candie13 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 some of you might remember my CP ex. I've left him (for the last time and for real) two months ago. Done all the proper things - blocking him on my phone, on my IM, everything. The bloke wrote to me a few times, but he had absolutely no access to me or to my life. Oh, he did contact my best friend to let her know he was still crazy about me, blah blah. Ok, here's the thing. We ran into eachother, by chance - and the guy is on a date, right? So I think I am fine. A day later, I see calls from unknown number - this time, I was on a date. since I never receive calls from unknown numbers at 22:00, I knew it was him. To make the story short, I agree to talk to him. Guys... listen to this: - during our conversation, he admitted that when he started to date me, he was not over his ex - he admitted that even though they broke up (because she wanted a kid and he didn't), he still had feelings for her and that they have had a great relationship (yes, I got that info while he was trying to "get me back") - he also admitted that he had seen his ex (obviously, when we were still seeing eachother), because I asked him why doesn't he try to patch things up with her - and ... to save the best for the last, when I asked him how his ex was, he said she was fine, but also that "she's focusing on the baby, it's all about the baby", which seemed weird, because when I asked if she was seeing anyone, if she had moved on, he said no. Later, it hit me... I think she must have gotten pregnant and had a baby. His baby. That would explain his extreme commitment phobia, his positive neurosis that regarded my period - he knew by heart when I was supposed to have my period, and stuff like that. In the end, it really doesn't matter, since our talk served no purpose than to convince myself that there really is no chance, no turning back... people, huh? To tell you the truth, if indeed his ex did get pregnant, knowing his absolute fear of babies and of being tied to something or someone, other than his own will, I would not be surprised to hear that he'd abandon both mother and young infant, irrelevant of just how much he loved the mother. And my thinking that way simply killed all romance and made me sick to my stomach. To think I dated this guy seriously... I know that even having thought of him and of our relationship is a poisonous thing, as it does not do me any good... but God, one really does never know a person. My personal main take out: always always listen to my intuition!
Envy_rodge Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 some of you might remember my CP ex. I've left him (for the last time and for real) two months ago. Done all the proper things - blocking him on my phone, on my IM, everything. The bloke wrote to me a few times, but he had absolutely no access to me or to my life. Oh, he did contact my best friend to let her know he was still crazy about me, blah blah. Ok, here's the thing. We ran into eachother, by chance - and the guy is on a date, right? So I think I am fine. A day later, I see calls from unknown number - this time, I was on a date. since I never receive calls from unknown numbers at 22:00, I knew it was him. To make the story short, I agree to talk to him. Guys... listen to this: - during our conversation, he admitted that when he started to date me, he was not over his ex Who cares, why does this matter now? - he admitted that even though they broke up (because she wanted a kid and he didn't), he still had feelings for her and that they have had a great That's still not really any of your business, and again your focusing on something that doesn't affect you, your letting it bother you no one is making you feel anythingrelationship (yes, I got that info while he was trying to "get me back") Congratulations. - he also admitted that he had seen his ex (obviously, when we were still seeing each other), because I asked him why doesn't he try to patch things up with her Now if he was in a serious relationship with you, this is not ok. But if you weren't in a committed relationship at that time, it's none of your business - and ... to save the best for the last, when I asked him how his ex was, he said she was fine, but also that "she's focusing on the baby, it's all about the baby", which seemed weird, because when I asked if she was seeing anyone, if she had moved on, he said no. Later, it hit me... I think she must have gotten pregnant and had a baby. His baby. That would explain his extreme commitment phobia, his positive neurosis that regarded my period - he knew by heart when I was supposed to have my period, and stuff like that.This is pure speculation, you have no prove, no evidence, your just assuming things, and you will only cause yourself more misery if you keep trying to "figure out" what happened. Commitment phobia is shaming language. I mean just because you date a guy and sleep with him means that he has to committee to you? Seriously? What did you save this guy's life? In the end, it really doesn't matter, since our talk served no purpose than to convince myself that there really is no chance, no turning back... people, huh? Exactly, this is the first thing that you said that actually matters To tell you the truth, if indeed his ex did get pregnant, knowing his absolute fear of babies and of being tied to something or someone, other than his own will, I would not be surprised to hear that he'd abandon both mother and young infant, irrelevant of just how much he loved the mother. Again, speculation, maybe he just doesn't want to be tied down right now, and he doesn't owe you anything. And my thinking that way simply killed all romance and made me sick to my stomach. To think I dated this guy seriously... I know that even having thought of him and of our relationship is a poisonous thing, as it does not do me any good... but God, one really does never know a person. My personal main take out: always always listen to my intuition! The best thing your "tuition" has communicated to you is that none of this matters any more. The sooner you stop caring about this, and any of these details, the sooner you will move on with your life and realize how none of this is really important. You may feel it is, but in time you will see its not.
Author candie13 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 We were in a committed, exclusive relationship after 2 months. We had talked about wanting kids and marriage - not the two of us, but each one of us, independently. That was a big lie from His side, since he absolutely does not want kids and is absolutely not ready for marriage. I had asked several times for pointers - if he is ready to date, if he liked spending time with me, which he did. Irrelevant of his hiding a baby back in NYC or not, he certainly lied about being ready to date. When I asked why he was not honest & straightforward with what he could do and what he wanted from me - not that much other than sex - he said he had been afraid I might stop seeing him then & there (good call, I had done that a few times, yet he was so vehement about not wanting to lose me, about his "feelings", that him actually bring ready for it didn't even matter. Nothing mattered as long as he was having his cake. And that, him making me waste my time and my feelings, is a cruel cruel thing, as he never gave much in return. He only took one year of my life, that's all. And on the contrary, me thinking he is that type of man to leave a girl pregnant with his child only means that I was on automatic pilot. That I did not stop, think and evaluate him for myself, not for him. That is the real red flag, because now he is out of my life, but only god knows whom I might run into next!
Envy_rodge Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 We were in a committed, exclusive relationship after 2 months. We had talked about wanting kids and marriage - not the two of us, but each one of us, independently. That was a big lie from His side, since he absolutely does not want kids and is absolutely not ready for marriage.Maybe not with you I had asked several times for pointers - if he is ready to date, if he liked spending time with me, which he did. Irrelevant of his hiding a baby back in NYC or not, he certainly lied about being ready to date. So you know for a fact he has a baby? When I asked why he was not honest & straightforward with what he could do and what he wanted from me - not that much other than sex - he said he had been afraid I might stop seeing him then & there (good call, I had done that a few times, yet he was so vehement about not wanting to lose me, about his "feelings", that him actually bring ready for it didn't even matter. well he needs to make a choice Nothing mattered as long as he was having his cake. And that, him making me waste my time and my feelings, is a cruel cruel thing, as he never gave much in return. He only took one year of my life, that's all.No on put a gun to your head, you have the ability to walk away And on the contrary, me thinking he is that type of man to leave a girl pregnant with his child only means that I was on automatic pilot. That I did not stop, think and evaluate him for myself, not for him. That is the real red flag, because now he is out of my life, but only god knows whom I might run into next! Certainly don't jump into a relationship with this attitude. good luck
Author candie13 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 that's the true definition of a CP - he can't really commit to you nor can he commit to letting you go . Obviously, living in such a dysfunctional dynamic for almost an year got to me, and yes, I do hold a lot of resentment towards him. Maybe unfounded. Maybe the biggest resentment I hold is towards myself and what I really hate even more is the sensation of having been cheated into giving an year away from me. It felt good to let it all out. I am not feeling all that great right now, but I know for a fact that it will get better in a week. And even better in a week after that. And in one month I'll be almost as good as new. It ticks me off, this sensation that I've been cheated on.
Author candie13 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 btw, envy, thank you for your input on my thread, I appreciate it.
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