is it true once a cheater always a cheater?

[elaine567]

i don't think it's "always a cheater", i think it's about thrill seeking. The need for that adrenaline rush.

i don't think that ever goes away, without a conscience effort to learn to control how you react to your desires to do whatever gives you the rush. and i believe that once you cross a line, it's easier to do it again.

 

I agree. The line crossed, the hurdle leapt, the boundary overstepped IS the big deal and many people will just not go there. Cheating is a huge wall that some feel unable to climb or do not want to climb, but for those who do, then it is so easy to do so again.

Cheating is fun, it is exciting, there is a huge adrenaline rush and it transports most from the mundane of their normal lives to a higher plane. So even if the consequences may be dire, many WANT to experience that "high" again and again.

So yes, there may be cheaters who never want to go there again, but I guess most WILL cheat again, if given the opportunity and a fair chance they will not be found out.

Human nature loves pleasure, human nature also loves pain and if, like in an affair, there is a tantalising mix of both, then it can be almost impossible to say no.

[tinkerbell16]

You know that person once thought that cheating was an option, that person didn't stand to the standards and didn't respect the person she/he was dating at that moment... what makes you think that person will act differently with you?

 

I ask myself the same question and this is my response...

I have known him a while and he has made huge changes in other areas of his life, all positive and self induced. He shows impulse control in other areas too.

In a nutshell... he has matured in other areas.

Additionally, he has been cheated on and understands the pain it causes.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I have always been a person who tells on myself... my mom used to just wait for it... and sure enough I always told what I had done wrong.

 

I have also always been a person who fears punishment and feeling guilty.

 

When I had my affair I told on myself.. and I could have taken it to my grave.

 

I feared the punishment but I knew I could not live with myself if I did not confess.

 

I have lived for 33 years with the knowledge that I am solely and completely responsible for the horrendous pain I caused my husband...it is a reality that I can never undo. That knowledge that guilt that pain is enough for me to hold myself accountable and to surround myself with transparency and boundaries that will not allow me to ever make that kind of decision again.

 

Am I still a cheater ... well technically no because I am not presently cheating. Have I been a cheater? Sadly yes. Will I always remain one?

 

Well in some people eyes I might but in the eyes of the one who has forgiven me ... I am not. And truly... that's the only opinion that matters.