ExposedBrick Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I've recently dated a couple women. Unfortunately, I don't feel nearly as I excited about them as the last woman I dated exclusively for 3 months. I find it hard to give a woman a fair evaluation in 1 or 2 dates. However, I feel like I may give women the wrong impression if I go on 3 or more dates with them, especially if they are looking for a LTR. Do you think it's better to trust your initial instincts or give people a chance to show you something of interest? I don't like to be strung along and would hate to do that to anyone else. How many dates should it take to know if I should continue on? Is it better just to be honest with yourself and move along if you don't feel it's right immediately?
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 By 3 dates you should have enough info to form an opinion about whether you want to proceed. You can point blank say clichés like "I'm not looking for anything serious right now" or "I don't know what I want" which should signal to them that they shouldn't invest in you. 1
hasaquestion Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I've recently dated a couple women. Unfortunately, I don't feel nearly as I excited about them as the last woman I dated exclusively for 3 months. I find it hard to give a woman a fair evaluation in 1 or 2 dates. However, I feel like I may give women the wrong impression if I go on 3 or more dates with them, especially if they are looking for a LTR. Do you think it's better to trust your initial instincts or give people a chance to show you something of interest? I don't like to be strung along and would hate to do that to anyone else. How many dates should it take to know if I should continue on? Is it better just to be honest with yourself and move along if you don't feel it's right immediately? If you like them on a personal level but aren't feeling some kind of "romantic spark", what you really ought to do is keep seeing them as friends. First, friends are great. Second, if she thinks you're a catch, she'll always let people know when you're together. Third, you can use your "talking to men" skills to be her wing man. Goes back to the same way I feel about the multiple dating thread. I think that not being able to see past the duality of "girlfriend" vs. "not girlfriend" is a dangerous way to think. It puts a lot of pressure on women to meet whichever expectation you've laid out for them. Its not fun. And frankly, women have a whole lot more to offer than blowjobs and intimate stargazing. By evaluating as "LTR or text thank you and never see again" leaves you missing out on that. Just my opinion.
winny Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 If u don't like anyone u know it at the first meeting. Doubtful cases should be clear by second date. If still doubtful then u should tell the women that u r not feeling a connection. And during these dates u should refrain from holding hands, kissing, initiating texts daily etc so that they don't start thinking u r into them.
Author ExposedBrick Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 If you like them on a personal level but aren't feeling some kind of "romantic spark", what you really ought to do is keep seeing them as friends. Is it actually possible to make friends with a person you date a few times? I know a lot of people recommend doing some soul searching before hitting the dating market to figure out what you are looking for. However, there are so many types of people I identify with in different ways, its hard to say anyone has a "type." Has anyone seen any good resources on that topic?
hasaquestion Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 If you like them on a personal level but aren't feeling some kind of "romantic spark", what you really ought to do is keep seeing them as friends. Is it actually possible to make friends with a person you date a few times? I know a lot of people recommend doing some soul searching before hitting the dating market to figure out what you are looking for. However, there are so many types of people I identify with in different ways, its hard to say anyone has a "type." Has anyone seen any good resources on that topic? Just be friendly towards people and see what happens. Nothing wrong with shooting first and asking questions later. Just like a romantic relationship, if it doesn't work that will take care of itself. As for "type" in friendships - I guess you should favor people who make you laugh and vice versa. I don't know any resources that explore the way people make friends but it seems to me that laughter is the most elementary way of "liking someone".
Hopeful30 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 If u don't like anyone u know it at the first meeting. Doubtful cases should be clear by second date. If still doubtful then u should tell the women that u r not feeling a connection. And during these dates u should refrain from holding hands, kissing, initiating texts daily etc so that they don't start thinking u r into them. Huh?? Holding hands on a first date?? What??? People do this???
Weezy1973 Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 If someone has most of what you're looking for, I think between 2 and 4 dates is more than enough. If you're still not feeling it, move on. If something repulses you about the other person, than 1 date (hopefully a short one) is all you need.
Fondue Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 As long as you don't lie to them or mislead them, then you're fine. If they get the wrong impression from you (that you're seeing them for more than just one date, you must be into them), that's their problem, not yours. Don't say things that lead them on. That's all. Continue to hang out and build rapport; just don't push the romantic boundaries, so to speak.
avoforastig Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 [quote=Fondue;549321 Don't say things that lead them on. That's all. Continue to hang out and build rapport; just don't push the romantic boundaries, so to speak. I've wondered about this myself, what are appropriate romantic boundaries in this scenario? What things could be legitimately construed as leading them on?
Fondue Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I've wondered about this myself, what are appropriate romantic boundaries in this scenario? What things could be legitimately construed as leading them on? Any talk of future, really. That's a biggie. Avoid that conversation like the plague. Don't discuss "you and me" or future plans (like going on a weekend trip). Don't talk about kids, romantic goals (like when/if they want to be married), family. Stuff like that. Avoid things like, "you make me happy," "I'm really glad we met," "I want to see where this goes." Don't have passionate, "romantic," "love-making." Have sex. Better yet, ****. Avoid any serious post coital conversation. In better, just be a goofball. One time I had sex with a girl and she wanted to be all lovey-dovey, and I had instead discussed doors (you know, those that you open/close) from a philosophical perspective. And whether or not they're truly necessary in post modern society, and in contrast, how different a world would be had doors not ever been invented. And how this applies to me personally. So on and so forth. I was really just bull****ting for the hell of it. Instead of talking, she simply was laughing her ass off for the entire duration of my introspective monologue. Then I finally got up and made a sammich and made her some tea. Avoided that whole post-sex cuddle and everything. Worked out great. We had tea and food, then I drove her home. I gave her absolutely zero indication of where this relationship was headed. Try it. That's pretty much the two biggies. Conversation, and bed-room antics.
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