slightly_unusual Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I have come to realise fairly recently that I was aiming too high when it came to women , im at best a six myself and was trying my luck with women who are above 8 im currently in a relationship with a woman who while having a terrific personality , is probably less good looking than I am , in one sense I see this as a good thing however , she is less likely to cheat on me , in truth im not really entitled to a beautiful woman as im only average when it comes to wealth and career achievement sounds cold but descisions in life and love are often far more pragmatic than we will admit 1
Hopeful30 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Then out comes the rug. Well I was honest with him about how I felt, and told him I wanted to keep things casual and if he couldn't do that, then it's best we aren't together. He said casual was fine, but he lied. He ended up falling in love and when I realized that, I ended things. He knew how I felt a good 6 or 7 months in (when I realized myself that this was an issue and voiced it to him). The fact that he chose to stick around knowing this, and knowing he couldnt just do casual, is his own fault. I was honest the entire time.
Eau Claire Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Go on a date near a mall and then walk through the mall, commenting on the mannequins in the window, "You'd look good in a dress like that." "Something like that would look great on you." If you continue to date, for her birthday buy something. If she wears her own clothes, you could comment about them, "You look so sexy in those tight jeans/low cut sweater, that color," etc. Or just state preferences, "I think those textured tights look so sexy with a plain It's easier to change the outside than the inside. A friend of mine gradually changed her nerdy guy over a year and he looked great. He didn't seem to mind at all. Good approach above. Perhaps not this early in the relationship but certainly a bit further in. I've done this with males...they are trainable when it comes to clothes, style, fitness, etc. I say 'trainable' in a fun, nice way. My boyfriend could care less about fashion...he responds to positive reinforcement. We most likely all do. 1
ExposedBrick Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I have come to realise fairly recently that I was aiming too high when it came to women , im at best a six myself and was trying my luck with women who are above 8 im currently in a relationship with a woman who while having a terrific personality , is probably less good looking than I am , in one sense I see this as a good thing however , she is less likely to cheat on me , in truth im not really entitled to a beautiful woman as im only average when it comes to wealth and career achievement sounds cold but descisions in life and love are often far more pragmatic than we will admit This is something I am wondering. What type of rejection rate would indicate I'm shooting for women maybe "out of my league" or how could I measure this? The reason this came into question is I met the woman via OLD. I find half the women look better in person and the other half look worse. The last woman I dated for a few months was certainly less than ideal, but had some redeeming physical qualities. I will say she does have a great personality and that is something I've longed for in a woman.
slightly_unusual Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 This is something I am wondering. What type of rejection rate would indicate I'm shooting for women maybe "out of my league" or how could I measure this? The reason this came into question is I met the woman via OLD. I find half the women look better in person and the other half look worse. The last woman I dated for a few months was certainly less than ideal, but had some redeeming physical qualities. I will say she does have a great personality and that is something I've longed for in a woman. the woman im now dating has an incredible personality but she really does eat too much , ive noticed that im almost forced to eat more than I would like in order to fit in with her , a pity as she could be a stunner , she,s showed me pics of her when she was seventeen and she was thin and gorgeous , she still have a beautiful face but is overweight , albeit isn't obese
Leigh 87 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Well, looks are subjective. My boyfriend thought I was gorgeous looking from the moment he laid eyes on me. I'm probably very average to most men but to some men, I was NOT just a 5 or 6. These average looking people who a few of the posters are talking about. .... you think that " gee I'm not entitled to women who I find beautiful" since you're only average yourselves. Scrap that. I know I'm not one of those so called " beautiful" women, yet I darn well expect my boyfriends to think that with me, they HAVE found a women who they really think is attractive. Leave these poor women alone. There are guys out there who WILL find them super cute or gorgeous. They won't feel like they are settling look wise.
ascendotum Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Chemistry / physical attraction is huge for me but it's about the person. .... Leagues are BS. People are people. Leagues only matter in sports. If you think somebody is attractive, strike up a conversation. ^ The person who would love to have that hottie as their bf/gf/ons is only half the attraction equation. You also need to give a pep talk to the hottie, that there is no such thing as leagues and personality & chemistry is more important than looks or career, and it doesn't matter if this person about to approach them is not as attractive as their past bf/gf/flings. Still I can't disagree with the basic premise of, going for it.
TheBlingRing14 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Wellll...I have always heard, and actually experienced the old adage of: Someone you are not necessarily initially attracted to, if you really like them and get along and they have a great personality, they can actually BECOME attractive to you. Likewise, if someone seems like an absolute jerk, no matter how pretty the package, they will seem less and less attractive. Like I said, this is something I have always heard/read. And, I can vouch for it, as it certainly has happened to be a number of times. That I have met someone who I am not really super attracted to, but the more I get to know them, the less their looks matter to me, and I start to focus on the really good qualities? Anyone else? 2
Graduate Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Wellll...I have always heard, and actually experienced the old adage of: Someone you are not necessarily initially attracted to, if you really like them and get along and they have a great personality, they can actually BECOME attractive to you. Anyone else? Absolutely. When I look back at my longterm relationships they always started with me not being interested in the guy at first at all. I even remember the thoughts I had about an ex when I first saw him: 'He is ugly, fat and tiny.' 6 months later he became my boyfriend, we were together for 3 years and even got engaged after two years. It did not last but for reasons unrelated to physical attraction. That was always there after the beginning and our sexlife was the best I've had so far. And after a few months of dating I thought he was the most attractive man I've ever met. Whereas all the guys I had the hots for the first moment I saw them never led to anything longterm. I guess it is that old adage that a fire that burns twice as bright burns out twice as quickly as well. Nowadays I try to be patient and as long as I have a good time on a date I keep seeing him for a while to see if feelings develop. This also helps me not getting physical too soon, which often happens with the guys I am really attracted to, but which in turn means that I seem to loose the ability to make intelligent decisions. Whereas if we just hang out and go no further than kissing I can actually get to know the person and really evaluate if we are a good match or not. Win-Win! 2
carhill Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I have another date scheduled with her, should I cancel or try to overlook this? If your style is to immediately assess and sort potentials by physical appearance being pleasing to you, then stick with that style. It's your path and a basic part of your personality. Fighting it will only delay the inevitable. How do I know if I am trying to date women out of my league? You won't date women out of your league. Any woman you date successfully is in your 'league'. For myself, historically, physical attraction morphs and grows over time, and this natural style is antithetical to the preponderance of women in my demographic, so I butted heads with that for many years and am now leaving the demographic for that and other reasons. I accept that people's styles are their own and, when demonstrated differences preclude healthy relations, and I figure 54 years in the same place is sufficient time to discern that, it's time to move on. OP, I doubt such drastic measures might attend to your situation, but the essence is to respect both your natural style and those of your dating potentials and look for synergy. If you find it, congratulations. If not, keep looking. That's what 'get to know' (dating) is all about. Good luck. 1
Poppygoodwill Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I think if you're not attracted now - as in chemistry wise - then best to let her go find someone who thinks she's hot. But I do think it's worth asking yourself: is this a cosmetic thing, or a chemistry thing? If it's cosmetic, it can be changed. Someone dresses like a slob or wears socks with sandals, that's just surface. But if you get the sense that the surface is indicative of the personality, then it's fixed and best not to try to change it. Be like banging your head against the wall. So - how to let her down easy? I would say do not under any circumstances, be honest about the specific reason. She doesn't need to hear that you don't find her all that attractive. No one needs t hear that. So I would put it down to the sort of "just not that into you" general sense that the she is a great package for someone, but just not the right mix for you. And please, don't just let her get the gist of it by fading back and disappearing. Three dates is several hours of someone's time. She deserves to know straight up that it's going no where for you. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do. good luck.
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