songbyrd Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 It's been 3 weeks NC and my ex bf continues to message me every few days or so. He's tried using every excuse to but now he's saying "we need to talk...please! Do I have to beg u? Cmon please". I haven't replied to any of it and I don't desire to either. If this is about trying to get me back, then he will stop at nothing to get through to me. But not going to respond to these breadcrumbs just to get sucked into a battle with his ego and then get hurt again. Nope, not me. So let's see what he does over time, shall we? 2
JDPT Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Good girl, you are doing well keep up the good work.
pickflicker Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 It's been 3 weeks NC and my ex bf continues to message me every few days or so. He's tried using every excuse to but now he's saying "we need to talk...please! Do I have to beg u? Cmon please". I haven't replied to any of it and I don't desire to either. If this is about trying to get me back, then he will stop at nothing to get through to me. But not going to respond to these breadcrumbs just to get sucked into a battle with his ego and then get hurt again. Nope, not me. So let's see what he does over time, shall we? It's been 3 weeks. He'll get over it soon enough. See how powerful silence is? Much more powerful than trying to form some witty comeback. Keep at it.
BruisedBNBroken Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I really admire your strength. Keep it up! You're absolutely right, if he wants you back he will stop at nothing to get to you, including being more direct in his messages.
TXGuy Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 if he is sending emails, can you put his address in a spam filter? it might be easier for you if you don't have to see the messages. i know it is tempting to read them, but perhps try to not even see the message.
Author songbyrd Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 My ex bf had been trying DESPERATELY to get me to talk to him for 23 days of NC. He tried getting mad, sad, nice, etc. Today he actually sent me an old video of us being intimate and I finally messaged him back and asked "do I have to file harassment charges?". Well from there he told me he was just trying to get my attention. He said how could I go from loving him to now being cold. I asked him what was so important that he had to get my attention and he hesitated greatly. So I left him alone. Then he started sending me sad faces. So I told him to just say it. Finally he asked me if I ever really loved him like I said I did. I told him after all the hurt he caused me he didnt have the right to ask. He ended up calling me and we spoke for about 45 minutes. He told me how he never wanted to leave but he was hurt by me which made him vulnerable and the other woman just came in his life at that time. He was saying how much it bothered him that I could just disappear from his life(that's me doing NC). I pretty much stood strong and didn't show much emotion, but I don't know if I should have. I told him he made his choice so he will have to live with that and go his way. I refused to tell him that I really did love him. Over all, we were just 2 very hurt people with our defenses up and neither one of us wants to give in. I want him back but he's still with the rebound. I dont know what to make of this.
pickflicker Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 You really shouldn't have replied. What's done is done. He didn't say that he wanted to get back together, so it's back to NC for you. You've seen that all he wants is the validation of your attention, which is not good enough. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Awwwww. Poor guy. He's hurt? He's sad? Well isn't that just too bad? Tell him to get consoled by his new GF and leave you alone. And back to 100% NC!! 1
David87 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 He has a new gf now, why bother with this guy? He hurt you to much. Next time don't respond and stay NC. 1
Author songbyrd Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 I understand what y'all are saying. I do. But everyone here sounds so bitter and self-righteous. Everyone's story is different. We both hurt each other and were bother distraught by what it did to us. I am aware of his selfishness at the moment, but I have hope for us. I've been healing greatly with NC and I was finally ready to speak with him without getting emotional. I am going back to NC now but I believe this is not the end for us. Some things just need to play out. I will keep updating along the way.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 OK... Then hang on to a guy who has you on the back burner while he has sex with another woman. Sounds great. I'm sure you guys will sail off into the sunset together. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I understand what y'all are saying. I do. But everyone here sounds so bitter and self-righteous. Everyone's story is different. We both hurt each other and were bother distraught by what it did to us. I am aware of his selfishness at the moment, but I have hope for us. I've been healing greatly with NC and I was finally ready to speak with him without getting emotional. I am going back to NC now but I believe this is not the end for us. Some things just need to play out. I will keep updating along the way. Well, if you want it to play out in your favor -- be it with him or with someone else -- you need to keep NC and not be at his beck and call. He wore you down, you caved, and now he's filling your head with garbage that means nothing because he's with another woman. That's not going to get you where you need to go to be able to move past the break and move forward, be it with someone else or with him in a different relationship. And insulting strangers that are trying to help you out isn't exactly a cool thing to do. You came on an advice website, you got advice. No need to get pissy because it's not what you want to hear. 2
Author songbyrd Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 Lol not getting pissy. I'm saying everyone on this site seems bitter and self-righteous. I can understand why too because there's so many hurt feelings here, but I've gotten a lot of pushy folks forcing their opinions on me(not in this thread, but the site overall) so Km stating that every situation is different. At the end of the day I gotta choose what I feel is best for me. I don't think this convo with my ex set me back. It brought some clarity and made me feel a little better. He's seeing someone but he has the freedom too..we broke up first. They aren't that serious either because she has another relationship with her kids father...so I just see 2 miserable rebounds there. That's never going to work. I'm gonna do NC and eventually go to low contact once I'm ready. My life is moving forward regardless.
pickflicker Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I understand what y'all are saying. I do. But everyone here sounds so bitter and self-righteous. Everyone's story is different. We both hurt each other and were bother distraught by what it did to us. I am aware of his selfishness at the moment, but I have hope for us. I've been healing greatly with NC and I was finally ready to speak with him without getting emotional. I am going back to NC now but I believe this is not the end for us. Some things just need to play out. I will keep updating along the way. The whole reason I'm not bitter, is because of NC. It makes me a strong person. It makes me focus on a bright future, not a dreary past. Self-righteous? Hell yes. Because I'm right. And people who practice NC will agree with me. Some things in life a black and white, and NC is the one size, fits all, only solution. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I'm saying everyone on this site seems bitter and self-righteous. Oh we get what you were saying, you didn't have to re-state it. Though I'm really not sure why you are on here if you are going to take potshots at people who are taking time out of their day to try to help you. Seems like a waste of time to me. 1
forever_lost Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Lol not getting pissy. I'm saying everyone on this site seems bitter and self-righteous. I can understand why too because there's so many hurt feelings here, but I've gotten a lot of pushy folks forcing their opinions on me(not in this thread, but the site overall) so Km stating that every situation is different. At the end of the day I gotta choose what I feel is best for me. I don't think this convo with my ex set me back. It brought some clarity and made me feel a little better. He's seeing someone but he has the freedom too..we broke up first. They aren't that serious either because she has another relationship with her kids father...so I just see 2 miserable rebounds there. That's never going to work. I'm gonna do NC and eventually go to low contact once I'm ready. My life is moving forward regardless. When you come to this site, you have to check your own opinions at the door. Some of the people who might be "self-righteous" are only doing that because only the truth can help you move on. Many of the people here have a lot more experience than most people do at dealing with break-ups, and volunteer their time to help out others like you and me. The point of this site is to get a third-party perspective - if everything you think is true, why are you here? Seriously, don't trust your own gut right now. You have an inherent bias, and you sometimes think what you want to think. Trust other people here more than yourself; there's a reason we're all here, and none of it is malicious.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I understand what y'all are saying. I do. But everyone here sounds so bitter and self-righteous. Everyone's story is different. We both hurt each other and were bother distraught by what it did to us. I am aware of his selfishness at the moment, but I have hope for us. I've been healing greatly with NC and I was finally ready to speak with him without getting emotional. I am going back to NC now but I believe this is not the end for us. Some things just need to play out. I will keep updating along the way. God d***** I hate this phrase. EVERYONE new uses it "Everyone's story is different." Yeah sure, but the end results are always the same. Stories are different, but human emotions are ALL the same. Come on this site and read the ones that say "Well, you dont know _____ like I do" or "every story is different" or "mine is complex". Yes, we know the person like you do, every story is pretty spot in similar, and yours is not complex. He is with a new gf, then text you about whatever like a stalker, you get "mad" at him (but secretly want him back) but then get mad at us for telling you advice on an ADVICE SITE!!! Maybe it's not him that needs help here. Self righteous lol. Get off your soapbox 2
JDPT Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Not pissy or self righteous, just plain realistic. How long to you plan this to perpetuate. And things don't necessarily play out, you take charge and make a concious decision to end a vicious and toxic cycle. In time you will learn to start thinking with your brain and not so much with your heart.
OhThatGirl Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Well... To be fair... Everyone in this site says "go hardcore NC.. If they want you back they will go to the ends of the Earth to contact you and tell you." Umm seems like this guy has tried eeeeeverything to get her to contact him. Sounds like the things people post about expecting it will never happen. So yeah, I see why she responded. His way about it was kind of bizarre but seems like he's been trying every angle possible. So now what? It's insane that he's doing these things while still being involved with someone else. Has that even been pointed out to him? Who chases their ex when there is someone new? If it hasn't been pointed out ("look dude I don't know why you've been harassing the hell out of me, you've already got someone") I'd say it. He may be keeping HER on the back burner why he keeps seeing if he can make anything work with you. Which brings me to my next point... That's f***** up. I'm a firm believer in not leaving one foot outside a door. Whatever his excuses, his behavior is awful. If nothing else but for the girl he is with while trying like crazy to contact you. This is behavior you can expect from him. You want to be back in her position? Doubt it. I think the option is to tell him how awful you find this. IF he sees that indeed he's being hurtful to everyone but not completely committing either way and lets her go... Even if it means he can't have you either but gave it a real shot... Tread very very carefully. I'd be tempted to say forget it all together but eh. I dunno. You're obviously not wanting to leave it entirely. But.. If he doesn't see what you're saying and doesnt let her go gently, forget it. If he screwed up big time (leaving you, getting in to something with her, not working it out when he had the chance) AND still doesn't want to do every last thing he can to try to show you he's an awesome guy then just forget it. Be glad it's not you in that other woman's place. Again, I'd be much much more likely to tell you to consider this if he wasn't still invloved with someone else. But he may just be slimy enough to not let her go without knowing he can get you back. Uhhh not that that makes it any better. At all. But it does maybe explain why... The other thing is.. Say you do open up a bit about your feelings. Say you admit you still love him and let him back in a little. What happens if he takes off? What if you find out all of this effort was for a power struggle/game of control? It's also alarming that he isn't saying "I made the biggest mistake ever! I need you in my life! No one but you!" But instead is just asking you to reaffirm that yes, you really did love him. That seems like he's searching long and hard for an ego boost. Ah. I dunno. The more I think about it the more Id say continuing to move on is best. This is absurd. You'd have much more luck just healing and finding someone new. Someone who you don't have this history with. That doesn't keep one girl around while trying to figure out your level of interest.. Yeah. Back to NC. Take this as a huge ego boost (he's so hung up on not knowing how you feel because of NC, must count for something) but find someone with a bit more character than this guy. Bah.
Haydn Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Song many of the above posters have made the path easier for me in the last 8 months or so. Whether i liked what they said or not. It made me think i was being a bloody doormat. Of course i have had my clashes but it has helped more here than talking with friends here or family. Keep going. Lol not getting pissy. I'm saying everyone on this site seems bitter and self-righteous. I can understand why too because there's so many hurt feelings here, but I've gotten a lot of pushy folks forcing their opinions on me(not in this thread, but the site overall) so Km stating that every situation is different. At the end of the day I gotta choose what I feel is best for me. I don't think this convo with my ex set me back. It brought some clarity and made me feel a little better. He's seeing someone but he has the freedom too..we broke up first. They aren't that serious either because she has another relationship with her kids father...so I just see 2 miserable rebounds there. That's never going to work. I'm gonna do NC and eventually go to low contact once I'm ready. My life is moving forward regardless.
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