hea Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I have come from a heart-breaking break up! And even though everyone tells me ill meet someone I don't feel as though I will. Is there anyone with any experience of bad heartbreak who has found someone better and are in love again in a successful relationship. How long did it take? and are you happy they left you so you could meet this new person?
mammasita Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Yes and yes! I was with my ex fiancé for 2 years. One day he dropped the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" bomb (check out my past threads). I finally had enough in jan last year. Did NC. My ex popped up claiming he'd changed just as I had met someone new that I really liked and felt there was potential with. I told my ex - hell no. I'm still with the new guy and he's more than I could have asked for, I'm extremely happy 1
soccerrprp Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) hea, finding someone new and BETTER happens daily. no reason to believe it won't happen for you. my gf was in a 8+ year relationship, engaged for about that time and on and off with a guy that was unreliable, leeched off her, wrecked her financially, and made that time and some years beyond a miserable time in her life....then she met me. She almost gave up on finding someone b/c she was 40+ years old and you know how men, society view women over 40 and never married... I will be asking her to marry me this summer or sooner. Keep up the hope and know that finding someone BETTER is always an option, just don't give up and remove the idea that there is only one soul-mate out there for you. Edited January 29, 2014 by soccerrprp 1
bubblesbursted Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Yes and yes! I was with my ex fiancé for 2 years. One day he dropped the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" bomb (check out my past threads). I finally had enough in jan last year. Did NC. My ex popped up claiming he'd changed just as I had met someone new that I really liked and felt there was potential with. I told my ex - hell no. I'm still with the new guy and he's more than I could have asked for, I'm extremely happy Oh gosh! Your story is so similar to mine. Exactly actually. I have hope now. Thank you.
soccerrprp Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Yes and yes! I was with my ex fiancé for 2 years. One day he dropped the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" bomb (check out my past threads). I finally had enough in jan last year. Did NC. My ex popped up claiming he'd changed just as I had met someone new that I really liked and felt there was potential with. I told my ex - hell no. I'm still with the new guy and he's more than I could have asked for, I'm extremely happy Fantastic! I especially like your "hell no."
Author hea Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 I'm still with the new guy and he's more than I could have asked for, I'm extremely happy this is exactly what I wanted to hear. Ive been single for a while now and when ive dated guys no one comes near to me wanting to start a relationship with them. I just hope I will one day be saying the same thing. I still love him tremendously
Author hea Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 I will be asking her to marry me this summer or sooner. QUOTE] congratulations! How exciting for you
mammasita Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 this is exactly what I wanted to hear. Ive been single for a while now and when ive dated guys no one comes near to me wanting to start a relationship with them. I just hope I will one day be saying the same thing. I still love him tremendously It will happen. I went on dates with a ton of douche bags and even some really nice guys that I just didn't feel "it" with. It can be frustrating but it can also be fun. Just keep moving forward and don't look back!
soccerrprp Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I will be asking her to marry me this summer or sooner. /QUOTE] congratulations! How exciting for you ...and a little scary. Thanks! You love the good things you remember about the relationship. You love him when he's at his best, but remember that there is/was a reason why you two broke up....in the end, it's b/c you two were not right for each other. There were details of the relationship that were NOT good and as it so often happens, we tend to forget about that. You still love him b/c the thought of him/relationship is what you are clinging to right now. Find other avenues to try to forget, continue dating, but be sure that you are emotionally available for the next great guy that comes along.
Eau Claire Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 No need to get a thrill out of demonizing the previous partner...'I'll show you, blah, bah...' Sounds cliche but many people are quite nice but not compatible. We moved on and learn what we really need in a partner. Anyways, focus on yourself. Not on the past person.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I'll bite. I spent 10 years in a terrible marriage. Gave everything I had to a man that was a habitual liar, cheater, and completely irresponsible in all aspects of life. I went through several emotional breakdowns and bouts of depression over the struggle to keep my marriage and family together. When I finally left, I was a shell of my former self - cold and cynical about relationships and never wanting to marry or even cohabitate again. I was essentially, completely numb inside. Several months after leaving, I decided to try online dating at the suggestion of some friends at work. More or less just to fill my boredom and meet some new people. Being a single mom, I didn't expect to find anything LT or serious. After 8 months of many bad dates and nothing really panning out, I threw in the towel and kept my profile to surf the forums only. Out of boredom one day, I decided to browse profiles. I stumble across this guy and favorited his profile as a bookmark for when I decided to start dating again. He got the notification and messaged me. It has been all downhill from there. The relationship I have with this man is like nothing I have experienced in my 37 years of love and relationships. I feel like a giddy school girl again. He is tall and handsome and kind and intelligent and honest and witty and artistic and athletic and creative. He is an amazing father with an admirable career working in a children's hospital handling abuse cases. I can talk to him about anything and nothing. From day one, I've never had to question his feelings about me. There's no guessing game. He thinks I am an amazing woman and never hesitates to tell me. He's met my children and was completely at ease and they immediately liked him. We are so similar in some ways, yet so different in others, and each of us is convinced that the other is the more amazing person. He is my match intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Sometimes he seems so surreal that I feel like I need to check for antennas in his head. He has to be an alien right?? BUT...the one thing that I know for sure in all of this is that if either of us had done just ONE thing different, if we had not gone through our struggles and heartache in past marriage and relationships, we would not feel the bond or connection that we have now. We would not be able to FULLY appreciate the little things in each other that we value so much now. Because those heartbreaks and tears and struggles are sometimes what you need to see clearly, to understand what you want and what you need in your life to be happy...to be WHOLE. 3
Author hea Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 but be sure that you are emotionally available for the next great guy that comes along. yes will do. Even though I love him, I know I don't WANT him anymore. When I think of how we could have been I miss it (he could have treated me like a gf), but when I think of what we actually were, I know I deserve better.
soccerrprp Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 BUT...the one thing that I know for sure in all of this is that if either of us had done just ONE thing different, if we had not gone through our struggles and heartache in past marriage and relationships, we would not feel the bond or connection that we have now. We would not be able to FULLY appreciate the little things in each other that we value so much now. Because those heartbreaks and tears and struggles are sometimes what you need to see clearly, to understand what you want and what you need in your life to be happy...to be WHOLE. Here here, Smthn_Like_Olivia. So true. So true.
Author hea Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 It will happen. I went on dates with a ton of douche bags and even some really nice guys that I just didn't feel "it" with. I hope so, I though there was something wrong with me as I went on a date with a guy that should have been perfect, but I didn't feel "it". So it didn't go any further. "it" is what im scared of not finding.
soccerrprp Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I hope so, I though there was something wrong with me as I went on a date with a guy that should have been perfect, but I didn't feel "it". So it didn't go any further. "it" is what im scared of not finding. This is the danger of dating too soon. You not feeling "it" may be b/c you are not entirely emotionally available. One can lose out on some really nice people b/c of this. 1
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I hope so, I though there was something wrong with me as I went on a date with a guy that should have been perfect, but I didn't feel "it". So it didn't go any further. "it" is what im scared of not finding. If you are emotionally ready, you WILL know when IT happens.
winny Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Hi hea, I don't have a successful relationship story to share here today. But 2012 December I broke up with a crappy guy and till Sept of 2013, I had a very bad time. It took me time to forget that hurt and pain he caused me. There was no other guy on the horizon who I liked. I relocated. Had very few friends. Got absorbed in work completely. Month after month after month.... and I started feeling okay but not completely great. Then I started trying OLD. I wouldn't say my experience there has been great (one guy disappeared on me) but I am still looking and hoping By being on this forum, by reading other's stories, it has helped me so much. I don't feel any pain anymore. When the right guy comes along you will feel the spark for sure. 1
Sunfire73 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I have also been in a 13 + yr relationship that was miserable and once i divorced, started dating again. Dated and met several guys, but found my current bf who is such a sweetheart. Like Smtn_like_Olivia, I made the first move and added him as my favorites. He noticed and started emailing me. We have been dating for 6 months now, and so far our relationship has been great. We both came from miserable marriages, and we're so glad we found each other. It's like we have known each other for so long, we just click really well. 1
myothernic2 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I'll bite. I spent 10 years in a terrible marriage. Gave everything I had to a man that was a habitual liar, cheater, and completely irresponsible in all aspects of life. I went through several emotional breakdowns and bouts of depression over the struggle to keep my marriage and family together. When I finally left, I was a shell of my former self - cold and cynical about relationships and never wanting to marry or even cohabitate again. I was essentially, completely numb inside. Several months after leaving, I decided to try online dating at the suggestion of some friends at work. More or less just to fill my boredom and meet some new people. Being a single mom, I didn't expect to find anything LT or serious. After 8 months of many bad dates and nothing really panning out, I threw in the towel and kept my profile to surf the forums only. Out of boredom one day, I decided to browse profiles. I stumble across this guy and favorited his profile as a bookmark for when I decided to start dating again. He got the notification and messaged me. It has been all downhill from there. The relationship I have with this man is like nothing I have experienced in my 37 years of love and relationships. I feel like a giddy school girl again. He is tall and handsome and kind and intelligent and honest and witty and artistic and athletic and creative. He is an amazing father with an admirable career working in a children's hospital handling abuse cases. I can talk to him about anything and nothing. From day one, I've never had to question his feelings about me. There's no guessing game. He thinks I am an amazing woman and never hesitates to tell me. He's met my children and was completely at ease and they immediately liked him. We are so similar in some ways, yet so different in others, and each of us is convinced that the other is the more amazing person. He is my match intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Sometimes he seems so surreal that I feel like I need to check for antennas in his head. He has to be an alien right?? BUT...the one thing that I know for sure in all of this is that if either of us had done just ONE thing different, if we had not gone through our struggles and heartache in past marriage and relationships, we would not feel the bond or connection that we have now. We would not be able to FULLY appreciate the little things in each other that we value so much now. Because those heartbreaks and tears and struggles are sometimes what you need to see clearly, to understand what you want and what you need in your life to be happy...to be WHOLE. That's a nice story. How long have you been together?
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 That's a nice story. How long have you been together? Realistically?? Only a few months. And it's crazy and we say it all the time, because it feels like forever. When I was actively dating, I had more than a few men stop talking to me because they said I was too cold and detached and didn't really seem to care. And they were right. We were discussing it the other night and how it strangely feels like fate and one of those "stars aligned" type deals. 1. We both married our spouses in the month of Feb only a week apart. 2. We were both married for 10 years to emotionally abusive chronic cheaters that put us through hell. 3. Our first borns have the SAME name, though his is a girl and mine is a boy. 4. We both lived in Germany for 5 years. 5. We both love nature shows, bigfoot, aliens, and ghosts (haha) 6. He had only signed up on the dating site the night before at his brother's urging when I favorited him. He hated it and didn't want to do it, and didn't really expect to meet anyone. I was his first ever date and online meet. 7. For the past year, I've been looking to relocate and had narrowed it down to Colorado and North Carolina. Just so happens that he's FROM Colorado and has been wanting to move back. He only moved here because this is where his ex's family is from and she wanted them to. So now, we are discussing moving to Colorado next year in the summer and just starting over. We both have really good careers and are ready to leave the south and the timeline gives us a year and half to solidify what we already know is a done deal for both of us. I'll be 40 in a few years, so it's not like I'm some lovestruck teenager. I'm an MBA grad with a good career and a mother who's been to hell and back. Without writing a novel, I can only say that I KNOW this is the one, and the only way to describe it accurately is that he simply feels like HOME.
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