baumkuchan Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Hey, guys. I just wanted to share my story and see what you guys think of it. I'm 22, and I was dating a guy for 3 months (not long, I know, so the recovery period shouldn't be too long). Basically, he and I are both from the same area - Southern California. He lives and works in the DC area, though, as a researcher. So we did long-distance for 3 months. About a month ago, he proposed the idea that I move in in the summer. I eventually agreed, and he was excited about the idea. But then I eventually thought that since I had nothing keeping me in the SoCal area (I didn't have a job, and I was done with college), I asked him if he would be okay with me moving in in January instead. He initially asked me if I was sure because I didn't have a set plan, to which I asked him if he was okay with me moving in on such short notice. He said he was. To double-check, I asked him if March or the summer was a better time to move in. He replied that I could move in anytime I wanted. So January rolls around, and I move in. On one night 4 days after I come to DC, I find the bed empty, and I find him on the couch in the living room. We eventually talk, and he confesses that he hasn't been able to function properly for a while. He told me he was completely stressed out from work, grad school interviews, and taking care of me (even though I told him that we didn't have to go out on some nights and that I'd be perfectly happy being at home with him). He told me he thought we had to break up. I was completely devastated because I moved all the way to DC only to get my heart broken. I eventually developed suicidal thoughts, which I voiced to him (because lately I feel like a failure in life - no job after college, and now that I made the stupid mistake of moving to another state for a guy who eventually dumped me, I felt like an even bigger loser). He came rushing back home and broke down in front of me because he had thought that I had actually hurt myself. I realize that this was a huge mistake on my part. I made him afraid of me because he thought I would hurt him or myself while he was sleeping. Eventually, he became incredibly frustrated with me because he was tired, sick (he had sinus problems), stressed from grad school applications and work, not getting any sleep because of me (because I had jet lag and felt incredibly lonely now that he had broken up with me), and not knowing what to do with me. I felt like the biggest burden on him at that point, and my suicidal thoughts returned - why bother existing if I just get in the way? He dropped me off at his friend's place, and he said he didn't know if we would ever see each other again. After his interview was over (from Sunday to Tuesday - a period of no contact), he messaged me asking what time my return flight to CA was. I told him, and he offered me a ride to the airport. I was shocked because I thought he was so angry at me. (He later told me that he can't take me to the airport after all, and that was the last of our conversation.) Now that we've broken up, he barely talks to me, and every time he does, he treats me like I'm an unwelcome stranger. His speech is distant and cold, and I feel like I'm talking to a wall. I've been having breakdowns ever since Tuesday, and I don't know what to do anymore. I cling onto the hope that he'll regret his decision and come back to me, but I also know that that's too idealistic. I know that I got really emotional and difficult for him, and I hope he doesn't stay angry at me for too long. I have this feeling that he's taking this way better than I am and that I mean nothing to him, and that hurts more than I could ever have imagined. I think this breakup would've been a lot easier to handle had I still been in Southern California because I would've still had my support system. I'm at a complete loss, and I need other people's opinions and advice on what to do. My friends all tell me to just give him space, and I've been doing pretty well on that - I only talk to him when he talks to me first, and my replies are short and to the point. But how do I cope with this when I'm so far away from home? Please help!
OhThatGirl Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Lesson learned. That's what you gain from this. I know a handful of people who moved long distances to try to make a relationship work when there wasn't much of a foundation to begin with. Didn't work. Ah well. You tried. Didn't go as planned. Don't worry about how he feels, if he's angry, or what you did. It comes down to.. It was a short relationship. You took a risk (to be honest, a very big risk) and saw what happened. Now.. You feel like a failure? THIS should be the biggest of all priorities. Until you address this, doing something you can feel great about/be proud of, it will be hard for you to be a good partner to anyone. Focus on this. It's a chance to really make some big changes to life. You're young. You have a degree. Figure out where to go from here! What things are you passionate about? This is really an exciting time for you (though you may not see it). You'll be able to say "yeah I was young and fearless once, moved cross country for love that didn't work out" and teach your kids the lesson you had to learn for yourself! You've got a lot to look forward to. The best is yet to come. It's just up to you to find what "the best" is and get it. And, if those suicidal thoughts return... Call a helpline. This is not the end of your world. It's a bump. Like turbulence. That's it. Sometimes we need someone to hold our hand til the ride gets smoother. It does get smoother. And the destination is sooooo worth the turbulence. Ps I'm in SoCal too. This is the best place to come back to. We have sunshine and the ocean. Spend some time with them. Best cure for a broken heart eeeever.
Purepony Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Whats keeping you in dc? And why havent you called your family to send you money or fly tou back home... ?
Author baumkuchan Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 I talked to a mutual friend, and he said that the guy broke up with me because I was clingy and needy. But I was only like this because he cheated on me back in November, and I became really suspicious of every move he made. He also said that he liked the fact that I was clingy a few months ago, so I never fixed that behavior. Also, I found out that he only offered me that ride because he felt obligated to. I'm such an emotional mess right now. I blocked him on Facebook and deleted his number, but I still miss him so much... why did he even date me if he had all this emotional baggage? I don't know how to move on...
soccerrprp Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 I talked to a mutual friend, and he said that the guy broke up with me because I was clingy and needy. But I was only like this because he cheated on me back in November, and I became really suspicious of every move he made. He also said that he liked the fact that I was clingy a few months ago, so I never fixed that behavior. Move your butt back to SoCal! You don't owe this guy anything. No second chances, no more time or space... He admits to being effed-up, he's showed that he's effed-up and he is not a good guy. He didn't have a gun to his head when he agreed to have you come to him. You made a move to a guy who had already cheated on you and you'd only been dating for 3-months. This is a lesson to learn from. He's a dick!
herself Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Honestly, there is no man that exists who finds a woman attractive who is clingy, needy, crying, no job, basing her whole life around him.... Common honey where is your self esteem & self worth. Get out of there & get yourself together, this is ridiculous. Get your resume together, get some friends, some self respect and stand on your own two feet. Who cares now what u coulda shoulda woulda done. Be already proved to be a cheater & showed you first hand he will drop you in a second if your behavior is not up to par. Hes a loser, but honestly, you are in need of a full mind+body makeover. A relationship is not what you need. You need a recruiter & a solid support system, a job and your srlf confidence back. Get on 1st flight home, block phone & email....its time to get on track. You don't use men/relationship to make you better or elevate you or base your happiness or life on....no men right now....You. you. You. You. And stop whining you Were 50% responsible.
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