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Question for the Ladies - How to connect with an educated, introverted woman

scooby-philly

By scooby-philly
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scooby-philly Established Member

scooby-philly

Posted
Posted

Ok

 

So I'm looking for responses only from women please.

 

I posted a comment yesterday and got some advice but I'd like to take it further.

 

Here's my situation.

 

I've gone out twice with the same woman now. 1st date was on a whim - we had just started chatting that day online. But it went well and we talked again and she accepted a 2nd date. Had to postpone because of weather, but we did go out again. Had a good time, I thought, but only gut a hug at the end. We email, text, and call every other day so I know she must still be interested. But, I want to avoid the friend zone on this one. SHe' very different from the women I've dated in the past. She's educated and motivated, but introverted and very self-aware.

 

How can I connect with her emotionally and, um, physically? I'm a pretty affectionate person and want that in return so i'd hate to go too far without having the affection returned or if she is really as introverted as I think, i'd hate to make her feel uncomfortable by rushing too fast, but it's driving me crazy.

 

I'd like to find a date idea for our 3rd date where I can really see if the chemistry is there. Would she hate spontenaity if I just showed up Friday night? Feeling stuck

Ok Good Established Member

Ok Good

Posted
Posted

as crazy as it sounds

Just be yourself!

 

an educated & self-aware person are also perceptive

so being natural goes along way

 

if you want to learn about the chemistry

Ask her if you can kiss her ;)

 

but no surprise visits!!

mammasita Established Member

mammasita

Posted
Posted

I'm an introvert - this doesn't mean that I don't loooove to be touched or be physical with my man. I just hate large crowds and socializing with groups most of the time.

 

I wouldn't just show up, definitely plan a date.

  • Like 2
CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted

You are feeling stuck after only TWO dates?

 

Uh, guy.... you need to slow down. Do NOT just show up; make a proper date and if that date goes well, hold her hand and go in for a kiss. See how that is received.

 

But you want more? If she is that intelligent, you should be able to talk to her about where the relationship is going and physicality. Being an introvert doesn't mean they don't need/want/like physical contact.

  • Like 2
clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted

Don't just show up on Friday night. (I mean, seriously?) Call her today and ask her out for Friday night. Just go out with her, and if things are going well, kiss her at the end of the date. Introversion has nothing to do with being affectionate, so I'm not sure why you are so focused on that.

 

And why are you overthinking this so much?

  • Like 1
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scooby-philly Established Member

scooby-philly

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for feedback.

 

Lol. Yes, I'm slowing it down. Like I said my past experience is not with introverts so I know I needed advice.

 

Wasn't really planning on stopping by suddenly - just feeling a bit weird.

 

And thanks for the reminder about the whole touching thing. God I love dating!

Kaitie Member

Kaitie

Posted
Posted

I am a very introverted and shy person. Current boyfriend and I met online and I was very shy at first. On the third date I was much more open, but still no real affection other than hugging goodbye. 4th date was to a haunted house, and that was when we started holding hands (so we wouldn't get split up of course ;)) 5th date was first kiss. My advise would be just to take your time and pick things that are fun to do, and maybe require a little physical contact (snow tubing?) . If she likes you, she'll continue to see you.

hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

Posted
Posted (edited)
Ok

 

So I'm looking for responses only from women please.

 

I posted a comment yesterday and got some advice but I'd like to take it further.

 

Here's my situation.

 

I've gone out twice with the same woman now. 1st date was on a whim - we had just started chatting that day online. But it went well and we talked again and she accepted a 2nd date. Had to postpone because of weather, but we did go out again. Had a good time, I thought, but only gut a hug at the end. We email, text, and call every other day so I know she must still be interested. But, I want to avoid the friend zone on this one. SHe' very different from the women I've dated in the past. She's educated and motivated, but introverted and very self-aware.

 

How can I connect with her emotionally and, um, physically? I'm a pretty affectionate person and want that in return so i'd hate to go too far without having the affection returned or if she is really as introverted as I think, i'd hate to make her feel uncomfortable by rushing too fast, but it's driving me crazy.

 

I'd like to find a date idea for our 3rd date where I can really see if the chemistry is there. Would she hate spontenaity if I just showed up Friday night? Feeling stuck

 

IMO... what are you waiting for? Her to hold up a sign that says "you can kiss me now"?

 

She's already knows where she stands on you. Hell, judging by the description you gave in your other thread, she probably made up her mind before the second date.

 

Women are uncomfortable touching someone they don't want to touch, and they are comfortable touching someone they do want to touch. She knows which one you are. Now its just up to you to make a move and find out.

 

I'm not saying be awkward about it but you've got to start escalating things a bit.

Edited by hasaquestion
  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Make her laugh.

 

 

Try to organize a date where you are almost expected to touch her. Can you do something physical . . . go ice skating? Play videogames in an arcade? Go dancing?

  • Author
scooby-philly Established Member

scooby-philly

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Well,

 

My initial intuition, which I'm learning to pay more attention to, turned out to be right. Went over to her place to pick her up for a third date and after a 15 minute conversation was told that she wasn't "Ready for a relationship" right now - and that she has just had her last relationship break up in November/December. And she doesn't want to start something until she walks the Appalachian trail to address her failings - she can't be in something if she feels like she isn't pulling her "weight" in terms of income, etc. Wow.

 

I know women feel a lot of pressure to measure up these days. I get it. But men do to. After I stopped teaching hs it took me 6 months to find a decent paying job and took me another 12 to find one that paid well enough. We don't all become the people we desire or strive to be and we all face set backs and heartaches in our lives. I think we need to stop measuring up to external markers and live our lives according to the real markers our own intuition and gut sets for us.

  • Like 2
Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted

I know women feel a lot of pressure to measure up these days. I get it. But men do to. After I stopped teaching hs it took me 6 months to find a decent paying job and took me another 12 to find one that paid well enough. We don't all become the people we desire or strive to be and we all face set backs and heartaches in our lives. I think we need to stop measuring up to external markers and live our lives according to the real markers our own intuition and gut sets for us.

Correct. However if she is insecure/immature, there is nothing you can do. She isn't in the same place as you are emotionally and mentally.

salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
Posted
Would she hate spontenaity if I just showed up Friday night? Feeling stuck

 

Wow! If you've only seen her twice and actually have to ask this question, and she is a sophisticated, intelligent, self-aware woman... I think you'd better brace yourself for a fall.

hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

Posted
Posted
Well,

 

My initial intuition, which I'm learning to pay more attention to, turned out to be right. Went over to her place to pick her up for a third date and after a 15 minute conversation was told that she wasn't "Ready for a relationship" right now - and that she has just had her last relationship break up in November/December. And she doesn't want to start something until she walks the Appalachian trail to address her failings - she can't be in something if she feels like she isn't pulling her "weight" in terms of income, etc. Wow.

 

I know women feel a lot of pressure to measure up these days. I get it. But men do to. After I stopped teaching hs it took me 6 months to find a decent paying job and took me another 12 to find one that paid well enough. We don't all become the people we desire or strive to be and we all face set backs and heartaches in our lives. I think we need to stop measuring up to external markers and live our lives according to the real markers our own intuition and gut sets for us.

 

Don't feel bad about the situation. At least from your description, it doesn't sound like you did anything rude or faux pas. You just aren't on the same page. No need to feel bad.

 

As for the girl... bear in mind that if she is highly educated as you describe her, she probably looks around and sees a lot of people her age who have pretty "glamorous" lives. When you go to an elite school and your friends are at target consulting firms, in medical school, being paid to be all over the world, etc. it must be easy to feel inadequate. I hope she finds what she's looking for.

 

Would you consider being friends with her still or was she just an option as a fling?

  • Author
scooby-philly Established Member

scooby-philly

Posted
  • Author
Posted

@hasaquestion

 

Yeah, I'd still be friends. She asked and I said ok. I actually treated to dinner after the news and still lent her two books.

 

I understand the pressure to succeed all to well, so I get that. I do appreciate that she was nice enough to tell me in person than over a text or email. But, it doesn't erase the "this sucks feeling". I do hope she finds happiness and her strength.

 

Truth be told I was engaged at one point and it didn't work out and when I look back at it I think there was that same problem or issue - the woman feeling bad about herself. I wish her the best too.

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