and at night...

[STM206]

I had "beautiful nightmares" for the first month after the break up. My ex would still be in my life, yet felt distant in a way... It was so bad that I actually was sobbing in my sleep and that would wake me up at 2 in the morning and I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep.

 

I haven't had any dreams of him lately (knock on wood) but perhaps it's because of the sleep medication I'm on currently.

 

It's hard, going through the day being constantly reminded of him, avoiding the most mundane things like going to the movies as it still triggers the idea of him and I.

 

I never though i'd say this but I can't wait until next year, hopefully we will all be in a better place in our lives and won't be affected by the breakups anymore, at least not on such a deep level.

[Stronger14]

The most important thing you have to consider if you are really trying to stop the habit of waking up depressed is what you are doing right before you fall asleep. If the last thing you do before you fall asleep is read posts on loveshack, think about your ex, or a combination of the two, you are more likely to have a dream about them. And when you dream about them, you are bound to wake up depressed as you realize they are gone in real life.

 

Simply put, change what you do right before bed. We are all most vulnerable when we are alone lying in our beds, thinking about our ex. Don't think about them right before you go to sleep. Don't read loveshack when your in bed. I know it's hard, but you have to distract your mind so you don't dream about them. Watch something funny on tv right before bed, listen to some positive music, do some reading etc, anything you can to get your mind off of the situation.

 

I used to always dream about my ex because I would follow the same routine right before bed, and I would start the days off miserable. Change what you do at night, and things will start to get better.

[Froelich87]

I can relate.

 

7 months post break up. 5 months NC and it seems these past 2 months she has been in my dreams almost every night.

 

It's very unfortunate and I wish there was a way for them to just be done. Because waking up afterwards is such a horrible feeling.