GeorgiaP Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I'm sure you've heard this a hundred times on this site. I was with my ex for 10 years. He cheated, became physically abusive. I stayed for about 2 years after that because I really hoped that once he got his drinking under control that he would go back to the man I used to know. That did not happen, of course, so I left. He is with someone else, and I know it is more about him being alone than actually caring about her. It makes me sad that our 10 years could be taken the place by a nasty old woman who he admits to being with because she is easy. Anyway, it has been a year since I left him. He has sent me messages, had friends call, we've even seen each other a couple times. He doesn't change, his mental health issues seem to be getting worse. I finally blocked him on FB, on gchat, and blocked his phone numbers. Yet I still miss him. I cannot explain it, but I still have that heart connection with him. I feel when he is near, I know things, like how he feels or when he is sick. It is this stuff that made me think we are soul mates for years. But I want to get over this. I want to stop thinking about him, I want to stop praying for him to get help, I don't want him to be the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before bed. It has been a year! When will this stop? I am so tired of being sad and hurt. I've been out on dates and each time I just find myself sad about the end of our relationship. I think about all the things I wish I had done differently (like taking a different approach to talking about his drinking, or being more open with my displeasure over the things he would do). How do I move past this? I am wanting to move far away. Across the country, actually, just to get away from the memories and the incidental sightings (which admittedly has not happened in a while because I've taken pains to avoid those areas where it is likely to happen, even if it means not doing things or going place I enjoy). How do people get over this sort of thing? Other than doing what I have been doing (finishing school, exercise, work, hanging out with friends, etc.)? I am so tired of all of this. How do I get over this?
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 After I ended a 12 year relationship, it probably took me about 2 years to fully get over him. The 1st year was the worst. In the beginning of the 2nd year his father became ill & passed away so we had some contact then. Everybody heals at a different pace. If you want to move, do so if you think it will help. If you can't move at least redecorate & take up a new hobby. Do stuff that doesn't remind you of him. Hang in there. 1
TheyCallMeOx Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I've read somewhere that it can take half the relationship time to get over someone (for example...my ex and I lasted 2 and a half years, so that would mean I should start seeing improvement by a year and three months). Don't quote me on that, though. I'm saying that it can, but I'm not saying it will. There's a lot of factors on how soon you get over someone. Some people get over lost ones faster than others. It depends on how much you dwell on the past and etc.
jphcbpa Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 have you had some recovery/therapy around his cheating and being abusive? if not, please do.
Author GeorgiaP Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Yes, I had 2 years of therapy before I left and was in therapy up until October, when I ran out of benefits with my employee assistance plan. Being a student and working half time makes finances kind of tough.
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