Author Ok Good Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 In summary: there are two types of romances: very slow burning and the hard and fast romances. The OP could have found a guy that prefers the slow burn; when you are not all that into someone when you first meet them, yet you grow to love them deeply over a lot of time. You continue seeing them because they are great people and you enjoy having them around, but NOT because your heart is pounding and you are that excited about them. I prefer to be really into someone from date one. People who are like this tend to text and call most days and set aside at least a few hours per weekend for the fledging lovers. I never said all weekends should be set aside for new dates; but guys I know who really enjoyed a first date tend to all set aside, say, a few hours Saturday night for dinner or lunch with their new date. yes, he definitely might be a 'slow burn' kinda guy... I guess I like more intensity and have made connections fast in the past but I'm willing to give this maybe another month ..or 2 i just hate to get attached to someone & then find out that their really not right for me... guess that's called dating 1
scooby-philly Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I think you've gotten a wide array of advice already. Whoever said "there's a communication imbalance right now"... what happens 6 months from now. I went through a devastating break up - days for the wedding. I say that because I look back now and realize we were two different people who needed different things. I need to feel affection and warmth, I want a woman who communicates, who is balanced and organized, and who can reciprocate what I'm feeling and what I display. Of course, I've changed over the years so I'm aware now of what I need and can filter out others intentions and actions better and if a significant other was having a bad day, I know how to handle it and realize that we're still reciprocating it's just me giving 100% today and at some point it will be them 100% of the time. You don't know each other well enough yet, but take it slow, as you stated on your own, and explore it. I agree that you need to figure out who to invest in, we all do, but everyone is different. He may genuinely think he's communicating enough. If you go another 4-5 weeks see how things progress. If you're clear and upfront and honest about your needs and feelings and he doesn't change his behavior, that's the time to call it quits. Partners can be different with their needs, but when that happens, they need to be able to still understand and act for the other person. 2
Jive Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Hence why I'm rarely single. I initiate contact. I make it known to guys when I'm really into them. I do like to wait for the guy to make the first move though. After the first date, I like a " I had a great time, lets do it again sometime" text. Then I eagerly respond. I do I initiate texts after that. That's how I go about dating. There need to be girls like you out there! If I'm interested in someone, ask them out, take them to dinner, send little texts here and there... It gets outright exhausting after nothing comes from her end. In fact I lose interest fairly quickly and move on. I don't show it, but I'm tickled to death when I girl I like texts me or asks me to the third or fourth date. It's always really impressive and makes my interest level sky rocket! 1
slightly_unusual Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 While I like most of your posts, I have to sincerely disagree with the entirety of this post. Especially the bolded. A man (and a woman) should NOT be expected to favor a brand new date over their friends. And if they do, I would look down upon that. If a girl I just began seeing wanted my company instead of her friends so early on, I would question her social skills. Or even if she has any friends of her own. Maybe she is lonely. Maybe needy. Maybe even clingy. These things are unattractive to most people. I think you have a very, very unrealistic view of what a beginning of a relationship is. Almost idealistic and fairy tale like. Falling headoverheels for someone simply is not a necessity for a blossoming relationship. Absolutely is not. Many people develop a fondness for each other at a much slower pace. And they have success doing so. Just because a man isn't jumping both feet in right off the bat, does NOT mean he isn't interested. You make it seem that way in many of your other posts, too. I just really felt like I needed to point this out. To give a better example of that, I have been dating my girlfriend for over 6months now. We have gone on vacation together (and going on another one in March). Spend about 2-4 days a week seeing each other, most of which are actual dates/activities/cooking things/classes/etc., we consitently tell one another how much fun we have and enjoy how much we enjoy each other's company. Always with plenty of affection, too. And the sex is very, very frequent + completely satisfying to both parties. We have yet to announce anything near "I love yous." We (at least I think it is mutual) have not reached this point yet. For you, this might be a travesty and a sign that we are not doing well, that I'm/she is not interested, the relationship sucks, and we should break up. But to be honest, everyone views us as an ideal couple. We match very nicely. We have been working out VERY well thus far, but I have a feeling for you this is completely the opposite. I would very much like you to consider that there are different ways to proceed with a relationship. Just wanted to share my thoughts. Hope all is well! a very sensible post , I opened a thread a few days ago about how I told my girlfriend " I loved her " after less than a full month of being official , I spend the day with my girlfriend today yet I realise it was a mistake to make this declaration to her three days ago , she is delighted and says the same to me several times per day but now I feel under pressure to say it on a regular basis , its not that Im not happy being in a relationship with this girl but I totally put unesscessery pressure on both of us it takes much longer than a month to know if someone is right for you 1
slightly_unusual Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 In summary: there are two types of romances: very slow burning and the hard and fast romances. The OP could have found a guy that prefers the slow burn; when you are not all that into someone when you first meet them, yet you grow to love them deeply over a lot of time. You continue seeing them because they are great people and you enjoy having them around, but NOT because your heart is pounding and you are that excited about them. I prefer to be really into someone from date one. People who are like this tend to text and call most days and set aside at least a few hours per weekend for the fledging lovers. I never said all weekends should be set aside for new dates; but guys I know who really enjoyed a first date tend to all set aside, say, a few hours Saturday night for dinner or lunch with their new date. "slow burners " usually turn into the best long term solid relationships 2
Woggle Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 "slow burners " usually turn into the best long term solid relationships I agree. There is a reason why slow cooked food tends to taste the best. 1
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