julesmb606 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I have just broken up with my boyfriend of almost a year. I live in canada and he lives in the states. We met up in New Orleans last week he was there on business. I knew prior to going that this would be the make it or break it moment. I am having trouble dealing with his reasoning of why he can't be in a relationship. I have never gone to visit him at his house. He was always willing to travel here to see me. I said you know that I will want to see where you live and meet your family. He said he is not ready for me to come down yet. He is afraid if I do that it will go bad as this has happened to him in the past. I said your self sabotaging this relationship then. I would appreciate any advise or similiar experiences and how you handled it. Thanks, jules
CherryT Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 My advice is try and move on. I would never be in a relationship with someone locally, that after a year, he still didn't want me to meet his family. Not even just for a coffee. To me, LDR's are built on trust and communication and when someone hides where they are most of the time to me signals a lot of red flags. I'm in similar geo's to your LDR and my fiancé and I were open about our relationship with our families from day 1. He met my family on my first trip and I met his on my second trip (only because our first trip, his family went on a weekend getaway). Do you see your relationship as serious? or is it just something that happens when he's close or when it's easy for you to meet him? There are a lot of people who like LDR's because they can have multiple relationships at a time. If you're wanting something serious, you should stand your ground and move on. Because after a year, it's not unusual for you to want to meet his family, it's unusual for him to not want you to. Every family has their share of crazies, but if he's serious about you, you guys can work around it.
Author julesmb606 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Thank you what your saying makes total sense. If he really wanted to make this work he would make a better effort.
nugget_718 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I have just broken up with my boyfriend of almost a year. I live in canada and he lives in the states. We met up in New Orleans last week he was there on business. I knew prior to going that this would be the make it or break it moment. I am having trouble dealing with his reasoning of why he can't be in a relationship. I have never gone to visit him at his house. He was always willing to travel here to see me. I said you know that I will want to see where you live and meet your family. He said he is not ready for me to come down yet. He is afraid if I do that it will go bad as this has happened to him in the past. I said your self sabotaging this relationship then. I would appreciate any advise or similiar experiences and how you handled it. Thanks, jules I would follow CherryT's advise and move on. Canada and US are basically neighbors and there is not enough reason after nearly a year in the relationship for you not to visit him. It's understandable if he is not ready to introduce you to his family but you can just visit him; this is assuming that he has his own place. If he does and he's keeping you away, there might be other reason other than "him not being ready for you to meet his family". I am in an LDR and my SO was living in the UK when we started and I live in California. I visited him 3 months in the relationship even if I didn't get a chance to meet his family. That kinda put my mind at ease and had since let the relationship push through. He now lives in Canada due to work and we are hitting our 3 year mark this year in July.
justwhoiam Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 It's understandable if he is not ready to introduce you to his family but you can just visit him; this is assuming that he has his own place. If he does and he's keeping you away, there might be other reason other than "him not being ready for you to meet his family". This nugget said. The problem is not meeting his family. I would be patient about that, for whatever reason he feels like postponing that meeting, I wouldn't force it. But not seeing his place? There must be a more than valid excuse for that. If he lives on his own: no excuse. If he lives with his family, he should be taking a chance the first time he's home alone to let you see the house. I also agree with CherryT: there's a good chance he might have more than a relationship at once. Did he switch off the phone while he was with you/visiting you? Is his phone off limits? Think of this kind of red flags. Anyway, you broke up. You can only move on now.
Author julesmb606 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 He is afraid that our relationship will end up how his previous one did. Whenever things are going well and he allows the person to get really close to him it falls apart so I guess his logic is to keep me at bay. What he fears has come true because were broken up. I asked him to speak to a professional about this. He went for a consultation and has to book another appointment. He doesn't want to hurt me and believes i deserve better.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Sorry, it just sounds like a bunch of BS to me. I think that's just what he's telling you. I would almost bet money there's someone else in the picture. Probably living in his home, but that's just me. 2
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