snappytomcat Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 sometimes I cant help throwing in digs to my fwh,I feel bad after I do it,but also feels good in a devious way,i know its not healthy,but iam a fierylatina,I have really long hair my husband loves long hair,like the girls to have long hair growing up,shoot he would have long hair to if he wasn't balding,anyways last weekend he said please don't cut your hair as short as mary,I just laughed and said are you kidding me right now?dumbfounded he says no why?so I said does cc ring a bell,and you screwed her 4 times and she has very short hair,i think that might be a trigger?do you all think so but I wasn't mad,we still did what we were doing no fighting,like I didn't even say it,sometimes I surprise myself with the nasty things that come out of my mouth,cause im not usually like this I love every living thing,makes me feel sad sometimes that 2 people did this to me,and one that I really trusted and loved(still do) 1
Spark1111 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I think you are being HUMAN. it is NORMAL to be crazy, triggering, angry, out of control after discovering infidelity. Infidelity is a huge trauma, one that often produces all the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.... Forgive yourself, please. How does your H react? What does he say? How does he handle your outbursts? 1
Author snappytomcat Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 he just says cant I get you to understand that I hated that time in my life,i had hit rock bottom,please we need to move on from this I don't even remember anything about her good or bad. thanks for the support
Betrayed&Stayed Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 You're not alone with the hair trigger. Whenever my wife mentions me getting a haircut I have not-so-good internal comments about it. I just don't say them out loud because I know it's not fair to her. Best of luck
Timmos Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I am incredibly passive aggressive. I try not to make angry outbursts, which can occur anyway, so I vent from time to time with offhand remarks. I know I should probably avoid this, but if I don't get it out of my system somehow, I think I would pop. 1
Spark1111 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 he just says cant I get you to understand that I hated that time in my life,i had hit rock bottom,please we need to move on from this I don't even remember anything about her good or bad. thanks for the support You don't have to move on....if that is NOT HOW you feel. And do not suppress your feelings or your triggers....you will NEVER heal if you do. I am sorry he hated that time in his life. I too have been rock bottom lonely in our marriage and NEVER chose to cheat, despite ample opportunity to do so. I would ask my FWH how he would FEEL if I had chosen to do so? How would he FEEL if I chose a tall, blonde, blue-eyed man when he is shorter, dark hair and eyed? Would it make him insecure? Doubt his attractiveness and self-worth? Of course it would! Ball in his court. you need to know WHY. he needs IC to figure it out. Is he in IC? 4
janedoe67 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I ma not sure how far back your D-Day was, but I think what you are feeling is normal. When someone crushes us with pain, we want them to feel pain too. Is it necessarily "good"? Maybe not. But I think we all feel that. What is he doing besides lamenting that time in his life to make you feel safe, to show you love, to be transparent? 1
MovingPast Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 he just says cant I get you to understand that I hated that time in my life,i had hit rock bottom,please we need to move on from this I don't even remember anything about her good or bad. thanks for the support Empathizing with what he was going through doesn't lessen the pain and damage he caused you. You are normal, all of us BS must go through this and deal with the triggers that bring it back to us, just like it was yesterday. It is He that needs to do the understanding. Unless you think that you are stuck in the "punishment" phase, then perhaps some help would be useful.
jnel921 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I think all of us BS here go through some kind of trigger. My hair is long and I want to cut it shorter. I used to dye it black. But the OW had chin length black hair and I refuse to be a reminder to my H of that witch. It's tough but we get through it and my H understands where it comes from. Those days for us are fewer however now since it's been over 14 months since DDay. It's tough. Digging is normal. I think we can insert an Olympic size pool after all that we have been through.
janedoe67 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Even 7 years later, when we were looking for a car, the salesperson pointed out a certain color of blue, and h said "I don't want a blue car." It was because that was the same blue as OM's car. Some things just are triggers,and a WS has to understand that.
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