Sidz Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 So, a couple months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. There was a lot of strain in our relationship and we had come to expect things from each other that we didn't feel we were getting, and resentment followed. I also quit my part time job due to some really important changes in my life. I have a another full time job, but I struggle, and she has a good job, a better car, more savings, etc. Living 2 hours away from each other already, this has a lot of potential ramifications in terms of financial fairness. We both were very frustrated, confused, and our relationship was very burdensome. She thought about ending it I found out recently, but I did. We spent some time apart and missed each other. We hung out and resumed a non-exclusive relationship initially. I would be remiss not to include our being physically intimate as significant in our deciding that we don't want to see other people after all. In this time, I think it was just an emotional process and a working out of our issues that cleared our heads, diminished our stress, and reminded us how dear we are to each other. To spare you from my conjecture, I can tell you what is the case; we communicate much better and enjoy each other much more. The current situation is that we both express that we are in love with each other. She is so important to me. We've been through a lot and understand each other more. My head has been on a pretty slow but steady trajectory out of my ass, and I realize the very valuable things we share, and I dunno I just know more and I cherish her more now. Yet the problems remain and more. I'm back in school. We've manage to spend only one day out of the week together on the weekends, with an occasional full weekend she'll spend at my apartment. She's also affected by an understandable and admirable, strong desire to move out of her parents' house. She wants to move FAR away as she has a hatred of where she lives. I have in my head a notion that I can finish my bachelor's degree and we can find somewhere to live together where I can pursue a master's degree and she can pursue her vocational interests. I'm sorry, friends, I'm not quite sure what I'm asking. My sentiments are such that I don't know how much of these issues to address now. We share each others' company with such ease and I'm afraid that some of these issues, if brought up again, will put our relationship at a pace our lives aren't suited to handle.
Eivuwan Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 What happens when you guys try to talk about these stressful topics?
Keenly Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Let me give you some advice from experience. Do NOT I repeat DO NOT upheave your living situation for this woman. You have your own place, she doesn't. You are on Step two, and she wants to go right from step 1 to step 4. It WILL fail miserably, I can assure you. Just stay where you are ... do not move in with her. It will be the end.
Author Sidz Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 What happens when you guys try to talk about these stressful topics? It's funny; I had planned to come here with this specific thing that happened and then got lost in my exposition. Tonight, she sent me a picture of two penguins with text saying, paraphrased, "Did you know when two penguins love each other they stay together forever? Do you want to be my penguin?" She's done something similar a couple times in the past. The picture really was cute and sweet, but I thought there might be some sincerity behind it, and I chose to take it seriously. I explained it's hard for me to address "forever," right now and that it's important and something to talk about. She responded in a way I took to be a bit condescending, that she forgot I took everything she writes so seriously and it was meant to just be cute and something she liked and wanted to share. I DO, however, as you might have guessed from my borderline pretentious mode of speech, haha, ruminate and analyze and often excessively so. I responded that I don't take everything seriously, but "forever" I do take seriously, and thought she might be sincere in her purpose of sending that photo. She responded she's honestly in a silly mood and kinda bailed, said goodnight, that she loves me, etc. I believe this and understand it as we've all been there; silly and not suited to seriousness. I guess I'm a little suspicious she was manipulating information out of me because she knows me and should pick better from pictures she wants to share as I'm likely to go, "'Forever hmmmm? Here's everything I've ever thought about it."
Author Sidz Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Let me give you some advice from experience. Do NOT I repeat DO NOT upheave your living situation for this woman. You have your own place, she doesn't. You are on Step two, and she wants to go right from step 1 to step 4. It WILL fail miserably, I can assure you. Just stay where you are ... do not move in with her. It will be the end. I appreciate the input. I suspect as much honestly. I don't doubt our love for each other, but the timing.
Eivuwan Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Sounds to me like she's trying to test how committed you are and she doesn't like the answer. You were honest with her and that's all you can do really. 1
Author Sidz Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Sounds to me like she's trying to test how committed you are and she doesn't like the answer. You were honest with her and that's all you can do really. I'm unsure about how comfortable she would be if I were to express a high level of commitment because of her desire to be on her own AND to be with me. She's no exception to the inclination for us to contradict ourselves. She's very smart with a firm grasp on reality and hard truth in one hand and giving full measure to her emotional expression in the other, and I'm in the turbulence. It's tough sometimes but I admire it and try to celebrate it. It makes her smart, visceral and artistic as well as caring and passionate.
Grumpybutfun Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 If a relationship is too difficult in the beginning for whatever reason, it is a sign that you are not compatible. The feelings can be there, but the timing, the flow, the intent, the passion must be in sync. She sounds lovely but maybe you need to follow through with your initial breakup and find someone who doesn't feel like a burden and whom you don't think is manipulating you. Best, Grumps
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