bluesgirl Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Hello everyone, i'm new here but really need some advice (mainly from a guys perspective) Have any of you guys ever had a crush on another girl while in a relationship? If so, what did you do about it? Did you break up with current girlfriend to pursue the new girl or just stay with current girl? I am going through a situation where I feel a guy friend I know has a crush on me, but he has a girlfriend. He has not openly told me this, but I am just getting those vibes. Any info would be appreciated! Thanks!
Philosoraptor Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Well we are all attracted to other people, whether we want to admit it or not. But attraction doesn't change commitment. If he is committed to his girlfriend his crush won't matter. If he's not committed he may dump her. But how comfortable would you feel getting with him knowing he can just drop someone and move to the next person?
PegNosePete Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 He is showing you his behaviour patterns. He is quite happy to crush on another girl while he has a girlfriend. If he did drop her and switch to you, don't you think he would do the same thing with someone else? Do you think this behaviour pattern make for good boyfriend material?
soccerrprp Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I have not been in this situation, but when someone has feelings for another person while in a relationship, it's usually b/c he/she has slightly or more stronger feelings for the crush. It also may mean that given an opportunity that is reasonable, the person may leave his/her current SO to be with the crush. If you, as the crush, reciprocate feelings, that's the ultimate sign for the other person to start thinking about ending it with his/her current SO. Do YOU like him and does he know? In the end, I really think that you should not encourage him. Don't be the one who was responsible for what could be a good thing for him and her.
scooby-philly Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I've never been in this situation before. The one long term relationship I was in I was committed and did not develop a crush on someone. That said, given my experience I would say that it's normal. I know my old best friend was in a relationship at the end of college/beginning of work and he developed a crush on a woman he was working with. The relationship he was in was not good for him or the other person, so he ended it, went with the crush and now they're married. It certainly didn't go over well with the 1st woman, but things have worked out for her in the long run. I don't agree that you shouldn't reciprocate the feelings if you have them. But, if you don't have them you need to make it clear in some way. And if you don't I'd find a way to encourage him or his partner to really discuss their relationship. He may only be interested in something "different" if the relationship has hit a roadblock.
Author bluesgirl Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Thank you everyone for the input! I do have feelings for him, I am trying to repress those feelings though because I am NOT that girl to steal one's boyfriend away. He never brings up his girlfriend to me and I really don't know if I should even ask about it since he has not told me he is interested in me. I just feel you can always tell when someone is crushing on you, it's those little awkward moments or just smiling a lot when around each other. Him and his girlfriend have been together about 3 years and i'm thinking it's just best for me to try and move on and maybe if that happens he will come around. What you said though Scooby about your best friend makes me curious even more about him. I know the last long term relationship I was in I did have a crush on another man and that made me realize I had to break up with my current boyfriend at the time. I never told the guy I was crushing on that I liked him though, as I didn't get those vibes from him like I do my friend.
d0nnivain Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I'm not a guy but while in a relationship I have developed crushes on other people. They are meaningless & fleeting. Acting on them is a whole other ballgame. Unless he tells you that he wants to date you AND breaks up with his GF before asking you out, stay away from him. If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you.
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