hea Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 My ex split up with me because he says he felt as though we had become just friends. He says he doesnt fancy me anymore. He said he doesn't know what happened, it just went. We had been together for two years, and he left me for someone else. We got back together a year later and after one month of being together I noticed he didn't put as much effort in. We were together for 10 months until I had had enough and brought it up with him, this is when he told me we had become just friends. Four months since we split but, just over two weeks NC. I haven't begged him, argued, called him, and it was always him who initiated contact in the four months since (once a week). Ive learnt to just walk away, and take everything he says to be fact. Hes told me he misses me, loves me, doesn't understand why we didn't work, had a future planned for us, we had so much fun together. But then turns around and says he doesn't fancy me. Do you think we could ever get this back? Or shall I just give up?
jphcbpa Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 seems to be a pattern that may have nothing to do with you. keep walking
Musing Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Unfortunately, people change and so do their perceptions of others. Some mistake the "lust" or "honeymoon" period of a relationship for love, and are in need of it or crave it. Eventually for these people, they realize this and stop chasing but it takes time (go ahead, ask me how I know lol) It's a heartbreaking situation for all. But no one is "new" and "exciting" forever. It is getting past that that marks the true start of a committed relationship. As for your question, can it be restored? Well that would depend on the person. No one is the same. It's certainly possible but I would image a lot of time would have had to have passed. In other words, new partners would have to come and go, new experiences would need to be had and a lot of space (and mystery) has to take place...between both people involved. You both need to grow more without each other in order for any new spark to occur, or else it'd just be residual feelings leftover from your relationship. I'm not going to tell you to give up. Give up what? Pining over some guy? Pft that's that giving up, that's setting yourself free! Now that he's out of the way, you can fall in love with you! And who knows what will happen, he could look back and regret letting a gem go. But so long as you wait and pine, it won't happen. Weird, right? I've looked back at some and went "ugh, why didn't I take a chance with him?" and others it was more like "Whew, glad I left." So really, it is a toss up. Don't put your life on hold to find out though. 1
jphcbpa Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Now that he's out of the way, you can fall in love with you! And who knows what will happen, he could look back and regret letting a gem go. But so long as you wait and pine, it won't happen. Weird, right? the ultimate paradox. 1
Musing Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 the ultimate paradox. In some ways, absolutely. But then again, who would want to be with someone they felt they HAD to be with? If someone is looking at me to make them happy, I feel like it's a chore. Especially true if this person is sad on top of it. But, when you move on, they see the same carefree happy person they started liking. The trick, at that point, is keeping them. (Easier said than done)
Never Again Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 In some ways, absolutely. But then again, who would want to be with someone they felt they HAD to be with? If someone is looking at me to make them happy, I feel like it's a chore. Especially true if this person is sad on top of it. But, when you move on, they see the same carefree happy person they started liking. The trick, at that point, is keeping them. (Easier said than done) It's pretty much "Swinger's" in a nutshell. You can't do anything to make them want to come back. In fact, anything you do will only make them NOT want to come back. Learned that the hard way. I started letting go and my ex came sniffing around, then I made a small romantic gesture that referenced the old relationship, and she immediately bailed. Letting go entirely is win-win, because you ALWAYS heal no matter what the outcome.
Author hea Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 yeah your right, letting go is the best option. I bet he has. No intention of ever getting back with me. Im going to look at improving myself and live a happier fuller life. Although I want him to come back, I know its not the end of the world if he doesn't. I will meet someone new and that's the way ive got to think about it. 1
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