Guy I'm seeing doesn't have time for me...move on?

[Poppygoodwill]

When someone wants, he finds time. Even half an hour.

 

 

This is a fundamental truth we should all have tattooed on our brains. Also: people do what they want to do.

 

If they're not doing it, it's because they don't want to. Plain and simple. if they want to see you, they will find the time. They will give up something else, they will cancel things, they will make. it. work.

 

Sadly he was lying to you when he said your revelation about HPV was not a deal breaker. It clearly was but he didn't want to seem like a bad guy by saying so. That's confusing for you and worse than just being forthright becuase you've wasted all thsi time trying to figure out what's going on.

 

But now you know. I'd let it all go gently into that good night.

 

Also - since you've just left a traumatic relationship with an addict, I think it would be really good to take some time - six months, say - and work on yourself before you start dating. Anyone you date now will be rebound guy and until you sort through your trauma from the last relationship, you can't really enter into a healthy new one.

[nerdlingZA]

The guy is clearly scared of the virus u have HPV , just move on. WE ALL SCARED OF VIRUSES

[SweetCharity]

But the chances are greater than 0%, which means it's a risk he has to accept. Maybe he doesn't want to accept that risk?

 

Did you tell him this after you slept with him or before? Because I would react differently depending on when it was disclosed.

 

I told him after. It was a big mistake on my part. I didn't even think of it as being a problem. And I don't know. He insists everything is fine and that the HPV thing isn't a problem, though he would have liked to have known before the sex. Idk. It didn't stop him from sleeping with me again a week and a half later.

[SweetCharity]

This is a fundamental truth we should all have tattooed on our brains. Also: people do what they want to do.

 

If they're not doing it, it's because they don't want to. Plain and simple. if they want to see you, they will find the time. They will give up something else, they will cancel things, they will make. it. work.

 

Sadly he was lying to you when he said your revelation about HPV was not a deal breaker. It clearly was but he didn't want to seem like a bad guy by saying so. That's confusing for you and worse than just being forthright becuase you've wasted all thsi time trying to figure out what's going on.

 

But now you know. I'd let it all go gently into that good night.

 

Also - since you've just left a traumatic relationship with an addict, I think it would be really good to take some time - six months, say - and work on yourself before you start dating. Anyone you date now will be rebound guy and until you sort through your trauma from the last relationship, you can't really enter into a healthy new one.

 

I've actually given him several "outs." I've actually stated,"Maybe we're just not compatible...You never have time for me...Should I wait around for you? Are you even still interested? Should I move on? " And each time he's assured me that, yes, he is still interested. What's the deal?

 

At this point, I don't know if I should officially end things or just stop contacting him and see what happens.

 

And yeah, a lot of my friends say I need to focus on myself. It's really hard to. I struggle with depression and try to find happiness by with someone. Of course, this never works out for obvious reasons. I just don't know HOW to work on myself. But that's another story.

[clia]

Stop chasing this guy. Your opening post was cringeworthy.

 

Stop listening to what he says and pay attention to what he does. He's pulled back in a big way. Cancelling your dates, forgetting to call you, not responding to your texts. He is desperately trying to poof, yet you keep trying to pull him back in. He doesn't want to admit that he wants to poof. Your response should be to pull back and move on. The reality is that you don't have any sort of relationship with him. He's not your boyfriend. He told you he didn't want anything serious. How long have you even been dating him, a few weeks? Rushing headlong into something so quickly often results in spark dying out very quickly, particularly with men. The challenge is over. What you are experiencing is not abnormal, and it may in fact have nothing to do with the HPV. There is really no way to know. Just pull back and stop contacting him.

[Karasmatic]

Not answering phone.

Not texting back.

Cancels dates.

Doesn't want to hang out.

You have to hound him to hear from him.

It's no good,find someone who is interested in you,that means interested in talking to you and being with you.

He is not.read some quotes online from the book he's just not that into you and move on with your life.

 

I learnt the hard way that when a guy acts like this. He is not interested. Don't ever chase after anyone who is like this either. I wasted half my twenties doing this. .

 

Now. As soon as I see someone even remotely have any BS like this I drop them straight away, could kick myself with what I put up with back in those days. .

 

You live and learn though.

 

It is not worth the hassle. It only causes you stress and makes you miserable.

 

Find someone who treats you better!

[TwixSense]

I'm "dating" a guy right now who fits this description. Cancels dates. Hasn't made plans. Doesn't initiate texts. He swears he likes me & thinks about me everyday. Whatever. It's superbowl weekend & valentine's day is approaching, I will not be reaching out. Why? So I can be anxious & fret over why he hasn't called or texted. Don't think so.....

 

Girlie, you do not need to put up with that guy anymore. You don't even owe him an explanation for why you'll stop talking to him. Just stop texting/calling period..

[FitChick]

I learnt the hard way that when a guy acts like this. He is not interested. I wasted half my twenties doing this. .

 

As soon as I see someone even remotely have any BS like this I drop them straight away, could kick myself with what I put up with back in those days.

 

So many of us were like that. "Oh, he's scared, he's been hurt," blah blah blah.

[MissBee]

I started seeing someone right after I broke up with my drug addict bf. He was a breath of fresh air--didn't do drugs, has a full time job and goes to school. We laugh together and get along so well in everyway.

 

We had a great first week. I'd stay over his house all the time and he'd text me "Good morning" everyday.

 

Then I told him something about myself that sort of freaked him out. He assured me everything was fine but suddenly became more busy during the second week. He was never great with texting back but it became almost impossible to get a hold of him that way. And he started not answering his phone as much. He'd finally pick up around the xth time I'd call him. And as far as calling me back...that stopped happening too. He also never had time to hang out anymore. He was always too busy with homework.

 

I've told him multiple times how much it bothers me that I can't get ahold of him as much as before and if it had anything to do with what I told him. He assures me that is has nothing to do with that and that he really has been busy but that he's sorry he's causing me so much anxiety and should put more effort in.

 

Yet it still keeps happening. He's still impossible to get a hold of. He still falls asleep instead of calling me back. He still cancels our dates. We do talk and communicate at least once a day, but I always feel like I'm flipping a coin when I call. Will he answer this time? Should I call again and make myself seem needy? Do I bother with a text?

I'm miserable. I really like him and felt such an intense connection and don't want to put too many expectations on him so soon. I did just get out of a failed relationship. I don't want to make the same mistakes. But I'm really lonely and wish he was more available. I'm doing my best not to be too clingy and have tried occupying my time with other things, but it's hard. It shouldn't feel like this.

 

It's also important to note that we had an open dialogue of where this would be heading. I said I wanted something serious EVENTUALLY (key word) and he stated he didn't want something serious anytime soon. So am I wasting my time anyway?

 

Should I move on?

 

Yes you're wasting your time.

 

You're miserable.

 

Yes, move on.

 

In my experience, when you've been with a drug addict or in an abusive relationship it doesn't happen by a miracle that you simply move on and find someone better. Usually, esp if you don't take time to heal and grow and understand how and why you chose/stayed with such a person, you simply pick someone new who may seem like an improvement in some ways, i.e. doesn't do drugs, but still reflects some other issues you have. This man is emotionally unavailable and you're more into him than he is into you and with all that, him telling you point blank and showing you he has no time for you, you're still asking if you should move on. That reflects your own inner emotional state and self-worth.

 

I'm speaking as someone who has been there. You should move on and really take time to heal and also understand why you would allow anyone to treat you this way. Assess all past relationships and what went wrong and why and how you allowed certain things. This will help you as you move forward to attract better people as you change yourself.

[Poppygoodwill]

I've actually given him several "outs." I've actually stated,"Maybe we're just not compatible...You never have time for me...Should I wait around for you? Are you even still interested? Should I move on? " And each time he's assured me that, yes, he is still interested. What's the deal?

 

 

I find this interesting because I have been known in the past to give the guy the option of choosing whether it went on or not....when really it was *me* who felt maybe it shouldn't....that we weren't maybe compatible....that I might not be interested...etc etc.

 

It's easier to have them make the decision than do it yourself, especially if you're struggling with depression and find your pattern is to stick with a guy to make yourself feel a bit better.

 

But the thing is, if you get a nice guy who doesn't want to hurt you....or who does like you but is a bit overwhelmed by what seems like the need for reassurance on him being there...then this strategy goes badly wrong.

 

Forget what he wants and feels. What do *you* want and feel. Act by that, let him fend for himself. hugs.

[ponchsox]

If he was into you he would find the time.

[BradJacobs]

I told him after. It was a big mistake on my part. I didn't even think of it as being a problem. And I don't know. He insists everything is fine and that the HPV thing isn't a problem, though he would have liked to have known before the sex. Idk. It didn't stop him from sleeping with me again a week and a half later.

1. You all ready exposed him. So if he's got it, why not double dip?

-or-

2. He changed his mind about it not being a big deal.

 

I'd be furious and if I didn't think there was a future between my partner and myself there's no way that I would continue. Is this the strain that men can get throat cancer from due to performing oral? That's a hefty cost.

[SweetCharity]

1. You all ready exposed him. So if he's got it, why not double dip?

-or-

2. He changed his mind about it not being a big deal.

 

I'd be furious and if I didn't think there was a future between my partner and myself there's no way that I would continue. Is this the strain that men can get throat cancer from due to performing oral? That's a hefty cost.

 

I'm not sure which strain it is. I just know it's a high risk strain for me and my cells are already moderately irregular. Idk, he probably doesn't think of it as a big deal. I'm thinking it's more to do with him not wanting anything serious so soon. He did say he just got out of a 4 year relationship that was an "absolute nightmare."

[SweetCharity]

I'm "dating" a guy right now who fits this description. Cancels dates. Hasn't made plans. Doesn't initiate texts. He swears he likes me & thinks about me everyday. Whatever. It's superbowl weekend & valentine's day is approaching, I will not be reaching out. Why? So I can be anxious & fret over why he hasn't called or texted. Don't think so.....

 

Girlie, you do not need to put up with that guy anymore. You don't even owe him an explanation for why you'll stop talking to him. Just stop texting/calling period..

 

I actually didn't call or text him at all yesterday. Sure enough, this morning I get a "Good morning!" text. I responded tentatively and we had a little bit of a back and forth but then I asked him what he's been up to all day and get no response. I don't understand him but I'm using all my self-restraint and am not INITIATING any communication. I can't deal with the stress anymore.

[TwixSense]

I actually didn't call or text him at all yesterday. Sure enough, this morning I get a "Good morning!" text. I responded tentatively and we had a little bit of a back and forth but then I asked him what he's been up to all day and get no response. I don't understand him but I'm using all my self-restraint and am not INITIATING any communication. I can't deal with the stress anymore.

 

Good job! If this man is worth it, then continue talking to him........But don't initiate. Learn from your experience......

 

So....In your specific case, remember: Conversations are for in person or on the phone.... If he texts you first, keep it short. No text conversations...Text conversations will surely get you no response & stress. So do what benefits you emotionally!...AND, keep in mind, you are not obligated to reply to ALL texts! Unless he has PROVEN he's worthy, OR, he is your boyfriend who has PROVEN he is worthy, or your husband who hopefully by nature has PROVEN that he is worthy to be replied to 99% of the time! Keyword: Proven. Proven through behavior. This guy is none of the above.

 

So, here's an example of him texting you first:

Him: Good morning!

You: Morning

 

Or here's another example:

Him: How are you?

You: Pretty good, u?

 

Here's another:

Him: Hey

(Doesn't need a reply.)

 

And another:

Him: What's up

(Doesn't need a reply.)

[SweetCharity]

Good job! If this man is worth it, then continue talking to him........But don't initiate. Learn from your experience......

 

So....In your specific case, remember: Conversations are for in person or on the phone.... If he texts you first, keep it short. No text conversations...Text conversations will surely get you no response & stress. So do what benefits you emotionally!...AND, keep in mind, you are not obligated to reply to ALL texts! Unless he has PROVEN he's worthy, OR, he is your boyfriend who has PROVEN he is worthy, or your husband who hopefully by nature has PROVEN that he is worthy to be replied to 99% of the time! Keyword: Proven. Proven through behavior. This guy is none of the above.

 

So, here's an example of him texting you first:

Him: Good morning!

You: Morning

 

Or here's another example:

Him: How are you?

You: Pretty good, u?

 

Here's another:

Him: Hey

(Doesn't need a reply.)

 

And another:

Him: What's up

(Doesn't need a reply.)

 

Lmao. I'm bad at keeping it short, but I will try. He really is a pain. All the time with the "Good morning!" but still does not call back. I'm trying to just chill out. He didn't reach out to me for the superbowl and Valentine's Day is coming up. I hated VDay to begin with so I'm probably just going to go out to a singles party or something.

[winny]

Lmao. I'm bad at keeping it short, but I will try. He really is a pain. All the time with the "Good morning!" but still does not call back. I'm trying to just chill out. He didn't reach out to me for the superbowl and Valentine's Day is coming up. I hated VDay to begin with so I'm probably just going to go out to a singles party or something.

 

Ok the last guy who disappeared on me... sent me a good morning text and texted back n forth normally on the last day also.

 

I wouldn't give much importance to these texts. Or to texts of any kind for that matter, after the experience with him.

 

If he is interested he will actually meet you.

 

I agree with others that your revelation scared him off.

 

What you need to do is see for the next week or so... if he doesn't initiate a meeting soon, you need to let him go.

[SweetCharity]

 

I agree with others that your revelation scared him off.

 

So I ruined it.

[Emilia]

So I ruined it.

the whole thing sounds too intense, especially for seeing someone for such a short time. Maybe stories about your druggie ex scared him off, who knows. Next time slow it way down.

[Els]

Cancelling dates at this point of the R (actually, cancelling whenever, but worse at this point) is a really, really bad sign.

 

I think you should chalk this down to a learning experience, cut your losses, and move on.

[tutrevealed]

Hi there,

Yes...MOVE ON. when his behavior changes like that, it obvious that (I'm sorry to say) he's just not that into you. When a MAN is...he will do everything and/or anything to be with you, chase you and connect with you.

We as women should stop making excuses as to 'why' men don't act as we'd like them too. The Ugly Truth Revealed. Perhaps he's just NOT THE ONE !

Hope this helps.

[winny]

So I ruined it.

 

No you didn't ruin it.

He got scared and that is his problem.

And if he is tagging you along now without any real interest then this guy is not good... so you should drop him. I know it is easier said than done.. but... what other option do you have if he doesn't initiate a date soon.. ?

[SweetCharity]

No you didn't ruin it.

He got scared and that is his problem.

And if he is tagging you along now without any real interest then this guy is not good... so you should drop him. I know it is easier said than done.. but... what other option do you have if he doesn't initiate a date soon.. ?

 

I actually tried to drop him yesterday. After several attempts at reaching him again and not getting a response I sent him several text messages telling him exactly how I felt and that I couldn't do it anymore. Then I called him because I got embarrassed I had sent those texts and he actually picked up and told me he hadn't even read my messages because he was studying all day.

 

I immediately chickened out and apologized for freaking out and sending all those messages. Once again, he denied that there was a problem and that he really was just super busy all the time. Then he told me he had to go do his paper but that he'd call back. I asked when I could see him and once again got a vague "soon." Then he started getting annoyed because I was still talking and he "didn't mean to be an *******" but really needed to get back to his paper. Once again I called him out on how he was being an ******* and never calls back. He got even more annoyed and reiterated that he's super busy and that I always bombard him with questions whenever he has to go and if everyone stopped calling him maybe he'd have more time. Then he hung up on me. Needless to say, he did not call me back. Needless to say, I'm super over this.

[SweetCharity]

the whole thing sounds too intense, especially for seeing someone for such a short time. Maybe stories about your druggie ex scared him off, who knows. Next time slow it way down.

 

Are you kidding? He was pursuing me while I was still with my ex. He knew the whole story and kept asking why I'd put up with that and that I deserved better. That he was better. In fact, he was there when I broke up with my ex and seemed damned pleased with himself. Of course, he banned me from speaking about my ex after the break up.

[winny]

I actually tried to drop him yesterday. After several attempts at reaching him again and not getting a response I sent him several text messages telling him exactly how I felt and that I couldn't do it anymore. Then I called him because I got embarrassed I had sent those texts and he actually picked up and told me he hadn't even read my messages because he was studying all day.

 

I immediately chickened out and apologized for freaking out and sending all those messages. Once again, he denied that there was a problem and that he really was just super busy all the time. Then he told me he had to go do his paper but that he'd call back. I asked when I could see him and once again got a vague "soon." Then he started getting annoyed because I was still talking and he "didn't mean to be an *******" but really needed to get back to his paper. Once again I called him out on how he was being an ******* and never calls back. He got even more annoyed and reiterated that he's super busy and that I always bombard him with questions whenever he has to go and if everyone stopped calling him maybe he'd have more time. Then he hung up on me. Needless to say, he did not call me back. Needless to say, I'm super over this.

 

This so much sounds like my last boyfriend.

After showering me with love and affection during the first few months he went into this mode of studying all the time. Always busy and annoyed if I ask him why he won't make time for us. He will always say I will call you back n would never do it.

Guess what I found - He was flirting with random girls on Facebook when is was so busy "studying".

 

Dumped him.

 

Your guy might also be up to some crap and giving you an excuse about studying and all that. I bet he had read all your texts.