silver99 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Yesterday I broke up with someone who I am crazily in love with. He was my first relationship and my first love however we knew from the beginning that we were not culturally or religiously compatible and that put an end date on our relationship. So to save a lot of pain in the future I decided that it would be for the best to end it now... We never lived together but I woke up and fell asleep to his messages for the past year and having him constantly on my mind, his pictures on my phoneme his messages, texts, emails, letter, the thought of him on my mind each waking moment. And now I just don't know what to do. One minute we were SO happy, having the times of our lives, ridiculously cute and in love and the next we were over. I moved away 5 months ago and so there's no chance of me bumping into him since we're on opposite ends of the planet but I don't know what to do... I'm praying I did the right thing Any tips or advice would be really really appreciated, I just want to talk to him and take it all back, but now that we've made the decision to save both of us the hurt I can't do that... I realize its going to get a lot harder as I'm not over the initial shock yet, but someone please help me, I can't stop crying and just don't know what to do
LostConfused123 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 You're post makes me so sad. Aside from culture and religion, did you guys have other issues??
Itspointless Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 This makes me sad too! we were not culturally or religiously compatible Does this mean you two or not going to be approved by family and or your communities? Or is it more complicated, do you also see problems coming between the two of you?
Reels Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 You should love a human's soul. Instead of discriminating with religion and culture. 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 You should love a human's soul. Instead of discriminating with religion and culture. No. Sadly, it is all too often a deal-breaker, and love isn't enough. Religion is a huge rift-causer, particularly if it's likely to bring the two families to loggerheads. If one partner is Muslim, for example, all kinds of problems can ensue, purely and simply because of certain stringent religious requirements. Culture plays a huge part too... Where do you live? How do you bring any children up? Will one religion naturally assume it will dominate over the other? These may seem trite, but they develop into very serious issues. The OP, sad and devastated as she may feel right now, made absolutely the right decision. Tragic as it is, it's inevitable and will save much heartache and anxiety.
organizedchaos Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Considering you moved to opposite sides of the planet, how could you possibly have a future anyway?
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 That was part of the question I posed. it's one of the deal-breakers, sadly.... Who lives/moves to where? And why?
stillfiguringitallou Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 I don't agree Tara. I know many many couples from opposite religious and cultural backgrounds that are in long term loving and working relationships. They raise their children to understand BOTH of their beliefs - to choose which speaks to THEIR heart - and after awhile the families had to choose to get used to it - or live without them. It is always important for us to remember that familial relationships ARE relationships too. Ultimately true family loves means you want your loved one to be HAPPY even if you don't agree with their choice. If you're more concerned with what you want for them - then their satisfaction and happiness with their life than that is not LOVE - it is control - regardless of if it is an SO - parent - OR child. Too often we as parents forget our children are people too - with their own hopes, beliefs, and loves. NOT mini versions of ourselves. just my op (PS two of those couples are muslim/some form of Christianity mix)
Allumere Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 (edited) I don't agree Tara. I know many many couples from opposite religious and cultural backgrounds that are in long term loving and working relationships. They raise their children to understand BOTH of their beliefs - to choose which speaks to THEIR heart - and after awhile the families had to choose to get used to it - or live without them. It is always important for us to remember that familial relationships ARE relationships too. Ultimately true family loves means you want your loved one to be HAPPY even if you don't agree with their choice. If you're more concerned with what you want for them - then their satisfaction and happiness with their life than that is not LOVE - it is control - regardless of if it is an SO - parent - OR child. Too often we as parents forget our children are people too - with their own hopes, beliefs, and loves. NOT mini versions of ourselves. just my op (PS two of those couples are muslim/some form of Christianity mix) Sorry but for many religions it does not work that way. They teach that you should or must marry someone of the same faith. The more conservative or ultra conservative Christians for example certainly subscribe that they must marry someone of the same faith...and I found out the hard way that just being a fellow Christian is not enough...in many instances both people are to be of the same spiritual maturity. I have a different position in that a) if an individual's stance based on faith is that they must marry someone just like them then they need to stop going on dates with those who are different ..it is a dead-end and b) if someone is placed in front of me to love and share my life with (and they love me), I am not going to second guess things I too know couples of different faiths, both devoted in their faiths, and they make it work. One couple is Hindu and Jewish....they have been married 18 years and have two kids. To have a relationship of half the quality of theirs would be a blessing. Edited February 1, 2014 by Allumere
stillfiguringitallou Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Sorry but for many religions it does not work that way. They teach that you should or must marry someone of the same faith. The more conservative or ultra conservative Christians for example certainly subscribe that they must marry someone of the same faith...and I found out the hard way that just being a fellow Christian is not enough...in many instances both people are to be of the same spiritual maturity. This is the piece I was speaking to. A pastor is a person - a mere mortal just like the rest of us. Do you trust your higher power (found in your own heart according to MOST religions) or do you trust a human? Look I get the idea behind religions being all encompassing and controlling, with that being said - we can't speak to learning to become responsible for our own choices and decisions - for paving our own path - on every thread on this board - in regards to an EX and then give each other a pass when it comes to family and religious officials.
AllTooWell Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Right and that's your opinion. And while I may support and agree with you, the fact is that even if OP and her ex shared that view, their families may not. I'd say being rejected/shunned by your whole family and community does not sound very appealing to most. Even if YOU personally are open to dating other religions, etc it may not work that way for other important people in your life.
stillfiguringitallou Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 I'm still seeing an emphasis put on the other people in our lives. I feel my family is very important - I choose to refer to myself as spiritual instead of religious after being a scholar on religion since my late teens. So I will withold personal opinions/learner ideas through study when focusing on this. Family are people like anyone else. Perhaps its because I grew up in one of those families that truly put the fun in dysfunctional and so I am able to recognize that parents and loved ones are in no way perfect and are completely capable of not loveing us in a way we deserve to be loved by our family. That being said - it doesn't feel good to be dumped when you're in love either - or to be a dumper - so the "thoughts and opinions" of others being used as a reason for doing that is I'm sorry - not any better than staying with someone because of their thoughts or feelings - or our own. My family is VERY religious - I could marry an Athiest tomorrow and while they wouldn't be thrilled about it - they would welcome him to Sunday dinner all the same - and accept him. Because they LOVE me - and want me to be happy - and as long as he treated me well and loved me too - they would accept the differences. I see so much talk about breaking co dependant cycles in this forum - EXCEPT when it involves family ... someone who constantly expects you to live up to their ideals REGARDLESS of who they ARE to you - and would shun you if you did not - is a TOXIC relationship. You can have toxic relationships within families as well. I'm sorry - I don't see how true mental and emotional healing an health can be achieved unless you are willing to truly evaluate all relationships in your life.
Allumere Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 This is the piece I was speaking to. A pastor is a person - a mere mortal just like the rest of us. Do you trust your higher power (found in your own heart according to MOST religions) or do you trust a human? Look I get the idea behind religions being all encompassing and controlling, with that being said - we can't speak to learning to become responsible for our own choices and decisions - for paving our own path - on every thread on this board - in regards to an EX and then give each other a pass when it comes to family and religious officials. I hear what you are saying. Let me clarify a bit (and I can only speak to the Christian side of things). Let me take the "they" out in terms of influence. The influence is based on the literal interpretation of the Bible which is viewed as the word of God. Those who strictly follow that believe that God has instructed them that they must marry someone who is also Christian. I do not share that interpretation but many do. They are trusting in God's instruction, not another humans. By keeping God as the center of their lives and following the laws in the Bible they are building that relationship with him. He comes first and foremost and to have a relationship that is against his guidance just doesn't work for them. Again, I have a different viewpoint but that is just how it is.
MoooOinkBaaa Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 It's 2014 for "god's" sake. Ugh religion - the biggest lie in human history.
guest572 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 If it is a deal breaker then yes, you have made the right choice. I presume you have explored all the possibilities and ways around it. It is a terrible shame.
TaraMaiden Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 It's 2014 for "god's" sake. Ugh religion - the biggest lie in human history. Religion has always had an influence on the way people think and act, probably ever since the first hands made the first clay idol and put it in a wall niche... and today, more than ever, with the mind-blowing advancement of technology, science and everything 'modern', people need something they deem 'reliable' to cling to. Now, more than ever, Religion matters, but it affects all kinds of minds, be they open or closed.
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