freebird31 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) Posting because I need to vent. I don't think my friends can really relate to what I have been going through...and I don't want to whine to them any longer. Idk...but I've noticed my feelings are always changing. One week I'm indifferent, the next I miss him. Sometimes I don't even know how I really feel deep down. It how I really feel for my ex anymore. I have no regrets in the relationship. But I think my ex has been sort of cowardly. I couldn't come up with the word but now I have found it. He's a coward. He ran from his feelings instead of facing them. He didn't give me a clear explanation to why exactly he was breaking up with me. He then presumed to give me mixed signals. He disrespected my space, and then the last time we talked he got offended by I wanted my space and he treated me pretty harshly. And it's been four months since we have spoken. I remember the day after I had so much hatred for him I hated him. Weird to think that after all that I actually forgive him truly. I don't have anger any longer. But i think he still owes me an apology, after the way he treated me during the break up. How selfish he acted. He was such a jerk. And all I had asked for was space to heal. After he ripped my heart out. I mean it's our first breakup I understand it might have been hard for him...but hoe hard is it to respect someone else's wishes. He couldn't give me what I needed in the relationship but didn't want to give me my space to heal as well. It was unfair for me. I mean I'm over all that now, but everyday I still feel a little haunted . Because I wish things did not end so harshly, someone I cared about so much that was an important part of my life that I invested all my time and energy into..and poof all gone. And so harshly too, I just wanted things to end on good terms on better terms. I wish he would just reach out and say he was sorry and that's it! I'd forgive him and we could both move on. In peace. But unfortunately I can't even get that from him. I hate living with grudges. Sometimes I think maybe I should reach out to him. Just so we can end things in peace. But if rather not risk it. I'm scared he will hurt me again with his harsh words or shut me out. I hate this. I just wish there could be peace. Edited January 27, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Arieswoman Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Freebird 31, I am sorry you are having a tough time of it at the moment. What you are describing are normal feeling and the usual reaction to any kind of breakup. Sadly, you may never get a reason from him as to why he broke up with you or an apology. That tells you a lot about the sort of person that he is. If you are not NC I would go NC right away. You can't heal if he is still around. This book might help you:- "It's called a Break-up because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. Published by Harper-Collins ISBN 0-00-721559-2 Good Luck.
Author freebird31 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Who am I kidding. I'd never reach out to my ex. After everything. He did to me. I forgive him I do. But he's undeserving of such a graceful attitude from me. I don't owe him a thing. And if I did message him what would that teach him? Nothing honestly. He's so immature. And it's unfair that people just throw out second chances at forgiveness. If he feels guilty I think he has every right to deal with that because he chose to treat me that way. He needs to learn and I'm sure as he'll not giving the easy way out to him. I can live without peace. He can learn on his own. It's time for him to grow up. And I may never get the apology I deserve but I don't NEED it. I want it and would like it but no, I do not need it. I still care for him ...and part of caring for him is wanting him to grow the hell up and learn something. So I hope he learns something valuable from all of this unnecessary drama. As for me.. Time to woman up. 2
Author freebird31 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Freebird 31, I am sorry you are having a tough time of it at the moment. What you are describing are normal feeling and the usual reaction to any kind of breakup. Sadly, you may never get a reason from him as to why he broke up with you or an apology. That tells you a lot about the sort of person that he is. If you are not NC I would go NC right away. You can't heal if he is still around. This book might help you:- "It's called a Break-up because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. Published by Harper-Collins ISBN 0-00-721559-2 Good Luck. Thanks Arieswoman. I believe you're right. Until I get an apology from him, I can't help but think he is a coward. And a scared little boy. I'm not much better myself. And we all are human we all make mistakes. But until I get that apology, that's the memory I will have of my first love. Cowardly. And I hope that is not the memory I'm left with. 1
ayudorama Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Thanks Arieswoman. I believe you're right. Until I get an apology from him, I can't help but think he is a coward. And a scared little boy. I'm not much better myself. And we all are human we all make mistakes. But until I get that apology, that's the memory I will have of my first love. Cowardly. And I hope that is not the memory I'm left with. Sigh. I seem to resonate with what you're going through. Similar circumstances. One difference, though, is I got an apology from him. But it doesn't make me feel any better, nor has it propelled me to move on any easier. It has alot to do with sincerity. His apology lacked that element. What was I expecting from a man who dumped me via text message, and subsequently apologised, also, through a text message. And later mailed me all my stuff when he lives three minutes away. I've been taught, growing up, to resent the behavior, not the person. But it's hard when most of his actions point to his cowardly nature. I hope my ex learns from his mistakes and not treat the next woman he loves the same way he treated me. The memories he left me with, he being my first love, is scarring, to say the least.
Author freebird31 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I'm sorry you are going through similar circumstances. I don't want to think of my ex as cowardly. I know he is better than that, I was more disappointed in him than anything with how poorly things had ended. I know for a fact that he must feel guilty deep down. I mean right? How could anyone not feel guilty for treating someone else that way? I think he might feel guilty subconsciously at least....I know if I treated someone that way I would feel guilty too...but perhaps he is too cowardly to figure out what he is feeling. I know we all make mistakes and we are both still young....but gosh things could have ended in so many other different ways. I gave him many chances to make things right. Still, he hurt me. In the end the last thing he said to me was " I don't understand you. I'm trying to give you your space now. What does any of what I said matter anymore" I tried calling him back and he did not answer. That shot my ego down bad. I felt ridiculous. I hated him for a long time. I just wanted things to end in peace and he kept disrespecting my space. I didn't deserve any of that!
Xemyd Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Posting because I need to vent. I don't think my friends can really relate to what I have been going through...and I don't want to whine to them any longer. Idk...but I've noticed my feelings are always changing. One week I'm indifferent, the next I miss him. Sometimes I don't even know how I really feel deep down. It how I really feel for my ex anymore. I have no regrets in the relationship. But I think my ex has been sort of cowardly. I couldn't come up with the word but now I have found it. He's a coward. He ran from his feelings instead of facing them. He didn't give me a clear explanation to why exactly he was breaking up with me. He then presumed to give me mixed signals. I thought I wrote this in my sleep, this is EXACTLY how I feel about my ex.
Author freebird31 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 I hope one day me and my ex could speak again. I hate to think we have to completely cut people out of our lives.:/ I hope one day we can talk things out again and be cool. Not friends but just be in peace. Since things ended so harshly. I hope once all the wounds have healed, if they ever heal, that we can just talk and catch up. And I hope it's not a bittersweet feeling although I know it probably will be. I miss him sometimes. But the truth is, it's been so long now he's just a memory. How sad how time just fades a person from your mind.
H245 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I hope for all of these things as well. Even though my BU is still fresh, I really miss her and want to be able to just talk about things. But I know that it will be a long time before that happens...if it even happens. Sigh... 1
Itspointless Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I am sure you will. Although sometimes it takes much longer than we wish for. I added an ex on Facebook who hurt me badly back in my mid twenties after almost 8 years (I think two years ago, she was happy I did). She now has a little baby. She seems very happy and I like seeing that as I wish her the best. I do not love her any-more, but I will always care for her. I only hope hope she did something with the severe problems she had. That potentially could cause quite a heartbreak for her man. 1
Author freebird31 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Wow 8 years....that is a long time. Sigh. I hope it doesn't become too long. But I get these things take time. Blah.
Itspointless Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) Well, for long I waited for her to make the first move. I should have known better Often we make up reasons in our mind why someone wouldn't like us to reach out, while it is only our own fears to be rejected again. Edited January 29, 2014 by Itspointless
Never Again Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Well, for long I waited for her to make the first move. I should have known better Often we make up reasons in our mind why someone wouldn't like us to reach out, while it is only our own fears to be rejected again. I think it's our natural defenses. It's also healthy boundaries. They hurt us, after all, so it only makes sense that they should reach out with an olive branch first. However, after long enough has passed, it's all water under the bridge. 1
iworthmore Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 its so unfair how the human beings behave, its unfair that love can backfire on us so bad. people you love hurt you the most. its unfair that after falling in love people can fall out of love. its unfair that we cant control our emotions. but this is human nature. everything has its dark side. its just amazing. really. those powerful feelings. they exist, but not tangible. they r so heavy but weightless. have no fist but can punch you in the face. its like smoking in a cigarette, u enjoy every moment but u know it can kill you one day. lol, i think im ranting. freebird, i hope that memory fade's from ur brain soon. memories r what hold us back. best wishes
Itspointless Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 ... its unfair that after falling in love people can fall out of love. its unfair that we cant control our emotions. but this is human nature. everything has its dark side. its just amazing. really. those powerful feelings. they exist, but not tangible. they r so heavy but weightless. have no fist but can punch you in the face. Well if everything was in our control we wouldn't be pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised anymore ever. It would in fact take away the romance. The fact that everything is multifaceted means that we have not to endure a shallow existence, unless we chose for a flat, grey and dull existence. Think about it, it are usually the hardest moments in our lives that give us the richest experiences. Moments where people - sometimes the people we least expect it from - show us moments of unexpected kindness and warmth (to name one example). Love is not a given, it comes to us en we can embrace it as long as it pleases to be with us. Just like the air we breath in we can not hold love hostage. And just like with air, we never can have enough of it, breathing in again is heaven. I think the ranting is contagious
Itspointless Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 ... i hope that memory fade's from ur brain soon. memories r what hold us back. Its are not the memories that hold back, it are the changed expectations. That makes that we have to change the stories we tell about ourselves, who we believe to be and who we think other people are. Losing that hearts. Our memories are our most valuable goods.
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