abby_tx Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Hey, so usually I would never grab coffee with an ex. What's the point? But, I just found out my ex boyfriend's best friend died suddenly. I had met this guy a few times and he was a great man. I emailed my ex to say how sorry I was to hear about this. He told me thanks and that he was thinking about messaging me to tell me himself, but it was too sad. I then asked him if he'd want to grab coffee when I'm in his town next (hour a way, but I have family there some I'm there 1-2 a month). He told me that it would be nice and we can "see how it goes." My friends all think I'm dumb and I shouldn't set this up. Just curious about your opinions!
Author abby_tx Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Look at me. Simultaneously posting in the breakup and dating forums. haha.
pickflicker Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I'm very sorry his friend died, but it's better to not get yourself entangled. I suppose it's a bit late now, but you probably shouldn't have bothered.
Never Again Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 It all really depends on you. If you're willing to see him in a completely platonic way, and just catch up, perhaps even reminisce about the great friend that passed, then by all means, keep to the meeting. However, if the "see how it goes" struck any sort of chord in you, you should steer clear. Yes, anything is possible, but why put any weight or pressure on it, especially when the method of reconnection is emotional. Never trust reconnections that happen because of deaths or marriage, at least not without additional evidence. Those moments are emotionally charged and get people feeling "funny".
Author abby_tx Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Well, I am starting to date people now (nothing serious at the moment. Not even a second date thus far) so it's not like I've been waiting around for him. But I am feeling sentimental. I have this weird urge to reconnect and catch up. Part of me also wonders if I'd see him in this new platonic way and be unattracted and even at peace with the fact that it ended?
flightplan Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 This is kind of predictable. You have coffee, interest is once again sparked. Emotions come back to the surface. They're especially raw after a death and tend to run on the vulnerable side. You contemplate reconciling, but you're not sure, but... ok, lets give it a trial run. You dance with the idea in your head...blah, blah, blah... you get the scenario. In the meantime, the issues that led to the original break up are kind of rationalized and never dealt with... and then... BOOM. You're back where you were the first time you broke up. History repeats itself.. or I'm full of shyte.
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