In dating, when should you talk about difficult stuff?

[Ruby Slippers]

Lots of good advice here, lots to consider. I don't know where to start in replying yet, but I'll give it some thought.

[Tayla]

When Trust and communication allow it. No sooner and no later.

When listening is recipricated. When the person accepts you "as is" , Not "as was" .

 

Share Key points from the get go. By Key Points an example might be in education, employment, aspirations and personal joys. Most of what we share is thru our daily interactions, we pick up on the signals people display. I've learned just as much from what they do or don't do as what they share in their past.

[Silly_Girl]

Definitely agree with the posters who say to deal with things little and often, not too much info to start, and see how it goes. You may feel like there needs to be a big watershed where you offload everything and there are no secrets.... But those experiences are not who you are now. They may have helped shape who you are, but the person you are dating is looking at you, how you behave and what you represent now.

 

If you do find someone special and long-term you have forever, literally, to share your experiences and feelings. I shared a key issue of mine pretty early on with my now-husband, because it specifically related to relationship trust. I was quite damaged and if I didn't tell him and give him the chance to support me it would have finished. And it turned out to be no big deal, it was much bigger in my head. Other stuff, parental stuff and violent relationship aspects, things crop up as we go and I might share, I might not, but it doesn't really matter either way. I'm not duping him by not having a massive confessional session.

 

I know it seems a huge deal to you, but if you don't outright *lie* as you go, things will fall in to place, I'm sure. Good luck.