MorbidFever Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I woke up to a disgusting message from a MM who won't leave me alone. I ignore his messages ALWAYS, yet he keeps sending me creepy things, things he wants to do to me. This morning he sent me a picture 'down below' without his face in it, asking me to do something to him. It could be him or not in the picture. This MM is in a large circle of fellow industry acquaintances, so I cannot publicly out him. His WIFE is also on his Facebook and I have my settings where she can see every time he comments on a post or picture of mine. He doesn't hide it either in public. He spams my Facebook almost daily and asks to meet up for drinks and comments on all my pictures. HOW DOES HIS WIFE NOT SAY ANYTHING? I don't know if this is the right forum to ask this, but what should I do? I feel sick, because not only is he married and so disgustingly perverted, but I can't help to think he thinks he can treat me this way because of my affair with xMM (he might know, I'm not sure if he was around when it all went down on FB in the open). I feel like if I tell his wife, it will make me look like a fool, like she would say 'yeah I know' or something. Maybe she doesn't care? I also don't want to tell her, because I think it's wrong to do so. I have honestly come to really have anger towards MM that do this crap!
cozycottagelg Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Maybe instead of ignoring you could tell him to leave you alone? Maybe you've tried that, I'm not sure. His wife may not know, but she deserves to. Is he harmless? Or is he like a total creeper? He sounds gross. 2
Anne Boleyn Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Unfriend him on FB and block him. Download an app to block him on your phone. Report it to your superior. 4
Author MorbidFever Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 I think he is a total creeper. He has messaged me to go out of town with him. I just ignore ignore ignore, but he doesn't stop. And on FB you can see when a person has read your private message. So he KNOWS I am reading them and not responding.
Author MorbidFever Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 it felt good to get this out there, I have nobody to talk to about this. It gave me the courage, I just wrote back "Aren't you married".
krazikat Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I think he is a total creeper. He has messaged me to go out of town with him. I just ignore ignore ignore, but he doesn't stop. And on FB you can see when a person has read your private message. So he KNOWS I am reading them and not responding. Why haven't you told him to leave you alone? And yes, tell his wife. She may not even pay attention to what he comments on, so she truly may not have seen it! If my h was a dang creepy pervert like this ding dong, I would definitely want to know...wouldn't you? But seriously....tell perv-o-matic to leave you the eff alone. Do not be nice about it. Tell him you will get a restraining order if he contacts you again. 2
krazikat Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 it felt good to get this out there, I have nobody to talk to about this. It gave me the courage, I just wrote back "Aren't you married". Why? Why even give him any, ahem, hope? Tell him to eff off girl! Get a backbone what he is doing is sexual harassment!!!!!! 3
Author MorbidFever Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 Thanks guys!! I am! I'm all worked up now and going to go off and then block his @$$! 1
Anne Boleyn Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Make sure you tell your supervisor... I get that you don't want to get him in trouble, but if his wife smells something is up, he won't hesitate for a second to throw you under the bus. So is it worth it to you to not lose your job so as to keep from embarrassing him? 2
carhill Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I feel like if I tell his wife, it will make me look like a fool, like she would say 'yeah I know' or something. Maybe she doesn't care? I also don't want to tell her, because I think it's wrong to do so. IMO, if you have verifiable information tying him to unwanted contact, I don't see a problem with sending that information to his spouse and/or employer, as relevant, the latter if company resources are being used to disseminate the information, especially if obscene. It's entirely possible he and his spouse have an open marriage or 'don't care' about the other's dalliances. It happens. Seen a number of M's like that. 3
cozycottagelg Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Definitely block and make it clear that all of this attention is UNWANTED. If he stops, I'd leave it at that. But anything further after you have made it clear you do not want to hear from him, definitely tell your employer. 2
Author MorbidFever Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 We don't work directly together. He owns his own recording company. My guess is he has done this many times and nobody says anything because of who he is. This is what I just sent- What kind of sick pervert keeps sending messages to a woman when she doesn’t respond? Why doesn’t your stalker ass scroll up and see the last time I replied to you before you turned into a perverted freak. Do you know the definition of harassment? Look it up. Once I see that you have read this and acknowledged my asking you to leave me alone (I will have the timestamp) I am going to block you. I am asking you right now, do NOT respond to this message. Do not post on my wall. If you try to contact me in the future I will tell your wife and out you in public on my wall for everyone to see. I will also file a police report. If I find out you are doing this to other women, I will out you for that as well. YOU CANNOT TREAT WOMEN THIS WAY. My facebook screams I don’t give a ****, so keep it up and I will blast your picture and private messages for all to see. Now begone you damn weirdo. 2
krazikat Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Make sure you tell your supervisor... I get that you don't want to get him in trouble, but if his wife smells something is up, he won't hesitate for a second to throw you under the bus. So is it worth it to you to not lose your job so as to keep from embarrassing him? How could he throw her under the bus? She has not even been responding? He would just deal his own coffin with that lie...but I agree action should be taken as he is boldly sexually harassing her...I am sure this is not his first walk in the perv park.... 1
Owl Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I agree with Carhill. Send it to his employer (if your contact is through work), and to his wife. Make it clear that you've asked that it stop repeatedly (assuming you have), you've made it clear that this is totally unprofessional, and you'll no longer tolerate it. Frankly...if it keeps up after that...I'd engage the authoritiies. 3
Owl Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 We don't work directly together. He owns his own recording company. My guess is he has done this many times and nobody says anything because of who he is. This is what I just sent- What kind of sick pervert keeps sending messages to a woman when she doesn’t respond? Why doesn’t your stalker ass scroll up and see the last time I replied to you before you turned into a perverted freak. Do you know the definition of harassment? Look it up. Once I see that you have read this and acknowledged my asking you to leave me alone (I will have the timestamp) I am going to block you. I am asking you right now, do NOT respond to this message. Do not post on my wall. If you try to contact me in the future I will tell your wife and out you in public on my wall for everyone to see. I will also file a police report. If I find out you are doing this to other women, I will out you for that as well. YOU CANNOT TREAT WOMEN THIS WAY. My facebook screams I don’t give a ****, so keep it up and I will blast your picture and private messages for all to see. Now begone you damn weirdo. Never threaten...just do. Now he might try to take your reply to try and spin you as a crazy woman. 3
Author MorbidFever Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 I did and am going to. Feeling empowered and it feels good to finally do something, as I have pretty much avoided FB for weeks over this. Not hiding anymore!
Author MorbidFever Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 And he can spin it as I'm crazy all he wants. I have all the proof I need and the proof is I NEVER responded to his creepy messages until now. And I made it clear to not contact me. 2
Anne Boleyn Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 We don't work directly together. He owns his own recording company. My guess is he has done this many times and nobody says anything because of who he is. Even so, if you tell your boss, he can make sure that your contact with him through work is limited, as is contact other females may have with him, or he can tell him to knock it off. At the very least, you're making sure that by saying something, if it all blows up, you're at least protected. 2
Anne Boleyn Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 How could he throw her under the bus? She has not even been responding? He would just deal his own coffin with that lie...but I agree action should be taken as he is boldly sexually harassing her...I am sure this is not his first walk in the perv park.... "Oh honey, I'm so sorry, I love you so much... I just see her at work and she is really aggressive and flirty, she was really begging for it, and she confused me into doing it... She made me feel like I had to, she was so forward... She made me weak... I know I made a mistake and I'm sorry, but I really think she's crazy... I tried to say no and she said she'd ruin me if I didn't... I didn't know what to do... Baby, I'm so sorry, you know I love you... I wish I hadn't deleted all the things she sent me, but I had to, I didn't want to make you angry. She's getting back at me now because I wouldn't leave you for her because I love you so much..." From innocent victim to bunny boiler in a paragraph. Like guys haven't spun this to mean something that saves their own butt before, and any wife who sees this kind of activity on Facebook either has her suspicions aroused already and is potentially dangerous, or worse, totally clueless and will bite any line he throws her.
rumbleseat Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 And he can spin it as I'm crazy all he wants. I have all the proof I need and the proof is I NEVER responded to his creepy messages until now. And I made it clear to not contact me. Good for you! Keep standing up for yourself like that and hold your head high. Just because he owns his own studio doesn't give him the right to act like an idiot and harass you. It sounds like it's high time someone had enough of a backbone to stand up to him like you have done. Whether this guy is married or not, he really is being quite the jerk to you. His behavior is very inappropriate. 3
carhill Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 OP, if his contact is through a means which allows the stripping of IP's from the datastream/headers, simply look up the provider of his internet access services and send them verifiable content relevant to obscenities and vulgarities experienced and advise them that their service is being used to disseminate the information. Most ISP's are sensitive to such matters, both due to criminal statute and civil exposure. If you wish the contact to cease, there are methods of pursuing that. Generally, they are best approached in an emotionally neutral way. Good luck. 2
Author MorbidFever Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 The contact has only been on FB. From what I have read so far, FB keeps ALL messages on a database, even if they are deleted. I would need to have my police department issue a subpoena for the records. So if he would try and say he deleted anything from me, that just is not going to fly. The police can get his IP, subpoena his email provider he used to sign up for FB and also any information on additional FB accounts he has. Also, the originating IP where the messages were sent from. He is caught, he cannot deny any of this. 1
krazikat Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 (edited) "Oh honey, I'm so sorry, I love you so much... I just see her at work and she is really aggressive and flirty, she was really begging for it, and she confused me into doing it... She made me feel like I had to, she was so forward... She made me weak... I know I made a mistake and I'm sorry, but I really think she's crazy... I tried to say no and she said she'd ruin me if I didn't... I didn't know what to do... Baby, I'm so sorry, you know I love you... I wish I hadn't deleted all the things she sent me, but I had to, I didn't want to make you angry. She's getting back at me now because I wouldn't leave you for her because I love you so much..." From innocent victim to bunny boiler in a paragraph. Like guys haven't spun this to mean something that saves their own butt before, and any wife who sees this kind of activity on Facebook either has her suspicions aroused already and is potentially dangerous, or worse, totally clueless and will bite any line he throws her. Meh, not really applicable here. And what would it matter to op if the wife believes him? Op has all the proof she needs and the method of contact she used allows for verification thru proper channels... In this case she has not engaged until today and could provide proof if needed. So this isn't really applicable to her situation. And he would be incriminating himself by saying those things..he sent her a picture of his Lil Richard...???????????? Edited January 28, 2014 by krazikat
Anne Boleyn Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Meh, not really applicable here. And what would it matter to op if the wife believes him? Op has all the proof she needs and the method of contact she used allows for verification thru proper channels... In this case she has not engaged until today and could provide proof if needed. So this isn't really applicable to her situation. And he would be incriminating himself by saying those things..he sent her a picture of his Lil Richard...???????????? Are we saying that MM who've been caught, risking both jobs and marriage, haven't been able to spin such things (or at least attempt to) so as to make the person they're harassing seem in the wrong? All he has to do is say she started it in person, so he can't verify it, or he deleted her texts/emails when they came in. If it was only fact that could make our lives hell, not speculation, that'd be one thing.
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