Guy I'm seeing doesn't have time for me...move on?

January 31, 2014

I started seeing someone right after I broke up with my drug addict bf. He was a breath of fresh air--didn't do drugs, has a full time job and goes to school. We laugh together and get along so well in everyway.

We had a great first week. I'd stay over his house all the time and he'd text me "Good morning" everyday.

Then I told him something about myself that sort of freaked him out. He assured me everything was fine but suddenly became more busy during the second week. He was never great with texting back but it became almost impossible to get a hold of him that way. And he started not answering his phone as much. He'd finally pick up around the xth time I'd call him. And as far as calling me back...that stopped happening too. He also never had time to hang out anymore. He was always too busy with homework.

I've told him multiple times how much it bothers me that I can't get ahold of him as much as before and if it had anything to do with what I told him. He assures me that is has nothing to do with that and that he really has been busy but that he's sorry he's causing me so much anxiety and should put more effort in.

Yet it still keeps happening. He's still impossible to get a hold of. He still falls asleep instead of calling me back. He still cancels our dates. We do talk and communicate at least once a day, but I always feel like I'm flipping a coin when I call. Will he answer this time? Should I call again and make myself seem needy? Do I bother with a text?

I'm miserable. I really like him and felt such an intense connection and don't want to put too many expectations on him so soon. I did just get out of a failed relationship. I don't want to make the same mistakes. But I'm really lonely and wish he was more available. I'm doing my best not to be too clingy and have tried occupying my time with other things, but it's hard. It shouldn't feel like this.

It's also important to note that we had an open dialogue of where this would be heading. I said I wanted something serious EVENTUALLY (key word) and he stated he didn't want something serious anytime soon. So am I wasting my time anyway?

Should I move on?

January 31, 2014

hey charity,

this "im miserable".....

needs to stop, if he makes you miserable then its seriously wrong for you...talk to him just once more, tell him you need things to change or you are going to have to walk away even though you would prefer not to ...you have a right to be happy.......if he cares....he will make more effort.....deb

January 31, 2014

hey charity,

this "im miserable".....

needs to stop, if he makes you miserable then its seriously wrong for you...talk to him just once more, tell him you need things to change or you are going to have to walk away even though you would prefer not to ...you have a right to be happy.......if he cares....he will make more effort.....deb

I have told him I'm miserable. Today I had that talk with him. He said he needs to put more of an effort in. And yet...I texted him several times today and got no response. Gave him a call and got no response. I know he's in class now but dammit, how hard is it to send a text message?

January 31, 2014

You cannot make somebody to communicate with you the way YOU want. It may work short term but not in long term.

You need to let go and just sit back, and see how people are behaving.

I think you have put in enough effort to the point where u seem miserable and needy and clingy and if you don't stop this right away he is going to get farther and farther and one day disappear.

Have some dignity, understand your worth, and just let him be.

Starting right now - DO NOT text or call him any more.

Give him a week to come back. If he doesn't, move on.

If he does come back but is still distant, dump him.

January 31, 2014

What did you tell him about yourself?

January 31, 2014

Have some dignity, understand your worth, and just let him be.
Starting right now - DO NOT text or call him any more.

Give him a week to come back. If he doesn't, move on.
If he does come back but is still distant, dump him.

I thought about giving him one last call tonight and then after that cutting off communication...

January 31, 2014

He told you he wasn't looking looking for anything serious. You said that you were. Fundamental incompatibility.

January 31, 2014

You told him something that "freaked" him out. That's why things changed. He is distancing himself b/c he can't handle whatever THAT was. It was something that he could not reconcile and accept.

Most people would begin to distance themselves with behavior, ideas, conditions that do not fit with their vision of a healthy, understandable relationship. It sounds like that's what happened.

January 31, 2014

You told him something that "freaked" him out. That's why things changed. He is distancing himself b/c he can't handle whatever THAT was. It was something that he could not reconcile and accept.

Most people would begin to distance themselves with behavior, ideas, conditions that do not fit with their vision of a healthy, understandable relationship. It sounds like that's what happened.

He insists it has nothing to do with that. He even explained that it might seem that that had to do with him distancing himself and he admitted it did still freak him out, but that he really has been busy. He has a full time job and school. He says he's literally had no time to himself. Though I do wish I had never told him. I was so stupid for even mentioning it and if anything it made me insecure about how he feels about me.

January 31, 2014

What did you tell him about yourself?

I told him I had HPV. Not the genital warts kind, the kind that may cause cancer. I explained that at my age, as long as I keep up my immune system and stay away from cigarettes it should go away on its own. And that the chances of it affecting him were very slim. I didn't even think of it as a big deal but it was if I had dropped a nuclear bomb. He immediately asked, "Well...I could infect other people though?" and his whole demeanor changed. Then he saw I was upset and immediately kissed me and told me everything was fine. He still insists it's not a problem.

January 31, 2014

Move on. He's made it obvious he (a) doesn't have time for you and (b) can't even be bothered to respond to your texts. Not to mention he wants casual, you want serious. Trust me, I've been there, done that, and it's not worth making yourself miserable over. Dump him and move on.

You might also consider staying single for a while and bettering yourself. Having dated a drug addicted person before must have been stressful and somewhat traumatic for you, I'd imagine. That could very well carry over into any relationships after that....unless you work on yourself.

Getting that attached to someone after a week or two isn't normal or healthy. A relationship shouldn't be the center of your life--or at least, not until it's serious (i.e. engagement or long term). Even then, you gotta have a life of your own. Your happiness shouldn't hinge on your relationship. Again, these are things I've had to learn myself.

Dump him, work on you, and then find a guy who appreciates you.

January 31, 2014

Move on. He's made it obvious he (a) doesn't have time for you and (b) can't even be bothered to respond to your texts. Not to mention he wants casual, you want serious. Trust me, I've been there, done that, and it's not worth making yourself miserable over. Dump him and move on.

You might also consider staying single for a while and bettering yourself. Having dated a drug addicted person before must have been stressful and somewhat traumatic for you, I'd imagine. That could very well carry over into any relationships after that....unless you work on yourself.

Getting that attached to someone after a week or two isn't normal or healthy. A relationship shouldn't be the center of your life--or at least, not until it's serious (i.e. engagement or long term). Even then, you gotta have a life of your own. Your happiness shouldn't hinge on your relationship. Again, these are things I've had to learn myself.

Dump him, work on you, and then find a guy who appreciates you.

Thank you. I know it isn't healthy for me to get so attached so soon. And yes, it was quite traumatic dating a drug addict. One night he completely disappeared because he was out getting high and selling drugs. It was the worst night of my life. And then around New Years, while he's in jail, THIS guy comes out of nowhere and shows me that the grass could be greener. I didn't dump my ex to be with him, but his presence was definitely a factor. I knew I should have been wary because I was already vulnerable, but I don't know. He pursued me and took away the loneliness for a little while. But now he's the source of my loneliness.

January 31, 2014

What do you expect when you give up the farm on the first date? You had a week long slumber party and now it is over. I would move on and next time keep your legs and arm pits hairy as hell so you don't give up the goods until after you make your scary disclosure. If he still wants in proceed with caution. You know second base then maybe third and after a couple of goes with this home run it if you want. IMO blow jobs are icing on the cake that has been well "laid."

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" This would run through my head in the early throws of love whenever his hands started to move. And it always made me smack him back. (not literally smack.. just re-position the hand)

January 31, 2014

What do you expect when you give up the farm on the first date? You had a week long slumber party and now it is over. I would move on and next time keep your legs and arm pits hairy as hell so you don't give up the goods until after you make your scary disclosure. If he still wants in proceed with caution. You know second base then maybe third and after a couple of goes with this home run it if you want. IMO blow jobs are icing on the cake that has been well "laid."

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" This would run through my head in the early throws of love whenever his hands started to move. And it always made me smack him back. (not literally smack.. just re-position the hand)

Okay, first off, I did not have sex with him on the first date. Second off, me having sex with him has nothing to do with him being so busy. Why is it always the girls' fault for "giving it up"? No. It's a two-way street. I'm not buying it.

I'm also stingy with blow jobs. It's very intimate for me, so I usually do it after the sex.

Edited January 31, 2014 by SweetCharity
Adding more info.

January 31, 2014

Okay, first off, I did not have sex with him on the first date. Second off, me having sex with him has nothing to do with him being so busy. Why is it always the girls' fault for "giving it up"? No. It's a two-way street. I'm not buying it.

I'm also stingy with blow jobs. It's very intimate for me, so I usually do it after the sex.

Good I am glad you are stingy with the blow jobs. I assumed, erroneously, that staying over his house meant more than sleeping. My bad.

Regardless it definitely sounds like he is done with you. I am sorry. I know that it hurts. I am merely suggesting ways to empower yourself moving forward. Busy people make time for the things they want. Why? Because it pleases them. Come on. Start moving forward.

January 31, 2014

Regardless it definitely sounds like he is done with you.

Then why does he insist that he isn't? Countless times I've asked him if maybe I should just move on and he seems surprised when I say such things. Why do men do that?

January 31, 2014

Whenever I felt conflicted enough about a situation to make a thread about it - the news wasn't good. I am sorry.

January 31, 2014

Whenever I felt conflicted enough about a situation to make a thread about it - the news wasn't good. I am sorry.

It's okay. I know what I must do now. I was just hoping maybe I was imagining a problem that wasn't there. I suppose not.

Edited January 31, 2014 by SweetCharity
more information

January 31, 2014

It's okay. I know what I must do now. I was just hoping maybe I was imagining a problem that wasn't there. I suppose not.

Smart as a whip you are.

January 31, 2014

I'm glad that you cleared the air on his behavior, communication is key to anything. He said he doesn't want anything serious, you do. You can't make someone do something they don't want to. And if you pressure them into it, they will resent you for it down the road. Once someone says it's over with, it's over with.

I don't care what reason or excuse others give for it. You don't have time for it? You do have time to get up every morning, brush your teeth, brush your hair, get dressed, go to work everyday, eat, etc. But you don't have time to be with the other person? Bull****. You don't have time because you don't want to do it. Move on from him.

January 31, 2014

Not answering phone.

Not texting back.

Cancels dates.

Doesn't want to hang out.

You have to hound him to hear from him.

It's no good,find someone who is interested in you,that means interested in talking to you and being with you.

He is not.read some quotes online from the book he's just not that into you and move on with your life.

I started seeing someone right after I broke up with my drug addict bf. He was a breath of fresh air--didn't do drugs, has a full time job and goes to school. We laugh together and get along so well in everyway.

We had a great first week. I'd stay over his house all the time and he'd text me "Good morning" everyday.

Then I told him something about myself that sort of freaked him out. He assured me everything was fine but suddenly became more busy during the second week. He was never great with texting back but it became almost impossible to get a hold of him that way. And he started not answering his phone as much. He'd finally pick up around the xth time I'd call him. And as far as calling me back...that stopped happening too. He also never had time to hang out anymore. He was always too busy with homework.

I've told him multiple times how much it bothers me that I can't get ahold of him as much as before and if it had anything to do with what I told him. He assures me that is has nothing to do with that and that he really has been busy but that he's sorry he's causing me so much anxiety and should put more effort in.

Yet it still keeps happening. He's still impossible to get a hold of. He still falls asleep instead of calling me back. He still cancels our dates. We do talk and communicate at least once a day, but I always feel like I'm flipping a coin when I call. Will he answer this time? Should I call again and make myself seem needy? Do I bother with a text?

I'm miserable. I really like him and felt such an intense connection and don't want to put too many expectations on him so soon. I did just get out of a failed relationship. I don't want to make the same mistakes. But I'm really lonely and wish he was more available. I'm doing my best not to be too clingy and have tried occupying my time with other things, but it's hard. It shouldn't feel like this.

It's also important to note that we had an open dialogue of where this would be heading. I said I wanted something serious EVENTUALLY (key word) and he stated he didn't want something serious anytime soon. So am I wasting my time anyway?

Should I move on?

January 31, 2014

When someone wants, he finds time. Even half an hour.

January 31, 2014

and he stated he didn't want something serious anytime soon.

no need to read in to it any further, there is your answer

January 31, 2014

I told him I had HPV. Not the genital warts kind, the kind that may cause cancer. I explained that at my age, as long as I keep up my immune system and stay away from cigarettes it should go away on its own. And that the chances of it affecting him were very slim. I didn't even think of it as a big deal but it was if I had dropped a nuclear bomb. He immediately asked, "Well...I could infect other people though?" and his whole demeanor changed. Then he saw I was upset and immediately kissed me and told me everything was fine. He still insists it's not a problem.

Well that explains it. Bummer he would let that affect his interest level and not be honest about it.

January 31, 2014

And that the chances of it affecting him were very slim. I didn't even think of it as a big deal but it was if I had dropped a nuclear bomb.

But the chances are greater than 0%, which means it's a risk he has to accept. Maybe he doesn't want to accept that risk?

Did you tell him this after you slept with him or before? Because I would react differently depending on when it was disclosed.

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Guy I'm seeing doesn't have time for me...move on?

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