stillfiguringitallou Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I'm just lost as to what to do. I'm oooh I don't know almost 3 weeks out of a final "break" no friendship no nothing of a year long relationship. It started out great, he was a little pushy in the feelings department - and knowing he was going through a divorce (which I later found out was actually a separation without enough time having passed for divorce to even be filed) I told him I thought we should take it slower. This led to our first break-up as he felt I was holding the sins of a past partner (someone I was with for two years that ended up reconciling) against him. So I agreed to a reconciliation on the idea we were BOTH putting our pasts behind us and giving us an honest effort. And for a while - things were great. Till they weren't and suddenly I was pressuring HIM and HE wasn't ready etc etc etc. So - I backed off. But he kept blurring the lines - telling me how he really did love me, telling me how he could see me - a year from then - in his kitchen pregnant with his child. So I backed WAY off knowing this was a cycle. Then we decided - we were going to be "just friends" no intimacy just support each other - and the cycle started again. This time everytime he attempted to blur the lines I gently shook it off and made a joke out of it. Till he kissed me, and started caressing my face, and asking me if I believed he really loved me. Then I told him we needed to have a talk to discuss the healthy boundaries of a friendship - what was healthy for BOTH of us. And he withdrew completely. It was again all me, I was "reading too much into his actions" I was "thinking too much" he even went so far as to accuse me of being obsessed with him. EXCUSE me - but what message exactly am I supposed to take from someone cradeling my face and asking me if I believe they love me - and then pulling me in tighter as I pull away from a kiss? I don't want to believe this is the same person I met a year ago. I don't want to believe I was used and taken advantage of, but I feel like the fact that he cuts me off every single time I try to set boundaries for this friendship means that who I AM - and MY needs and respect for ME - never existed in this relationship. And I'm trying to figure out how I got to this place at my age where I'm madly in love with an illusion that I can't let go of. Thanks for listening, I was using other formats but he knows all of them - and would confront me about it - so I turned to something new.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Honestly I think he does like u but he loves chasing u.. u back off now and u will win him back but it will be short lived... he wont confirm either way because its always a get out... unfortunately Im slightly worried I might be going through the same thing ! x
Author stillfiguringitallou Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 Why is it so hard to accept that he isn't who I thought he was, and I wasn't what I thought I was to him. I've never had a problem with NC and walking away before. I'm 33 damn years old and smarter than this! What is it about this ONE GUY that I just can't shake. FFS man I just want some peace, I want to believe with everything in me that who I thought he was, was nothing more than a lie - a year long ****ing lie. ****ing *******. I'm sorry I'm just so angry at myself right now. I'm a smart, financially independent, BEAUTIFUL damn woman - and he is just (by his own admission) not what I deserve to have. **** ******** But he's all that I want to have. I'm such a damn idiot. Best years of my life my ass. 1
Real36 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I feel you. I could say all those same things about myself and last relationship. Wish I had an explanation for why you are having a hard time letting him go but I don't. I am in the same spot. Good luck to you
LostConfused123 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I feel you. I could say all those same things about myself and last relationship. Wish I had an explanation for why you are having a hard time letting him go but I don't. I am in the same spot. Good luck to you Same here (deep sigh)
lolitahaze Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Same here too, every single day I wonder why am I still wanting and loving him? He who treated me like rubbish. Really, I know I am the kind of woman some men can only dream of. When is "old enough to know better" suppose to kick in?
Author stillfiguringitallou Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 When is "old enough to know better" suppose to kick in? THIS!!!! Seriously! THIS!!!
rosedl Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 After making the mistake of becoming seriously involved with a separated, but still married man, I will no longer date anyone who isn't yet divorced. Period. Someone not even out of a marriage is not in an emotional place to be moving forward in a new relationship. And, it is not uncommon (nor illogical) for them to have mixed feelings about getting right into another committed relationship. In my last relationship, all types of unresolved issues with his ex came out. He was married to her for so long, he hadn't yet succeeded in extricating himself emotionally with her and he still had all types of financial obligations and connections with their estate farm where she lived (and I wasn't allowed to set foot). I didn't know this when we became involved. He told me the relationship was lonnnnnnng over. They had lived separately and in different towns for 7 years. They hadn't been intimately involved in 15. So, I truly thought it was just about finalizing details. Yeah. Right. I wouldn't impose myself on another person right now, and this is just a two year relationship where we didn't even live together. I am getting over the break up but I am not sure where I am at in my own life and what I want or need out of any possible partnership. I never have dated a married man, and I really didn't think I was dating a married man (because of the circumstance described above) until I realized.....I am totally dating a married man who only physically, but never emotionally left the marriage. NEVER again
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