Post 3rd Date - Bit worried - share your thoughts

[winny]

Following up on my last thread.

 

Had 3 dates with a guy.

1st date - Last Wednesday - Met in a mall, went to a small restaurant n walked around later. Ended with him kissing me n hugging me a bit.

 

Thursday - He texted and asked me for a second date.

 

2nd date - Last Friday - Movie. He held my hand throughout, we kissed few times. He picked n dropped me off.

 

Saturday and Sunday - we exchanged only 5 text messages.

Monday - Around 7-8 texts, initiated by him.

Tuesday - Quite a few, initiated by me ended when he asked whether I would like to come over to his place, he wants to spend some time with me.

 

3rd date - This Tuesday - He picked me up. Took me to his house (He lives around 18 miles from me). Showed around his house, told me how he got all the wood work n stuff done himself n his books n his garage where he is currently working on one of his cars and his mechanical tools etc. Then we snuggled n watched a movie. We made out a little (He kissed me a lot on my mouth a bit on my neck and felt my boobs over my shirt. He didn't try to go beyond that. Once I just had to guide his hand back when it was going towards my crotch.). He said I am beautiful and turn him on. He asked me if I would just give me a little hand job but I said not today and I told him I take time to get comfortable with such things and he said ok he understands. We continued snuggling and he kind of gave me a back rub while I was in his arms. It didn't feel sexual, rather relaxing. Later he dropped me back.

 

Over these 3 dates, we have conversed about lot of things, but mostly light and fun. He teases me a lot. During the second and third dates and he asked me - Am I too much for you? - referring to him being a bit faster than me in physical stuff. Which made me feel that he wants to go at my speed.

 

Since he had initiated all the 3 dates, so while he was dropping me off n giving me a kiss and hug in the car, after the 3rd date, I asked him would he like to go out on the weekend.

He said - Ok I have some work for 1 hr, after that am free on Saturday.

 

Later I thanked him thru text saying I had a good time n for picking up n dropping me back. And he replied "Night".

 

This was Tuesday night and now it is Thursday evening, and no texts from him since.

 

From beginning he has been bad in texting and its "K" instead of "Okay" and "Night" instead of "Good Night".

Going by statistics, 3 dates in a span of 7 days is a high number. And it's just 9 days since I met him.

But still I am bit worried - where is he since 2 days. In past under such circumstances with other guys I have initiated texting, but I want to do it different this time. I want him to initiate so that I know he is really interested.

 

I have met other guys who were really good at texting but turned out to be losers. So I don't want to judge him based on the texting pattern alone. Only 2 times I have initiated texts till now with him during these 9 days.

 

When I meet him in person he seems so much like a guy-guy... I don't think he would bother to send a text unless it is really required... but he is friendly n funny n nice company n there is lot of physical chemistry between us.

 

I have decided to text him once tomorrow and ask if we are still on for Saturday. And see what happens.

 

I know that guys can be so sweet and nice and then just disappear... n it sucks so much. I hope this guy doesn't disappear. Do you people see any red flags from above information. I have tried to include as much detail as I can.

 

Ok one more detail, he was supposed to call me last Sunday and he didn't. But I didn't question him about it because I felt at this point I shouldn't have any expectations from him and also it was kind of a vague promise. And because it will be better to evaluate him based on what he is doing on his own instead of questioning and putting him in a corner.

 

Also, even though am worried, it's not like am too much anxious or whatever, I know he may just never show up again and am ready if that happens... but I also want to see him more and evaluate him more cause he seems like someone with potential.

[Graduate]

Hi Winny,

I hope I am wrong, but I get the feeling he was hoping for sex on the 3rd date and now lost interest. The fact that he asked you to come over to his place, put the moves on you and even asked you for a handjob gives me that impression. And of course coupled with the fact that you have not heard from him in two days when you were in daily contact before that.

 

My advice would be to NOT contact him and ask him if you are still on for Saturday. Instead wait and see if he contacts you. But I understand that this is going to be difficult, especially if you don't hear from him till then. If only so you know whether you have plans for Saturday.

 

Sucks, I sure hope I am wrong.

[ctxinfl]

Agree with graduate. Guy probably had expectations that weren't fulfilled. Instead of being patient and truly being interested in you as a person it sounds like he's pulled back. I wouldn't push things with him and I certainly wouldn't give in to his desires. If he's having fun and enjoys being around you then that should be enough for now. Early sex shouldn't be a requirement to continue seeing someone you otherwise really enjoy being with.

 

I'm new to the dating scene after being in a really long relationship, so all of these stupid new "rules" make no sense to me. Seems like us guys now feel entitled to sex by the 3rd date and we use that as an excuse to dump the girl if it doesn't occur. What happened to being patient, getting to know someone, and moving at a bit slower pace? It benefits both.

[pickflicker]

Agree with the other two. Stop initiating contact. And next time, if you don't intend to sleep with him, don't go to his house. It makes your position crystal clear.

[mammasita]

I would have avoided going to his house so soon. When a man suggests that so early, he usually only has one thing on his mind, getting in your pants.

 

Let me ask you this....what was the movie? Did he put something on he'd never seen? How far into the movie did you get before he started making moves? Bottom line, I suspect the movie was a cover.

 

I don't think you should text him. Let this one go. If he reaches out to you to confirm Saturday, that's great news! If not, I'm afraid he's a write off

[PegNosePete]

Why all the texting? Just give him a quick call to confirm. You'll be able to tell a hell of a lot more by his tone, voice and attitude than you can ever fit into 160 or less characters of text. You'll have your answer in 30 seconds.

[Poppygoodwill]

I think everyone is on the right track. Asking you for a handjob is a red flag for me. I've been out with many men and not one has been bold enough to ask for that if I've made it clear I'm not interested in sex. Mainly - I think - because they are interested in having sex *with* me, not just getting off themselves.

 

The sudden drop in frequency of contact is a sign of something. I'm fascinated to see if he comes for Saturday, or if we find out that - disappointingly - his aspirations for spending time with you were limited to a hand job and, once foiled, he decides to spend his time elsewhere.

 

If that's the case, then sister - thank your lucky stars that he flaked out this early on and you won't waste any more of your precious time on him. That's a blessing really!

 

do let us know what happens next.

[Emilia]

I think everyone is on the right track. Asking you for a handjob is a red flag for me. I've been out with many men and not one has been bold enough to ask for that if I've made it clear I'm not interested in sex. Mainly - I think - because they are interested in having sex *with* me, not just getting off themselves.

Agree ^^^

 

I would lose interest in someone like that to be honest.

[ffw]

OP, please avoid going to guy's home soo early in the dating process for your own safety. If want to know a person well avoid taking dates home or going home with them.

[Frank2thepoint]

Yeah this guy definitely thought he was gonna score and get some sex by the third date. He used his house, and the tour he gave you, to impress you with his ambitious lifestyle, to show off that he is a good catch, in hopes that you will give up some booty, or at bare minimum, a hand-job.

 

You mentioned that he might be a guy's guy, an alpha, which means since he tried to have sex with you but was denied, he probably has too much pride and testosterone to continue seeing you. I really believe that you will never see or hear from him again. In reality, you are better off anyway.

[winny]

I would have avoided going to his house so soon. When a man suggests that so early, he usually only has one thing on his mind, getting in your pants.

 

Let me ask you this....what was the movie? Did he put something on he'd never seen? How far into the movie did you get before he started making moves? Bottom line, I suspect the movie was a cover.

 

I don't think you should text him. Let this one go. If he reaches out to you to confirm Saturday, that's great news! If not, I'm afraid he's a write off

 

Am not sure if he had seen it before.

15-20 mins into it.... we kissed a bit... he said u r beautiful n turn me on... n again 15 mins later we kissed some more n he felt my boobs... and then got away saying... I think am too much for you. I didn't disagree to that.

 

Then few minutes later he kind of pointed my hand towards his member n said... just a little? I said... No... Not today...

He said ... okay...

 

Then I was in his arms n he didn't try anything other than rubbing my back and continued watching movie... till it was time to leave.

[winny]

Hi Winny,

I hope I am wrong, but I get the feeling he was hoping for sex on the 3rd date and now lost interest. The fact that he asked you to come over to his place, put the moves on you and even asked you for a handjob gives me that impression. And of course coupled with the fact that you have not heard from him in two days when you were in daily contact before that.

 

My advice would be to NOT contact him and ask him if you are still on for Saturday. Instead wait and see if he contacts you. But I understand that this is going to be difficult, especially if you don't hear from him till then. If only so you know whether you have plans for Saturday.

 

Sucks, I sure hope I am wrong.

 

That is so terrible

We had not even made out till 2nd date and how could he expect I will sleep with him on third one.... more than once I had said, I take time to be comfortable... n he was like ... okay I understand...

[winny]

Yeah this guy definitely thought he was gonna score and get some sex by the third date. He used his house, and the tour he gave you, to impress you with his ambitious lifestyle, to show off that he is a good catch, in hopes that you will give up some booty, or at bare minimum, a hand-job.

 

You mentioned that he might be a guy's guy, an alpha, which means since he tried to have sex with you but was denied, he probably has too much pride and testosterone to continue seeing you. I really believe that you will never see or hear from him again. In reality, you are better off anyway.

 

Hmmm... I thought he was showing me his mechanical stuff and books... cause those were the things that interest me...

 

And I don't know about alpha, beta, gamma... LOL We didn't even make out that much... I have been with guys who wanted to have sex and would be all over me and I have to literally throw them away... But this guy was like 90% kissing me only on my mouth. The request for hand job... certainly was weird though

Not sure about the pride and stuff.... he hugged me n held me for few secs and gave me a cute kiss when we were all ready go leave his house. Told me about his room mate... on the way back we discussed usual stuff... n then again he gave me a kiss n hug when we reached my home... Nothing really seemed off... But he might have perfected the art... who knows

I hate this!!!

[soccerrprp]

That is so terrible

We had not even made out till 2nd date and how could he expect I will sleep with him on third one.... more than once I had said, I take time to be comfortable... n he was like ... okay I understand...

 

winny,

 

Your description of events is very typical. Nothing exceptional about this guy that would lead us to believe that he's the perfect gentleman.

 

He asked for a handjob!?!?!?!? Then he dramatically changes after being denied sex.....sorry, but he is shady at best.

[winny]

Agree with the other two. Stop initiating contact. And next time, if you don't intend to sleep with him, don't go to his house. It makes your position crystal clear.

 

I think I had made my intention clear before going there... in an indirect way.

He said... Don't worry you will be fine, I just want to spend some time with you. And since he offered to pick n drop me... I said... all right...

[winny]

winny,

 

Your description of events is very typical. Nothing exceptional about this guy that would lead us to believe that he's the perfect gentleman.

 

He asked for a handjob!?!?!?!? Then he dramatically changes after being denied sex.....sorry, but he is shady at best.

 

I know :(

[Woop1337]

Nothing to be worried about if you ask me. Be alarmed if he flakes on you Saturday. I myself, don't text too much in the beginning stages of dating. I put in effort not to text, actually. One of my pet peeves is running out of things to talk about.

 

I'd rather talk, in person. So yeah, you just met him, and he has showed you a great time. The three times you went out. So relax, it's in the bag. It's not that serious.

[winny]

Agree with graduate. Guy probably had expectations that weren't fulfilled. Instead of being patient and truly being interested in you as a person it sounds like he's pulled back. I wouldn't push things with him and I certainly wouldn't give in to his desires. If he's having fun and enjoys being around you then that should be enough for now. Early sex shouldn't be a requirement to continue seeing someone you otherwise really enjoy being with.

 

I'm new to the dating scene after being in a really long relationship, so all of these stupid new "rules" make no sense to me. Seems like us guys now feel entitled to sex by the 3rd date and we use that as an excuse to dump the girl if it doesn't occur. What happened to being patient, getting to know someone, and moving at a bit slower pace? It benefits both.

 

He is really pathetic if he thinks this way.

He was the one who gave me impression that he likes to take the slow and steady path... am so disappointed...

[winny]

Nothing to be worried about if you ask me. Be alarmed if he flakes on you Saturday. I myself, don't text too much in the beginning stages of dating. I put in effort not to text, actually. One of my pet peeves is running out of things to talk about.

 

I'd rather talk, in person. So yeah, you just met him, and he has showed you a great time. The three times you went out. So relax, it's in the bag. It's not that serious.

 

I am not that much worried about why he didn't text... becoz from day 1 he is like this. He is not like the other guys who use to send me multiple texts every day. And I thought he is doing this coz he wanna go slow, as indicated by him earlier and also because we just met.

 

Am worried about his intentions though, after reading all the above posts...

Edited January 31, 2014 by winny

[winny]

Agree with the other two. Stop initiating contact. And next time, if you don't intend to sleep with him, don't go to his house. It makes your position crystal clear.

 

I feel that the girl should initiate contact at least once in a while. Coz so many guys feel the gal is not interested if she doesn't.

[winny]

I am going to send him a text to confirm about tomorrow. And in case of no response till today evening or any vague response, I will let it be.

 

I really cannot spend my Friday evening and Saturday morning, worrying and wondering...

 

If he flakes I still have time to get another date for tomorrow Don't wanna wait n ruin my entire weekend....

[TXGuy]

A lot depends on age, but after 30, the third date is a big milestone. If the physical level is not moving along by then, many consider that a sign to stop wasting effort. No guy wants to be strung along by a woman who uses the prospect of sex to get what she wants. The guy can't know how long it will take. After a few frustrating string along no relationships, many men institute a 3 date or 5 date rule to avoid wasting time and resources.

 

Because really, if you were very interested in the guy, something physical would have happened by date 3 (I bet you have had sex with some guy before the fourth date at some point in your life). If the interest level and physical level is lukewarm on the third date, it's time to hit the eject button. She is not into you. Spend your time and money finding some woman who is.

 

Note this is a perfectly valid strategy for men looking for a LTR, not just for players (in fact players generally have a one or perhaps two date rule).

[winny]

A lot depends on age, but after 30, the third date is a big milestone. If the physical level is not moving along by then, many consider that a sign to stop wasting effort. No guy wants to be strung along by a woman who uses the prospect of sex to get what she wants. The guy can't know how long it will take. After a few frustrating string along no relationships, many men institute a 3 date or 5 date rule to avoid wasting time and resources.

 

Because really, if you were very interested in the guy, something physical would have happened by date 3 (I bet you have had sex with some guy before the fourth date at some point in your life). If the interest level and physical level is lukewarm on the third date, it's time to hit the eject button. She is not into you. Spend your time and money finding some woman who is.

 

Note this is a perfectly valid strategy for men looking for a LTR, not just for players (in fact players generally have a one or perhaps two date rule).

 

For your point in the highlighted part - No I have not

In fact, this is my first time with dating.

 

Earlier boyfriends were my long time friends... so it just progressed that way...

 

I don't have any problem with he n me having sex. But I cannot go from kiss on mouth to sex the next time, all within a span of 9 days!!!

If the 3 dates happened over 3-4 weeks, then it would have been bit different I guess.

Edited January 31, 2014 by winny

[winny]

Update

 

I texted him some time back.

 

Me - Hey howz your Friday progressing? Just wanted to confirm our plan to meet tomorrow. Please let me know

 

He - It's been very busy. I need more days in a month. Tomorrow looks good.

[winny]

A lot depends on age, but after 30, the third date is a big milestone. If the physical level is not moving along by then, many consider that a sign to stop wasting effort. No guy wants to be strung along by a woman who uses the prospect of sex to get what she wants. The guy can't know how long it will take. After a few frustrating string along no relationships, many men institute a 3 date or 5 date rule to avoid wasting time and resources.

 

Because really, if you were very interested in the guy, something physical would have happened by date 3 (I bet you have had sex with some guy before the fourth date at some point in your life). If the interest level and physical level is lukewarm on the third date, it's time to hit the eject button. She is not into you. Spend your time and money finding some woman who is.

 

Note this is a perfectly valid strategy for men looking for a LTR, not just for players (in fact players generally have a one or perhaps two date rule).

 

We are both in late 20s.