Mr me to Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 So it's the first time I've had my son since I was told my ex is pursuing a relationship with a supposed friend of mine. Her mum dropped my son off and engaged in conversation asking how I was doing. I told her mum how betrayed I feel and am just trying to get on with life. Her mum mum was visibly upset she told me how bad my ex feels and handed me a letter she had wrote to me. After thinking about it I decided to destroy the letter without reading it. I have also sent her mum a text saying I haven't read the letter and requested her daughter respects that I want no form of communication with her. This has all put me on a major downer. Wondering how best to approach her mum in the future ? 6
somecamel Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 WoW good for you destroying the letter, most people would have read it and dwelled on it for what could be days, you done the right thing. Stay strong for yourself and your daughter 5
herself Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 That was really strong of you and I am sorry for all your going through. Best wishes, just keep cordial with her Mum, and in time hopefully you can heal and have extremely light communication to co parent for the sake of your son. Forgive her in time, not because she deserves it, its for YOU. 1
xUnknown Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 if it were me, I would have given it to someone to hold for me and read it months/years later. But, good thing you didn't read it. It would have only set you back. I just hate the "what if's" in life...
Author Mr me to Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Thanks guys. I'm sat here now wondering what it said, but way I see it by not reading it I have kept some form of control. Still hurts like hell but It'll only of been her trying to relieve some guilt. I have a son and a daughter so it's all good. Her mum did say that I just need to get on with my life and move on which was real strange coming from her. 1
JDPT Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Proud of you, think of it like this: that letter had nothing but venom for you, it was a ticking bomb that you managed to dispose of. Believe it or not you are doing excellent. Your subconscious keeps guiding you and telling you exactly where to turn in order to avoid situations such as this one. Think nothin of it, I personally wouldn't have handled this situation any better. 2
organizedchaos Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Good job. There's nothing she could have said in that letter that would have eased your pain, only made it worse.
Author Mr me to Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Thanks fellas, so glad I did get rid of it. 1 week total no contact today. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I wish I had your will power ! Good on u xx
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Friggen' AWESOME!!! That's the way to handle that non-sense!!! Excellent work!!!!
TheyCallMeOx Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Dude, you're amazing for destroying that letter. When I started going through a break-up, I would've smelled the paper for hints of her perfume and other creepy **** like that. More importantly, I would've read it and I would've been devastated regardless of what it says. The thing that helped me the most without trying to contact my ex was this...if my ex wanted me back, she knows my phone number. She also knows my address. If she really wanted me back, she wouldn't send a letter or **** like that; she'd actively try to get in touch with me in person or through some kind of contact without rehearsal of what she was going to say. Immediately, I can already assume what the letter was going to say; she's still got feelings, but doesn't want you back. Otherwise, why send the letter in the first place? However, if you read the letter, you might've gotten hope...and hope destroys any possibility of recovering. Once you get rid of that hope, not contacting her becomes a breeze because you realize that there's nothing you can say or do that is gonna bring her back. It'll get better, my friend. Keep making great progress like that and you'll be over her faster than you'll realize.
organizedchaos Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Dude, you're amazing for destroying that letter. When I started going through a break-up, I would've smelled the paper for hints of her perfume and other creepy **** like that. More importantly, I would've read it and I would've been devastated regardless of what it says. The thing that helped me the most without trying to contact my ex was this...if my ex wanted me back, she knows my phone number. She also knows my address. If she really wanted me back, she wouldn't send a letter or **** like that; she'd actively try to get in touch with me in person or through some kind of contact without rehearsal of what she was going to say. Immediately, I can already assume what the letter was going to say; she's still got feelings, but doesn't want you back. Otherwise, why send the letter in the first place? However, if you read the letter, you might've gotten hope...and hope destroys any possibility of recovering. Once you get rid of that hope, not contacting her becomes a breeze because you realize that there's nothing you can say or do that is gonna bring her back. It'll get better, my friend. Keep making great progress like that and you'll be over her faster than you'll realize. Letter was probably along the lines of "I never meant to hurt you..." Vomit. 3
Chi townD Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Good job with the letter. I even though curiosity is probably pretty big right now, you know exactly what it says and it wouldn't have changed anything. Handling things with her mom. The fact that she told you to get on with your life and leave her own daughter in your past kinda tells me that she doesn't agree with how she handled things at all. Also, it's great that she has agreed to mediate pick up and drop off with your kid. From here on out, anytime you see her, act upbeat and engage in idle chit chat. Don't make it anymore uncomfortable for her. Even though you're not asking about her, I guarantee you that she's asking about you. Therefore, don't give her mother the opportunity to tell her that you look like sh*t and is an ass hair away from losing it and turning into a babbling pile of goo. Start making positive changes in your life dude.
TXGuy Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) I'm not trying to go against the grain, but that was a great reaction if you did not have a child together. But since there is a child, it will be difficult if not impossible to have no contact with the ex. It wasn't clear if she is your ex wife or (more likely) baby-momma. Depending on which one she is, tactics will differ, but you want to be able to ignore the emotions and develop a plan on how things will work out with your son and custody issues. This forum is likely not the place to get into specifics, but setting goals and developing a plan to achieve them are the crucial next steps. Edited January 29, 2014 by TXGuy
Mcnulty Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Good on you!!! Right move, definitely. What TXGuy said, right now, yes it's about the kids, he is seeing them, but it's just as much about him and looking out for number one, which in this instance means no contact for him at the mo, which in turn means he can focus on healing AND being a good father.
fixing Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 wow, how strong are you!!!!!!? If that was me id of dived head first into that letter and re read and re read trying to validate myself. Well played man. This man does NOT let people disrespect and betray him, because if you do, you lose him forever! Best way to handle the mum? Just keep it amicable, short and precise. You done good son, im proud! 1
Sugarkane Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I guess the guilt got to them because usually they don't remotely care if they've hurt you and won't send you anything.
Author Mr me to Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 Good on you!!! Right move, definitely. What TXGuy said, right now, yes it's about the kids, he is seeing them, but it's just as much about him and looking out for number one, which in this instance means no contact for him at the mo, which in turn means he can focus on healing AND being a good father. I have thought about this and you are spot on mate. She is living with her mum at the moment so anything regarding children she is aware of and will contact me. At the moment I'm healing and trying to be strong for my children. I can't let anything sacrifice that. The days are up and down enough with total NC in place. I know just hearing her voice will do nothing but interfere with my limited progress. By putting my self first I am doing what is best for my children. Maybe in the future that will change but just taking each day as it comes.
David87 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Omg, you are so strong, If it was me getting that letter 4 sure I would have read it.
Author Mr me to Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) I'm actually surprised so many people would of read that letter. There's only so much you can take before you decide enough is enough. I mean the mother of my children is in a relationship with someone I classed as a good friend. Not only that she hid it for months while I was begging her to take me back. It's the ultimate betrayal. Like fixing said after something like that your out of my life for good!. Can't seem to get rid of that sickly feeling in my gut today. Feel like I've been stabbed in the heart!!! Edited January 31, 2014 by Mr me to 2
Chi townD Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Dude, you got a double betrayal! You're have more put on your plate than most here. So, you're allowed to feel sick, angry, sad, depressed..... It's going to take time to heal from this. The emotions will come, you just need to ride it out. I promise that one day, you're going to wake up and you're going to feel better. Just keep making positive changes and continue to be in your kids life. I would talk to her mom about getting her banking information so you can set up a direct deposit so your child support can go directly to her bank. She's frustrated that you won't talk to her, sooner or later, she might get vindictive about it and the last thing you need is for her to drag you into court for non-payment of child support just to spite you and THEN you'll have no choice but to face her and BAM! She gets her way again. Cover your bases so you don't give her any reason. 2
No Limit Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I think I would have sooner eaten that letter than read it, and am glad you did neither of those options. I've read your earlier posts about her and damn, what a creep. Take care bro. 2
hurts2death Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 destroyed letter? respect man, but i would read it and tell them i didnt. so i had advantage in the game.
Author Mr me to Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 destroyed letter? respect man, but i would read it and tell them i didnt. so i had advantage in the game. Refuse to play her game anymore bro, she not worth the energy. Got my two beautiful children for two nights so all is good with the world. 2
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