Caliguy30 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 (edited) I guess I should start with some background information. I'm late twenties she is early twenties. We dated for a year and a half and we have had a very up and down relationship. We would get upset about things in our personal lives, work or family etc, and it seemed like we would take it out on eachother. We were never really able to click cohesively for long periods of time. It seemed like either she was really into the relationship or while I wasn't and vice versa. When we were doing really well it was amazing spending time together. We have recently been struggling in our own lives and trying not to vent or take it out on eachother. She finally decided to call it off saying she needed space to figure out herself before we could really be together. I did not take this well as she had just left town and was telling me how much she missed me and wanted to work things out then three days after she gets back she says she can't do it anymore. She still wants to be my friend, but I don't want to just be her friend. She texts me to see how I am and even texted me once I broke off contact to say how much she misses me and wants to get back together, but then the next day nothing. I really want to move forward, but I feel like she really actually misses me. What am I supposed to do? She has said she misses our talks and it is really hard for her, well it's really hard for me too. Please help. Edited January 31, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
stillfiguringitallou Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I miss my ex too This most recent break was MY choice. We went through some similar things to what you are describing - and I drew a "line in the sand" I said we can sit down, discuss the boundaries of our friendship and how much intimacy we are BOTH comfortable with - or - we can go our separate ways and be thankful for all the good times we shared. He chose not to talk about it. Do I miss him? Yeah I really do - he was my very best friend. Does he miss me? Yep! When he realized I deleted him from everything it pissed him off to no end. Are either of us in a healthy place to try again? Absolutely not. Ask yourself this... Are you prepared to go back to the same thing you just got out of? Are you really? Is that REALLY what you want? If so - why? What is it in you that makes you think this is the BEST that it can be. I'm NC right now - at this point I don't intend for it to be permanent - we both need space and time to think about the different things we have in our lives. A month from now - or two months from now - who knows. Maybe I'll take the final step and block him, or maybe I'll call him and swing by with a sandwich at lunch - I can't say yet. To me it sounds like not much has changed here. She is going to miss you. You were a big source of warm fuzzy supportive feel good stuff and now you are gone. She really DOES miss you. It doesn't mean it makes a difference, it doesn't mean it matters in terms of you being able to be healthy together.
fixing Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Ok, so it sounded like you both needed to work on things whilst you were together. Now, she has broken up with you. Thats very tough, and i know it hurts. Did you tell her you didnt want to break up? And she continued with her decision? Well, there is nothing you can do about that. She has made a conscious decision to drop you out of the equation. The only thing you can do now is delete her off facebook and delete her numbers and go into no contact right now. Ignore all her messages unless, UNLESS it is her saying she has made the worst mistake of her life and she wants you back. 'I miss you means nothing' Start no contact and move on. Stay strong and dont respond to any more breadcrumbs.
Author Caliguy30 Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 You're right we both needed to work on things, and I'm really trying NC. It really sucks. I defriended her on Facebook and am working hard on not contacting her. It sucks that when I'm trying NC she keeps texting me and I want to reply so she doesn't get mad and hate me and not think fondly of our times together.
TooPatient Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 You're doing the right thing. We as humans hate change. It's difficult to move forward when we're still looking back. Unless she comes to you with something concrete, just keep the NC. If you do happen to talk to her, just let her know you're trying to move on. Unless there's a sure-fire plan to make changes, it'll go back to the same BS. I keep trying to tell myself this for what I'm going through, so I know it's not easy...
Author Caliguy30 Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 I'm on day two of no contact. Feels like it's easier for her than it is for me. Obviously because she is the one who initiated this. It sucks because she said well maybe we should just try other things for a little bit. Literally two days after we broke up we went and got drink she came over then got mad at me for getting the wrong impression. She just wants her best friend back is what she says and I want more. How does someone break up with someone then think it's cool to be friends two days later. Blows my mind.
Author Caliguy30 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Awesome, now random people are coming up to me telling me how crappy she is and how I deserve so much better and how shady she is. Makes me feel like I wasted a year and a half of my life.
FortunateSon Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Awesome, now random people are coming up to me telling me how crappy she is and how I deserve so much better and how shady she is. Makes me feel like I wasted a year and a half of my life. Don't feel like you have "wasted a year and a half" of your life, that is not a healthy approach. Try to change your perspective; look at the the things you have learned in this relationship good and bad. Find the insight it has given you be more successful in your next relationship.
Author Caliguy30 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 It was wasted when you feel like a person you cared about so much was playing you the whole time and cheating on you. Tried to prove people wrong and care about her and see her for her good traits, but it all came back to bite me in the ass. I was the person who was there for her through so much and this is how I get treated. I don't know how people treat others so carelessly.
Author Caliguy30 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Took the friend card thinking it was a way to reconcile after 4 days of no contact. Hung out once had a great time. Next day, bam "I don't want you to get the wrong impression. She just called me out saying don't talk to me, right in front of her friend who also works for me. She is the one telling me she loves me and how great I am and then says that crap in front of her friend. You try to be nice and that is what it gets you. Seriously? So hurt right now.
ithappenedagain Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Hey man, First off. Sorry about your bad day. Secondly, it sounds as if you are a great person and you really do care for this person. It does suck when you want to everything possible to try and fix things, even going as far as ''being friends'' right after the split, but as you realized - sometimes even the nice gestures will just come back to bite you in the ass. If I were you, I would be mad. I get that you are hurt, but I would try to find some anger in you and see how she has messed with your head. On top of finding anger, I would also try to find a way to release that anger. Do as many pushups as you physically can. Do as many situps as you can. Go outside and just start running. I dont know. Do something. Last but not least. NO CONTACT STARTS NOW. I am leaving work soon, so if you need to chat, I will hit the forum up in a little while.
ithappenedagain Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Awesome, now random people are coming up to me telling me how crappy she is and how I deserve so much better and how shady she is. Makes me feel like I wasted a year and a half of my life. One more thing. Consider this a blessing in disguise.. I mean if RANDOM people are commenting about how crappy she is, do you really even want to associate yourself with her anymore? Friends or not? Instead of saying it was a wasted year and half, use this to your advantage. Look for reg flags the next go around.
Author Caliguy30 Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Thank you so much. I am a good person it sucks so much to have your best friends in life tell you that you need to walk away, but I can't seem to get it through my head. She's 22 I'm 28 I know we want different things, but all the good thoughts come creeping in and wanting that back. She is a manipulative person playing with my heart which karma will teach her one day was wrong. Really need to pick up the pieces of my life and move forward it's just a small town and it sucks. I know I'm too good for her, but it's like my aunt told me last night I look for the good in people and look past the things they do
Author Caliguy30 Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 There were so many red flags. There were and are so many red flags all I see is red, but I just can't seem to let go. I know it doesn't happen over night, but I am an instant gratification type person. It's like I would rather prolong the pain rather than facing it head on. I just want the pain to go away.
Author Caliguy30 Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 To cap it all off today is my birthday and last year at this same time it was my birthday when she broke my heart when I found out she had cheated on me. I don't know what happened to my dignity. I tried so many times to break up with her because I knew she wasn't right for me, but the fear of being alone was worse. Just want to see her for what she truly is, not right for me, and move on.
Author Caliguy30 Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Really trying not to text her. I guess it really doesn't matter what I have to say.
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