Tayken Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Although I have not invested much, seeing that we only met twice, there are cases where you think you met a really good one, and in those cases, rejection sucks rocks. You're ahead of me, I am about to give up the OLD venue. Haven't yet met a guy who is truly as tall as he lists himself, "average" body size would fall into at least stocky, and as far as interests/activities go, if you take them up on some, they won't join you. I am larger, but physically very active, and expect my partners in crime to keep up with me, and so far, they never did. It feels like I bump into some sort of "middle age" barrier, where everything slows down, and I'm nowhere near that. This sounds like an oxymoron...please clarify. I have never understood it personally why some people lie about their age...I mean it's going to come out eventually, so why blatantly lie about it. It's like heavy women only posting pictures from the head up...you assuming that once you meet the guy, he will just take as you are People lying about not being smokers or drug users...another silly one, right up there with people lying about what they actually do for work. Don't be saying medical or law, when you are the admin person there at the front desk
Syreeni Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 (edited) OP, have you considered that the only reason he declined or seemed to pull back when you invited him along with your friends on the weekend is because he felt as if you were putting him in the friend zone? I would call him and invite him to dinner and/or event, just the two of you. And keep it that way for a while. After, the inviting with friends thing, he may need some reasurace that you in no way see him as "just a friend" ... So look at making it a bit romantic. I think a lot of people in OLD, especially are a bit sensitive and looking for the slightest sign of hook- up or friend zone behavior and hints. I think that might have happened. Another poster has the exact same story but as the guy, and that's exactly what he thought, the second she invited him to the movies " with her friends". The posters concurred. Edited February 2, 2014 by Syreeni
Author DemetersHarvest Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 OP, have you considered that the only reason he declined or seemed to pull back when you invited him along with your friends on the weekend is because he felt as if you were putting him in the friend zone? I would call him and invite him to dinner and/or event, just the two of you. And keep it that way for a while. After, the inviting with friends thing, he may need some reasurace that you in no way see him as "just a friend" ... So look at making it a bit romantic. I think a lot of people in OLD, especially are a bit sensitive and looking for the slightest sign of hook- up or friend zone behavior and hints. I think that might have happened. Another poster has the exact same story but as the guy, and that's exactly what he thought, the second she invited him to the movies " with her friends". The posters concurred. Done. I did not go as far as calling him, but reached out via e-mail. It IS a possibility that he could feel friend-zoned, although the thought never occurred to me, seeing how new we were in the game.
SYLLPalmer Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Although I have not invested much, seeing that we only met twice, there are cases where you think you met a really good one, and in those cases, rejection sucks rocks. You're ahead of me, I am about to give up the OLD venue. Haven't yet met a guy who is truly as tall as he lists himself, "average" body size would fall into at least stocky, and as far as interests/activities go, if you take them up on some, they won't join you. I am larger, but physically very active, and expect my partners in crime to keep up with me, and so far, they never did. It feels like I bump into some sort of "middle age" barrier, where everything slows down, and I'm nowhere near that. I respect your position. I have only been at this for a little over a month and I have taken a woopin. What you describe sounds like a geographic issue. You may try getting brutally honest in your profile. The one guy in my area put up a split shot of curvy vs. fat and labeled it "know the difference". Southern California men are fit but they do cheat the height thing. This for me is not a problem as long as mini-me doesn't show. I mean I would like to see eye to eye standing and I can't tolerate heels and I am 5'5". Try tacking on a few more inches than you actually require and that might deliver the goods.
Author DemetersHarvest Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 I did reach out to him. Not sure if it was good or bad. The girlfriends lambasted me for doing so. I personally feel better, whether or not he was honest, I cannot say. I think he's not interested, and I am letting him go. At least we had a nice conversation. But the vehemence with which I am being lectured about how to appropriately behave around men early on is annoying. I am supposed to be passive, and let the guy do all the moves. The hunt... I find this idea really Darwinian, and not in synch with my own personal make-up. Then here, the guys venting about passive women, and how they wish they took charge more...Damned if you don't and damned if you do! Given that I had little success with my active approach, yet I don't want a "Hunter" as a guy, what the heck is a woman supposed to do? For once, staying away from the dating sites...
Syreeni Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Done. I did not go as far as calling him, but reached out via e-mail. It IS a possibility that he could feel friend-zoned, although the thought never occurred to me, seeing how new we were in the game. The male poster I mentioned, the person asked him to join her friends on the secord or third date, I believe. My thoughts? I think that's what happened. Early on, I think it comes across as "I see you as a friend" however if done later, after you have already established yourselves in a more coupled atmosphere, then it is a "I want my friends to meet you." Possibly best to wait to include the friends and the guy, until you can say to him "I really want to introduce you to my friends." Then there's no confusion on his part. (Either direction, it goes both ways for sure) May still be salvageable, just requires a conversation and pointing out the possibility of the mistaken message sent.
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