Author forza Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Try to keep calm OP! If she made contact with your son, you at least know she's relatively safe, and will be coming home, if not just a little later than usual. Do you know why she decided to separate from you? This sounds like she has really worked on living a completely independent life from you while still sharing the house. I know you mention that financially, you are in a bad spot. Is it possible finances are keeping her from divorce? While I think you overstepped your bounds by going through her trash (!!), I'm not going to chastise you over it. In the future though, don't do that again. Checking her phone, internet history or other such stuff is much more applicable and tells you the information you need to know. I would also try to talk to her more, but it sounds like communication may be strained? Thanks for the support. I only went through the trash because I saw a ribbon. Then her razor. If a woman has completly shaved I think its a clue.
Author forza Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Years ago I would if confronted her on arrival but have mellowed. Maybe too much. I cannot stand the thought of what she could be doing
carhill Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 OP, one potential avenue to help is to separate out the marital issues from your suspicions of infidelity. You've identified a number of marital issues and you each bear the responsibility for your portions of them and for any work you choose to, or choose not to, do regarding them. The infidelity issue is separate from the other 'stuff'. IMO, either qualify it in a verifiable way or let it go. Have her tailed and surveiled and put the matter to rest. Beware that she may not care and you likely will not gain anything in the divorce with evidence found. The scary version is that she can cheat on you, take your kids and your house and feel real positive about the whole thing and blame it all on your poor behavior as a husband, gambling, etc, etc. That's the scary version. It happens. Up to you. Pick a path. Tip: The choices you make now are like forming that snowball at the top of a long hill. Right now is when the little things have the greatest influence on where that snowball rolls and, as it gathers momentum, it is more and more difficult to direct.
Fluttershy Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Ahhh, the classic lets ignore all warning signs from the poster an focus on why is wife is a cheat. Because that is what is important. Besides the fact he told him she could see other women during this sepration which I would think goes both ways... After all he asked... The OP gambles The OP has money problems The OP has behaviour problems The OP feels he married beneath him and that his wife should be able to put up with anything because she was ghetto. How about we urge the OP to do a little soul searching hmm? 1
Anne Boleyn Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 New info, She has just called my son to say she will be delayed at work an hour. Her cel is off or shes in the subway. OK, I need to stay cool. She never turns it off cos shes very responsible with the kids. If only I knew where she worked. Shes freelance. Was one of her complaints you are controlling? Because even in a marriage, a man losing control over ribbon, pubic hair found after digging through the trash, and a phone call to a child about being an hour late... It's weird. A spouse who's separated, doubly weird. It's like live-in stalker level. How did you know her phone was off? Did you call her? How do you know it's off and not that she's on it... Doing work? Thanks for the support. I only went through the trash because I saw a ribbon. Then her razor. If a woman has completly shaved I think its a clue. A clue to what? First off, you don't know if she "completely shaved." Secondly, it could be a clue to 100 things, not conclusive proof, or even suspicious proof, of an affair. 1
carhill Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 OP, since another poster brought up pubic hair, and the razor, instead of speculating, have the stuff checked for semen traces. Technology is out there to qualify instead of engaging in speculation. If nothing, move on to the next item on the list. The more I read, the more I firmly believe IC will help you. If you don't do it for yourself and your M, do it for your kids. They need a healthy dad right now.
proseandpassion Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Things are bad with my wife of 14 years. Sleeping separately in same house , initiated by her. We have 3 kids. She says she doesn't love me anymore. I have been very difficult I will admit. Needy, wanting attention etc. Have lost a lot of money, was conned and isolated by family members years ago and have been depressed. And had some serious back problems etc. have a lot of heavy duty baggage from the past and have screwed our marriage with my irresponsible actions such as gambling addiction which I developed as a response to her coldness to me years ago. I am decent person who has become weak. I hate myself for it. She wants separation but says I can stay till I get going. She says she doesnt want a penny from me or a divorce. Shes not sure and hasn't had time to go into it. I have had insomnia , stress, worry and wish i could react better. I am concerned she is seeing someone else. She works full time and has the time. I am currently looking after the kids till I can sell a property I developed. I found 2 12 inch thin silky white ribbons, one in the bathroom waste basket, the other next to it on the floor. I found them in this morning after her shower. She was dressed in the same clothes as usual nothing new. She also sleeps with her handbag right next to her or close by and within view. I asked her if she is seeing someone a week ago, she exploded at me. Saying " Do you think I have to be seeing somone to want out of this marriage". And "I don't want any man" with disgust empathized on the word man. What could these ribbons belong to? I am thinking lingerie. Are there any other things? Hope you can help. The other thing was a ball of hair from her privates. I had noticed her razor had a few stuck in it so I checked the waste basket in the bathroom , wearing a glove and found the pubes wrapped in paper at the bottom. The wb had been empty in the morning. Do I have reason to be suspicious? You sound like a co-dependent love addict and your wife is love avoidant. I suggest you read more about that.
devilish innocent Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 So around the same time she asked to sleep in another room, started shaving her pubes, and started keeping her cell phone right by her at all times? I don't know why there's even a reason to snoop. The evidence against her is already overwhelming.
atreides Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 (edited) Things are bad with my wife of 14 years. Sleeping separately in same house , initiated by her. We have 3 kids. She says she doesn't love me anymore. I have been very difficult I will admit. Needy, wanting attention etc. Have lost a lot of money, was conned and isolated by family members years ago and have been depressed. And had some serious back problems etc. have a lot of heavy duty baggage from the past and have screwed our marriage with my irresponsible actions such as gambling addiction which I developed as a response to her coldness to me years ago. There are good and bad times in an M and all can be fixed. In other words don't beat yourself up over it. Were you unfaithful as added to the list of "baggage" or is it just the financial side that has got you feeling guilty? She wants separation but says I can stay till I get going. She says she doesnt want a penny from me or a divorce. Shes not sure and hasn't had time to go into it. This is very concerning, in my opinion. She is fielding other options, but wants stability in the mean time. Like swing from one vine to another.... just my opinion of what your wrote. I just wish people were more direct and decisive rather than lingering and causing more harm than needed. I am concerned she is seeing someone else. She works full time and has the time. I am currently looking after the kids till I can sell a property I developed. Well are you separated or not? Honestly i don't buy into separation, it's very vague to me. If it's cooling off time, like one spouse going to visit a relative to get some space to clear one's head is fine. But "separation" to me, i don't like that middle ground, it for many does permit the "seeing" of other potential suitors. What are your terms of the separation? I found 2 12 inch thin silky white ribbons, one in the bathroom waste basket, the other next to it on the floor. I found them in this morning after her shower. She was dressed in the same clothes as usual nothing new. She also sleeps with her handbag right next to her or close by and within view. I asked her if she is seeing someone a week ago, she exploded at me. Saying " Do you think I have to be seeing somone to want out of this marriage". And "I don't want any man" with disgust empathized on the word man. Not enough to go on with the ribbons. However her response is curious, as in "want out of the marriage" so does she or doesn't she is a question i would have. When she said she does not want a penny from you is also concerning, she is checked out of the M... perhaps not all the way but definitely on the way. The other thing was a ball of hair from her privates. I had noticed her razor had a few stuck in it so I checked the waste basket in the bathroom , wearing a glove and found the pubes wrapped in paper at the bottom. The wb had been empty in the morning. Do I have reason to be suspicious? It can be a sign for sure but then again not... i would be suspicious because of the context you have explained thus far but it's hard to have the whole story. In other words let me say this, don't focus on her having an A, focus on fixing your M, make it better and then I suspect your suspicions or need of them of your W having an A will disappear. Edited January 30, 2014 by atreides
Author forza Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 You sound like a co-dependent love addict and your wife is love avoidant. I suggest you read more about that. Oh my God I thought no way but have read into it and believe it could be possible. I was not like that the first few years though. Can the roles be reversed? Thanks
Author forza Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 (edited) There are good and bad times in an M and all can be fixed. In other words don't beat yourself up over it. Were you unfaithful as added to the list of "baggage" or is it just the financial side that has got you feeling guilty? No koumbare I never cheated and could have tons of times. My wife says you cant judge a book my its cover and as soon as the girls found me out they would leave me. I replied that didnt matter cos I am 100% not looki g for anythinh serious This is very concerning, in my opinion. She is fielding other options, but wants stability in the mean time. Like swing from one vine to another.... just my opinion of what your wrote. I just wish people were more direct and decisive rather than lingering and causing more harm than needed. You are right I think, ive got her phone records and theres one no she has no reason to be calling. I found it who it was and confronted her this morning in a very casual way, not mentioning cheating . She said she has never heard of the person but swallowed and her eyes looked down . Then she said I like to imagine things. She even looked slightly guilty for a bit but not real guilt more like a childs guilt. I think she wants us seperated so she can feel OK taking it PHysical as shes a supposedly devout Christian. I didnt mention this earlier because I didnt want it to influence my other questions. Well are you separated or not? Honestly i don't buy into separation, it's very vague to me. If it's cooling off time, like one spouse going to visit a relative to get some space to clear one's head is fine. But "separation" to me, i don't like that middle ground, it for many does permit the "seeing" of other potential suitors. What are your terms of the separation? She wants a seperation . Probably get me out and see how her EA develops . I can she deny she called him 14 times in a month, plus 26 txts in December alone! She changes what she says. One day she looked upset when I asked her if I could see other women. The yesterday the opposite. Because she is such a Christian she Will Not see men . She says shes had enough of men! She has said this morning she wants me out soon just before I confronted her. She could hardly speak after i exposed her. No anger just concern. Especially when I said im going to see the guy. I have stopped crying, pleading and my manliness is returning. Time to confront the bastard. Not enough to go on with the ribbons. However her response is curious, as in "want out of the marriage" so does she or doesn't she is a question i would have. When she said she does not want a penny from you is also concerning, she is checked out of the M... perhaps not all the way but definitely on the way. I think this is a pride issue. My close family have always thought she was a goldigger and she is very proud. But today she let it slip that that she will get what the judge awards her!!! It can be a sign for sure but then again not... i would be suspicious because of the context you have explained thus far but it's hard to have the whole story. In other words let me say this, don't focus on her having an A, focus on fixing your M, make it better and then I suspect your suspicions or need of them of your W having an A will disappear. I am sickened with myself. 90% of this is my doing. I thought she was my mother ( although she never showed me concern, love etc for years) . I wish I had done something earlier. Edited January 30, 2014 by forza
Author forza Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 So around the same time she asked to sleep in another room, started shaving her pubes, and started keeping her cell phone right by her at all times? I don't know why there's even a reason to snoop. The evidence against her is already overwhelming. Plus theres phone calls to a guy We do t know. Nothing work related. And when i confronted her she looks surprised as hell , looks down, sheepish, concerned but not angry then completly denies it . I havnt told her I have her phone bills though. I told her I have been told they are talking, meeting etc.
Author forza Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 Was one of her complaints you are controlling? Because even in a marriage, a man losing control over ribbon, pubic hair found after digging through the trash, and a phone call to a child about being an hour late... It's weird. A spouse who's separated, doubly weird. It's like live-in stalker level. How did you know her phone was off? Did you call her? How do you know it's off and not that she's on it... Doing work? A clue to what? First off, you don't know if she "completely shaved." Secondly, it could be a clue to 100 things, not conclusive proof, or even suspicious proof, of an affair. My insticts were right. Its not only women who have intuition you know. But I do agree with you and I realise I have to work on myself ! Thanks
Author forza Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 Ahhh, the classic lets ignore all warning signs from the poster an focus on why is wife is a cheat. Because that is what is important. Besides the fact he told him she could see other women during this sepration which I would think goes both ways... After all he asked... The OP gambles The OP has money problems The OP has behaviour problems The OP feels he married beneath him and that his wife should be able to put up with anything because she was ghetto. How about we urge the OP to do a little soul searching hmm? You are right. I know i am one flawed human being. And a lack of feeling love , concern from my wife brings out the worst in me. I honesly think i will go to the doc for some pills to deaden my anger, sadness etc.
Author forza Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 (edited) OP, one potential avenue to help is to separate out the marital issues from your suspicions of infidelity. You've identified a number of marital issues and you each bear the responsibility for your portions of them and for any work you choose to, or choose not to, do regarding them. The infidelity issue is separate from the other 'stuff'. IMO, either qualify it in a verifiable way or let it go. Have her tailed and surveiled and put the matter to rest. Beware that she may not care and you likely will not gain anything in the divorce with evidence found. The scary version is that she can cheat on you, take your kids and your house and feel real positive about the whole thing and blame it all on your poor behavior as a husband, gambling, etc, etc. That's the scary version. It happens. Shi.t thats a nightmare but im preprred for it. She originally wanted to keep it quiet though. She says shes told no-one in her family etc and not even her friends . She recomended I go away and we just tell the kids Ive go e to work away . I went allong with this til i couldnt take it anymore . I didnt telk them directly to start with but they iverheard her say to a pleading me its over. They cried like anything and I feel bad. They all have learning difficulties and one suffered very emotional problems 6 months ago . H e said he didnt want his parents to divorce. She told him I will always be his father and told me I that I am a big mouth for having to discuss these things which is a bad insult coming from where I come from. If she had sat down with me without the kids constantly running to the door to listen . To be honest I think she has been using them as a barrier. She does not want MC says its way too late!! Up to you. Pick a path. Tip: The choices you make now are like forming that snowball at the top of a long hill. Right now is when the little things have the greatest influence on where that snowball rolls and, as it gathers momentum, it is more and more difficult to direct. I need some pills badly because I keep flipping between calm and breaking down, crying like a baby. She even told me I looked pathetic and childish. I am in no state of mind to handle this. Where as she is calm as a anything. There were some tears on her part though but I was a wreck all night. Somhow im calmer now and got the results of a PI , I feel anger towards the guy and thats stopped my baby behavior for now! Thankyou for all your thougtfull msgs. I was right after all. I think its just EA. but who knows?! Thanks again you have been a great help We havnt had sex in 4 months barr once before Christmas Edited January 31, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author forza Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 And if you were the police, FBI, or CIA trying to investigate a crime, I'd encourage you to do so. But I can't remember the last time the police, FBI, and CIA went through my bathroom trash so as to find out how I may or may not be spending my time. The revealing the contents on a forum for feedback. I've been called a lot of things, naive isn't one of them. Something is off here. One post you want to know because you think she's cheating. The next, you think it's because she wants you back. Then back to the "she's cheating," again. You can mourn the end of a marriage, and that I get... But when part of that mourning involves going elbow deep in the garbage of your soon-to-be-ex's bathroom on the hunt for pubic hair, we've wandered out of mourning and into obsessive and are losing the opportunity to handle it with a sense of pride. Time to reevaluate I think. You are right I am obsessive. I had a danger filled life in my earlier years that stopped me trusting people. But you are wrong that LE would not go through bathroom trash. For murder, rape etc. Well for me divorce is a form of murder. I am not showing off but I am a good looking and charismatic guy who could get any women. They literally give me their numbers and I am decent enough not to act on them. But have flirted when she has frozen to me. You put all the blame on me and that is wrong.. My wife is very very passive aggressive and has many issues too. I have posted here before using a different name and yes I am paranoid obsessive etc but used to trust my wife 99%. She literally constantly makes me feel like I should feel insecure but in a very passive aggressive way. I can be very easy going and was for the first 3 years of the marriage. She used to through my pockets, bathroom trash etc and I know this because she found a crumpled page porn in the bathroom trash under several things . She could only of found it if she had gone through it. Another thing is I married her and wasn't 100% wanting it and had a dozen girls at the time but I didnt want to be a Deadbeat dad and married her. I was in love yes but I was scared of marrying her for her background etc but did and was disowned by my family etc and lived in the ghetto for 2 years. I have sacrificed for this! I am not the ass....pe you are making me out to be.
Author forza Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) She has had a EA type thing I am sure before. I had phone records to back that up too but the guy was church guy and she said it was church counsilling. She used to live in churches, changing one to the other and sometimes coming back late at night. Plus there was a EA with her hairdresser that she completely denied but I am 100 % she used to defend the hell out of guy and say she felt sorry for him etc with his wife nagging him etc And he would do her hair late on shutting time even after the other employees had gone home. I stayed with older kid then. Her excuse was she needed her hair done for church etc the next day and He was so kind he decided to do it for her. But every time I brought it up in the last few years she completly Denied what she had said to the guy. I SHOULD of had it looked into but I had no money etc , it was hard enough paying rent etc and I couldn't tell my family etc because I would of looked like a clown. It was around that time she cut off sex, affection from me and went church it up. I unfortunately started gambling which is crazy I have people involved in this in my family, casino employees etc who have warned me , plus I saw close relative lose fortunes. I was also in denial IF something was going on at the time as I defended my against mothers etc accusations of character etc so much I though her saintly Plus the gambling made me into a Zombie, unable to focus, think clearly etc. I was happy to get scraps from her as I felt guilty for gambling. I hope I have made myself clearer to the usual suspects , usually female who Can never know the full story BUT always take the Woman's side. Maybe all that stuff MADE me obsessive and Paranoid. The problem is I have no concrete evidence. Other than anything that could of been innocent church/catching up conversations. Edited January 31, 2014 by forza details
Poppygoodwill Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 It's exhausting to read your posts Forza, because they are so chock full of twisted historical details, admissions of your own problems and a dizzying amount of speculation. I'm alarmed at how often you readily acknowledge your part to play in all this, and yet you plough on, without stopping for breath, back to the topic of her suspected infidelities. To be honest, you remind me of my mother, who would readily acknowledge her alcoholism only becuase she figured that the admission would shut people up and somehow justify her continuing troublesome behaviour. All this is to say: Your marriage sounds as if it's forest raging on fire, fast approaching the point of total wipeout. Why are you using a bucket to put out a forest fire? Why bother wondering how it's going to end - her affair or something else. GET OUT OF THE FOREST. 2
Fluttershy Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Let's make this clear. I she cheated before, that is wrong. Cheating is always wrong and a 100% the cheaters choice. There are a lot better options. But You are clearly in a mess. Even without cheating. Cheating you don't have solid proof of. In fact I could explain all the signs away. Plus you did ask her if you could see other people as a test... He didn't seem happy about it you said but agreed... Which means... You gave her your blessing and she may think you are cheating. But if you are hiding your money issues that is also a betrayal. One that people have reacted to just as bad. (not all but it has happened) if you have not hidden the extent of it then it is like someone rubbin an affair in your face. Obviously your wife has issues. But I don't have her side or her words to go on. Nor can You change her. Only yourself. I see piles of hurt, anger, resentment, Addiction here (that list could go on forever). Get yourself together. Stop blaming her for your issues (not marriage issues, personal). Take responsibility and seek help to change. If you blame shift you will never improve your lot. If this means your marriage is over, then so be it. Marriages end, they take two to be fulfilling. 1
Silveron Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Forza, I can understand where you are coming from. I am sure you normally don't act like this however the stress and anxiety have you investigating things that are not even there. Your imagination is probably going wild and part of you probably thinks as long as she is not seeing anyone else there is a chance of getting the relationship back together again. What you are doing however is validating her feelings about you and the marriage. She feeds off your anxiety and your worries and takes that as a sign that is not attractive to her. If you want to get this marriage back on track you need to stop what you are doing and go see a counselor by yourself. Women love confidence. Don't ask her questions about the marriage, stop telling her 'I love you' and give her space. If she comes out of the blue and tells you how she hates the marriage, wants to leave, etc.. then all you say is 'that is your decision' and then let it go. Start doing things for yourself and live your own life as difficult as it may seems right now. Get back to your old self and things will follow in place naturally. You can't force her to stay with you and you also have to look back on the past to see what you both did wrong so that you can fix yourself. If she lashes out at you, don't lash back. Just tell her that you will talk to her when she has calmed down. Learn to walk away during those times.
Author forza Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 It's exhausting to read your posts Forza, because they are so chock full of twisted historical details, admissions of your own problems and a dizzying amount of speculation. I'm alarmed at how often you readily acknowledge your part to play in all this, and yet you plough on, without stopping for breath, back to the topic of her suspected infidelities. To be honest, you remind me of my mother, who would readily acknowledge her alcoholism only becuase she figured that the admission would shut people up and somehow justify her continuing troublesome behaviour. All this is to say: Your marriage sounds as if it's forest raging on fire, fast approaching the point of total wipeout. Why are you using a bucket to put out a forest fire? Why bother wondering how it's going to end - her affair or something else. GET OUT OF THE FOREST. I am live wired at the moment. I am terrified of losing my children and my wife but I am deeply surprised since we agreed in November to make it work. My father was killed in front of me as a child and many other things and maybe some inherited depressive anxiety genes I know I need some help, pills etc. GET OUT OF THE FOREST??? The marriage or the house?
Author forza Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Forza, I can understand where you are coming from. I am sure you normally don't act like this however the stress and anxiety have you investigating things that are not even there. Your imagination is probably going wild and part of you probably thinks as long as she is not seeing anyone else there is a chance of getting the relationship back together again. What you are doing however is validating her feelings about you and the marriage. She feeds off your anxiety and your worries and takes that as a sign that is not attractive to her. If you want to get this marriage back on track you need to stop what you are doing and go see a counselor by yourself. Women love confidence. Don't ask her questions about the marriage, stop telling her 'I love you' and give her space. If she comes out of the blue and tells you how she hates the marriage, wants to leave, etc.. then all you say is 'that is your decision' and then let it go. Start doing things for yourself and live your own life as difficult as it may seems right now. Get back to your old self and things will follow in place naturally. You can't force her to stay with you and you also have to look back on the past to see what you both did wrong so that you can fix yourself. If she lashes out at you, don't lash back. Just tell her that you will talk to her when she has calmed down. Learn to walk away during those times. Thanks for kind words. I do need to fix myself . The problem is I think i have some inbalence because sometimes I cannot control myself in these issues. Today yes tomorrow no for example. I have broken down many times and had bad thoughts .I either feel deep sadness, regret, or anger and I will be mocked by family who hated her from day 1. Also I believe she is taking advantage of my mental state to passive aggressively torture me. no eye contact today . I think she wants to encourage me to flip. I wont. But I NEED to speak to her alone. Its very hard with the kids in the house and she is refusing to talk about this for some hyper emotional talks in the kitchen which were interrupted by the kids. She now says she will consider, I suggested somewhere outside. I know she split with her old 3 boyfriends for being Needy . I need to be confident yes and am but its hard when you've gone semi nuts. Sometimes I feel it then not. I will lose money big time by my standards in a divorce and it will be very complicated. Sometimes I love her, and hate. But I love the kids and love-hate her.
Author forza Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 TO ALL, She is looking good, flushed face , a smile on her lips when I pass her bedroom and doors open.Whats that about at a time like this? WTF!! She Went into her sexy lingerie drawer when she arrived from work. She doesnt wear that stuff at all. Took nothing out , will check later if put something in. As a CSI fan I know the contents inside out;) I have done some brain storming. I believe in the worst scenario her plan is this: 1. Get me to either flip now in house so she can have me evicted right away. I wont and have never hit her but have thrown some things and grabbed her arms, not hard just to keep her there so I could discuss. She has once kneed me in the balls for simply placing my hand in a loving way on her shoulder. 2. Lets say we have the crummy separation she initially suggested before divorce she would use that to enjoy her freedom and wait for a substantial some of money to possibly come my way so it gets added to the marital pot. When I asked her how long the separation she had no answer. I offered 6 months. Ridiculous because I have been away for months on end for work, even recently. She replied too soon she wants permanent separation, later said 2 years or so but doesnt need to be a divorce and doesn't want a penny. She says she hasn't been to a lawyer. How many women talking of the END with total conviction haven't? 3. During our permanent separation she has said if I have women its divorce. WTF??!! That would appease her mom and Christianity . So of course the same goes for her and maybe she is Celibate and I am tripping . I know she takes care of herself if you catch my drift.
Author forza Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 (edited) She wears practical cotton panties for everyday . See them in the wash . Thats not snooping. I mentioned earlier in above post she opened her sexy lingere drawer last night and gave me a glance and a frown after some movement inside. There are a FEW none sexy items. I was talking to youngest child so didn't see 100% but she took nothing out and had her handbag on floor besides her. I opened drawer just now and found a sexy pair of panties non washed, perfumed and faint natural sexy smell to them. They look new and I've never seen them . I checked stockists that sell them and She shops at 2 of them . Why would she do this ? Is she trying to make me go nuts!!!!!????? I would of woken her but for the kids. Please advise me I know you guys say My problem is not cheating but It is an element and she is up to something. Edited February 1, 2014 by forza
Author forza Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Let's make this clear. I she cheated before, that is wrong. Cheating is always wrong and a 100% the cheaters choice. There are a lot better options. But You are clearly in a mess. Even without cheating. Cheating you don't have solid proof of. In fact I could explain all the signs away. Plus you did ask her if you could see other people as a test... He didn't seem happy about it you said but agreed... Which means... You gave her your blessing and she may think you are cheating. But if you are hiding your moiney issues that is also a betrayal. One that people have reacted to just as bad. (not all but it has happened) if you have not hidden the extent of it then it is like someone rubbin an affair in your face. Obviously your wife has issues. But I don't have her side or her words to go on. Nor can You change her. Only yourself. I see piles of hurt, anger, resentment, Addiction here (that list could go on forever). Get yourself together. Stop blaming her for your issues (not marriage issues, personal). Take responsibility and seek help to change. If you blame shift you will never improve your lot. If this means your marriage is over, then so be it. Marriages end, they take two to be fulfilling. Flutter one problem I have is insomnia. I cannot sleep till early morning then I wake 2-3 hours later. Its making me worse. I am trying to get myself together but its easier said than done. Also i think I didn't explain properly . I didn't ask her if I could have women in the separation in the context of me happily accepting it and getting other women I was trying to get info from her about her true intentions. How serious it is etc . I was surprised she looked a little sad when I said that. Maybe just acting. Flutter I don't want to leave my children. They do not want me to go either. They are young . Also sometimes she is coming home late from work. Is it fair that they are by themselves , the oldest is 12. She thought shed just tell them I had gone away to work. But thats wrong I think don't you think so ? Why does everything have to be her way. You are right about the resentment etc. on both sides. One last thing my gambling losses are only 2% of my real estate losses due to the market. I was wanting to sell all units in 2006 . My partners didnt.i had good deals lined up. So my gambling and by the way I am proud to say I haven't gambled in 6 months was a bad as it lost me my emergancy money savings but its small compared to my business losses.
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