forgetmenot75 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I got caught on a toxic relationship and its extremely difficult to heal from that. Have you heard about toxic men? They wrap you with lies, they are adorable until they have you. Then they ignore you, they get mad at you if you ask for more, they twist their words so to make you feel a fool, they make you feel inferior, they apply the silent treatment, they victimize themselves so you will feel sad and dont ask them more. They will lie to you. Im scared right now because i got caught in tge web of a toxic man and I cant see how can I get out of this. Nothing seem to work with a toxic man. They are always waiting for you to cave in again. I just wanted to share and to see if theres anyone else suffering from this type of relationship. Thanks for reading. 1
mammasita Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Toxic men feed off of our weakness. Make yourself stronger and won't be able to slither back into your life. 1
Envy_rodge Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) I got caught on a toxic relationship and its extremely difficult to heal from that. Have you heard about toxic men? They wrap you with lies, they are adorable until they have you. Then they ignore you, they get mad at you if you ask for more, they twist their words so to make you feel a fool, they make you feel inferior, they apply the silent treatment, they victimize themselves so you will feel sad and dont ask them more. They will lie to you. Im scared right now because i got caught in tge web of a toxic man and I cant see how can I get out of this. Nothing seem to work with a toxic man. They are always waiting for you to cave in again. I just wanted to share and to see if theres anyone else suffering from this type of relationship. Thanks for reading. Maybe its not them, but its you? Women usually play with men emotionally a lot. It sounds like your doing exactly what your accusing others of doing. I bet you do exactly what your complaining about. If your unhappy, only you are making yourself unhappy. You can't hold other people responsible for your emotions. Thats what weak people do, they give their power away by blaming others. You can only control yourself, not other people. Edited January 29, 2014 by Envy_rodge 2
Eau Claire Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 It's nothing to do with a toxic guy or anyone else but yourself. Your choice in life to have contact or not. We deal with illicit drug users in ER everyday...we don't care about the drug. It's the the user that has the issue. 2
Musing Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I was with someone before my recent ex. We went out 3 times, each time lasting about a month because he always found a reason to break up with me. The reason I went back? He'd always seem so sweet and remorseful. His routine went something like this: 1. Act sweet, charming, give me compliments, be attentive. 2. Be cute but less attentive, kind of grouchy. 3. Start to act mopey, fished for compliments 4. I'd start to feel down and want validation form him, which got him mad and said that being with him was suppose to be enough. 5. He'd criticize me on anything, I'd tell him I didn't want to fight about anything. 6. He'd get more mad at me for...not complimenting him, not coming on to him sexually or initiating sex, not "getting him", and he'd dump me. 7. He'd text me a few weeks later. Repeat. I was insecure enough to let it go on 3-4 months. But He tried twice after I last saw him, I really didn't want to deal with him. I'm pretty sure he's bipolar (his relatives tried getting him to therapy) Not one of my best RS.. You got to cut them out totally and completely with no hopes whatsoever of reconciling! These guys (women can be toxic too, though) have issues that they need to work on. They are toxic to almost everyone they date usually. The last thing you want to do is get caught in that web, they only bring you down. That said, it's you that is choosing to stay caught. Run far away and don't look back.
jphcbpa Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 "water seeks its own level and your partners flaws usually go hand in hand with your own. a person chooses a partner with a similar degree of "brokenness" and does a dance of dysfunction where they both know the steps. therefore, one person cannot be so much healthier than the other. healthy people do not dance with unhealthy people" "Getting Past Your Breakup" - Susan Elliot 3
Eau Claire Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 "water seeks its own level and your partners flaws usually go hand in hand with your own. a person chooses a partner with a similar degree of "brokenness" and does a dance of dysfunction where they both know the steps. therefore, one person cannot be so much healthier than the other. healthy people do not dance with unhealthy people" "Getting Past Your Breakup" - Susan Elliot True. I'm sure that when stable guys read these types of threads their initial reaction is 'dysfunctional drama queen'. Most women mature and get over this stage in their teen years...'but I love him'.
herself Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 And go NC as if your life depended on it. Block all paths to you block or change email & phone, avoid running into him
Roses777 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Sometimes it is the person who projects their own toxicity onto the other partner. My Bipolar ex never took any of the blame, accused me of being toxic when I was always willing to compromise (something she rarely ever did), said I never trusted her (yet constantly hid her phone, deleted all of her text messages, and other things to cause a lack of trust, etc.), lied about her whereabouts to me, etc. If someone is suffering from a severe mental illness, is always broke, comes from a dysfunctional family that has declared bankruptcy at least once, then they have weak grounds calling their ex-SO "toxic".
Zahara Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) You can't play the victim card anymore, FMN. Your behavior pre and post marriage. Your behavior with the guy post marriage. Your behavior with your ex-husband. Your behavior with emotionally unavailable men you met on the dating sites. Your behavior with this current clown. It's not about getting "caught" in this one unfortunate toxic clown. It's guy after guy. This is who you are. What you project is what you get. Look inward. Edited January 29, 2014 by Zahara 6
pickflicker Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 You can extract yourself from a toxic relationship. The same way you extract yourself from any other, it's just complete, uncompromising, permanent No Contact.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Yeah, the guy isn't the problem here. You're the problem at this point. You know this guy's agenda, yep you keep feeding into it because you are intentionally obtuse or somewhat-intentionally delusional. And yes, considering how you tormented (hopefully this is over) your ex-husband with contact you shouldn't be throwing too many stones. Your house is looking pretty glassy. 3
BruisedBNBroken Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I'm not familiar with your entire story but totally agree with everyone's post based on my own experience. My ex toxic man was a complete emotionally unavailable a$$, but I allowed it to go on. I broke it off and implemented NC at least five separate times, only to go back once I got a cutesy meaningless text. Until one fine day when I realized I was the problem because I was so addicted and so broken. That's the day I was done and have been NC since then. Almost three months and counting with the occasional breadcrumb from him, which gets immediately deleted (or discussed here :-)
Never Again Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Good goddamned f*ckberries. Really? You HAVE to know that your behavior is just wildly self-destructive at this point. I mean, talk about just horrific behavior patterns...and with the advice you've given others, we're all aware that you know better. I never thought I'd see a walking/talking validation of "We want what we can't have" and "We despise what's in the palm of our hand" before, but here you are. Your ex-husband, who begged and pleaded to work it out, was disgusting to you. I'm sure he had his faults, and he certainly wasn't at his most attractive when he was groveling, but you let him think that he had hope...that you'd at least be open to possibility of working things out and seeing if you could fall in love again. Meanwhile, his other guy, who is OBVIOUSLY not invested, is too attractive to you to resist. He's that forbidden fruit. You probably wouldn't want him so much if he was more interested in you. This other guy may be a wretch, but you've known that for awhile. The one creating toxic situations here is you. You're toxic, so every relationship you enter will be as well. You seem to crave instability and lack the self control to do what you know you should. 4
soccerrprp Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 It is so painful to see/hear people involved with human beings they know are bad for them or anyone else and still stay in the relationship. This is clearly a sign that the person who chooses to remain is broken (also). Just get out...it really is that simiple. You are aware, so just walk away and DON'T look back. 1
regine_phalange Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 They can't be fixed, you are wasting your time. Relationships should make us happy. 2
soccerrprp Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 They can't be fixed, you are wasting your time. Relationships should make us happy. Dang it, YES! Relationships should make YOU, US HAPPY and if it doesn't, then this is the biggest compromise, settling one can do! 1
todreaminblue Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 "water seeks its own level and your partners flaws usually go hand in hand with your own. a person chooses a partner with a similar degree of "brokenness" and does a dance of dysfunction where they both know the steps. therefore, one person cannot be so much healthier than the other. healthy people do not dance with unhealthy people" "Getting Past Your Breakup" - Susan Elliot actually healthy people dance with unhealthy people all the time......doesnt tmean the dance will last.... 1
soccerrprp Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) actually healthy people dance with unhealthy people all the time......doesnt tmean the dance will last.... AMEN sister! And, unfortunately, the healthier one becomes a little (or lot) less healthy after that mess.... I am and have always regarded my life to be healthy, fabulous. This has been true in my relationship world as well. I'm dating a woman who doesn't know what a healthy relationship feels like. Has been through a ton of crap....I'm dancing with her now. Pray for me! Lol! No, I love her to death. She's doing fabulously, but her view of relationships is a little darker than I'm used to. Edited January 29, 2014 by soccerrprp 1
GemmaUK Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 You can't play the victim card anymore, FMN. Your behavior pre and post marriage. Your behavior with the guy post marriage. Your behavior with your ex-husband. Your behavior with emotionally unavailable men you met on the dating sites. Your behavior with this current clown. It's not about getting "caught" in this one unfortunate toxic clown. It's guy after guy. This is who you are. What you project is what you get. Look inward. I have read back and this ^^^ is the clearest cut advice on this thread When the common denominator is you then you need to work on you. I was in good healthy and equal relationships until my last two. I am on a dating site with a forum but my profile is totally not interested in dating and I have no thumbnail photos up as I am only just realising what I did to attract and get involved with two needy and controlling men. One for only 5 weeks...and hassled me for three years..four years actually. The other I dated for 7 months. I tried to get out after 3. The thing is...I knew there was something in me attracting these guys and enabling it. I have been reading up on it and learning. I won't be ready to date again until I 'feel' ready. The post I have quoted is what I have taken on board for me. The question is whether you are prepared to woman up and take responsibility for your actions - and change things for you. If you don't change anything you will always get what you always got. Also, if you don't change your behaviour you will never change your attitude. Do you want this for life? I don't. I'm changing me. Two down trying to control me is enough for me.
MrNate 2.0 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 You can't play the victim card anymore, FMN. Your behavior pre and post marriage. Your behavior with the guy post marriage. Your behavior with your ex-husband. Your behavior with emotionally unavailable men you met on the dating sites. Your behavior with this current clown. It's not about getting "caught" in this one unfortunate toxic clown. It's guy after guy. This is who you are. What you project is what you get. Look inward. I feel like we just went to church. Someone pass the offering plate. 1
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