Guy I'm seeing doesn't have time for me...move on?

[SweetCharity]

This so much sounds like my last boyfriend.

After showering me with love and affection during the first few months he went into this mode of studying all the time. Always busy and annoyed if I ask him why he won't make time for us. He will always say I will call you back n would never do it.

Guess what I found - He was flirting with random girls on Facebook when is was so busy "studying".

 

Dumped him.

 

Your guy might also be up to some crap and giving you an excuse about studying and all that. I bet he had read all your texts.

 

I don't know what happened. He was so into me at first. Now he won't give me the time of day. And yeah, a similar thing happened to me a year ago. I was seeing a dude who was too busy studying to see me. It turned out that there wasn't anyone else. He just got spooked.

[jphcbpa]

better than your last R is not good enough

[winny]

I don't know what happened. He was so into me at first. Now he won't give me the time of day. And yeah, a similar thing happened to me a year ago. I was seeing a dude who was too busy studying to see me. It turned out that there wasn't anyone else. He just got spooked.

 

It could be the secret you told him that freaked him out.

Or he met someone else... Or many other reasons.

Bottom line is he is no longer interested in you.

You have to accept this bitter truth n move on

[SweetCharity]

It could be the secret you told him that freaked him out.

Or he met someone else... Or many other reasons.

Bottom line is he is no longer interested in you.

You have to accept this bitter truth n move on

 

I don't think I'll ever know. I tried asking him yesterday and he said nothing was wrong. He's just been super busy.

[winny]

I don't think I'll ever know. I tried asking him yesterday and he said nothing was wrong. He's just been super busy.

 

I am super busy sometimes.

I spend entire day attending meetings and conference calls. But if a friend is trying to getting in touch with me I do message them back sometimes while walking down the corridor, call them while having lunch or on way back from office. Just so that they know I have got their message n I will get back n assure them.

 

When someone matters to you it doesn't take much to stay in touch with them and assure them n meet them. It is actually a welcome relief to hear from your love or friend during a hectic day.

 

So it's all excuses. Nothing else.

[Shaun-Dro]

I started seeing someone right after I broke up with my drug addict bf. He was a breath of fresh air--didn't do drugs, has a full time job and goes to school. We laugh together and get along so well in everyway.

 

We had a great first week. I'd stay over his house all the time and he'd text me "Good morning" everyday.

 

Then I told him something about myself that sort of freaked him out.

 

Never share unsolicited information about yourself. It's the passagway into changing the face of any relationship. Remember that for next time.

[SweetCharity]

Never share unsolicited information about yourself. It's the passagway into changing the face of any relationship. Remember that for next time.

 

Yeah. It definitely changed things. It changed everything.

[Salvatore85]

Stingy with blowjobs? No wonder he doesn't have time for you....

[SweetCharity]

Stingy with blowjobs? No wonder he doesn't have time for you....

 

A) That's not funny and B) when I say I'm stingy with blow jobs I meant that I only give them out to guys I really like. And I REALLY liked this guy. Still do. Only now, I haven't heard from him in 3 days. SO DON'T COME AT ME WITH USELESS ADVICE.

[SweetCharity]

I'm "dating" a guy right now who fits this description. Cancels dates. Hasn't made plans. Doesn't initiate texts. He swears he likes me & thinks about me everyday. Whatever. It's superbowl weekend & valentine's day is approaching, I will not be reaching out. Why? So I can be anxious & fret over why he hasn't called or texted. Don't think so.....

 

Girlie, you do not need to put up with that guy anymore. You don't even owe him an explanation for why you'll stop talking to him. Just stop texting/calling period..

 

Yeah, he didn't reach out to me for superbowl weekend. He later told me it was because it was in Miami. I was on the way!!!

[BDL]

Guy here...

 

Best thing you can do is make yourself unavailable and have him initiate calls and text. The moment you stop calling and texting him, he will start to wonder about you. Let him make the effort to contact you. Not much else you can do, sorry. Find another guy you connect with and is more considerate of your condition.

[SweetCharity]

Guy here...

 

Best thing you can do is make yourself unavailable and have him initiate calls and text. The moment you stop calling and texting him, he will start to wonder about you. Let him make the effort to contact you. Not much else you can do, sorry. Find another guy you connect with and is more considerate of your condition.

 

Yeah, after he hung up on me I sent one last text telling him to just contact me when he's free but that he was kind of a jerk just then. It's been 2 and a half days. He must have seen on my facebook that I had surgery but no word from him. A friend told me to wait until Sunday to contact him. I just don't know anymore. He knows what kind of person I am. Before we got involved I warned him I could be needy. He said he could handle it. Clearly, his idea of handling it is being as unavailable as possible with just enough reciprocation to keep me hopeful.

[clia]

I actually tried to drop him yesterday. After several attempts at reaching him again and not getting a response I sent him several text messages telling him exactly how I felt and that I couldn't do it anymore. Then I called him because I got embarrassed I had sent those texts and he actually picked up and told me he hadn't even read my messages because he was studying all day.

 

I immediately chickened out and apologized for freaking out and sending all those messages. Once again, he denied that there was a problem and that he really was just super busy all the time. Then he told me he had to go do his paper but that he'd call back. I asked when I could see him and once again got a vague "soon." Then he started getting annoyed because I was still talking and he "didn't mean to be an *******" but really needed to get back to his paper. Once again I called him out on how he was being an ******* and never calls back. He got even more annoyed and reiterated that he's super busy and that I always bombard him with questions whenever he has to go and if everyone stopped calling him maybe he'd have more time. Then he hung up on me. Needless to say, he did not call me back. Needless to say, I'm super over this.

 

With all due respect, do you realize how crazy you are acting? How long have you been dating this guy, a few weeks? He's a stranger. He's not your boyfriend. I bolded the above because I'm embarrassed for you. He's told you he's busy and yet you are blowing up his phone with texts, "calling him out," and annoying the hell out of him. Few men will stick around for that level of neediness so soon in a relationship.

 

Yeah, after he hung up on me I sent one last text telling him to just contact me when he's free but that he was kind of a jerk just then. It's been 2 and a half days. He must have seen on my facebook that I had surgery but no word from him. A friend told me to wait until Sunday to contact him. I just don't know anymore. He knows what kind of person I am. Before we got involved I warned him I could be needy. He said he could handle it. Clearly, his idea of handling it is being as unavailable as possible with just enough reciprocation to keep me hopeful.

 

Please stop contacting him. Seriously. Delete his number. If he reaches out to you, then you can respond, but that's it. He is giving you every indication -- through his silence -- that he is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Leave him alone.

[Leigh 87]

With all due respect, do you realize how crazy you are acting? How long have you been dating this guy, a few weeks? He's a stranger. He's not your boyfriend. I bolded the above because I'm embarrassed for you. He's told you he's busy and yet you are blowing up his phone with texts, "calling him out," and annoying the hell out of him. Few men will stick around for that level of neediness so soon in a relationship.

 

 

 

Please stop contacting him. Seriously. Delete his number. If he reaches out to you, then you can respond, but that's it. He is giving you every indication -- through his silence -- that he is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Leave him alone.

 

 

 

He's thinking something like " geez, I only just met this girl and she keeps texting and calling...."..

 

 

Look, he is clearly showing that he has papers to write and things to do and he's just not into you enough to make time to send you a 30 second text.

[KatZee]

Listen, you have to really STOP initiating contact with this guy and you need to stop with the emotional stuff you have going on. Let's put aside the fact you told him you have HPV and that you have a crappy ex situation. He told you he didn't want anything serious... yet you CONTINUE trying to act like a girlfriend figure. "wah wah wah when can I see you?!? wah wah wah you're not showing me the attention I want. wah wah wah you won't answer my phone calls when I call 10 times in a row!"

 

Can't you see how this behavior has SERIOUSLY put him off? He doesn't want a girlfriend. He doesn't want or need the drama of a girlfriend. What he wants is someone who will have sex with him but have no real connection beyond that. He just wants someone he can call up on occasion, have a fun night with and then go about his life. You need to stop putting him in the "boyfriend category." He is not one.

 

You also have this intensity about this guy as if you're in a seriously committed relationship. Just acknowledge his actions. He doesn't want to see you or talk to you. So walk away. Nagging him how he's not behaving the way you want him to is NOT going to get the outcome you desire. He's just going to find you highly annoying and irritating.

 

Also, I can't even tell you how many times I've used the, "Ohh I'm sooooo super busy!" line on guys I have zero interest in. I will not reach out to them, I will let their calls go to voice mail, I will respond MAYBE to a text message but it will be vague, it will have no hint of getting together and it 9/10 times indicates that I'm still, soooooo super busy!!

 

When I use that line, I'll admit it. I'm full of s.hit. I am desperately trying to get the guy to take a hint. And you know what's going on at the same time I'm telling guys I'm so busy? I'm talking to the guy I really DO like, pretty much all day long. Despite my busy work schedule all my projects, after work activities.

 

Unfortunately when this happens, guys seem to think I'm playing hard to get? Or that they should chase me harder? Force something to happen? That's exactly what you're doing.

 

Just go away. Delete his number, do not contact him again, do not respond to him. All he's doing is throwing crumbs right in your face effectively keeping you on the back burner.

Edited February 7, 2014 by KatZee

[Leigh 87]

ugh.

 

It is getting a little disheartening to read about women who, time after time, come on here and write about how they are chasing guys who don't even think they are that special.

 

It saddens me. It is starting to get to me:o reading about all this women who have made the same mistakes I once made - going after men who honestly aren't that into them and don't see how wonderful they are.

 

Your time and energy is precious: only give it to men who clearly adore you and want to spend a lot of time talking to you and getting to know you.

 

Please, from now on, only text/call and give your energy out to men who really think you're something special.

 

....Stop dedicating so much thought into men who don't particularly like you for anything more than sex!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Look, I had a guy using me for sex, and he wanted to text me every day! He genuinely seemed to love chatting to me and we did have a connection even though he obviously didn't want to be in a relationship with me.

 

This guy doesn't even LIKE chatting to you all that much... Please take a hint!

[Salvatore85]

A) That's not funny and B) when I say I'm stingy with blow jobs I meant that I only give them out to guys I really like. And I REALLY liked this guy. Still do. Only now, I haven't heard from him in 3 days. SO DON'T COME AT ME WITH USELESS ADVICE.

 

I'm trying to lighten the mood, make you laugh a bit as it was obviously a joke. Hence the wink.

 

If you want advice than I'll give it to you, no holding back. You're being a nut job considering he told you up front he does not want a relationship. You're acting as if he owes you his time when in fact he doesn't because you're not his girlfriend. This is what happens in an FWB scenario so either continue playing the game or get some self respect, delete his number and move the hell on. My god, stop chasing someone who doesn't want you, geez.

[Eternal Sunshine]

SC, you can't force a guy to contact you, like you or want a relationship with you. No matter how many temper tantrums you throw.

 

I don't think you are completely to blame here because he sounds very conflict avoidant. You showed him how invested you are and he should have told you in black and white that he is not interested in that. I suspect he is also keeping you around for sex so yeah, don't feel sorry for him at all.

 

Your actions didn't ruin this because there was nothing to ruin. What you should have done is walked away earlier and preserved your self respect.

[Leigh 87]

SC, you can't force a guy to contact you, like you or want a relationship with you. No matter how many temper tantrums you throw.

 

I don't think you are completely to blame here because he sounds very conflict avoidant. You showed him how invested you are and he should have told you in black and white that he is not interested in that. I suspect he is also keeping you around for sex so yeah, don't feel sorry for him at all.

 

Your actions didn't ruin this because there was nothing to ruin. What you should have done is walked away earlier and preserved your self respect.

 

 

 

I predict that she will keep on hoping and wondering about this.

 

He will either cold ignore her, or he will have to spell out to her that "he doesn't want her to continually text and call him repeatedly"

[SweetCharity]

With all due respect, do you realize how crazy you are acting? How long have you been dating this guy, a few weeks? He's a stranger. He's not your boyfriend. I bolded the above because I'm embarrassed for you. He's told you he's busy and yet you are blowing up his phone with texts, "calling him out," and annoying the hell out of him. Few men will stick around for that level of neediness so soon in a relationship.

 

 

 

Please stop contacting him. Seriously. Delete his number. If he reaches out to you, then you can respond, but that's it. He is giving you every indication -- through his silence -- that he is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Leave him alone.

 

I'm embarrassed for myself. I already deleted his number.

[SweetCharity]

"wah wah wah when can I see you?!? wah wah wah you're not showing me the attention I want. wah wah wah you won't answer my phone calls when I call 10 times in a row!"

 

You also have this intensity about this guy as if you're in a seriously committed relationship. Just acknowledge his actions. He doesn't want to see you or talk to you. So walk away. Nagging him how he's not behaving the way you want him to is NOT going to get the outcome you desire. He's just going to find you highly annoying and irritating.

 

I DID NOT call him 10 times in a row. I'll admit I called him more than I should have but I did make an effort to back off a little. It's a little unfair to assume I'm all over him.

 

 

Also, I can't even tell you how many times I've used the, "Ohh I'm sooooo super busy!" line on guys I have zero interest in. I will not reach out to them, I will let their calls go to voice mail, I will respond MAYBE to a text message but it will be vague, it will have no hint of getting together and it 9/10 times indicates that I'm still, soooooo super busy!!

 

When I use that line, I'll admit it. I'm full of s.hit. I am desperately trying to get the guy to take a hint. And you know what's going on at the same time I'm telling guys I'm so busy? I'm talking to the guy I really DO like, pretty much all day long. Despite my busy work schedule all my projects, after work activities.

 

Unfortunately when this happens, guys seem to think I'm playing hard to get? Or that they should chase me harder? Force something to happen? That's exactly what you're doing.

 

Okay, seriously? Don't do that s.hit. It's a dick move to lead people on like that. I only put up with it because I took what he said at face value. "Yes, I'm still interested. Just super busy." I was an idiot to believe it but he should have been honest. And so should you in the future with the other dudes.

 

But THANK YOU! You have all gotten pretty nasty enough on here to make me feel bad enough to delete his number and move on. I don't agree with being labeled as a nut job but it was enough. So thanks. I genuinely appreciate the input.

[SweetCharity]

I predict that she will keep on hoping and wondering about this.

 

He will either cold ignore her, or he will have to spell out to her that "he doesn't want her to continually text and call him repeatedly"

 

Lol, I'm still here. I deleted his number and decided to move on. Sure enough, no word from him. I doubt he will ever come clean. At least my sanity has been restored.

[SweetCharity]

I don't think you are completely to blame here because he sounds very conflict avoidant. You showed him how invested you are and he should have told you in black and white that he is not interested in that. I suspect he is also keeping you around for sex so yeah, don't feel sorry for him at all.

 

THANK YOU! A lot of the responses on here were starting to make me feel really bad because I was being labelled as a needy psycho chasing after a guy who didn't want to be chased.

 

People need to be held accountable for the result of their actions. People forget that it takes two to tango. At first he told me how interested he was and how different I was to other girls and how much of a good person I am, blah blah. He played with my feelings instead of telling me point blank he wasn't interested anymore--of course it was going to make me go a little crazy. But I don't want to be that kind of person. You're right. I should have walked away several weeks ago. And I did.

[Zahara]

OP, I didn't read the responses but only your first post.

 

It could possibly be that he stepped back because you told him you have HPV. And it was even worse that you told him after you had sex with him. I got HPV from an ex. Did he tell me? No. Was it wrong for him to divulge it to me after sex? Yes. It was my decision to make as to whether I wanted to expose myself. It wasn't his decision to make. The next time you date, be upfront. Let them then make the decision as to whether they are willing to expose themselves to a virus that not only stays in your system for a lifetime but has the potential of causing cancer. Educate yourself on HPV if you don't know the ins and outs about it before you make decisions that can affect another person's life.

 

Secondly, you need to never chase a man. When you see someone failing to give you the attention you need, step back. The more you chase, the more you push the other person away. When someone is choosing to ignore you, that's a clear sign. You don't need to ask why, call 10 times, send a million text messages, etc. And if it's taking you all this time and energy to get someone to talk to you, you need to let it go.

[SweetCharity]

I'm trying to lighten the mood, make you laugh a bit as it was obviously a joke. Hence the wink.

 

If you want advice than I'll give it to you, no holding back. You're being a nut job considering he told you up front he does not want a relationship. You're acting as if he owes you his time when in fact he doesn't because you're not his girlfriend. This is what happens in an FWB scenario so either continue playing the game or get some self respect, delete his number and move the hell on. My god, stop chasing someone who doesn't want you, geez.

 

How is insulting me lightening the mood? And where in the hell did I say we were in a FWB scenario? I told him from the beginning this wasn't a casual thing for me and to not misunderstand it being a FWB scenario. He agreed that it wasn't and that we should "see where it goes." He doesn't owe me his time, but he owed me respect. Guys need to stop acting that just because a girl sleeps with them they can treat them however they want. And that last bit is unnecessary. Don't be a jerk.