antonio1149 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I've had sex with girls who said we wouldn't be having sex that night. Its not some big feat. All I did was kiss them and continue to escalate, or tease enough so they actually jumped me. Sometimes things stopped at foreplay and sometimes they didn't stop there. Sure, but it's hard to keep kissing and escalating when you have the door slammed in your face and then the woman doesn't want to see you again. I say she had a very inflated sense of herself, thinks she deserves to fall in love with a hot young stud who also has everything going for him (great career, status, etc.) and he just didn't live up to her impossible standards.
jcrew11 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Sure, but it's hard to keep kissing and escalating when you have the door slammed in your face and then the woman doesn't want to see you again. I say she had a very inflated sense of herself, thinks she deserves to fall in love with a hot young stud who also has everything going for him (great career, status, etc.) and he just didn't live up to her impossible standards. Its funny, but many girls have low self-esteem, and say "we're not having sex" because in the past she's had casual sex on the first date/one night stands/ and the guy never calls back. So she will say that as more of a warning to herself not have sex with guys that won't call back. But its also a "sh-t test" to play mind games with the guy, test him, and she is actually playing hard to get. She will say "we won't be having sex" but what she is really saying is "prove to me you are an amazing and irresistable guy." But again with girls with low self-esteem, its not that difficult to ignore her words and get her worked up and escalated enough to change her mind. But any girl who warns a guy at the beginning of the date is just broadcasting her previous lack of self control and low self-esteem. Its more about the power struggle that she feels the need to implement because of her insecurity.
ascendotum Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Girls will say they don't have sex because it puts too much pressure on her to put out, and she doesn't want the guy to be pushy. But the key for any confident guy is to not get angry, run away and give up. If you have a confident personality and play hard to get, where you reject the girl first by friend-zoning her, then that plays up her jealousy emotions. If the guy is interesting and has a good personality, then he becomes irresistible to her, and she will change her mind. Girls don't want whiny desperate horny losers just looking for sex. They want strong confident men, who don't need to a girl. Both men and women can play hard to get, and it works. Hard to say if the OP missed out on an opportunity here or not. In term of a gf, I don't think he missed out at all. "some people might call me high maintenance" - yes she is, even though she probably already has good lifestyle from her modelling. In terms of sex, maybe, if he had been a little bit more aggressive for more on her front door step. Her having him pick her up can been seen as a good sign - that it means the guy will end up back at her place at the end of the night. Maybe at her age and if she's being living the SATC life for years, she confident of brushing of the nice guys at the door, and leave them thinking they're still lucky that she's giving him a shot to wine & dine her and that they are still in the running, when she already knows the outcome (free drinks & meal and maybe sex if managed toimpress her). Finally, she says something to the effect of, "you know, if I have sex with a guy on the first date, I probably don't like him. She only only has sex with the guys she doesn't like. Sure she does. The good looking ones who don't play her game. Then she doesn't like them when they don't want to stick around. I'm done with casual sex, I want to build a connection first etc etc" There's a good chance she been doing a fair bit of it, but now she's in her 40s, time to find a good guy to keep her in a lifestyle she wants. Not sure why she says this to a toyboy guy, except maybe to hose down your expectations of anything more than taking her out that night. I agree if you want to send her a text and ramp up the flirting, go for it. I don't think it will come to anything, but you got nothing to lose. It could easily be replay of your first date though.
Author Mark1 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 So, I'm going to text her again, just not sure what. I want to be direct and flirty, without horny - thoughts?
lino Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Man online dating sounds like a nightmare. Why do you want a second date from that? Maybe as a piece of a*s ok but if you actually want to go out with someone like that you're just asking for it.
lino Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Its funny, but many girls have low self-esteem, and say "we're not having sex" because in the past she's had casual sex on the first date/one night stands/ and the guy never calls back. So she will say that as more of a warning to herself not have sex with guys that won't call back. But its also a "sh-t test" to play mind games with the guy, test him, and she is actually playing hard to get. She will say "we won't be having sex" but what she is really saying is "prove to me you are an amazing and irresistable guy." But again with girls with low self-esteem, its not that difficult to ignore her words and get her worked up and escalated enough to change her mind. But any girl who warns a guy at the beginning of the date is just broadcasting her previous lack of self control and low self-esteem. Its more about the power struggle that she feels the need to implement because of her insecurity. Everything said here is spot on. Sad things are this way but that's how women work and you either learn it or you get nothing. 1
RonaldS Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I'm trying to think of the last girl that explicitly stated that she doesn't hook up on the first date that I didn't end up hooking up with on the first date. Can't.
KathyM Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I think men need to learn to take no for an answer. Men assume that no means yes, or no means pressure her into it. That's not a good philosophy to have, when you pressure a person for sex. This is precisely why I dumped the boyfriend I had before I met the man I ended up marrying. He wouldn't take no for an answer, and kept pressuring. No wonder there is so much date rape when men think no means yes, or that it's time to pressure. 1
Bigcitydreamer Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 This is a disturbing thread to say the least. Why is it so hard to believe that an attractive (albeit rude, obnoxious, and probably insecure) adult woman wouldn't want to have sex with a stranger she just met online? I would never want this random stranger to be all touchy feely with me. It's OLD, she has literally never met him before. To me it seems like he came on too strong and excited about the date and it turned her off. She wants to feel like she struck gold, not provide that feeling to someone else necessarily. I think it's ridiculous to suggest that the OP pressure her for more intimacy and use his "game". As a normal fully adjusted, not in any way a prude female, I have to say that I would seriously not appreciate this! It would make me sick and uncomfortable if a guy ignored me saying that I dont want to hold his hand or have sex or whatever. What terrible messed up and sad advice to see. OP, I'm not saying this woman is normal, all that stuff she pulled on your date was definitely rude and to me indicates a general lack of interest on her part. I wouldn't bother texting her because you can do better. Yes it is possible to manipulate a woman into having sex with you, but you know what- they feel regret from not sticking to their morals. Why would you want to inflict that on someone?
Bigcitydreamer Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I just wanted to add that when I said it was possible to manipulate a woman into having sex I meant to say it is possible to manipulate some women. Lots of women can't be manipulated in this way.
Author Mark1 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Me: "We're both mature, intelligent, attractive adults. Lets try this again. Dinner and Netflix Saturday at 6." Her: "I will be out of town, sorry." (She told me she would be out of town when we met, so I buy this) Me: "Then I will take a raincheck. Have a wonderful trip." Her: "Thank you." All hope isn't lost? I'll leave her alone for a week or so, then text her. Thoughts?
Author Mark1 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 That doesn't sound very promising... Looking at it again, I think you're right. She didn't shut it down completely though....idk..
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Had to go back and look at your previous thread. Yea...I would let this one go.
KaylaP Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 That doesn't sound very promising... I know right. IME if u flipped the script and a guy did that to me I wouldn't be contacting him again. It doesn't sound like she's into u BTW.
bubbaganoosh Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Friend. the woman is more into herself than you and the way she's throwing all these comments out at you should have told you that she's a far cry from what you should be looking for. If it was me and she kept throwing things out about how she, in so many words "enjoys the finer things in life" was telling you that money id her object of affection. If she's such a great catch she wouldn't be searching for a guy on any date site. They would be knocking her door down just for the chance to be with her. I think you were mesmerized with a model who thinks that every man wants to be with her. Find yourself a girl who is down to earth and isn't flaunting the god almighty dollar in your face.
JANIE2406 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I am sorry, but she sounds awful. This type of people think too much of themselves and she is probably looking for a sugar daddy or some good looking dude to meet her standards. She already told you what she thinks, and that is actually a good thing. Move on. There is nothing left for you to figure out.
Babolat Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Sure, but it's hard to keep kissing and escalating when you have the door slammed in your face and then the woman doesn't want to see you again. I say she had a very inflated sense of herself, thinks she deserves to fall in love with a hot young stud who also has everything going for him (great career, status, etc.) and he just didn't live up to her impossible standards. Somewhat agreed; but, couldn't she have covered some of these details prior to meeting up, if indeed that is what she wanted?
Babolat Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Me: "We're both mature, intelligent, attractive adults. Lets try this again. Dinner and Netflix Saturday at 6." Her: "I will be out of town, sorry." (She told me she would be out of town when we met, so I buy this) Me: "Then I will take a raincheck. Have a wonderful trip." Her: "Thank you." All hope isn't lost? I'll leave her alone for a week or so, then text her. Thoughts? I don't read this as a Yes, more being curtious. No disrepect, but, if you want to have sex with this woman, I am not sure Netflix is going to cut it. Suggest a fun night out on the town (find out where SHE likes to go, and take her there). She does not sound sound like a dinner & movie kind of gal; probably more of one who wants to be seen out, if you know what I mean. Take her "out" where she can be seen.
Imajerk17 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) Without being there to see what happened, I tend to agree with Imported and Emilia on this. I'm not encouraging date-rape. Expecting women to say what they mean and mean what they say though, is a huge mistake a lot of Nice Guys make. A woman often wants sex, but she really doesn't want to feel like a slut. A woman also gets turned on when a man is assertive enough to get past her resistance (such as "we aren't having sex tonight"). And women get on some level that *we men* are turned on when *we* get past that resistance too. Again I'm not encouraging date-rape. If you and she had bantered, you did nonsexual touching, you kissed her passionately and held her tight, and THEN she pulled away and went inside, then THAT'S your No. But it also sounds to me that as soon as she said all this stuff, you called off the seduction in your mind. THAT was your big mistake OP. Don't beat yourself too much over this though OP. I'm sure you will get the next one better than this one. Anyway, lots of reasons why you and she wouldn't be compatible regardless. You could have done everything right and there still may not have been a second date anyway. In fact, reading through the OP of this thread, my first thought was that she seems like too high-maintenance. I wouldn't be interested. Edited February 4, 2014 by Imajerk17
jcrew11 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Me: "We're both mature, intelligent, attractive adults. Lets try this again. Dinner and Netflix Saturday at 6." Her: "I will be out of town, sorry." (She told me she would be out of town when we met, so I buy this) Me: "Then I will take a raincheck. Have a wonderful trip." Her: "Thank you." All hope isn't lost? I'll leave her alone for a week or so, then text her. Thoughts? This is an interesting story but I want to know some more background. You say you are only 25 and she is 42. What are your professions? What city do you live in? Models who live in NYC and LA tend to be very superficial and are looking for similar model-men. If you think you are a very handsome guy, then you might have a chance. Also, at 25 do you have a steady job and can pay for nice dinners? She wants to exert power over you, but doesn't want to pay for everything and become a sugar mama. She told you she had a 75k to see how you would react. She's testing you and seeing if you are the complete package (confidence, good job, exciting). Is there a reason she travels a lot? Does she have sugar daddies in other cities? Does she have full-time custody of her child and does she have free time for going out? I agree that you need to find a similar hobby/interest and try to connect through that. Find a nice wine tasting restaurant or some fancy food place. She wants an exciting time. I don't think she will want to go on a netflix date (home videos are code words for hooking up and it sounds like she's not ready to bang you yet). I think she wants to be "wined and dined". But at the same time, she might enjoy being a Wealthy Cougar having control over a BoyToy. You'll have to figure out what she wants and what she is looking for in you.
MissBee Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I met a beautiful 42 year old from OKCupid on Saturday night. She is a model. I don't say that to brag, but rather to note that she is probably way out of my league, just to give anyone who wants to give me some advice some idea. She agrees to let me pick her up, and gives me her address. I walk in and she says, "so you finally get to meet me, huh?" This sort of teasing went on the rest of the night, which I thought was a good sign. A lot of playful banter both ways, and a lot of straight up just making fun/teasing me. We drive to the bar in her car (which she mentioned was $65k, which I thought was weird to mention, #1) and on the way there she tells me how she went on a date with a guy who didn't pay for dinner and she thought it was very rude and didn't see him a second date. I was intending on paying anyway, but I figure that was her telling me I'd better pay (#2). She also said something to the effect of, "just so you know, some people might call me high maintenance, but I just like nice things. I like quality, nice things, and I like to look and feel good." I chalked that up as weird thing #3. We get to the bar and the conversation is going great, but she explicitly told me she's not ready for any light touching of her hand or leg. The conversation continues, and out of the blue she says, "you know were not having sex, right?" I was totally caught of guard, managed to say something witty, and not seem desperate. Another weird thing to say, IMO. She also started telling me how many guys on OKCupid she rejects and and stuff like that. Finally, she says something to the effect of, "you know, if I have sex with a guy on the first date, I probably don't like him. I'm done with casual sex, I want to build a connection first etc etc" We drove home after almost 3 hours at the bar. I walked her to her door. I asked if I could come in, and she straight up said, "No." (I respected her honesty). I went in for a hug. I was going to kiss her on the cheek to play it safe, but she went for my lips. So, that was awesome. She turned around, walked into her house, and yelled back "text me!" I had a wonderful time, but the whole night it felt like she was trying to prove herself to me. Almost to prove to me she was the one in control. ------- Fastfoward to Monday night: She texted me saying, "Hey, I've been thinking, and we are just in different places in our life, and looking for different things. It was great meeting you, but I'm going to have to pass. Take care." I replied, "I am disappointed but thank you for being honest. I had a wonderful time meeting you. I wish you and your daughter well." And she said, "Thanks for being a good guy." ------ What the heck happened? Any way I can get her to change her mind? I think you're better off probably leaving it along esp since you pointed out several things which seemed like red flags to you. While I like nice things, want a man to pay on the first date and don't have sex on the first date either I wouldn't have announced it in the fashion she did neither would I have said the price tag of my car...all those things just sound make her sound full of herself and materialistic. Things ended on a good note. I'd accept it and move on to someone who is on the same page.
jcrew11 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I wouldn't go the "nice guy route" or "good guy route" - any time a girl says a guy is a good guy or nice guy, it usually means there is no sexual attraction and that the guy is plain old boring, uninteresting, wimpy, and doesn't have the sexual excitement she is looking for. Its better to be the Cocky Alpha male jerk. Its a delicate balance, but basically it comes down to a confident, attractive guy who knows he is "hot stuff" and isn't afraid to go after a hot woman he wants. He's not afraid to be flirtatious, sexual, and aggressive. Now, she might have thought you were too immature, or didn't have a good job, or didn't like your looks. She might have decided that she just doesn't like you, so there might not be a chance at salvaging it. Try to find out what she wants. Specifically if she just doesn't like you or if there is another reason for her hesitation. Maybe she is dating other guys and you don't make the cut, and she has no time for you. Just try to be a Cocky Alpha male who's not afraid to be sexually assertive.
LovelyDay Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Have only read the first post, but don't push further. Her choice is her choice.
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