grimmlord Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) Ok, Im new here. To keep a story short, I was engaged for 6 years, and since 2012 my ex lost interest in me. she always nagged me, hit me, called me *******, always showered when I got home, lacked interest in sex, and was always on her phone. she stayed with me for another year and a half that way. Well, two days before new years, I was at work. I was having a bad day as one coworker died of a heart attack and another co worker lost his son who shot himself over a failed relationship. was not having a good day. so then grace, my ex, called me several times at work yelling and saying why am I so mean to her? im like im having a bad day (swearing) and ill talk to you when I get home. she calls a hour later crying and says why are you so mean? I go im not mean you got me in trouble and I have a bad day. then she goes want me to leave? I go you been threatening that for a long time, so if youre home youre home if youre not youre not. thinking we could work it out like we always have been. she hung up. I come home, shes gone. she left every memory I gave to her behind as well as most of her stuff, and just disappeared. she blocked my old emails off facebook, turned her phone off, and I haven't heard from her since. Only way I heard anything is when the cops showed up at work and said she left me cause she was terrified of me.... so yes she cheated for a year and a half with me. Now, will that relationship shes in last, and how does one cope with this. you be with someone for a long time and youre nothing suddenly. Edited January 29, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Philosoraptor Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I'm sorry for your loss... but was it really a loss? You were in an abusive relationship with a cheater. There are a ton of really great women out there who won't cheat or treat you like crap. Will her current relationship last? No one knows. But would you truly want to go back to a relationship with an abusive cheater?
Author grimmlord Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Well, the only thing I want is to least get closure. Found out she has a fling with a co worker for a year and a half. Shes gonna marry him this july. I feel like im such a failure for that. Honestly, I don't see really any purpose left in life, 6 years and I am forgotten completely. Like I am the one who did bad things. Too much in too little time. My father died last year, two co workers died and a friend died today. Seems like life isn't worthwhile anymore....
Chi townD Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Well, the only thing I want is to least get closure. Found out she has a fling with a co worker for a year and a half. Shes gonna marry him this july. I feel like im such a failure for that. Honestly, I don't see really any purpose left in life, 6 years and I am forgotten completely. Like I am the one who did bad things. Too much in too little time. My father died last year, two co workers died and a friend died today. Seems like life isn't worthwhile anymore.... You done feeling sorry for yourself yet? The fact is, you did nothing wrong. You were a victim to her abuse. And she had the gall to call the cops on you and have them visit you at your work?!?! She yelled at you, cheated on you and hit you; and you're talking about ending your life? OVER THAT?!?! You should be taking a nice vacation after enduring that crap. You should be planning one hellva "freedom" bash at your place. Here's the deal, this new dude isn't going to be with her long. That kind of behavior will follow her without treatment. Sooner or later, she's gonna start abusing this guy too! Trust me, dude. There are girls that will respect a man enough not to hit him. The same as they expect from you. Time to heal and move on from this. Time to make positive changes in your life. Make life better for yourself. Life is an adventure. So, go have an adventure. 3
lauri Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) You dodged a huge bullet. This girl does not love you at all. You need to realize its not about how much you like her in this moment - its about having self respect and pulling yourself together. - She cheated on you, a girl who loves you and is a good person would never cheat on you. - She called the cops on you and lied - do I even need to explain more to this? - She lost interest in you and stayed around She isn't even worth another thought in your mind. She was looking for any excuse to turn it on you b/c she knows she is really the bad person in all of this. Did you know the whole time she was cheating on you and stayed? I hope not man! It only would have made her lose respect for you and clearly she does not respect you enough by what she has done to you. She was giving you all the signals that her interest level was so low in you by always fighting and putting you down. I would have dropped her right after that moment started because there was nothing you could do to make her love you again the way she used to - it was done in 2012. Don't contact her and don't care - it'll hit her when its too late. She needs to know what she has done is not right and the only way you can do that is by staying no contact and never speaking to her again. If you speak to her again, expect to get no respect from her and be in a lot more pain then you need to be. This girl is not worth it, you'll realize it soon. Edited January 29, 2014 by lauri 1
burningashes Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Ok, clearly your ex is not only a cheater, she's also very manipulative. You need to get away from her. I don't often suggest this, but in your case it is sounding like she is harassing you. You've indicated that you broke up in 2012, and it's been more than a year now- she needs to get lost. OP, you need to take measures to prevent her from contacting you ever again. Change your email address, phone number and do not pick up when she calls. Let her know that her contact is no longer welcome, and document every time she tries to contact you. This is so you can go to the police and file a complaint if this gets out of hand. You can also think about contacting her fiance and letting him know that his soon to be wife has been calling you. Explain that you've let her know that she is no longer allowed to contact you and if she does not stop, you will be going to the police. At this point, your ex has NO reason to be in contact with you. If you're looking for closure, you won't get it from her because it comes from within. Please see a therapist too, you've taken a real beating with recent deaths in your life. The therapist can help you cope and give you guidance though this terrible time. It wouldn't hurt to see a doctor for a check up too. Take care of yourself during this difficult time and forget about the ex. She cheated and made that bed. She can keep her bitter crap to herself and stay out of your life for good.
lauri Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Ok, clearly your ex is not only a cheater, she's also very manipulative. You need to get away from her. I don't often suggest this, but in your case it is sounding like she is harassing you. You've indicated that you broke up in 2012, and it's been more than a year now- she needs to get lost. OP, you need to take measures to prevent her from contacting you ever again. Change your email address, phone number and do not pick up when she calls. Let her know that her contact is no longer welcome, and document every time she tries to contact you. This is so you can go to the police and file a complaint if this gets out of hand. You can also think about contacting her fiance and letting him know that his soon to be wife has been calling you. Explain that you've let her know that she is no longer allowed to contact you and if she does not stop, you will be going to the police. At this point, your ex has NO reason to be in contact with you. If you're looking for closure, you won't get it from her because it comes from within. Please see a therapist too, you've taken a real beating with recent deaths in your life. The therapist can help you cope and give you guidance though this terrible time. It wouldn't hurt to see a doctor for a check up too. Take care of yourself during this difficult time and forget about the ex. She cheated and made that bed. She can keep her bitter crap to herself and stay out of your life for good. ^^ That is very important. There is no closure you can get from her. The only closure is that your relationship is done forever and that she doesn't deserve you. Just remember she isn't interested in you and why would you want to settle and be around someone who isn't interested or cares? Look at it this way - it is her loss!!! It seriously is! Honestly, don't feel sorry and beat yourself up. You can be in control of what happens next. This girl will only make your life a living hell if you continue to peruse her and talk to her...have confidence in yourself that you can find someone else (because you can and will) and self control to hold back from any urges that you may have communicating with her.
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