scooby-philly Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 First off, I'm going to be long-winded. Second I will try and break things down as much as possible to avoid confusion. All responses are appreciated. 1. I've been on two dates with a woman in the past two weeks. 2. We met on a online pay site - not one of the free ones. 3. The first date actually happened the same date we met online. It was a Friday and work was slow so we spent a good hour or two talking and I normally don't ask women out on short notice, but I did, she said yes and we went out. 4. The first place we went to was a bit expensive. Not over the top but with drinks it did clear $100. I can afford it. But, I'm not the type to make it a habit either. We went to a second bar and had a few more drinks. We hugged at the end of the night, after she allowed me to drop her off. I asked if I could call her again, she said yes. I felt good 5. I called on Sunday and we talked for 15-20 minutes in addition to spending sat-mon emailing each other through the site. 6. We scheduled a second date for Tuesday night, but the snow in the NE nixed that. We talked once during the week and emailed throughout. 7. Second date was this past Saturday. I had planned on dinner and then live music with a small blues band I know and like. She wasn't feeling that well so we stayed right near her place grabbed a drink at one spot then ate at another. The conversation over dinner was great. I walked her back to her place and...she gave me a hug. She was comfortable enough to have me see her place before the 2nd date but I want to avoid the "friend zone". I want to ask her out on a third date - but I'm feeling confused. We've talked and texted since the 2nd date. I want to do something - without breaking the bank a 3rd time, that would make her feel comfortable and relaxed. She's a confessed introvert and I'm not sure about her past - in terms of relationships - she has a masters in math and I know what she does for a living, so I'd like to make sure I express my interest in a way she'll understand and in a way that I can tell if she's going to reciprocate. I may be second guessing myself, and I'll own up if you think that, but it's hard to read her. She's quiet and shy, but she's not unsociable and she's a knockout, to me, so what do I do? I've interacted with 6-9 women since I moved on from my last relationship ended and this is the first one I've felt we clicked.
Jive Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Agreed, you should ask her for a 3rd date, an activity date I would suggest. Maybe a museum or something and then when the time is right go in for the kiss. You don't have to break bank on each date. At the end of the this date and all is going well, why not tell her how you feel. You finally met someone who you connect to with. That's something you shouldn't ignore. Finding someone you actually have that connection with is pretty rare (in my experience). Good luck!
clia Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Ask her out for a third date and this time kiss her. If you don't go for a kiss soon, you are going to end up in the friend zone or she is going to think you aren't interested. 1
Author scooby-philly Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Thanks for the responses I wanted to while we were over dinner on the second date. I agree - an activity date would be a good idea. Have to figure out a place/activity that's warm in the cold weather, and also one that's not "sweaty".
Amelia81 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Love this! OP, your comment about not wanting to break the bank for a third time, does she offer to pay? I don't think it would be unreasonable on a third date to accept her offer to pay. I start to get a bit uncomfortable if a guy keeps paying for me anyway as I don't want to be seen as a scrounger/golddigger etc so by third date I'm more than happy to pay my share and from date one i always offer or go to pay. Usually get stopped on first date but second date onwards I'm usually paying my share or treating him! Agree with going for the kiss on third date. Mine was on third date and I was almost bursting for him to kiss me..! if he hadn't then I'd have been a bit miffed and assume he just isn't that attracted to me.
Author scooby-philly Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Well, My initial intuition, which I'm learning to pay more attention to, turned out to be right. Went over to her place to pick her up for a third date and after a 15 minute conversation was told that she wasn't "Ready for a relationship" right now - and that she has just had her last relationship break up in November/December. And she doesn't want to start something until she walks the Appalachian trail to address her failings - she can't be in something if she feels like she isn't pulling her "weight" in terms of income, etc. Wow.
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