hasaquestion Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) I don't use an online dating site, but I've been on a fair amount of Tinder dates with strangers. So much "what do I do" on this website and all I can say is this. I can't help but notice, that on dates where I act like I'm more of a "nerd" than I really am, talk about engineering stuff, get a little high pitched when I'm excited, act sophisticated and wear dorkily nice clothes (knit sweater and my glasses), women are usually more interested than if I go as my more casual and stereotypically "cooler" self (no glasses, bro attire, dress more like someone my age, etc.) I'm not really one way or the other (did pole vault and engineering in college) so I can fake one or the other and get away with it. The nerdy me does way better with women. I've given it a great deal of thought and I think that men in general seriously underestimate the importance of individuality. The easy thing to say is that its a gold-digging instinct of some kind. But since they're Tinder dates and not really about looking for something long term, that can't be the case. My conclusion? More men would be better off if they stopped trying to be like anyone in particular and started thinking about what THEY want to be perceived as. WHO am I and HOW can I cultivate that? Nerdy me is unique. He has a good story. Jock me is just another guy. Past a point of basic fitness and hygiene, what makes you attractive isn't how well you fit a certain image. Its how you rock your own image. Embrace who you are. Venting over. Edited January 31, 2014 by hasaquestion
Keenly Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 How can you say in the same post that you have more success being yourself but at the same.time say you are faking extra nerdiness? What ? I mean I agree with what your saying, I'm just not sure how you want from A to C 2
D-Lish Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I'm not attracted to the stereotypical jock type. I like a guy that is a little "different"- that stands out to me.
Author hasaquestion Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 How can you say in the same post that you have more success being yourself but at the same.time say you are faking extra nerdiness? What ? I mean I agree with what your saying, I'm just not sure how you want from A to C My point is that nerdiness IS NOT a bad thing. Myself is less of a nerd and he's LESS attractive for it, not more. Men should stop putting other guys on a pedestal and open their mind about what it means to be attractive.
soccerrprp Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 How can you say in the same post that you have more success being yourself but at the same.time say you are faking extra nerdiness? What ? I mean I agree with what your saying, I'm just not sure how you want from A to C I thought the same thing Keenly.... But we get the gist.
deathandtaxes Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I have my own interests. I love what I love. If a woman doesn't dig that, she's not for me. I'm too old to fake anything. 1
Andy_K Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I've been doing the gym thing for so long, it IS who I am now. Or a big part of, at least. Yet on the flip side I'm into video games and board games and other geeky stuff. And here's where 'being yourself' can be tricky. It would be unnatural to force the conversation to both those sides of my personality, yet letting things flow naturally might only reveal one part, which on its own could be rather misleading and result in being wrongly pegged. Maybe I should just go to a spinning class and ask the girls which of them also likes lord of the rings.
Emilia Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I don't use an online dating site, but I've been on a fair amount of Tinder dates with strangers. So much "what do I do" on this website and all I can say is this. I can't help but notice, that on dates where I act like I'm more of a "nerd" than I really am, talk about engineering stuff, get a little high pitched when I'm excited, act sophisticated and wear dorkily nice clothes (knit sweater and my glasses), women are usually more interested than if I go as my more casual and stereotypically "cooler" self (no glasses, bro attire, dress more like someone my age, etc.) I'm not really one way or the other (did pole vault and engineering in college) so I can fake one or the other and get away with it. The nerdy me does way better with women. I've given it a great deal of thought and I think that men in general seriously underestimate the importance of individuality. The easy thing to say is that its a gold-digging instinct of some kind. But since they're Tinder dates and not really about looking for something long term, that can't be the case. My conclusion? More men would be better off if they stopped trying to be like anyone in particular and started thinking about what THEY want to be perceived as. WHO am I and HOW can I cultivate that? Nerdy me is unique. He has a good story. Jock me is just another guy. Past a point of basic fitness and hygiene, what makes you attractive isn't how well you fit a certain image. Its how you rock your own image. Embrace who you are. Venting over. Sooooooooooooo ... how many times have you got laid through Tinder? Or is this about conversations over coffee?
ctxinfl Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 My point is that nerdiness IS NOT a bad thing. Myself is less of a nerd and he's LESS attractive for it, not more. Men should stop putting other guys on a pedestal and open their mind about what it means to be attractive. I'm a geek. I read comic books, play all manner of games including old fashioned pencil and paper RPGs, read physics and history in my spare time, and I work in IT. I'm the epitome of geek. And that's not a bad thing. Being a geek is who I am. That is something that will never change, though it doesn't mean I can't also be attractive by staying in shape, knowing how to cook, knowing how to present myself, and so on. Being a nerd/geek and being attractive to the opposite sex are not mutually exclusive. If you are dating the right woman she should appreciate your quirks and outside interests, assuming they aren't harmful. 1
PegNosePete Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I am a team leader for one of the largest communities in a major MMORPG. I have never revealed that on a first date, and never will!
Author hasaquestion Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) Sooooooooooooo ... how many times have you got laid through Tinder? Or is this about conversations over coffee? Out of the 19 irl Tinder meetups I've done... 14 turned into a date. Of the 14 that turned into a dinner date, I went to 6 as "nerdier" me (glasses on and excitable) and 8 as "jockier" me (glasses off and aloof). The nerd was twice as successful at getting some despite making fewer appearances. If you're wondering about Tinder, you should definitely give it a shot. It works. Just put an honest picture of yourself so when people show up to meet you, you know they aren't thinking "that's what they look like????". It ends up just wasting your time. Reveal as much as possible and you will increase the likelihood that when you see the other person they are sold. Edited January 31, 2014 by hasaquestion
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