New User? Just Got Dumped? Sad? Depressed? Read this

[Appleness]

Great post OP! I think this deserves to be pinned with oracle, homebrew/gibson, caliguy, and nofoolin's posts.

 

I'm closing in on the 2 year post BU mark myself and about 1.5 years NC. Currently, a few months from finishing a degree, been with the new boyfriend for 7 months and realizing that I didn't so much need a second chance with him as I needed a second chance to find and be myself. During my strict NC, I did occasionally get breadcrumbs, including the most recent as a few weeks ago, where he told me that breaking up had apparently been really hard for him and that he wished me well. I guess that was his way of giving me closure? I didn't reply but if I had, I would have told him it wasn't necessary because I followed everyone's advice here (especially TaraMaiden's ) and made my own.

 

To everyone nursing a broken heart, you will heal and become a stronger, better, more beautiful version of yourself. There will come a time where you will meet someone who will walk into your life and make you realize that you were never really as happy as you thought you were. It will take time, patience, sweat, and lots of tears. You will experience frustration, doubt, self-pity, and hatred but don't let emotions steer your life and consume you. Look for ways to improve yourself, specifically appearance-wise for you ladies and education/financial-wise for you gents. Yes, people are shallow and no, life is not fair but for the most part, that's how first impressions work. (Don't believe me? Pay $20 for a session of speed-dating and see what the first 3 questions are out of everyone.)

 

I found Loveshack because my first LTR didn't work out and I wanted my ex back. I didn't get what I initially wanted. What I did find was advice on how to work through my baggage so I could be a better girlfriend for when I met a better guy. It wasn't easy and those of you newbies who are asking for advice: be prepared for some tough love. But it's all for your own good. We're all here to help each other get through the hard times.

 

Good luck to everyone!

[Nmathen]

I read your article and it was great it helped me a lot. I have a similar issue now and I need some advise. My girlfriend and I fight frequently over stupid things that blow up into big things about me not being a man and howi always just defend my self. The typical **** most people fight about if assume. Well we just recently broke up and she says how she doesn't love me anymore and all this which normally would get to me but this is a reoccurring thing she tells me all the time that we fight. So I feel she still does love me she just uses it at a threat to get me to change. Well she asked for space so I have it to her then she gets mad at me for not making things better or chasing her. But I feel I shouldn't chase her if she is going to tell me those horrible things all the time even if the fight is my fault. I apologized and asked for her back as soon as the fight started but it just escalated and I stopped. Do I move on and then get the threats fr her and have to keep listening to the name calling and torment of not being there for her and being a ****ty person or do I make things better and have us be happy again like I know we can be but I'm fear we will just fight again next week

[Nmathen]

First, this is the OP. Thanks for reading and welcome.

 

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Fighting with someone that you do care about can be draining and cause a lot of heartache.

 

If you guys do actually argue ALL the time, then I feel this has probably been coming to a head for quite a while. You guys are not the the same couple you were. No matter who is the "winner" or "loser" in those fights, whats done is done at this point. You apologized for your actions and that is really all you can do honestly. This carousel will continue to spin unless someone gets off of it.

 

If she REALLY wants to do be done, doesnt love you anymore, and wants space, the only thing you can really do is what she request. She broke up with you, meaning that she is done. Going against her wishes (no matter if she REALLY means them or not) will make you look weak and clingy. Neither of you want that. If I were you, I'd try to move on from this. Do NOT contact her, do NO follow her on social media, and do NOT stalk her or anything like that. If this is what she wants, then she will live with that.

 

She will now probably give you breadcrumbs. With that said, I bet most of her text will be angry in nature right now. Like "You never cared about me you piece of s***" or whatever message or hurtful things she can throw out. Again, ignore them. I'm going against my own grain here, but if she sends those, I send ONE (just one) message stating "I'm sorry you feel this way _______. Things were rough with us at the end, but I understand. I hope you take care of yourself. Be well" and then thats it. Nothing more nothing less. Just end it.

 

After the angry text stops, you might get breadcrumbs like "I miss you" or whatever else. None of these means she wants you back at ALL, but they will be said. Maybe to clear her own conscious or whatever...who knows. Unless she says something like "I made a mistake. I want you back _______. I'm very sorry and I want to be in a relationship again" it means nothing. EVEN THEN, I wouldnt believe those words lol.

 

I would advise that if it's causing you this much arguing and stress, I think you need to move forward man. That's my .02 I think you deserve better than someone who is going to call you out all the time.

 

Thanks a lot you are spot on about those messages. I'll give it a try it's one of things you know you have to do but just can't really bring your self to doing it . I still love her but I just know it's not right and I know it's not right for her either if she truly is that unhappy with me then it's probally for the best

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Thanks a lot you are spot on about those messages. I'll give it a try it's one of things you know you have to do but just can't really bring your self to doing it . I still love her but I just know it's not right and I know it's notsite hht for her either if she truly is that unhappy with me then it's probally for the best

 

You have a level head. Nice to see this. If you're a believer of "everything happens for a reason" then this is one of those times my man. This is definatly for the best, even if you do or dont get back together. I'm glad the small guide helped you. This site helped me a bunch, so I like to come on here and at least TRY and help others. Use this site when you feel like crap and instead of contacting them.