ashy555 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Hi all, I am just looking for some advice. I am almost 24yo. Unfortunately I am quite an emotional person and as hard as i try i tend to develop feelings far too quickly. After a decent spout of health issues, depression and many heartbreaks.. I decided to focus on myself and forget dating. After a while I was happy for the first time in years. Then pops up Mike... It lasted just over 3 months. We already knew of each other from many years ago and i always thought he was kinda cute. Out of nowhere he added me on fb and we started talking. I actually looked forward to our first date(which is rare for me as i despise dating) He took me to a movie and dinner.. we ended up talking for hours after that and didn't get home until 3am on a work night. It was probably the only date i ever felt instant attraction. For the first maybe... 10 dates he msged me as soon as i left telling me how i am amazing and how happy he is.. he was almost infatuated. He came on extremely strong in the beginning which broke my walls down quicker than i would have preferred. He took me to his Christmas party.. I met all his friends, i hung out with him and his family vice versa. I was warned by his best friend that he is a very emotional guy, is very full on but was taking this whole thing seriously. We started sleeping together about 1 month in. Over new years we both went away to separate places and talked non stop. He told me almost everyday how much he missed me etc. I just had such a good feeling about this guy. Then when i got back we couldnt wait to see each other. Then i saw him twice over a week and a half before i left for a weeks holiday again and i had a gut feeling this wasn't going right anymore. He was still msging but not as often. He was fine in person though. Still just as affectionate. holding my hand while watching a movie.. nonstop forehead kisses and touching. You could say i was a little besotted by him. Fast forward to my holiday. I got nothing from him. I told him i missed him and got "Dont i feel all warm and fuzzy" as a reply. i tried again to start a convo a few days later and got two little msges out of him. I get home and i text him for the third time and I hear nothing... a week goes by and still nothing so yesterday i decided to confront him as i knew i was being faded like i usually am(I wont stand for it anymore) He basically told me he didnt think there was anything else there and only realised last week and still wants to be friends. I am absolutely devastated. I am hurt by the fact that after 3 months he thought he could try getting away with just disappearing with no word like every other guy has done to me. I have never had a guy respect me enough to tell me it wasnt working out. Most of all I am losing any confidence I have in myself. Every man i have dated always decides once they get to know me that they dont want me. I have never been in a relationship ever!(oh i was in one officially for two weeks once when i was 20 but was dumped two days after he took my virginity but i try and blank that one out) At first they are always super keen and attracted to me then realise their is nothing else there. Im a very loyal, genuine, gentle kinda girl. I have had my heart bruised so many times i cant even count. Here i am again hurting and trying to figure out why it is that men dont want to be with me. I see so many of my friends in relationship after relationship. My siblings all married and happy. Im not clingly... even if i feel i am becoming clingy i suffer in silence. Its at a point now where Im way too scared to fall again as i get way to anxious and worried. My mum seems to think my past is giving off negative vibes... but i dont see how. Has anyone else been through this kind of thing? Should i give dating up altogether and just wait..? Being young is tough
SYLLPalmer Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I have been through that and then some. What this boy thinks and does is none of your concern. If your esteem is suffering that means you are human. You will need time to process this and put it behind you. I assure you it is not you. Why? Because you just told my story and I am sure other women here will vouch the same. Don't buy into to your depression. You must fight it with everything you have. Exercise is key. And regular evaluation under the care of a good psychiatrist weather or not you need meds IMO. Especially at this time. Summarily: You are just learning the ropes kiddo. :bunny:You will come to a point where you see this boy correctly and you will regret that you "let" him hurt you. Meaning you will look back and see him for what he is: a waste of space. Good guys don't do what he did. PERIOD. Shame on him.
Author ashy555 Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 Well i guess i know im not the only one... but sometimes it feels it just keeps going on and on and everytime i think WOW.... its about times something works for me and then it doesnt. I just dont want my experiences to effect how i cope in future dating. I am meant to enjoy these experiences but I just see dating as torture. I never know whether to listen to my gut feelings as i can get so anxious that im over the top being ridiculous. I have deleted all my social media sites as they dont help. I want to get back to exercising.. i find it a big problem when Mike actually goes to my gym and we have a pretty similar schedule. Thanks for your advice
SYLLPalmer Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Well i guess i know im not the only one... but sometimes it feels it just keeps going on and on and everytime i think WOW.... its about times something works for me and then it doesnt. I just dont want my experiences to effect how i cope in future dating. I am meant to enjoy these experiences but I just see dating as torture. I never know whether to listen to my gut feelings as i can get so anxious that im over the top being ridiculous. I have deleted all my social media sites as they dont help. I want to get back to exercising.. i find it a big problem when Mike actually goes to my gym and we have a pretty similar schedule. Thanks for your advice I think you are taking good action. Just a little pearl of experience. There is nothing that is due to us in life. Some people reap the **** end of the stick until the day they die. You must identify your leaders. People whom you admire and can learn from. Read autobiographies! Discuss what matters to you with like minded people. Never stop learning. Write down your thoughts. Be your own best friend and never cut corners where your self esteem is concerned. Little things combine to make us what we are. None of us are "all" of anything. Peace.
Recommended Posts