ain5053 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Hello guys! This is my first post, but I visit this site a lot and read all the stories. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 1/2 years and honestly, we are soul mates and best friends, he is the best thing that has happened to me. It was love at first sight, and I have never imagined that this kind of relationship was possible. We moved in together right away, and have been living together without any problems at all for over a year. We never fight or argue, basically perfect relationship. The only "imperfection" about him is that he is extremely spiteful. Not against me, but in general. Well, I had to move out 2 weeks ago and relocate to another state for a temporary job. I am a very stubborn person, a little bit controlling, even. Last night he told me he was going out to a bar with his friends. The thing is, while we lived together - he never went out with his friends, even if I wanted to go he always preferred staying in with me. Me, being stubborn, I questioned him why he is going out all the sudden, when in the last year and a half he never had interest in doing so. He of course explained to me that he is just lonely and wants to go chat with friends, but I got mad and hung up. Now, him being stubborn, I haven't heard from him since. I haven't tried contacting him either because of my stubbornness. I know this is completely silly, but I feel like if we are going to be in a long distance relationship this kind of behavior is going to ruin our relationship. I know he is doing it on purpose out of spite. I would usually get over something like this right away, or not even get mad at him for going out in the first place, but in a way this is a test to how much he would try and make me happy over long distance. I am upset with him, but at the same time I realize that I am the one at fault here. Am I being silly? Little things like this have happened in the past and I have always been the one to apologize right away or just let it go. This time, I don't want to be the first one to apologize. I know it's going to get resolved soon because I know he loves me. But this still scares me.
pickflicker Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Hello guys! This is my first post, but I visit this site a lot and read all the stories. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 1/2 years and honestly, we are soul mates and best friends, he is the best thing that has happened to me. It was love at first sight, and I have never imagined that this kind of relationship was possible. We moved in together right away, and have been living together without any problems at all for over a year. We never fight or argue, basically perfect relationship. The only "imperfection" about him is that he is extremely spiteful. Not against me, but in general. Well, I had to move out 2 weeks ago and relocate to another state for a temporary job. I am a very stubborn person, a little bit controlling, even. Last night he told me he was going out to a bar with his friends. The thing is, while we lived together - he never went out with his friends, even if I wanted to go he always preferred staying in with me. Me, being stubborn, I questioned him why he is going out all the sudden, when in the last year and a half he never had interest in doing so. He of course explained to me that he is just lonely and wants to go chat with friends, but I got mad and hung up. Now, him being stubborn, I haven't heard from him since. I haven't tried contacting him either because of my stubbornness. I know this is completely silly, but I feel like if we are going to be in a long distance relationship this kind of behavior is going to ruin our relationship. I know he is doing it on purpose out of spite. I would usually get over something like this right away, or not even get mad at him for going out in the first place, but in a way this is a test to how much he would try and make me happy over long distance. I am upset with him, but at the same time I realize that I am the one at fault here. Am I being silly? Little things like this have happened in the past and I have always been the one to apologize right away or just let it go. This time, I don't want to be the first one to apologize. I know it's going to get resolved soon because I know he loves me. But this still scares me. Errr... what? So he can't go out with friends, he needs to...what? Sit at home and pine for you? Make you happy because you're insecure? Meanwhile, you think yelling at him and hanging up is a way to keep him closer to you? And he's the one that's spiteful? 8
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Wait... he said he was going out with some friends, so you grilled him on it, and then hung up? No wonder he isn't getting in touch with you! You say you realise that you're at fault here, yet you want him to apologise first? For what? It's not completely silly and I don't blame you for being scared. I wouldn't be so sure it's going to get resolved. Nobody can put up with that kind of treatment for very long. I'm stunned that you think he's being spiteful. I was expecting some evidence of something he's done wrong when all I can see is that you threw a tantrum when he said he was going out with friends and hung up on him and now you're mad because he hasn't got back in touch. You sound very spoilt and immature. OP, in your shoes I'd call him up, and apologise for behaving like a baby. Tell him you hope he had a good night and that the distance was getting to you. And then try very, very hard to address your controlling nature. Because you might find that now you don't have the pressure of co-habiting keeping you together, he gets sick of being with somebody who would treat him in that manner and bails (it would be very easy to do so, now you're in separate states). I mean, maybe he stayed in all year because you were there. Now you're not, he's lonely, he wants to go out and socialise. Doesn't that make perfect sense to you? Either way, it's his call whether he goes out or not and the fact that this has become such a big issue between you both is very concerning for your relationship. 3
Author ain5053 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Thanks guys, that's exactly what I needed. I realize that I am just overreacting, and in no way was looking for sympathy here, more for the opposite - to realize I am being immature about this. Long distance has been hard and emotional..
SYLLPalmer Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 To many the hang up is the equivalent to spitting in the face. You may come from a background where this is common behavior but many people find it unacceptable. I told my mother to shut up only once in my life and I never did it again. Shut up is the utmost insult in my family and we would NEVER hang up on each other. Even if furious we say "I have to hang up now, good bye." IMO you were wrong on both counts and have some major ass kissing to do. You better hurry.
Author ain5053 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 It does make sense that he is lonely and wants to go out with his friends, of course. The only reason I haven't contacted him is just that every single time we have an argument of some sort, I am always the one to dismiss it and tell him I love him first, no matter who started the argument. It's never anything serious, I guess I just want HIM to take the first step sometime.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Girl, please. YOU are the spiteful one here. And you want him to apologize before you? What for? I wouldn't want to talk to you, either. Eff that noise.
pickflicker Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 It does make sense that he is lonely and wants to go out with his friends, of course. The only reason I haven't contacted him is just that every single time we have an argument of some sort, I am always the one to dismiss it and tell him I love him first, no matter who started the argument. It's never anything serious, I guess I just want HIM to take the first step sometime. You're at fault. Not him. He's under no obligation to apologise to you. If you wish to save your relationship, you must crawl out from under that very large pile of pride. 1
Author ain5053 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 I know this topic says otherwise.. but I am not spoiled nor immature. The reason I asked is to figure out whether I am acting immature in this situation, blinded by my emotions. Seems like this is the case. It is easy for women to be affected by their emotions, especially in stressful situations. I would not this on here if I didn't expect to get attacked.
soccerrprp Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Hello guys! This is my first post, but I visit this site a lot and read all the stories. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 1/2 years and honestly, we are soul mates and best friends, he is the best thing that has happened to me. It was love at first sight, and I have never imagined that this kind of relationship was possible. We moved in together right away, and have been living together without any problems at all for over a year. We never fight or argue, basically perfect relationship. The only "imperfection" about him is that he is extremely spiteful. Not against me, but in general. Well, I had to move out 2 weeks ago and relocate to another state for a temporary job. I am a very stubborn person, a little bit controlling, even. Last night he told me he was going out to a bar with his friends. The thing is, while we lived together - he never went out with his friends, even if I wanted to go he always preferred staying in with me. Me, being stubborn, I questioned him why he is going out all the sudden, when in the last year and a half he never had interest in doing so. He of course explained to me that he is just lonely and wants to go chat with friends, but I got mad and hung up. Now, him being stubborn, I haven't heard from him since. I haven't tried contacting him either because of my stubbornness. I know this is completely silly, but I feel like if we are going to be in a long distance relationship this kind of behavior is going to ruin our relationship. I know he is doing it on purpose out of spite. I would usually get over something like this right away, or not even get mad at him for going out in the first place, but in a way this is a test to how much he would try and make me happy over long distance. I am upset with him, but at the same time I realize that I am the one at fault here. Am I being silly? Little things like this have happened in the past and I have always been the one to apologize right away or just let it go. This time, I don't want to be the first one to apologize. I know it's going to get resolved soon because I know he loves me. But this still scares me. I giggled after reading this. A few things: 1. You started off as saying that you never argue, perfect relationship and to find out that you have argued and it's not perfect. 2. He's lonely. He wants to get out as you are not there. He didn't want to get out in the past b/c he was content being with you. Also sounds like he was a little lazy too 3. You just up and relocated? How long are you away? How often do you see eachother?
Author ain5053 Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 I giggled after reading this. A few things: 1. You started off as saying that you never argue, perfect relationship and to find out that you have argued and it's not perfect. 2. He's lonely. He wants to get out as you are not there. He didn't want to get out in the past b/c he was content being with you. Also sounds like he was a little lazy too 3. You just up and relocated? How long are you away? How often do you see eachother? I know it's silly. Like I said, it has been a stressful situation with being away.. Yes, I moved to Florida for work. He is in Pennsylvania. I just recently moved, about a week and a half ago and have not seen him since. Before this, we've never left each other longer than for a week. And yes, we "argue" about very silly things once in a while, but never have been in a fight. I would say our relationship is nearly perfect - we are almost too much alike.
Author ain5053 Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 Again, I did not post this expecting sympathy. I knew I would probably receive a negative reaction, but this is making me feel better. Thanks!
HokeyReligions Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 "Soul mate" "never fight" "perfect relationship" "moved in right away" "love at first sight" I have never seen a happy long-term relationship where these words and phrases were used by one or both partners. 1
Keenly Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I understand that you have realized that you were the one at fault. And that's very good. Good maturing to realise that. But I just have to see.... the fact that you even at any point in time convinced yourself that he was st fault in this scenario really scared me as to just how narcissitc one human being can be. Please never do anything like this again. Your boyfriend will be very thankful. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 It is easy for women to be affected by their emotions, especially in stressful situations. Kudos on seeing that you're in the wrong, and taking on board other people's opinions without trying to defend yourself. That is a sign of maturity. Although it's still very worrying you needed us here to see that. But please don't claim it's anything to do with being a woman. That's very insulting to the entire female gender to have somebody place blame on being female for acting in the way that you did. And it's a total cop-out. You need to own all of this, not implicate the fact you happen to be female into it. Reminds me of women that like to act like the biggest cow on earth during their time of the month just because they feel like they can get away with it. 2
Keenly Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Wow... auto correct butchered my post and made me look like an idiot. 1
pickflicker Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Wow... auto correct butchered my post and made me look like an idiot. Nah, it's ok, we got the gist.
SYLLPalmer Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Wow... auto correct butchered my post and made me look like an idiot. Seriously! Reading and "forgiving" typos is just part of good communication skills in this day and age. I think we should abolish capitalizing the first letter of every sentence and a whole lot more....
bubbaganoosh Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I think you better get a change in attitude because your long distance relationship is going to get a lot longer if you keep it up. Honestly you gave a pitiful excuse and if anything, learn from it and while your at it, maybe a "I'm sorry" text or phone call is in order to him. If your controlling, then you better ease up on the gas peddle or you'll control your way out of a boy friend.
SunnySide0418 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I know it's silly. Like I said, it has been a stressful situation with being away.. Yes, I moved to Florida for work. He is in Pennsylvania. I just recently moved, about a week and a half ago and have not seen him since. Before this, we've never left each other longer than for a week. And yes, we "argue" about very silly things once in a while, but never have been in a fight. I would say our relationship is nearly perfect - we are almost too much alike. Hanging up on someone is very disrespectful and controlling. How can you do that to someone you claim to love? It's just plain rude and I'd call him right now to apologize before he finds someone who respects him.. don't take him for granted like you are just because you say he loves you. Love can disappear when someone isn't treated well.
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