dichotomy Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 For those BS who got to see the emails, texts, chats, facebook's or what ever between your WS and AP... Did your WS or their AP discuss you ? or was it just each other. I have to imagine it is one thing to see emotions between the two -but another to see anything negative or hurtful said about you.
Fluttershy Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I saw a lot. And i've shared this before in another thread but what ticked me off was how i didn't even exsist but in a sort of passing comment way. Only once did my H mention he had made me upset an his MoW gave him "suggestions" on how to fix it... That pssed me off too. It was good advice and all but coming from the woman who was hopping into bed with him??? But now I am thankful my husband didn't lie about me or talk about me. It made it easier for me to see how compartmentalizing works. 2
Sub Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I was referenced, but I never saw much negative about me. Mostly about the possibility of leaving me. There was one chat they were having when I walked in from work. I saw her texting and jokingly said "are you talking to your boyfriend?" Turned out she was, and she shared what I said with him right after I said it. Good times. 1
BHsigh Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Yep, I saw plenty of texts with them discussing their "future", down to planning on seeing how they would handle being away from each other while he was in basic training. Of course, I seen one series of texts where she was berating him for going out too much, and even snarkily texted "Have fun at whatever bar you're at". The only time that I was ever mentioned was when she told him about our night long talk about how we were going to work on our marriage, this was just after dday1, when she obviously convinced me that nothing was going on between them, that we were going to work on our marriage and do more things together, then just ran right back to him. This was their first time texting, where she told him that she downloaded an app to hide their texts after I almost caught them messaging on Facebook. But other than that, I was mostly left out of it. She admitted that they talked about how to hide the affair from me a few times, but that's about it.
ComingInHot Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 The emails I read were mostly about Praising each other's "Amazing" talents and gifts and intelligence and wit... I read only a line or two of exOW attempting to put me down, demonize me with My H's response Not "expounding" on her statements but Not arguing against the slop either. He just steered the short email communications back to how "awesome" and "upstanding" they both were. ...ya, quite the all round assets to society. .. NOT!!** 2
BHsigh Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I was referenced, but I never saw much negative about me. Mostly about the possibility of leaving me. There was one chat they were having when I walked in from work. I saw her texting and jokingly said "are you talking to your boyfriend?" Turned out she was, and she shared what I said with him right after I said it. Good times. Oh geez, that's bad. It made me remember my wife showing me a string of texts that she was sending to her female friend, talking about POSOM joining the marines, and that she was worried because he was so small and was afraid that he would be shot. Later on when I grabbed all of her texts, I found all of the in between texts that she deleted before showing me, where they were talking about her and POSOM having sex for the first time and how he was a "romantic" ughh.
Timmos Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Other than telling each other how perfect they were, their next favorite topic was how terrible I was. It was one lie and insult after another. I was made to be a monster among monsters. They discussed our private conversations, every "argument" and imperfection between us. How she had no feelings but contempt for me. How she called our daughter "hers" not "ours," and the son of a bitch had the nerve to tell her that I had never done anything for my daughter anyway. Mind you, he didn't even know me. As we were in Scandinavia at the time (a week before DDay), visiting her family, we took a short trip to a historical site with several 1,000 year old barrows. I remember her telling him that it was annoying that I was being so nice while there, and that she wished I would have fallen into a burial site. "Wouldn't that be cool for an archaeologist to dig up in a few hundred years? lol" One of my favorites is "He keeps walking by, making sure that I'm behaving. He's afraid of you." "Heh, yeah, well he should be."
BeingMe Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I only saw emails from one of the EA's. Yes, he denigrated me to her and used it to flirt: ie, BeingMe does this/that/the other (always exaggerated & examples were years old). You're so fun/a good listener/please cheer me up He implied he was sexually frustrated. He was blatent in flirting & complimenting her looks & personality, usually by a nasty comparison with me. He also had 'in jokes' with her via email and then used them in front of me without me realising until later. He also initiated most of the flirting, like a dog on heat. Then with his different EA/PA with a co-worker he blamed it all on her as if he did nothing. Yeah, right, that's why he was trawling CL, match.com and adultfriendfinder too
krazikat Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 For those BS who got to see the emails, texts, chats, facebook's or what ever between your WS and AP... Did your WS or their AP discuss you ? or was it just each other. I have to imagine it is one thing to see emotions between the two -but another to see anything negative or hurtful said about you. I saw many texts and heard voicemails. What they proved was that my h was being honest and ow was a lying to me. I didn't see anything referencing me, but he had a newer phone and they had an lta. What I saw was pretty pathetic. But they verified my husbands story that he had ended the affair several weeks prior and she was pretty pissed about it. 1
Timmos Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I also had the conversations between her, my cousin's wife, a female coworker, and her best friend in Scandinavia. All three were encouraging her and contained the same vitriolic conversations about me.
Timmos Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I only saw emails from one of the EA's. Yes, he denigrated me to her and used it to flirt: ie, BeingMe does this/that/the other (always exaggerated & examples were years old). You're so fun/a good listener/please cheer me up He implied he was sexually frustrated. He was blatent in flirting & complimenting her looks & personality, usually by a nasty comparison with me. He also had 'in jokes' with her via email and then used them in front of me without me realising until later. He also initiated most of the flirting, like a dog on heat. Then with his different EA/PA with a co-worker he blamed it all on her as if he did nothing. Yeah, right, that's why he was trawling CL, match.com and adultfriendfinder too I got the In Jokes too. She would ever talk flatteringly about the *******. "Oh, my friend said this today. Isn't he so clever, Timmos??" "You don't need to worry about him, hes just a friend. But I guess if we ever had a son, you wouldn't want to name him *OM's name*? lol" 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 As far as my husband and his xow the texts I saw were mainly between the two of them - no reference to me at all- only the ily and I adore you, etc. Between them. I honestly don't know if my xmom's wife saw texts between the two of us or not - I know my husband did not. She did see emails since she read them for a year and a half prior to dday but they were pretty innocuous up to the one where he told me he was falling in love with me.
Owl Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 For those BS who got to see the emails, texts, chats, facebook's or what ever between your WS and AP... Did your WS or their AP discuss you ? or was it just each other. I have to imagine it is one thing to see emotions between the two -but another to see anything negative or hurtful said about you. I got their last week's worth of IM's and emails. There was very little mention of me, except that they both had started to wonder if I was starting to suspect (I did, and I'd made comments along those lines, but then played them off well enough to keep them from realizing it...I still had no proof when I made the comments). It was hurtful as hell at the time to read their exchanges of love and vague future planning. But it was also the proof I needed to confront, make d-day happen, and ultimately get the situation resolved. 2
Sub Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 One interesting thing was that my W had saved a few of the chats/texts in odd places that I found long after the A had ended. She copied and pasted entire transcripts, put it in an email, and saved it in a random email folder, labeled something like "Bills". One of them was what appeared to be a sort of "break-up" chat that took place after D-Day, very dramatic, where he pretty much laid it all at my W's feet. Not sure what she was saving it for. But she was pretty bad at covering her tracks after the A was discovered. 1
RightThere Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 During the affairs while I didn't know, not much was said about me. Just if I was away somewhere or doing something. There were some nasty ones to her family about me, but that was during a very difficult time for her not related to the affairs. Once I found out and things were ugly for a while, there were some pretty nasty ones about me between them. The most hurtful stuff to read was more the conversations she would have about her feelings that she wouldn't discuss with me. She would be angry with me, but really didn't communicate well about what was bothering her and what she needed. And that was with friends and family, not just her OM. BUt to be fair, I wasn't a good listener at the time either.
snappytomcat Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I know he told her to much of our whole life,that pissed me off,and made me feel violated,he never said anything bad about me,she even confirmed this he always said I was beautiful inside,and out. but he also told her stuff that was private to me,like when I was younger I was in rehab 3 times,and I was a gang banger,this is the crap she threw at me when hubby broke it off with her,i felt like nothing was sacred in our marriage,and he agrees he told her to much,but he said she was always fishing,and he thought she was a good friend(so he thought)she even told him that he needs to work on his marriage because we belong together(wtf?)then why did she get so angry when he did exactly that?unstable I think,but most of the stuff she sent me after, which was hundreds,and hundreds I didn't read most,and never responded
HermioneG Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 No mention of me, and my spouse rarely answered her emails. Her emails tended to consist of song lyrics in rainbow colors, and recall of dates they had together, cobbled together with pictures of outfits from websites that she would like to wear the next time they were together. I thought the emails would be more revealing than they were. They just weren't that exciting. And they were mostly one sided. The night he was caught- I was getting a real time report of what was going on in their email chat. It was a smoking gun- from her side, but his side was barely one word answers, if anything.
confusedandhurt2002 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 My husband wiped his phone and she couldn't email him or message him on FB because her husband had all the passwords to those accounts, or looked at them, or something. I never saw the messages and I know it I did I'd be crushed. My husband insists he never spoke about me. Bull. And after they had sex he didn't? Again...really? How freaking selfish to not even contemplate what their spouses would think. Pisses me off to no end if he was really that selfish. Sometimes I wish I could get the emails and texts and really know what was said about me so I could have the full information and make a full decision on all ofthis.
goodyblue Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 This has already been talked about, but my guy talked about all kinds of thing. We were, are, best friends. I talked about a lot of things with him as well. Our careers, our families, friends, daily life. 1
Heartbroken Eagle Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I only saw a couple of texts after I had confronted her of her affair. They were personal, cruel and nasty. When I mentioned it afterwards she said it was 'only a bit of fun' and said I should not have looked at her phone!!! This probably hurts as much the actual betrayal. Still hurts now almost a year afterwards. It was as if she was the perfect specimen herself. Trust me she so is not...
Raena Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I didn't see any of their conversations before D-Day. The only thing I know about what he told her about me is from what she then conveyed on Twitter. She ranted about me on there quite a bit and some of it was stuff that only he could have told her. That's the only things I know that he told her about me. He specifically told me that he didn't trash talk me to her (which is a lie), but in another conversation he did tell me that he complained to her about how lonely he was in our relationship. Afterwards I've seen their conversations on Twitter because they are both stupid enough to post there. It isn't about me anymore though thank goodness! What I'd like to know is... how did you all find these texts, emails and so on? I don't have access to any of that information and he was really good about locking up his phone and deleting any messages between the two of them. How did you go about getting that information? I'm not sure at this point that I'd even want to know. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm just curious as to how you all did that.
yellowmaverick Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I only ever saw one thing - a card. I honestly can't remember anything about it other than thinking that it sounded like it was written by a junior high student rather than a middle-aged woman. It was so juvenile. 1
HermioneG Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 This has already been talked about, but my guy talked about all kinds of thing. We were, are, best friends. I talked about a lot of things with him as well. Our careers, our families, friends, daily life. Respectfully, you are not a betrayed spouse, correct? The OP doesn't ask for what you report you spoke to him about, but rather what a betrayed saw. Just trying to make sure we stay on topic. Your answer is confusing, in the middle of betrayeds discussing what they saw and how they felt. 1
MuddyFootprints Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) I only ever saw one thing - a card. I honestly can't remember anything about it other than thinking that it sounded like it was written by a junior high student rather than a middle-aged woman. It was so juvenile. Comment removed. Edited January 31, 2014 by MuddyFootprints
underwater2010 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 The only time i was mentioned was when i went out of town. She brought bringing an overnight bag, but thank god he turned her down. Then my daughter was mentioned as a way to cancel another met up. Take it back, she also tried to council him on how to help me through my fathers death.
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