longjourney Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Yes, I did the deed. She shared with me all the emails that my WH conveniently "deleted". She didn't show me ALL of them because there are SO many, not to mention texts that she had saved (yes her BH does know about them, he was the one holding onto them, not her, that was confirmed by speaking to him). There are YEARS of messages and I can see how their love grew. My WH spoke about wanting to be with her for SO long, there were casual convos him talking about his work (which he hardly ever did with me), about his annoyances at home (with me), about how he wished there could be a "re-do" but he loves his children. The messages early on were basic, but as the years went on his feelings and messages/emails/texts intensified. It was like reading a romance novel. I could feel his feelings for her through his words. He cared for her, he looked out for her. He was in love with her. And yes, he did confirm that all those messages and texts did come from him. He still does not know how to explain them. Why am I torturing myself? Because I want the whole story. Even though I am NOT staying with him (found a new lawyer and papers have been filed) it is still a puzzle I need to figure out. It was our ENTIRE marriage!!! Now he says he "hates" her because she shared all these details, he feels betrayed. Wow, we finally have something in common. But you know what they say, there is such a fine line between love and hate. Ugg 3
snappytomcat Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 im sorry I don't have any good advice,but just wanted to say how sorry iam you are going through this,i hope you can get past this,and move on and find someone that truly deserves you 1
thummper Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 God, I feel so badly for you and for what you must be going through. I don't like name calling, but your stbxh is a piece of work. Stay strong. You'll get through this, and it will be so much better in the end. Keep close to family and friends. You'll appreciate their support. I wish you happiness and peace. 2
harrybrown Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I am sorry you are going thru this experience. I am glad that she is sharing the information so that you get the truth. I do wish your H would open up and tell you why he got into fantasy land. Because he was in love with a fantasy, that did not exist. He will come to regret his actions and wish he had never thrown away his relationship with you. 4
RightThere Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Why am I torturing myself? Because I want the whole story. I'm very much the same. To me, knowledge is power. I want to know pretty much all of it, not only to understand better what happened, but to know things for the future. But you know what they say, there is such a fine line between love and hate. So true. It can flip flop on a day to day basis. Just when you feel settled into one, the other comes along like a freight train and derails you into a 180 of emotion. 2
yellowmaverick Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 So sorry, LJ. I don't know how a married spouse can do this. In a way, I am glad that I did not have access to my own WH's affair texts. He says that he did not write anything like you describe, but who knows. It would just add another layer of hurt. It is very difficult to hear the reality that your spouse was never who you thought he was. I hope that you can find move on and find peace.
ComingInHot Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Hi LJ, your username says a-lot... I wish I had the magic words to say so all the pain would just go away but again it is part of this journey you have been forced to go on. I Don't know if the OW is intending on trying to stay and work on her M or if her H will even let her But I Do know that with what you have decided, you Will move on. You WH will live the rest of his life thinking of the horrible choices he made and with regret of what he's done and lost. I know that probably doesn't help a whole lot but maybe enough to get you through today. If there's anything you need that we here at LS can give you Please let us know. Understand this, You Are NOT Alone!!
painfullyobvious Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 That's hilarious that he feels betrayed by his own words. Multiplying that by a thousand and he may be in the parking lot of your ballpark of pain
Just_AGuy Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 just let it go. Don't try to understand them. People are irrational. Einstein said "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
kalika Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 That's completely crazy to think he did that for such a long time, that he felt those things for someone else for so long. Wow. Hopefully getting these "puzzle pieces" gives you some kind of comfort and not even more pain.
Author longjourney Posted January 30, 2014 Author Posted January 30, 2014 (edited) That's completely crazy to think he did that for such a long time, that he felt those things for someone else for so long. Wow. Hopefully getting these "puzzle pieces" gives you some kind of comfort and not even more pain. Thank you for your words, that is why I HATE when some people say that an LTA isn't any different then a ONS or a brief sexual A. An LTA is layers of layers of emotions. I don't believe they were fantasy just because they were secretive. I have messages from my WH texting the OW concerned when she was driving home in the snow, telling her to take it slowly, for her to text him when she gets home safely and then he texts, "I love you". Those are not fantasy. He also texted her when she was sick, as she did when he was. There were also texting messages discussing if he should take a promotion at work, if it was good for our kids or not because it would take him away from them a few more hours a week, and since I am limited into my helping around the house, they discussed if it would be a smart move. That IS a REAL relationship. I know I am not alone in this, I am sure there are other BS's who realize this. It is all part of the explosion of our lives, acceptance and reality. And BTW, I now have ALL the messages, emails and texts between my WH and the OW. I decided to get them from her BH (yes they are still working on R for their M) and I will read them all when I feel the need, a few a day or when ever I feel the urge. I just wanted to have a copy of them before her BH might think to destroy them. So thanks for the words, but yes my BH does/did love the OW and there is nothing fantasy about it. :-( Edited January 30, 2014 by longjourney
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