InnocentMan Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Really bad idea. You've just changed the whole dynamic of your relationship, until she has payed you back in full, which may never happen. There's always things that these type of people can cut back on. The fact that she is using payday lenders, is a good indication that she is pretty clueless when it comes to money. It doesn't even sound like you are in a stable relationship with this woman. You should perhaps ponder what you're own motivation for helping is. It doesn't sound like a very healthy situation.
darkmoon Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 has she made plans for her security? if she is crying over a financial transaction, the pay-day loan, sorry but she sounds ill-equipped to deal with responsibilities, and silly to have done it - or is she grooming you to pay for her in the future? 1
mortensorchid Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 If she needs money, she goes to her family or to a bank. NOT YOU.
Haydn Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 No dont. I lent more than id care to say but it was huge....... Gone. (Not bitter at all!!!!!)
Author Babolat Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 I agree with her not being responsbile. I agree it has changed the dynamic of the relationship. She is not grooming me to pay for the future, this I know, and will not. Regarding what she can cut back on, her and I talked about this before I gave her the money (before she knew I was going to give it to her), and she is down to the basics: food, rent, electricty, internet service (which she needs for her work as she works from home) and cable TV (which is part of her internet package), and keeping her car running and then whatever her daughter needs for school, etc. She cut all the movie channels out. Yeah, I think it's easy to say "get rid of cable tv"; she locked into a contract. She is no longer eating organic, healthier foods, as they cost more. She buys her and her daughters clothes from Goodwill and yard sales. She buys necessary houselholds from yardsales. She lives in a very small apartment, has a storage unit she pays for, and is not paying that monthly bill to make ends meet, and they have locked her out of it until she catches up. She is the type, when she makes money, she spends it or does not know how to set some aside. She was never taught how to save or how to budget. Her family abandoned her at a young age and she pretty much raised herself. This frustrates me, I never talked to her about it until prior to giving her the money. She has been making a salary with her sales job until recently, where they cut her salary out 100%, and now shes on straight comission. Problem is it's a very small company and they never worked out the details on how she would be paid comission. And now the owner tells her he does not even have a way to track her sales, no software, etc. Thus why she took out the pay day loan. She does not even know if she will be getting a check next month. She has done well, helped him grow his business. I think it's a combination of her ignroance in not planning, talking to him about "how will you pay me 100% comission" and the small buisness owner not planning either; realizing he could no longer afford to pay her a salary, and stopping it. She also assumed she would have her new job by now, where her salary would have doubled. She is looking for a 2nd part time job. She makes jewelery and now has a plan to try to sell it. I get all the comments about a gift, don't do it, do it if you don't expect the money to come back, she is irresponsible, etc. What threw me for a loop were her comments about it being a loan, paying me back month to month, after I gave her the money. That's the main intent of my post. She does not have money, I know it. So why even offer to start paying me back?
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