aloneinaz Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I don't visit here very often anymore. This site was a great help to me when my ex broke up with me 7-8 months ago. Here's the summary- * We dated 1.4 years. Several break ups/fights during the time. Most break ups by her w/me going back and getting her back after a couple of weeks. * Couple therapy to help her w/her divorce "issues" that caused so many problems in our relationship. * She broke up w/me THE FINAL TIME over nothing one night. I said fine. Got up and left SWEARING to myself that I'd never contact her again nor would I ever consider a reconciliation either. The first couple of weeks were awful. Lots of anger, stress, anxiety, sadness, shock, etc.. I couldn't eat, function well or do much of anything. It really hit me hard even though I knew the relationship was toxic due to her issues. Feeling rejected sucks for sure as I'd never had a long term GF end a relationship. I finally got mad at myself and forced myself to move forward. I was lonely, feeling rejected and lived alone. I read a lot here were people said they need months to recover and heal. I didn't agree with this philosophy. I forced myself to join a dating site. The first few dates were a bit forced but I did find myself enjoying the attention from the site and the company of the women I dated. I hate probably dates w/10 different women the first two months. I know, it seems like a lot but I wanted to distract myself and keep myself busy. I then dated one girl several times but she wasn't the one. I then dated a second girl for a month but she had BAGS of issues. I ended that but we remained friends. I then met a wonderful woman! She's everything I was looking for. NORMAL, emotionally stable, a nice person to everyone, lots of friends, easy going, etc. I kept pinching myself going "is she real? When's she going to let her guard down and show me the real her"? Luckily, this is the real her! We are approaching our 6 month anniversary and she's moving into my house. I'm so in love w/her and feel so lucky and blessed that I met her and she's in my life. Back to the ex.. Again, I SWORE to myself that I would NOT contact her what-so-ever and followed this sites NO CONTACT rule. Not for a chance to get her back but for me to heal. I cleansed my home, computer, everything of items, things that reminded me of her. In the past, I always chased after her after a fight or break up. Not this time.. My GF and I had just celebrated our 3 month anniversary. I as home one day and was napping on the couch. I remember hearing the door bell as I was half asleep but figured it was a solicitor so I didn't answer it. A week later, my GF and I were watching TV and a long text comes into my phone. The dumper/ex had sent it. It was a long text apologizing for her behavior towards me. She was falling over herself. She also said she had stopped by my house the week before. It had been around 5 months since she dumped me and she hadn't heard a word from me. I ignored her text totally. Two weeks go by and she send me a huge email saying she was trying to reach me. Again, falling over herself apologizing, telling me she took me for granted, really missed me and what a great person I was. I finally replied to her a few days later telling her I'd moved on, had a GF I was in love with and reminded her again what a POS she was to me. She then replied right back apologizing, said she'd F'up, etc. I didn't reply to it. Several weeks later, she emails again. This time to see if her daughter can email to buy Girl Scout cookies?!?! I sent a short email back to her asking why she was continuing to contact a guy that she dumped multiple times and treated like ****. Another lllooonnggg email telling me I was the love of her life, that she's in a lot of emotional pain recognizing how bad she treated me, want to beg for another chance to be the GF I deserved, etc.. I replied that I was happy and good luck.. I'm sharing this for all the recently dumped to know you will fell better. Time heals all wounds. How you choose to pick yourself up and move forward is in your hands. Some swear that it's better to takes months to heal from relationships before looking for another while other (like myself) believe if your done w/the previous one, why wait to move forward and find your next. Did dating make me instantly forget the ex. Hell no! Do I still think about her. Hell yes. Do I miss her or that relationship? HELL NO! I think back to what a nasty, selfish person she was and how she made it such hell and wonder WTH was wrong w/me.. Choose the path your comfortable in moving forward in your life. If you're lucky like me, you'll come to the realization that being dumped from a toxic relationship was the best thing that could of happened to me! Keep your chin up! 17
jphcbpa Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 good for you. the only thing I would point out is that hopefully you took some time out to explore yourself before you got onto the dating site. if we dont do that, sometimes we can attract a very similar person. sounds like your new lady is different and shows you her real self. food for thought...just something to be aware of because there is not rule that says you cannot work on yourself while you are in this new R.
Never Again Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 This post brings a lot of hope, but I'm a little concerned. There are just little red flags here. Pushing yourself to HEAL quickly is one thing, but specifically to "find the next one" just rings "rebound". I hope I'm wrong here, but that's worrisome. Moving in during the first 6 months is also risky - you're still in the "honeymoon period", so of course you feel like you're "so in love"...that's chemistry and new relationship hormones kicking in full-force. I'm hoping this all has a happy ending anyway because you sound like you've got a grip on things and your new girl sounds great...but you haven't really seen her yet without those rose-colored glasses we all wear at the beginning. Best of luck.
Envy_rodge Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Good for you man. One piece of advice I can give you is don't have serious relationships with divorced women, or single mothers.
jphcbpa Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Good for you man. One piece of advice I can give you is don't have serious relationships with divorced women, or single mothers. unless they have worked on themselves and grew from it. if they have worked on any trauma, they will be able to tell you how and what they did and are still doing to grow from it.
Lennon Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 and cheers need to hear this stuff. It will pass and things shall get better. Thanks.
Author aloneinaz Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 Some valid points or replies to my original post. To the point of rebound; I'll have to dis-agree with those thoughts. I dated two others before this one for a few weeks and the other over a month. I knew they were not a fit to continue dating though as I mentioned, one has become a friend. It was 2.5 months after the ex broke w/me that I met my current GF and I do feel blessed she's not like my last two with all the emotional BS.. I do agree we should always be reflecting on ourselves, relationship and what we've done right or wrong in them. I do agree that even in a new relationship, you should try NOT to repeat mistakes made in the previous one. The validation point of my title was correct. I was very good BF to my ex and great to her young kids. She took advantage of, used me, took me for granted and assumed she could always break up with me and I'd simply let her cool down from her latest emotional melt down and come chasing her again. Um no, I got pushed past my breaking point. Now, she can deal with dumpers remorse. Was I perfect in this past relationship, no but I did nothing to bring drama, fighting or any other emotional drama the ex lived for. I'm in my 40's. I wouldn't EVEN consider having someone move in w/me if I was 100% confident in this relationship. My father, friends and her friends all love her and say she's so genuine.. Wish me luck and again, for all the recently dumped, it will get better. I promise.
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