firefly2613 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 It's been over four months since my first love left me and married someone else. She's happy with him and one thousand miles over me. I wish that weren't the case but oh well. Now I just feel all alone. I live with my Dad who is disabled and depressed and sometimes threatens suicide to the rest of my family, who he pushed away and only contacts when he wants pity or to berate them. I can't just leave because I don't know what would happen. On top of that, I have been addicted to pornography for 11 years (started when I was 11, I am 22 now). It has adversely affected my life and my self esteem, to the point that all I can think about is them together because I value myself so little. I don't think i'll ever find somebody who i can be honest with again like her. But she's living it up on sorority hill and having a great time. Her husband is some bigtime mitary corporal who has medals and has been to Iraq and can offer her more than I ever did. I'd like to move on but there's no use bringing my unstable mess to anyone else. Nobody is interested in me anyway.
TaraMaiden Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Well that sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy.....13 views so far, and this is the first reply. Hint: Nobody likes a pity-party-merchant.... Now: "Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't - you're right." First of all, have a family meeting. Tell everyone that you think they're a bunch of schytts for abandoning you to look after your dad on your own, at your age. You shouldn't be doing this alone, and you need support - both from the family and from whatever health services you can find which will provide support, assistance or just advice. Ask your/you father's doctor for help. And tell your family to pull finger out and do their bit. You know he's a cantankerous old goat, but you can't help that - but the man needs help, not abandonment. And you - you have to stop being such a pushover. You're only 22, and much as I sympathise with regard to your last love, you have got to pull yourself up by your britches, quit this pity-party and get a grip. Jeesh, I married at the age of 54 - and there you are, moaning as if life is over for you. Stop being so melodramatic, get hold of your life and think like a winner, not like a loser. 5
StringsAttached Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 ^Excellent words above. Nobody is going to feel sorry for you. When you're in the twilight years of your life who's going to sing songs about you? Your ex sure as **** won't. Will this person who broke your heart define your life from here on out? They don't deserve that you are so much better than that. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Four months sounds like a stretch for her to have broken up with you, met & married somebody else plus still be living at her sorority house. If she's married, why isn't she living with her new husband? Your life isn't over. You are simply grieving the loss of your relationship. Try to wean yourself off porn if it bothers you that much. Pick one day & don't watch . . . then 2 days .. . then a whole week . . . you get my drift. Even if you can't manage to stop, at least recognize that it's not real. Actual people have body hair, fat rolls, moles in odd places & most of them have no interest in those positions. They also never talk like that. As other have suggested get help from your family & your father's doctors so that his illness can be better managed. Meanwhile do something productive for yourself. 1
iworthmore Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 man use the great advice taramaiden gave you. u know, i envy you i really do. despite the problems ur facing at the moment. but you are 22. i am not. i am much older. u still surrounded by opportunities, just pick one and do ur best. first breakup is the hardest. and u will get over it. u still have ur life ahead. enjoy every moment. her having good time hurts u cuz u not having any good time. start taking care of ur self it will help u. it did with me. and im a decade older than you. this is a great forum. it helped me more than you can imagine. keep venting those ppl really supportive. 1
robbysurfs Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 (edited) Hey Bro, I been there not once or twice try like a bunch of times. This is the first time for you and it is hard my man and life and family is not always perfect it can get heavy. I can tell you this much tho it passes...everything does you got to just keep on keepin on. You got some great times ahead little bro trust me your so young. I am 38 yrs old and thats not that old but I am older then you and seen more sheet in my day then the average. I have had my heart broken and broke some hearts basically you got to take a few ass whoopins before you can hand some out. My last girl up and went mia on me. It really hurt and my mind went back to I will never find another life sucks blah blah blah cry cry cry. That being said I did not go to the bar and cry in my beer my man I took a action. I physically had to do something to get out of my head because the bondage of self is a powerful thing dont be held captive by your own mind. Think of this situation like a mountain climb and along the climb you got a pebble(girl or life hahaha!) in your shoe. So along the climb you got to stop and take that pebble out of your shoe because its painful. Then you either throw it away or put it in your pocket as a reminder but you cant stop because you got all this other rock to climb. Along this journey you can stop and rest and take that pebble out of your pocket and remember the problems it caused you. Then put it away and continue on your journey because its a pebble and you got all these other rocks not pebbles ROCKS to climb. So go for a run or ride your bike or take a walk with your favorite tunes on. This may I am riding my bicycle across the country just because I can. My point to all this is "DO SOMETHING" anything you want start to exercise and be adventurous see what your made of. You will feel better and one day you will look at the pebble in your pocket and say "you know what I dont need this anymore"....good luck bro keep your chin up! Edited January 30, 2014 by robbysurfs 1
Author firefly2613 Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 Hey Bro, I been there not once or twice try like a bunch of times. This is the first time for you and it is hard my man and life and family is not always perfect it can get heavy. I can tell you this much tho it passes...everything does you got to just keep on keepin on. You got some great times ahead little bro trust me your so young. I am 38 yrs old and thats not that old but I am older then you and seen more sheet in my day then the average. I have had my heart broken and broke some hearts basically you got to take a few ass whoopins before you can hand some out. My last girl up and went mia on me. It really hurt and my mind went back to I will never find another life sucks blah blah blah cry cry cry. That being said I did not go to the bar and cry in my beer my man I took a action. I physically had to do something to get out of my head because the bondage of self is a powerful thing dont be held captive by your own mind. Think of this situation like a mountain climb and along the climb you got a pebble(girl or life hahaha!) in your shoe. So along the climb you got to stop and take that pebble out of your shoe because its painful. Then you either throw it away or put it in your pocket as a reminder but you cant stop because you got all this other rock to climb. Along this journey you can stop and rest and take that pebble out of your pocket and remember the problems it caused you. Then put it away and continue on your journey because its a pebble and you got all these other rocks not pebbles ROCKS to climb. So go for a run or ride your bike or take a walk with your favorite tunes on. This may I am riding my bicycle across the country just because I can. My point to all this is "DO SOMETHING" anything you want start to exercise and be adventurous see what your made of. You will feel better and one day you will look at the pebble in your pocket and say "you know what I dont need this anymore"....good luck bro keep your chin up! Thank you so much. The pebble thing is a great way to look at it. I have my good days and my bad. Sometimes I really do feel trapped in my own mind.
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