mortensorchid Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I am now with someone new. He's good so far from what I know about him (after a few weeks). He has a job/career, seems happy, treats me well (so far) and he seems to be crazy about me. Problem? I hate to say this, but when things are so boring it's like you don't know what to do. I am working against the wiring in my brain that says "go for exciting", and I am not going to dump him because I am bored with him by any means. That would be ridiculous to not even give it a chance. What do others do or say when they are in this situation? I acknowledge fully what this is: It is working against that wiring in a woman's mind to not go for "nice guys" and do go for Alpha Males aka Bad Boys. He's a good man (from what I know/see about him so far), I want to do better and make positive changes. Without pointing out the obvious, what do others think?
TaraMaiden Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Why do Alpha males also have to be 'bad boys'? My H is an alpha male - but he is responsible, caring, daring, outspoken, intelligent, exciting and never, ever dull. If you can picture yourself in 15 years time sat on one side of the fireplace, while he's sat on the other, with his pipe and slippers, reading the paper and drinking a mug of cocoa.... ....well, you decide the benefits of staying vs moving on. If that image makes you happy, stick around. if it defines long-term security, enjoy. If on the other hand, you'd like a guy who can rock you on impulse, yet still have his feet on the ground, they ARE out there. But mine's taken.... 6
gaius Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Why do Alpha males also have to be 'bad boys'? My H is an alpha male - but he is responsible, caring, daring, outspoken, intelligent, exciting and never, ever dull. I get the sense you're bored sometimes. Morten, that feeling is only going to get worse the more time goes on. It's either right for you or it's not. You can't force a horrible fit. No matter how healthy for you it might seem. 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I get the sense you're bored sometimes. Yeah. Only when he's away.... Morten, that feeling is only going to get worse the more time goes on. It's either right for you or it's not. You can't force a horrible fit. No matter how healthy for you it might seem. Agreed. 1
Mint Sauce Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 is he boring, or is your time together boring? Is he passionate about anything? How is he in bed? If there's no fire in him at all, I'd say move on, there are nice guys with big burning fires in their hearts out there. If it's just the dynamic between the two of you, I'd say this deserves more experimentation first.
Leigh 87 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Um. Well, I guess you could continue to date him and see how it goes? I think some women simply seem to feel more chemistry with the bad boys. Or, perhaps the people they naturally feel chemistry with happen to be bad. I dunno. I felt PLENTY of, ahem, "chemistry";) with a guy last September. He was a prick. So were the two guys prior to him. My current boyfriend, I felt strong chemistry with also, only he is not a prick. He is actually never a prick and he cooks for me and washed up after himself (sorry, I am just really astounded at what it is like with be with a guy that ... does things for me). Some women seem to feel the strongest chemistry with the guys who don't like them, or who aren't good for them. Sometimes it is truly psychological, I am guessing. Perhaps though, it is just luck? Women tend to get more excited about the men who simply aren't all that into them (and who happen to be "bad boys"). I venture to say that a lot of women ARE attracted to the alpha male - types who exhibit certain traits and yet are notoriously unavailable. OP - can you not seeing yourself feeling that "fire" for "nice guys" Can you see a clear pattern in your life of being highly, highly attracted to men who are unavailable? Perhaps you can feel that way about a "nice guy" who actually likes a lot, after the initial few dates, and once you actually get to know him? Also - is it the initial chemistry and spark you lack with the nice guys who really seem to like you? OR, do you have the same chemistry YET lack the interest factor, since everything is always great between you? 1
Woggle Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Try and figure out why you find the lack of drama to be boring. Why do you need it to be excited?
TaraMaiden Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Have you ever had a 'boring' relationship, Woggle? I'm guessing not. If you had, you'd know why.
Woggle Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Have you ever had a 'boring' relationship, Woggle? I'm guessing not. If you had, you'd know why. Yes I did. The relationship with my ex was boring as hell. I came home and if her eyes were glassy I knew it was going to World War III. If they weren't I knew I was going to get cold indifference. It was that predictable. That is why I sometimes claimed I had to work late and went to the movies by myself instead. That to me is way more boring than the healthy relationship I have now. We take great vacations and go on the boat together and just have a ball. It is also healthy and drama free. I know what I prefer. The OP never mentioned what makes this guy boring other than treating her well. 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 ...and I'm guessing that that's precisely the kind of relationship mortensorchid is looking for - which would appear to be the exact opposite of what she has now....
Author mortensorchid Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 I think I should have rephrased it: "Boring" was a bad word to use. I guess it's because in the last few I was always so unsure of myself, where I stood or what I was or wasn't doing right. The other party would always think of some reason or excuse as to how/why they didn't want to be with me, and I guess I am used to hearing that. Sad as it seems. Truth be told, I don't know enough about this man to know if he is truly good or bad, and he does have some fire within him (like the first poster responded with). I guess I am used to the feeling of insecurity or the want / need for that drama that has been in all my past bad relationships. So far, there has been none with him, so now I was left reeling. I will keep on going.
FitChick Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Plan new and exciting things to do together. He isn't supposed to entertain you. Don't sabotage just because you don't think you deserve someone treating you properly. With bad boys you always have the excuse of why it ended "He was a jerk," ignoring the fact that you chose that jerk and chose to stay with him.
alphamale Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I acknowledge fully what this is: It is working against that wiring in a woman's mind to not go for "nice guys" and do go for Alpha Males aka Bad Boys. He's a good man (from what I know/see about him so far), I want to do better and make positive changes. Without pointing out the obvious, what do others think? go for the bad boys at least for a little while, that will get you to appreciate the good ones even though they are boring 1
f1asr88 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I am now with someone new. He's good so far from what I know about him (after a few weeks). He has a job/career, seems happy, treats me well (so far) and he seems to be crazy about me. Problem? I hate to say this, but when things are so boring it's like you don't know what to do. I am working against the wiring in my brain that says "go for exciting", and I am not going to dump him because I am bored with him by any means. That would be ridiculous to not even give it a chance. What do others do or say when they are in this situation? I acknowledge fully what this is: It is working against that wiring in a woman's mind to not go for "nice guys" and do go for Alpha Males aka Bad Boys. He's a good man (from what I know/see about him so far), I want to do better and make positive changes. Without pointing out the obvious, what do others think? If you have to train your brain to like him romantically and would deep down rather be with a bad boy, then you probably shouldn't be with him. Don't kid yourself or suppress your true feelings.
OhThatGirl Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I know this battle well. I am always attracted to the guy that can't give very much. It's a challenge, it feels good getting attention/gestures of interest/signs of commitment when it's not the usual.. And so on. Now that I recognize this pattern I am working on it. So from my own insight I will offer this: if there is chemistry, give it a chance. There will always be time for the tables to turn, things to be challenging (but in a healthy way) once the dynamic is established. There shouldn't be problems up front. It should be boring in that regard. BUT if it's boring because you don't find him attractive, don't feel chemistry, don't see a spark.. It's time to bail.
glimpse Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Only after a few weeks you already feel like this? Maybe you keep comparing him to an ex who always did something (good/bad). Boredum might get worse. Share an interest? Like do activities you both enjoy? Life won't always be exciting. But when things aren't exciting, it shouldn't be boring either. You should enjoy the quiet time as much as the 'crazy' times. "If all nights are legendary, no nights are legendary."
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I guess it's because in the last few I was always so unsure of myself, where I stood or what I was or wasn't doing right. The other party would always think of some reason or excuse as to how/why they didn't want to be with me, and I guess I am used to hearing that. Sad as it seems. Truth be told, I don't know enough about this man to know if he is truly good or bad, and he does have some fire within him (like the first poster responded with). I guess I am used to the feeling of insecurity or the want / need for that drama that has been in all my past bad relationships. So far, there has been none with him, so now I was left reeling.. Is this the classic 'it's not you it's me' thing....? Comparisons are rarely beneficial, so really, you have to give the guy his due and consider the grounded stability he can provide. But try to redefine your mental image of what a 'bad boy' is. He doesn't need to be a 'bad boy' to rock your world.... but it's a 50/50 thing. What do you do to rock his? ....."If all nights are legendary, no nights are legendary." Legendary.
StanMusial Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I guess if you're bored with one guy you can try to drag some other pitiful sap into the mix to stir up some drama. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/456718-worst-internet-date-ever
Author mortensorchid Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Only after a few weeks you already feel like this? Maybe you keep comparing him to an ex who always did something (good/bad). Boredum might get worse. Share an interest? Like do activities you both enjoy? Life won't always be exciting. But when things aren't exciting, it shouldn't be boring either. You should enjoy the quiet time as much as the 'crazy' times. "If all nights are legendary, no nights are legendary." You hit the nail on the head here, I am comparing him with people from the past. I will no longer. I do not find him boring, I guess it is more self doubt that I feel rather than a sense of "I am bored with the other party". Misplaced emotions perhaps. I will keep going and see where we go with it. Life is a gamble, we will take a gamble.
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