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Rocky Mountain Way

Redhawkk

By Redhawkk
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Redhawkk Member

Redhawkk

Posted
Posted (edited)

Alright, so....I don't know what to say really. I saw my girlfriend after a week of NC. we weren't really on a break but she didn't want to see me. She finally met up with me to ask why I called her. When I did see her, I asked her right away where we stand as a couple, cause I didn't want to wait two weeks. She still said she wasn't sure.

 

We walked into the dorms to her room to talk some more(its cold out). Long story short, I enforced the break up cause I told her I didn't like being on a hook. Every time I did mention breaking up, she would cry and say that maybe we could get back together once she sorted out her priorities. I said that I didn't know if that could work. But after she kept on crying, I felt as though she didn't actually really want to break up.

 

She also told me it had nothing to do with other guys or partying, she essentially told me she wants a lot of alone space and that she wants to figure herself out before getting in a serious relationship. SO I'm confused, she doesn't want to break up because she told me she still loves me, but she doesn't want to be in a relationship because she feels as though she never got to develop her own self.

 

I think she might be having an emotional burnout? is that possible? I told her to go home this weekend and to sit alone and think things clearly(she doesn't have a comfort zone to be in) and to get back to me. I told her for better or worse that I just want her to be happy and if it meant I wasn't around then so be it. When I did say that she cried again and told me she didn't want to lose me because she wouldn't be able to find someone else....so if I'm Mr.Perfect in her eyes NOW, why is she trying to push me away but at the same time still in love with me????GGGAHHHH HHEELLP ME,

 

 

The only good thing I saw about that night was that we communicated and are trying to find compromise, like a relationship should, but I don't know if it's going anywhere. AM I A CHUMP, or can this be the start to mending what has been broken?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Okay, this is going to hurt and I'm apologizing up front. But, here comes the 2x4.

 

You two are in college! She wants to party it up and hook up with random dudes! Aside from her school work she wants to be carefree and not be responsible to anyone else. When she's with you, it feels like an old married couple and that's not how she envisioned her college experience to be like.

 

Now, you can come back and tell me (actually, I'm banking on it) that she isn't like that! OF COURSE SHE ISN'T! But, she probably wants to be and she can't because she's with you!

 

So, I would suggest that you start NC on her. Avoid her as much as possible. Ignore all texts, emails and let all phonecalls go to voicemail. If you know what routes she takes to class, avoid those routes.She's choosing this new lifestyle over you. She's putting more of a value on it than you.

 

You are not her friend. I'm pretty sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the end result to be that you are nothing more than a "really good friend" to her.

 

Sorry dude. Time to move on. Heal from this and make positive changes in your life. Time to let go.

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Frank13 Established Member

Frank13

Posted
Posted

I am with Chi on this. Also prepare yourself. She says it's not about other guys and she wants alone space, but in two weeks she will have a new boyfriend.

pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

Posted
Posted
I am with Chi on this. Also prepare yourself. She says it's not about other guys and she wants alone space, but in two weeks she will have a new boyfriend.

 

Correct. She wants to date other people, OP. Sorry. You'd best prepare yourself...

Musing Established Member

Musing

Posted
Posted

Redhawkk, welcome to the receiving end of "I'm in college and want to have my options open/am not ready for this type of deal/am confused" club.

 

It's kind of a crappy club to be in but...I am here! So that counts for something, right??

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. I am as well. I had the whole break thing happen months ago and you know what? We both came right back to each other, and he missed me and was going to surprise me and everything! All for it to crash months later...for the same reasons. Wompwomp.

 

So be glad you cut it off at the knees. One thing I realized during the whole "break" is that the younger/inexperienced/confused someone is, the better reason they should date others, or the more life experience they need. THEN they'll be great life partners. Too bad in order for that to happen, we would need to totally leave the picture.

 

You're a victim of bad timing. It's one of the worst kinds of breakups because it's out of your control and it's not for a terrible reason. Either way, it's best to let this girl grow on her own and do her college-y thing (whether it be partying, "finding herself", studying, whatever) while you take care of your affairs and heal.

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