Ok Good Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I've been dating a guy for a month now My dating past has been more casual flings nothing serious nothing lasting for a really long time now I'd like to develop something that goes long-term the problem is I'm impatient I want to know like right away if someone is good for me, etc so that I can invest in them For example, he hasn't been showing me alot of attention in the last week no calls and barely texting (I letting him initiate all this to gauge his interest) anyway, I brought this up to him that I like attention & maybe either he's not that interested in me or doesn't really have the time to put into a new relationship... He said he was surprised to hear me say this cos he felt like he was making an effort & that he was interested in me he also said we're still just getting to know each other and its common to have doubts in the beginning... my question: how long does it take to decide to keep moving forward with them before you decide not to? I am so clueless about this whole go slow thing!!
Eau Claire Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Not much info to go on. What is 'barely texting'? If a guy is really into you, he usually wants to see you. Can't resist. Needs to keep his claim to you, etc. But...every guy is different. He acted surprised when you said he wasn't attentive...but...what else was he going to say? Men are good with the 'Huh, Really?' excuses. A suggestion. Don't put him on the spot with questions. Probably makes him uncomfortable and squirming. Let him prove himself (or not ) with actions. He now knows you are feeling neglected...hopefully he will make more effort. Anyways, good that you recognize that you have been impatient in the past. It's a positive to be able to try and change a pattern that may have been a hindrance to relationships. Great that you can step back, pause, and try and get a perspective of what's happening. 1
Fondue Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Men and women (or rather, everyone) has different expectations of what is a lot of attention or little. To him, he may honestly be giving you what he considers a lot. It may not feel that way to you, but it may be really what HE is feeling. You have to put things into perspective. We all vary in our preferences. Just because you may have differences in that regard, does not mean someone lacks interest in you. I, for one, communicate in a way that some people consider to be too little. But to me, I do it enough. I am satisfied with the amount of communication I provide and am provided with. I am fortunate that my girlfriend is the same way. And has been since the beginning. We are completely content not contacting each other on a daily basis. To some people that is unacceptable, to others, it's fine. Just because it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it's broken. Just saying. This guy might really be into you but you're not seeing it that way because you're perceiving things as him not being into you due to your preferences. Sorry, rambled on. I just really wanted to be thorough. 2
Author Ok Good Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Not much info to go on. What is 'barely texting'? If a guy is really into you, he usually wants to see you. Can't resist. Needs to keep his claim to you, etc. But...every guy is different. He acted surprised when you said he wasn't attentive...but...what else was he going to say? Men are good with the 'Huh, Really?' excuses. A suggestion. Don't put him on the spot with questions. Probably makes him uncomfortable and squirming. Let him prove himself (or not ) with actions. He now knows you are feeling neglected...hopefully he will make more effort. Anyways, good that you recognize that you have been impatient in the past. It's a positive to be able to try and change a pattern that may have been a hindrance to relationships. Great that you can step back, pause, and try and get a perspective of what's happening. thank you for this perspective, very helpful! My question really isn't about how much attention should he be showing me (I think we're all different in that way) but really it's how long do you hang in there with someone new (especially if their not checking all of your boxes)??
Syreeni Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) You want/need more contact, effort, affection from a partner. He doesn't want/need close to the same level as you...both of you already have a want/need imbalance which can lead to hurt/resentment in the future. This should give you a pause. Think about how important that is to you in a relationship. Now its texts/calls? 6 months from now frequency of sex. Just saying...lack of effort leads into many parts of a relationship. There is nothing wrong with having a set of things that are important to you in a relationship. You should know which ones are deal breakers, important and not as important. Be honest about their importance to you and don't settle, get discouaged and settle or think you are not worth those things that are important to you. Regardless whether he used the clueless card, he IS aware now and can no longer play that again. If you do not see an improvement in effort, then I would say that shows he doesn't really care about the relationship or your feelings/needs. Actions speak louder than words and actions and words should match. - never forget that. How long? For this guy- 2 to 3 weeks should be fair enough time to see if he's going to make adjustments For a brand new date: Very generalized because it depends on the contact frequency contact type and chemistry level but I would say between 2 to 3 months, 4 absolute maximum...you both should know if you want to begin the exclusive dating portion of the relationship. If they are not ticking all the boxes and the more/longer you see them the spark still feels stagnet or is fizzlling out- its probably best to move on. Maybe 4 to 8 should be enough time to give it a fair shot if you are waffling about the person. Then again, you are not exclusive, so don't turn down a date from a potential match if you come across one while you still date waffle guy. No reason to waste each other's time on someone you don't feel confident in moving forward toword an exclusive dating situation, unless you are enjoying the casualness of the nonexclusivity. Just my 2 cents. Hope that was helpful. Good Luck! Edited January 29, 2014 by Syreeni 2
MixedUpChick Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 thank you for this perspective, very helpful! My question really isn't about how much attention should he be showing me (I think we're all different in that way) but really it's how long do you hang in there with someone new (especially if their not checking all of your boxes)?? Figure out which of your boxes are really deal breakers, don't expect to necessarily find anyone who can check them all if you have more than about 2. Be realistic in what you absolutely must have. I sometimes catch myself being impatient too, I have to tell myself to chill out & just enjoy spending time with the person, if I'm enjoying myself. Don't get too wrapped up too soon in whether or not you think he's "the guy" & just enjoy your time together & see where it goes. Depending on how often you see each other, it might take just a few weeks or could take longer. Patience, young grasshopper... 1
Keenly Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Its not really fair that you are making him initiate ALL contact, and then get concerned when he starts tapering it off. What exactly are you doing for him? Maybe he wants to feel appreciated too? This thread just reads like " me me me " He is 50 % of this potential relationship and he deserves just as much effort as you expect for yourself. 7
Leigh 87 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 He doesn't sound very interested. My boyfriend was so excited to see me. He didn't want to focus on any other women from date one. You should wait around for a guy that texts you daily and who sounds excited to be dating you.
Leigh 87 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Men and women (or rather, everyone) has different expectations of what is a lot of attention or little. To him, he may honestly be giving you what he considers a lot. It may not feel that way to you, but it may be really what HE is feeling. You have to put things into perspective. We all vary in our preferences. Just because you may have differences in that regard, does not mean someone lacks interest in you. I, for one, communicate in a way that some people consider to be too little. But to me, I do it enough. I am satisfied with the amount of communication I provide and am provided with. I am fortunate that my girlfriend is the same way. And has been since the beginning. We are completely content not contacting each other on a daily basis. To some people that is unacceptable, to others, it's fine. Just because it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it's broken. Just saying. This guy might really be into you but you're not seeing it that way because you're perceiving things as him not being into you due to your preferences. Sorry, rambled on. I just really wanted to be thorough. There are definitely people like you and your girlfriend. Also, too much texting is bad. I like a once daily brief phone call. I don't like excessive texting during the day.
Keenly Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 He doesn't sound very interested. My boyfriend was so excited to see me. He didn't want to focus on any other women from date one. You should wait around for a guy that texts you daily and who sounds excited to be dating you. Men need to feel appreciated. They need to feel that their efforts actually mean something. You can have a really great guy who is really into a girl, but if she gives him NOTHING back... of she never initiates contact, never expresses any form of intimacy ( emotional or otherwise ) and if she never acts like she gives a damn, that guy will bail. And it sure as hell won't be be cause he isn't interested. This crap is a two way street. You can't just sit on your hands and expect a man to do EVERYTHING. That's a recipe for being single. 4
Leigh 87 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Figure out which of your boxes are really deal breakers, don't expect to necessarily find anyone who can check them all if you have more than about 2. Be realistic in what you absolutely must have. I sometimes catch myself being impatient too, I have to tell myself to chill out & just enjoy spending time with the person, if I'm enjoying myself. Don't get too wrapped up too soon in whether or not you think he's "the guy" & just enjoy your time together & see where it goes. Depending on how often you see each other, it might take just a few weeks or could take longer. Patience, young grasshopper... A few weeks? To figure out if you like someone? Look. Sometimes you know from date one whether or not you're crazy about a person. My boyfriend as well as my friends boyfriend were crazy about us from the very first day they met us. Some people don't need daily contact. However, they will still set up a date every weekend for you. They won't pick seeing their mates on Fri/Sat/Sun over seeing you. Even if this guy doesn't like daily contact, he will still set up a date with you every weekend he'll not talk about sex too early on. He will not push for sex right away if he's really nuts about you.
Eivuwan Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Men need to feel appreciated. They need to feel that their efforts actually mean something. You can have a really great guy who is really into a girl, but if she gives him NOTHING back... of she never initiates contact, never expresses any form of intimacy ( emotional or otherwise ) and if she never acts like she gives a damn, that guy will bail. And it sure as hell won't be be cause he isn't interested. This crap is a two way street. You can't just sit on your hands and expect a man to do EVERYTHING. That's a recipe for being single. I completely agree. Op, you're thinking of what he has to offer you, but what do you have to offer him? A relationship is both ways.
Woggle Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 A few months. I usually know their true colors by then. 2
Disco Lemonade Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Try surprising him with a sweet comment meant to make him blush. If he likes you, that will definitely get some communication flowing If you struggle to come up with something, the word "cute" can help. Even on a guy. Trust me. 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Men need to feel appreciated. They need to feel that their efforts actually mean something. You can have a really great guy who is really into a girl, but if she gives him NOTHING back... of she never initiates contact, never expresses any form of intimacy ( emotional or otherwise ) and if she never acts like she gives a damn, that guy will bail. And it sure as hell won't be be cause he isn't interested. This crap is a two way street. You can't just sit on your hands and expect a man to do EVERYTHING. That's a recipe for being single. Hence why I'm rarely single. I initiate contact. I make it known to guys when I'm really into them. I do like to wait for the guy to make the first move though. After the first date, I like a " I had a great time, lets do it again sometime" text. Then I eagerly respond. I do I initiate texts after that. That's how I go about dating.
Fondue Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 A few weeks? To figure out if you like someone? Look. Sometimes you know from date one whether or not you're crazy about a person. My boyfriend as well as my friends boyfriend were crazy about us from the very first day they met us. Some people don't need daily contact. However, they will still set up a date every weekend for you. They won't pick seeing their mates on Fri/Sat/Sun over seeing you. Even if this guy doesn't like daily contact, he will still set up a date with you every weekend he'll not talk about sex too early on. He will not push for sex right away if he's really nuts about you. While I like most of your posts, I have to sincerely disagree with the entirety of this post. Especially the bolded. A man (and a woman) should NOT be expected to favor a brand new date over their friends. And if they do, I would look down upon that. If a girl I just began seeing wanted my company instead of her friends so early on, I would question her social skills. Or even if she has any friends of her own. Maybe she is lonely. Maybe needy. Maybe even clingy. These things are unattractive to most people. I think you have a very, very unrealistic view of what a beginning of a relationship is. Almost idealistic and fairy tale like. Falling headoverheels for someone simply is not a necessity for a blossoming relationship. Absolutely is not. Many people develop a fondness for each other at a much slower pace. And they have success doing so. Just because a man isn't jumping both feet in right off the bat, does NOT mean he isn't interested. You make it seem that way in many of your other posts, too. I just really felt like I needed to point this out. To give a better example of that, I have been dating my girlfriend for over 6months now. We have gone on vacation together (and going on another one in March). Spend about 2-4 days a week seeing each other, most of which are actual dates/activities/cooking things/classes/etc., we consitently tell one another how much fun we have and enjoy how much we enjoy each other's company. Always with plenty of affection, too. And the sex is very, very frequent + completely satisfying to both parties. We have yet to announce anything near "I love yous." We (at least I think it is mutual) have not reached this point yet. For you, this might be a travesty and a sign that we are not doing well, that I'm/she is not interested, the relationship sucks, and we should break up. But to be honest, everyone views us as an ideal couple. We match very nicely. We have been working out VERY well thus far, but I have a feeling for you this is completely the opposite. I would very much like you to consider that there are different ways to proceed with a relationship. Just wanted to share my thoughts. Hope all is well! 5
winny Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I've been dating a guy for a month now My dating past has been more casual flings nothing serious nothing lasting for a really long time now I'd like to develop something that goes long-term the problem is I'm impatient I want to know like right away if someone is good for me, etc so that I can invest in them For example, he hasn't been showing me alot of attention in the last week no calls and barely texting (I letting him initiate all this to gauge his interest) anyway, I brought this up to him that I like attention & maybe either he's not that interested in me or doesn't really have the time to put into a new relationship... He said he was surprised to hear me say this cos he felt like he was making an effort & that he was interested in me he also said we're still just getting to know each other and its common to have doubts in the beginning... my question: how long does it take to decide to keep moving forward with them before you decide not to? I am so clueless about this whole go slow thing!! Why are you so much impatient and want to know everything at once? Go slow... discover each other slowly n steadily... it has it's own charm... And I think he is pretty mature to have said what I have put in bold above. U seem kinda immature.
Leigh 87 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 While I like most of your posts, I have to sincerely disagree with the entirety of this post. Especially the bolded. A man (and a woman) should NOT be expected to favor a brand new date over their friends. And if they do, I would look down upon that. If a girl I just began seeing wanted my company instead of her friends so early on, I would question her social skills. Or even if she has any friends of her own. Maybe she is lonely. Maybe needy. Maybe even clingy. These things are unattractive to most people. I think you have a very, very unrealistic view of what a beginning of a relationship is. Almost idealistic and fairy tale like. Falling headoverheels for someone simply is not a necessity for a blossoming relationship. Absolutely is not. Many people develop a fondness for each other at a much slower pace. And they have success doing so. Just because a man isn't jumping both feet in right off the bat, does NOT mean he isn't interested. You make it seem that way in many of your other posts, too. I just really felt like I needed to point this out. To give a better example of that, I have been dating my girlfriend for over 6months now. We have gone on vacation together (and going on another one in March). Spend about 2-4 days a week seeing each other, most of which are actual dates/activities/cooking things/classes/etc., we consitently tell one another how much fun we have and enjoy how much we enjoy each other's company. Always with plenty of affection, too. And the sex is very, very frequent + completely satisfying to both parties. We have yet to announce anything near "I love yous." We (at least I think it is mutual) have not reached this point yet. For you, this might be a travesty and a sign that we are not doing well, that I'm/she is not interested, the relationship sucks, and we should break up. But to be honest, everyone views us as an ideal couple. We match very nicely. We have been working out VERY well thus far, but I have a feeling for you this is completely the opposite. I would very much like you to consider that there are different ways to proceed with a relationship. Just wanted to share my thoughts. Hope all is well! Thanks for sharing. I certainly appreciate that there are different ways for people to fall in love. You're right; I cannot even imagine waiting 6 months to "fall IN love". I believe in the type of all consuming, fairy tale love that actually does occur often enough. Many guys meet a girl who they fall head over heels in love with well before 3 months. Who is to say that this style of falling in love is not valid for you? Sure, your way works for you, so it isn't worth considering in reality. Please humour me though; do you think there are women out there who you WOULD be crazy about from date one? Who you would fall in love with within 1 - 3 months? Me? I go for a special feeling. An instant wow factor. I cannot go on more than one day with a man if I am meh about him, even if he is good looking, rich, whatever. I don't think my take on romance is unrealistic. However, your way is just as valid as my way of falling in love. Plenty of men are crazy about a girl they meet just once. For one date. Sure, they don't know her, but they are really into the idea of her. They get the "it" factor from her. It is high chemistry plus mutually getting along/meshing with your personalities. Sometimes that "intense chemistry" or "special feeling" you get on the first date actually pans out; hot chemistry turns into a healthy relationship with your best friend. Personally, I prefer the type of love whereby the guy is really into you right away. I believe AND have witness the fairy tale sparks and "first date" bliss where the two people just REALLY like each other from date ONE. .................................... For example. I went on a date with a guy from online dating last year. He was fine looking, we got along great and I enjoyed being with him. Sadly, I just want that excited about seeing him again. I didn't feel much chemistry and I did not like the idea of kissing him any time soon. I accepted a second date. I liked him as a person but I just didn't feel all that into him. I could not care less if he wanted to ever see me again. Now, you are saying, from what I gather, that: I should have kept dating him to see if any feelings "developed"? Since he was a nice guy and all and I liked him a lot as a person and he was physically attractive enough for me to have sex with? Then there was another guy I dated and I had to spend a few dates with him before I even wanted to kiss him and be close with him physically. Last but not least, a guy fell crazy in love with me. I did not have chemistry with him from my end, even though I LOVED being around him and he was so head over heels for me. This guy treated me so well, he earned a lot of money, he was cute, and best of all he TRULY cherished me. Yet I just could not stomach being WITH him in that sense, because I did not "feel it" with him. I was not willing to grow to love him over time; I want to fall IN love with a guy early on in the relationship, opposed to growing to love a person over many months. I personally go for the instant spark, where I am actually into the person and where I am excited to see them again. I met a guy just after that guy who I was SUPER excited about dating from date ONE. I was always looking forward to his texts and I got very high with excitement just before seeing him. I wanted to kiss guy two on date one; the other guys I dated and just didn't "feel it" with, I didn't feel the urge to kiss them at all, and I would have had to "grow" to feel more chemistry over a lot of months. .............................................................. A guy can meet you and feel quiet indifferent about you. He can be like " oh geez, well Leigh 87 was a nice girl, she's really cute, maybe we can hang out again. I will still go on a few chill dates with a few other women for now until I get to now Leigh 87 better" I don't want a guy who meets me and then still feels the need to explore other women. I don't want a guy who meets me and then just doesn't want to set aside one day out of his 2 day weekend to spend with me. I don't want a guy who is not all that into me, but "grows" to love me over a lot of time, when he was not all that taken with me to begin with. ............................................... Both me and my good friend met boyfriends who were crazy about us on date one. They called or texted us every day, albeit not obsessively. They do have their own lives. They wanted to spend one day per weekend with us. They thought about us constantly. It didn't take them months to fall in love with us. We had a special feeling about those guys, as did the guys have a special feeling about us from date one. THAT is the type of romance I personally hold out for. I reject men who I am lukewarm about even if they are fantastic guys. My friends boyfriend fell hard for her the night they met. He was a player, yet he FIRST night he met her, he wanted to commit. He fell head over heels from DATE ONE. They fell in love within a month of meeting. They had LONG relationships before and know what it is to fall in love. So, you're claiming that it would have been betterfor him to wait for a girl who he was not as into, and let it slowly grow into love?
Leigh 87 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 In summary: there are two types of romances: very slow burning and the hard and fast romances. The OP could have found a guy that prefers the slow burn; when you are not all that into someone when you first meet them, yet you grow to love them deeply over a lot of time. You continue seeing them because they are great people and you enjoy having them around, but NOT because your heart is pounding and you are that excited about them. I prefer to be really into someone from date one. People who are like this tend to text and call most days and set aside at least a few hours per weekend for the fledging lovers. I never said all weekends should be set aside for new dates; but guys I know who really enjoyed a first date tend to all set aside, say, a few hours Saturday night for dinner or lunch with their new date.
todreaminblue Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 i look at all relationships as potential long term relationships because when i am ready that is what i need and am looking for....doubts are always there there are no guarantees.....in any relationship...... i started a relationship recently a month and a half now.......he calls me every couple of days.......we have spent the majority of that hopping from his place to mine.......when he went home i knew it would be a couple of weeks before i will see him again..he has stuff to do i have stuff to do......he has called me every two days......and i said to him openly i reallyt did want to call you but i didnt want to come across as clingy or make you uncomfortable.....he said i can call him any time i want to...if he doesnt get hold of me he continues to try...i feel better being open........no misconceptions no insecurities.......just honesty............be open with him on what you want......do it early..makes it easier on both...can be awkward....but....i prefer to be awkward for a little while than wonder with doubt for weeks.....best wishes to you...deb 1
Syreeni Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) Its not really fair that you are making him initiate ALL contact, and then get concerned when he starts tapering it off. What exactly are you doing for him? Maybe he wants to feel appreciated too? He is 50 % of this potential relationship and he deserves just as much effort as you expect for yourself. Absolutly. And I don't believe anyone said he didn't deserve that or that 50% of the effort should not come from the female. I didn't get the impression that she was thinking that way. To me she posted that she had a need that was insufficiently being met, she did the mature thing and relayed her need and got a mature response- he didn't know that is how she felt, he thought he was. Now he knows and if he wants to continue pursuing this relationship, he will need to adjust his efforts in this area a little. I can understand why some may get the impression that a person is being imbalanced...a poster can only post what another person has said to them an we all have to semi-guess at their feelings/intentions, however the poster can give a more in depth view of not only what they said but also how they felt and what they want. Without both sides of the story/issue, we can only approach it so far. Take the poster for their word, guess at the feelings of the other based on the information provided by the poster. Why I did not get the impression she was purposely ignoring his needs? She handled her need by communication. By the tone of her post, concern, action she didn't seem to be unreasonable in her concern or expectation. Nor handling it unreasonably. If he feels that she is not putting forth 50% of the effort, he too has the right and duty to communicate and ask for that, then give her time to see if she will follow through and make an adjustment. Edited January 29, 2014 by Syreeni 1
Syreeni Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 ...doubts are always there there are no guarantees.....in any relationship...... ....he has called me every two days......and i said to him openly i reallyt did want to call you but i didnt want to come across as clingy or make you uncomfortable.....he said i can call him any time i want to...if he doesnt get hold of me he continues to try...i feel better being open........no misconceptions no insecurities.......just honesty............be open with him on what you want......do it early..makes it easier on both... Yes, open, honesty, communicate. It is so difficult to find two people on the same page, handling a relationship in an equal and fair manner. I think the posters guy responded with a simple explanation of his perception and validation of her feelings. ...they are just getting to know each other and it is common to have doubts. He didn't make her feel insane because she communicated her need. Good on him. In the context of the small amount of information we readers have, I would give this guy a chance. While it is great to see fireworks the second you meet a persons eyes...not all fullfilling relationships start out that way. It saddens me that woman feel they have to refrain from doing normal things like call a guy for fear they we will be labeled "clingy" or stand up for themselves for fear of being called a "B***h" ...when negitive labels are thrown around so freely it is easy to feel paranoid, especially during dating or a new relationship where you already feel very vulnerable. 2
Author Ok Good Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Not much info to go on. What is 'barely texting'? His texts usually consist of "morning" or if its the end of the night "g'night" or "how was ur day?" that's all... sometimes he'll call me a sweet name or use a smiley...but not very much since I'm trying to 'mirror' his responses its frustrating to me cos I'd rather be more feely how do you respond to those kinds of texts?! the last guy I dated came on much much stronger tho he burned out as fast as he had come in I did like the intensity of his feelings.
Author Ok Good Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 You want/need more contact, effort, affection from a partner. He doesn't want/need close to the same level as you...both of you already have a want/need imbalance which can lead to hurt/resentment in the future. This should give you a pause. Think about how important that is to you in a relationship. Now its texts/calls? 6 months from now frequency of sex. Just saying...lack of effort leads into many parts of a relationship. There is nothing wrong with having a set of things that are important to you in a relationship. You should know which ones are deal breakers, important and not as important. Be honest about their importance to you and don't settle, get discouaged and settle or think you are not worth those things that are important to you. Regardless whether he used the clueless card, he IS aware now and can no longer play that again. If you do not see an improvement in effort, then I would say that shows he doesn't really care about the relationship or your feelings/needs. Actions speak louder than words and actions and words should match. - never forget that. How long? For this guy- 2 to 3 weeks should be fair enough time to see if he's going to make adjustments For a brand new date: Very generalized because it depends on the contact frequency contact type and chemistry level but I would say between 2 to 3 months, 4 absolute maximum...you both should know if you want to begin the exclusive dating portion of the relationship. If they are not ticking all the boxes and the more/longer you see them the spark still feels stagnet or is fizzlling out- its probably best to move on. Maybe 4 to 8 should be enough time to give it a fair shot if you are waffling about the person. Then again, you are not exclusive, so don't turn down a date from a potential match if you come across one while you still date waffle guy. No reason to waste each other's time on someone you don't feel confident in moving forward toword an exclusive dating situation, unless you are enjoying the casualness of the nonexclusivity. Just my 2 cents. Hope that was helpful. Good Luck! this ^ is a really helpful perspective! i appreciate having some type of time frame to use, thank you
Author Ok Good Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Its not really fair that you are making him initiate ALL contact, and then get concerned when he starts tapering it off. What exactly are you doing for him? Maybe he wants to feel appreciated too? This thread just reads like " me me me " He is 50 % of this potential relationship and he deserves just as much effort as you expect for yourself. Believe me I am showing effort, lol!! I am very affectionate when we're together always dressed really nice give him compliments try to answer his texts usually w/in an hour or less smile alot with him (he's kinda great in his way) & cos he's low on money paid for an expensive dinner we had what I'm NOT doing: texting or calling first (i think ive done both maybe once so far) asking him out for a date accepting last-minute date requests complaining about anything in my mind then I think I'm justified to want what I want... that's why I wonder am I being unreasonable a month in?
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