blind_otter Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 So my restraining order against my ex finally went through, he was served Monday and I've been trying to be extra careful since then. I hung out with this new guy over the weekend and he was absolutely great, the most fun, so sweet to me, etc. He's not rich, but wtf, who cares, we had a great time on the cheap. We talked or hung out every night, I was smitten, but then he has a "special" relationship with his ex - I met her, and her BF must be totally whipped. She buys the guy who was taking me out gifts, pays for his cellphone, etc. He says, she's just being nice. I say, I'm being tricked into being the OM's OW!!!! So we were at a mutual friend's house and she showed up, she was *pissed* to see me there. He was obviously torn so I said, ya know what, this is bullsh*t. I have to go. He followed me out and tried to kiss me, told me me to call him at midnight because that's when she has to go back to her boyfriend. I was like, yeah, uh huh uh, sure I'll call ya. As if that's happening. He's already a kept man, I find out, and he wants to keep me while being kept. I just don't freaking get it. Anyways, I am soooo close to becoming celibrate, I swear to GAWD. What IS it with men? As if I don't have enough self respect, as if I'm just going to wait patiently while he spends his weekly evening with his exgirlfriend (whose BF doesn't even KNOW about her and her ex), and call obediently so he can come hang out with me? PUKE. PUKE PUKE PUKE. I hate men.
Merin Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 What!? Jeez Girl, I'm sorry.. That is just unset.. I hope you didn't and don't call his assclown butt back! He either thinks YOU are worth paying his own damn cell phone bill and taking care of himself or he isn't worth your time. NEXXXXTTTTTTTTT!
MassiveAtom Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 Why is it that when guys do this kind of bassackward bull****e do they think they aren't giving every guy who actually HAS some self-esteem, a bad name. Here it is in black and white, well Pink and white. Another puke, draggin all the decent ones down with him. otter, Don't call him back. He's a punk. If you don't then at least I know there's hope! I know, I know, I'm no catch either, divorced, damn near broke, 35, driving a friggin Honda Civic, with about as much free time as Trump has real hair. But I have enough self-esteem to last me another 50 years! This "punk" has to go and create a situation where these two, (pardon my indelicacy) yummies, are about ready to lock out half the friggin species! I'm just out in the dating scene again after eight years, and already ALL the mopes with no spine, or brain to connect it to are screwin up the field for the rest of before I get to even try to get picked for the game! ARRRGGH!! . Ladies, There are those out there who respect themselves enough not to try and pull this crap. They're called "MEN." And no, I don't want your phone number! well maybe.. LOL!! as Always, MA
Author blind_otter Posted January 17, 2005 Author Posted January 17, 2005 aw MA, I know there are good guys out there. I just keep attractive the crap heads. He ended up being a major a**h*** in the end. I did call him back, like a desperate loser, because I hate sleeping alone and wtf we ha fabulous sex. But whatever, I have good sex most of the time. I kinda pride myself on that fact. It attracts the wrong kind of man. In the end I found out I was a fling anyways, because he had to go back to west palm beach to serve jail time for 2 DUIs in 3 weeks. Great. Exactly like my ex. My friend Brian said that I seem desperate for love. I guess I am. i want to be loved, not just a piece of meat, ya know? But I was out last weekend and a friend told me I had a "reputation" around town now....I'm hot, I have a hot body, I'm a freak in bed and I love sex....and I'm a crazy-psycho-bitch. Oh, well. In all honesty it's a good description. I always tell them I'm crazy from the get-go. But it's just an excuse. Otter is depressed. I dunno what to do. I feel so crappy lately, I've been getting drunk and showing my ass at various bars (figuratively, not literally). I have therapy again tomorrow. I don't know what they could say....you're codependent, overly needy....I'm obsessed with the romance novel idea...I want some knight in shining armor to come save me from myself, carry me away on his variously colored horse, and I'll happily make babies and keep house in my leave it to beaver imagination. Reality bites.
Barby Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Yes if only reality could be so wonderful! Honestly if indeed you are desperate for love and seeking love sadly in all the wrong places, you're bound to get stuck with douche bags more times than not. I think the best advice that I can give you, give yourself time to heal...I understand you don't like sleeping alone but honestly isn't sleeping alone but being safe and not being used, better than having some guy in your bed who doesn't give two sh*ts about you or how you feel?!! By no means do I believe it is easy, not at all....I know it will be very hard. But I hope that you come to realize that you deserve nothing but the best and as of yet, you haven't found the man who honestly deserves you You have been through so much and honestly I wonder if it doesn't leave you questioning your own worth....?!! Please take care of you and don't let the douche bags get you down, I say don't be so quick in trying to feel the void, try and heal yourself emotionally (through therapy, ect) then once you've done that you'll be more than likely to attract a positive HEALTHY relationship into your life! I'm pulling for ya girl!
Author blind_otter Posted January 17, 2005 Author Posted January 17, 2005 I know....if only....my parents raised me to think this way. I mean, I was always "the pretty one" - not the smart one, or the capable one, or the responsible one...the pretty one who was supposed to marry some nice man ASAP who would be able to take care of her. I want that so bad. I want so badly to have someone magically wave a wand and heal these wounds. But the therapist says, well, Otter, you know you have had a lot of issues...you can't ever "get over" them - you learn to live with them, go slowly, and hopefully one day you will be able to slowly date someone who will be able to understand the complexities of your intimacy issues....but that may never happen....and you have to be able to say to yourself "I'm OK alone. I can be alone." But I still want that dream. I still want that fantasy. Just like I had/have/always will fight that stupid drug problem of mine.
Barby Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 I can more than you know relate to you on the fighting the drug problem with the exact same DOC (drug of choice) and by no means is it easy....also my father wasn't in my life at all when I was younger, I mean he was in and out but never in my home or living with us..he was in and out of prison and only worried about himself and his addictions....so I grew up craving the love of a father figure, I wanted someone to take care of me as well..I found that in my ex husband BUT I also found an abusive drunk b*stard! (Anyway enough about me) Well you're in college right? (I think you said that before) and you're obviously VERY smart, your dream can happen but it probably won't happen UNTIL (like your therapist said) you deal with the other issues. Until you get healthy emotionally there is NO way you can have an emotionally healthy relationship. But don't give up on finding your prince charming, just realize when you're dealing with all the frogs, that they are just that, don't "hang on" to them just for the sake of having someone. Weed through them until you finally find your prince .
Author blind_otter Posted January 17, 2005 Author Posted January 17, 2005 i was proud of myself. I haven't been going out. Well, at least, the last 2 nights I haven't. It hurts like hell to face my problems. I just want to go buy a bottle of knobb creek and get obliterated. but i can't. i wont. i'm so f*cking pissed. I don't want to hurt any more. that's all. i pray now, every day, just to not hurt for a little while.
MassiveAtom Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Otter, Top ten list of why sleeping alone is better than a bedfellow 10. If you wake up and the sheets are wet you know right away whether to be grossed out or just cold. 9. If you want to leave the bed messy, no one is going to b|tch about it 8. That substance is KNOWN to be drool, and it's yours 7. Heck sometimes you really want to WATCH Letterman 6. You don't get bounced around unexpectedly 5. TWO Pillows!!! 4. You only have to wake up when YOUR alarm goes off 3. The only startlingly cold objects that come in contact with your calves are your own 2. The diagonal. ...and the number one reason why sleeping alone is better than having a bedfellow... 1. The only funny smells coming from under the covers are expected and their origins are known. You deserve better. as always MA
Author blind_otter Posted January 20, 2005 Author Posted January 20, 2005 I went out the night before last and ended up getting drunk (but not doing anything else, not even any pot). I ran into the guy who was trying to make me the OM's OW (call him C), and we made up - not made out (haha) - but I said, I hate being angry and I don't like seeing you and feeling like I'm going to puke, so I forgive you for being a dip****. He said he was glad because he was scared I would be mean (I can be pretty verbally abusive when I want to be). haw haw haw, he tried to get back with the ex who was using him as her OM and she wouldn't do it, and cut off his cellphone, too. snark. he deserves it. I was trying to be all good and stuff, my friend T (the one who was strangled by my ex) went out with me and we both had to get up for work at 8 so we said, we're going home by 1am. Not that that happened.... Turns out C was abandoned by his ride, so T and I gave him a ride home, and then I went back to T's house and hung out for a bit, and then we drunkenly decided that his dog needed to play with my dogs, so we drove back to MY house. All stupid random drunken, silly decisions, and wasted time. We COULD have gotten to our respective homes by 2:30am if we hadn't been so silly. So I didn't get home until like 4am, and then I got some and I passed out. I woke up at 6:30am and I was still slightly drunk, I fell in the shower, and kept running into the doorway to the kitchen. I put more makeup on than usual and somehow, on 2 hours of sleep and hungover as hell, I got more work done yesterday than I usually do on a full night's sleep! How does that work?? I stayed home last night, though. I was all amped after work on a caffiene high, and stopped by my friend's house on the way home. C happened to be there, so we hung out as friends and it felt like a relief. I don't like holding grudges, plus I heard a great story about C's older brother beating up my abusive-psycho-restraining-order-ex. Living in a small town sucks. Every time I go out at all I run into, at the very least, 1-2 ex's. Or friends of said ex's. I also, for some reason, always run into at least 1 other person who is half asian. We then usually slap skin and call each other coz, and discuss the fact that we have a secret society geared towards breeding with white people. So eventually everyone will look like us. We call it "the browning of america".
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